Thank you for making me who I like

Chapter 4 Devoutly believe that love begins with you (4)
I always remember that moment, probably because you smiled so beautifully, showing your neat white teeth, the corners of your mouth curved just right, your eyes are curved, and there are fine and dense crow's feet at the corners of your eyes, even the crow's feet are full of smiles. smiled.It may also be because the tone of your question was so gentle, it made me feel that I was carefully taken care of.

I looked into your eyes, which were dark and bright, and I was reflected in them, smiling and shaking my head.There was a lot of wind and rain outside the window, and the leaves of the Phoenix trees that had not bloomed fell all over the ground.At that moment, in the whole world, I seemed to only hear your voice and see your smile.

I know, because of you, the wind and rain have become a kind of reward.

The heavy rain that drenched you stopped early.The sun peeks out of the clouds and shines on the wet ground, on the tree trunks and on you.

I have always envied someone as warm as you, smiling at everyone and speaking softly.Even with a venomous humor occasionally, your tone is warm and moist.

I think my autism is about to heal in your voice.Once, I wanted to isolate myself from the world; but now, I am standing by your side, wanting to shake hands with the world with all my heart.Even if you don't say anything, I still think you are very good, everything is good, so good that it makes me sad. The feeling of "wanting to be better because of one person" is felt late but deeply.

I desperately want to be soft and stop clumsily living alone.

In the autumn when we separated, there was also a dusk with light rain.I was wearing a sweater, and I was still so cold that I stomped my feet a few times in the silent dusk. You took the clothes out of the bag and handed them to me, while softly mocking me as an "old man".

In your clothes, my heart warms up faster than my body, and I almost cry for such a soft rainy day.I walk slowly behind you.You wore a gray thin sweater over a white T-shirt, and your fingers looked white in the dim night, with distinct knuckles.

I walked very slowly, but my eyes followed your back all the time.Occasionally you turn around and stand there waiting for me.You standing in the night like that, covered with a layer of drizzle, but shining brightly.I almost can't help but walk towards you like a moth to a flame.

At this moment, I am sitting where you used to sit, and through the glass window, I can see the longan tree outside the window.

You sat here one summer afternoon looking at that tree and talking about your childhood and a river.You caught fish, swam in that river, and spent quiet and boring afternoons entertaining yourself.When you said those words, the sun was shining outside the window, and the dense leaves were green and glowing.

I looked at you from the side, and felt that you were so close and yet so far away.The sound of cicadas roaring outside the window, I always feel that you still have something to say.But you just stood up, straightened your clothes and said, it seemed like a dream just now.I watched you leave without saying a word, but I was thinking in my heart that it is a blessing to be able to accompany you to dream.

I am looking at that tree now, because it has grown too vigorously, the branch closest to the sky has been completely cut off, decaying like a dying veteran.The lush, green tree that looked like a teenager disappeared, but I would still be moved by it.Because I met you once, I learned to look at all the chaos and cruelty in this world with a soft heart.

Although we are not together, I still thank you for letting me meet such a wonderful self.

The years are at a loss, the light is shallow
染玖
Ten years later, when I saw him again, I stood at the corner in a daze for a long time.The sky is the dark gray at sunset, and time is an intertwined net. A certain time, a certain place, a certain person are just fate going around.

In the poem, "Lang rides a bamboo horse to make green plums around the bed".Between me and him, if we seriously care about it, I am afraid that we can also bear the word "childhood sweetheart".

At that time, we lived in a big yard, and we held house wine together when we were young.He is not in good health, and the sequelae are taciturn.When he was four or five years old, he was thin and small, but when he was seven or eight years old, he was not much stronger except that he was taller.

But he was able to hold my hand and lead me home.Even after 10 years, there are still blurred images of some of the past.

There are many girls of the same age in the yard, and they are all in the same class, so they made an appointment to go home together after class.As the only boy, he often walks shyly at the end of the line.I don't like to talk too much, so I mostly stay with him.

