The Devil's Conversation Learning: Instantly Become Friends with Strangers

Chapter 14

To strike up a conversation is to speak, and to speak is to make a sound through the vibrating sound belt, and your voice is another guarantee for the success of the strikeup.It's amazing that all US presidents have had voice training!This also just proves the importance of voice to the chatter.There are some lessons you can take to improve your voice quality.Speaking loudly in public will be seen as uncultivated, while a deep voice can attract people's attention and win trust and respect.Remember, your voice matters.

In short, a successful chat depends on the use of methods and skills.If you can master these methods proficiently, then when you meet strangers in your life who you are interested in or have a crush on, you will be able to get along with them as soon as possible.

Further reading: The details that should be paid attention to when chatting with strangers

We are people in society, and the relationship between people and society is like the relationship between fish and water.In today's society, it is so necessary to learn to strike up a conversation with others.Picking up a conversation with a stranger is a science, and this knowledge is reflected in the following details.

(1) To strike up a conversation with a stranger, you must first have a peaceful heart, and treat your friends, relatives, classmates and strangers with a peaceful heart.Peace makes us calm and peaceful.

(2) You must have a generous and open-minded attitude when chatting with strangers.Principles for big things, flexibility for small things.

(3) There must be a sense of prevention when striking up a conversation with a stranger.It's not that we don't believe in ourselves, but that I have to be responsible to myself.

(4) Talking to strangers requires language skills.Pay attention to the moderation, strength, and euphemism of the language, when to say what, and when to say what.

(5) When chatting with strangers, you must respect dignity, and dignity cannot be lost anywhere.No matter who the other party is, dignity always comes first.

(6) When striking up a conversation with a stranger, you must pay attention to who you are, say different things to different people, do not violate the privacy of the other party, and respect the living habits and beliefs of the other party.

(7) To strike up a conversation with a stranger, you must believe in yourself. Only when you believe in yourself can others believe in yourself.

(8) Take the initiative to strike up a conversation with strangers, learn more about others and their strengths, take the initiative to talk to others, and don't worry that you can't speak well.

(9) When chatting with strangers, you must be sincere and kind.Only in this way can people's hearts be touched.

03. Stay away from the blank period of chatting up and ask questions
Picking up a conversation is a science, which combines psychology, behavior, linguistics, sociology and other professional content, and it is also a practical art.Especially in terms of language, the topic of chatting up is worthy of in-depth study.The topic of striking up a conversation has always been something that bothers everyone, making us stay in a state of having nothing to say and not knowing what to say.Most of the time, strike up a conversation will enter a blank period, there is nothing you want to say, but you have to talk to the other party.This requires us to study more in normal times, to determine the basic scope of communication, and to master practical strike-up skills.As long as you are diligent in reserve and know what you know, you will be invincible in the process of striking up a conversation.

So what are we talking about?For example, if you want to know the name and contact information of the other party, what questions should you ask?When you ask the other party for their contact information, don't use an inquiring tone, use a declarative tone.It should be noted that instead of asking "Can you leave your phone number", you should say "What is your phone number, I will write down your phone number".In fact, you can say: "I will remember your contact information, and I will call you and your friends when there are activities in the future, so we can play together." This is also a good topic.The reason why I added that I can bring friends is to make the person I strike up a conversation let go of their vigilance and feel more at ease.If the situation permits and the chat atmosphere is good, after you ask for the other party's phone number, you can call the other party on the spot, so that the other party will think that you are an interesting, creative, and thoughtful person.Plus, many of the best pick-ups have proven that writing a simple email online first is a more effective start than making a phone call.Moreover, e-mail will not disturb the other party, and the other party will feel more comfortable leaving it to you who are not familiar with it than leaving a phone number.

It is worth noting that you should not ask various questions around the other party as soon as you come up, such as "what do you do", "you came here by yourself", "where do you live", and so on.Such a question will make the other party feel stressed and uncomfortable, and it also means a certain degree of impoliteness.Don't be too busy talking about yourself, or you will be suspected of showing off.It is best to talk about some topics about the third party first, and this topic is naturally related to your current state.

Generally speaking, chat topics involve the following aspects.

First, talk about siblings
When meeting for the first time, the usual topic is to talk about siblings.Talking about brothers and sisters can deepen understanding and enliven the atmosphere.

Second, talk about places of interest
Most people are more willing to talk about places of interest, and they will not be wary.Through hot chats about places of interest, you also know a lot about the other party's knowledge background, interests and hobbies.

Third, talk about your favorite food

If you're on a date at a restaurant or bar, talk about your favorite delicacies, it's a pleasant conversation.When talking about food, you can not only understand each other's tastes and find common ground, but also don't have to worry about running out of topics.

Fourth, talk about future plans
Talking about your own and the other party's future plans can lead to a deeper conversation.

Fifth, talk about work
If you've been working for a while after college, it's a good place to talk about work.When most people talk about work, even if the content of the work is boring, they will talk about it.

Sixth, talk about your friends

Talking about friends can get the details of each other's interactions. Of course, it's best to start with knowing each other's friends.

Seventh, talk about hobbies
Like collecting stamps, singing, or dancing?Do you like sports?What kind of music do you like to listen to?These questions have to be asked, otherwise how do you know the other party's hobbies?And the other party also wants to show themselves, so why not do it?

Eighth, talk about childhood ideals

Talking about childhood ideals, this is a very interesting topic, which is relaxed and happy, and can also enhance feelings.However, don't rush to talk, let the other party talk, the happier the other party is talking, the more interesting you will be.

Ninth, talk about established topics

The so-called established topics are the chat topics of those masters that you usually master.such as:
What are you most passionate about?What hobbies do you have?
Will your hobby last forever?

what excites you
If you won the lottery for 500 million, what would you do with it?
Can you tell us about your growing up at home?
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grow up?
What is the most impressive happy event you have experienced before?

What have been any major accomplishments in life so far, and have there been any major setbacks?
How do you think you are different from others?

At work, what is your favorite thing to do?

What do you like to do and why do you like this job?
What are the biggest challenges and setbacks you have encountered in your work?
What are your visions for work and the future?
How do you like to organize your vacation?

Want to be famous?why?

Do you believe in gods?What do you think about gods?
Do you think your personal actions will have an impact on changing society?
What kind of relationship do you want us to develop?
……

Pick-up topics can seem overly personal, especially for first-timers, but remember, as long as you put the person you're talking to first, everyone will be happy to discuss topics that are personal to you.Of course, there are far more topics to strike up a conversation with than these, but these topics are like throwing bricks to attract jade, I believe it will provide you with a good idea.

In short, the reserve of chatting topics should focus on understanding the basic situation of the other party, such as background, preferences, personality, etc., and then prescribe the right