From school to home, you have to pass through kindergartens, residential areas, guest houses, and hospitals.The road is still asphalt, and when it is hot in summer, it will ooze oil, and if you step on it with cheap sandals, you will feel sticky.

There are always wild flowers and weeds on the side of the road, and the dogtail grass can be played around your fingers for a long time even if you tear it off.When he was young, he was full of interest in everything, and would squat down to study beautiful stones when he saw them.So often it only takes 10 minutes to walk for half an hour, laughing and laughing along the way.

He is not as rambunctious as other boys, and he can smile at the sky or flowers with me, which is too peaceful.

Every morning, I was the only one to call him. In winter, through the thick fog, through the tall aspen tree, up the slightly sloping slope, to knock on the door of his house.At that time, he was probably still packing his schoolbag, and his mother would stuff him with milk.When I went out, he handed me a whole carton of milk.I didn't like to drink it at first, but he insisted that he hated the taste, but it was just a last resort.I had no choice but to accept it graciously.

When the two of us are on the road, we will walk very quickly, because too much tedious fighting is avoided, and we can only talk about gossip: yesterday's homework, the book to be memorized in the last Chinese class, the milky yellow cat next door gave birth A small one, so and so's dog barked very loudly last night.

Once when we were walking on the road, we saw something moving in the grass beside the road, and we went up to have a look. It turned out to be a little hedgehog, which seemed to be injured and curled up into a ball.He picked it up through thick gloves and carried it to school in his pocket.

After the first get out of class, I went to find him. I touched the little hedgehog in the table with my hand, and I was frightened and amused.No one wants to play with him, so naturally no one will join in the fun at this time.I looked at the bunch of hedgehogs and him watching quietly, and felt that I was his only good friend.

It's not like he doesn't have his moments of fuss.When I kicked stones and smashed the window of the neighbor's house, I was pulled up and fled, and I was told not to tell the adults, although I was still dragged to admit my mistake in the end.Another time, when everyone was away and only I went home with him, he took me to the small river behind the hospital to catch tadpoles and fish for shrimps. I was on duty at school, but the water stains on my clothes couldn't be covered up.Also, on a rainy day, I stepped on puddles with big rubber shoes and splashed water, making me covered in mud and water.

All his slightly malicious jokes are aimed at me.

"Why?" I asked him once.

He stuffed the candy he bought with his pocket money into my hand, and walked forward with his head held high: "Because you are my good friend."

The "Little Orange Lantern" in the Chinese textbook made us envious for a long time. He told me that the method was very simple. Silly.

When I told him that there were oranges at home, he just smiled.He gently rubbed the oranges a few times, and peeled off the thin layer of skin on the top with a knife, but he was inexperienced in hollowing out the oranges, breaking one after another, and after peeling a large pile of oranges, none of them formed.

He blushed slightly amidst my loud laughter, and turned his head to look at the white expanse outside the window: "Let's go build a snowman."

There was not much snow that year, just enough to cover the roof.Evergreen trees such as osmanthus, after a whole night of freezing, have a layer of clear ice on their leaves.Naturally, the snowman couldn't be piled up. He carefully knocked off the transparent ice cubes with veins from the leaves and put them in the palm of my hand.The ice cubes are transparent and beautiful with colorful astigmatism.

10 years ago, he moved and came to see me the day before he left, as if he wanted to finish the rest of his life.He also brought back the books he borrowed from me before, and lost a copy of Bing Xin's "Starry Spring Water", as well as the puzzles in the instant noodles that he had saved before, and a set of "Water Margin", which I coveted for a long time, but he always refused. It was finally given to me; and the model I had boasted about.

I laughed and said no, and he said maybe we won't see him in the future.

I looked at his smile and suddenly felt sad.At that time, I didn't know how to part with sorrow, but my heart was full of depression.

Ten years later, the town he moved to is a gentle place with a beautiful name in my mind.Maybe he has to ride his bike through the narrow alleys every day, smiling in the fresh air.

I think everyone once had their own childhood sweethearts and bamboo horses.At an age that does not yet understand love and liking, there is a mood that is willing to dedicate all good things to him or her.Then separate, then grow.

It turns out that it is not the years that go by with time, but us.

Listen, youth is singing lonely

Deep snow
In the autumn of 2008, I met Luoli for the first time.She wears a ponytail slanted, her lips are painted with bright lip gloss, she wears white sneakers on her bare feet, and there is a collection of Baby Anne's novels under the history book.She sits next to me.We hardly speak, and new acquaintances at the same table are rarely as silent as we are.I tried to speak, but she was always reading novels, or was in a daze indifferently.

Pan Xiaobei sat behind us.Crew hair, small eyes, sloppy look.He likes to put a sticker on my back, and I'm always running around the campus with that sticker on my back.

When Pan Xiaobei pulled my hair for the nth time, I finally cried angrily.Yes, I always knew he was bullying me, and I was used to enduring it, but Luo Li stood up, turned around and slapped Pan Xiaobei.That slap made the whole classroom quiet.

So, Luo Li and I became best friends, inseparable.Some people think that we are not from the same world, she is like a lone ranger, and I am favored everywhere, but this cannot stop us from becoming confidantes.After that, Pan Xiaobei's attitude towards me was much more restrained. He hardly dared to talk to Luo Li, but he just said to everyone that Luo Li was too fierce.

In the final exam that year, I took No.3.Pan Xiaobei ranked first in the class.The teachers loved him, and remarked with indulgence that naughty kids were often bright.Luoli is No.3 from the bottom. She doesn't care about the grades in the student handbook. When others are doing exercises, she often writes some sentences on the paper that I can't understand. At least, I couldn't understand at that time.She wrote: This loneliness is singing silently.

In 2010, Luoli and I were no longer sitting at the same table.Many things are changing too.For example, Pan Xiaobei became friends with us, especially Luo Li.They were still sitting very close together, and I could even hear whispers from them during the self-study class.I asked Luo Li, "What are you all talking about?" She said, "I didn't say anything, it's your hallucination." Then she smiled at me strangely.

Pan Xiaobei just looked at me most of the time and didn't speak.I became very bold, and I said: "Hey, Pan Xiaobei, show me your math paper." He obediently handed it over.Instead, I was a little disappointed, and I think I liked his domineering moments better.

The results of the senior high school entrance examination that summer were beyond the teacher's expectations.Pan Xiaobei went to an ordinary high school, but it was me who was admitted to a key high school, and Luo Li entered a vocational high school.

It is said that Pan Xiaobei's failure was due to the early signs of falling in love with Luo Li.Pan Xiaobei said that was not the case, it was just because of a mistake in a multiple-choice question.Luo Li suddenly became serious. She said that choice is important, but people often don't know which choice is correct.Each choice will open different doors, and each door will have different situations.

I hugged Luo Li and said, "Among so many choices, we are the happiest if we choose to be friends with each other. We are friends forever." Both Luo Li and Pan Xiaobei laughed.They didn't know the fear in my heart, I was afraid that they were really in puppy love, I was afraid that Pan Xiaobei would take Luo Li away from me.

When we said goodbye that day, I walked to the left, and Luo Li and Pan Xiaobei walked to the right together.At the corner of the street, I peeked at their backs and suddenly felt a little sad.

In 2011, the number of times we met has been reduced, and we occasionally call.In the busy life, I have new friends, new friends who are going to the university together.

One day in March, Pan Xiaobei suddenly called: "Let's celebrate Luo Li's birthday together in the afternoon the day after tomorrow." I haven't contacted Pan Xiaobei for a long time, and his voice became very nice.

That night, I suddenly suffered from insomnia, and his voice always appeared in my ears.It turned out that during the days of separation, I secretly missed him, and I was unwilling to contact them, as if I was afraid of seeing Luo Li take Pan Xiaobei away.

The classmate said that the bookstore on Beichen Road has bought a batch of review materials, which were recommended by the teacher, and it is usually difficult to buy.I happily followed them.This kind of thing, I don't know when it will start to become important, it seems that if you take a slow step, others will take the lead.It was only when I came home with a pile of homework that I remembered that today was Luo Li's birthday.I found all kinds of excuses for myself, and then forgave myself with peace of mind.

At the end of summer, I took a bus and passed by Luoli’s school, and saw a girl at a barbecue stall, wearing gorgeous clothes and hair dyed yellow, very much like Luoli.There was a boy sitting next to him, it was Pan Xiaobei, the hair on his forehead was blown by the wind, revealing a clean face.She seemed to see me the moment she raised her head, and I hurriedly lowered my head, pretending not to see it.But the moment I bowed my head, I knew she could see my disguise.

The teacher said that there are many paths in life, and for us in key high schools, entering a first-class university is the only choice.Because after entering the highly competitive society, the talents and diplomas we have will be the first powerful weapon to compete with our opponents.

The teacher speaks passionately, which is an indispensable motivational education for students every month.But when he said those words, I thought of Luo Li for the first time, the hug when we parted in the high school entrance examination, and her golden hair that was already unfamiliar to me. Soon, Pan Xiaobei's face covered him again. Luo Li's face.I sighed heavily.

In the spring of 2012, I was preparing for the college entrance examination, and I was indulging in a sea of ​​books and questions every day.Luo Li and Pan Xiaobei have become a long and distant memory.I comforted myself, it was nothing, because they were too busy, maybe they were all busy on their own, so everyone forgot to contact.

There is an oral English test to be held in our school, and students from several middle schools in the city have come.When I walked across the playground, someone called my name, it was Pan Xiaobei.He seems to have grown taller again and matured a lot.We stood talking under a blossoming peach tree, and I began to wonder if we hadn't seen each other for just three years.He didn't pursue the fact that I didn't go to the appointment that year, and I was worried, afraid that he would ask about it.

"Once, Luo Li said that she saw you on a passing bus. I laughed at her, how could such a passing bus have time to see you clearly." He said, "Maybe she misses you so much " "Do you often meet?" "Because the two schools are close, they often meet." He replied.He said this on purpose, as if to make an excuse for the fact that I was out of friendship.

"I miss her too, how is she doing?"

"At the end of last year, she was expelled from the school." Pan Xiaobei was silent for a while, "Because she fell in love with a boy outside the school, there was a lot of trouble. Then, she went to Beijing, and I heard that she is now studying hairdressing."

"She is always so brave." I was speechless for a while, maybe, I never knew her, just like I never knew what love is. "She left you a letter when she left. I thought I could meet you today, so I brought it here." Pan Xiaobei handed me an envelope.We talked politely for half an hour, during which the wind kept blowing the petals off the trees.

When saying goodbye, he turned around and said, "Yuyu, you've grown up." "You mean, I'm no longer as simple and beautiful as when I was young, right?" "But we all have to grow up. I wish you success in the college entrance examination." He smiled Laughed and left.

"When I was in junior high school, Pan Xiaobei told me a secret. He said he liked a girl. At the beginning, he always bullied her in an attempt to get her attention. Later, when he stood in front of her, he became silent because of shyness. So I had to get close to her best friend to get close to her. In high school, I told Pan Xiaobei a secret. Because of the alienation of my best friend, I felt inferior to my life like never before. But, no matter what, at the youngest She once warmed my lonely heart in that way, and that warmth will always be there. Yuyu, I miss you all the time."

This is Luo Li's letter.

I raised my head, looked over the stack of books on the desk, and could see a corner of the afternoon sky, which was pure and empty, with no wind, and the sun seemed to be still.Then, on a blank page, I wrote gently: This loneliness is singing silently.

I only hope that in the maze of life, there can be a road that can still lead me back to the place where I first met after I have gone a long way.In the quiet time, our friendship is safe and sound.

(End of this chapter)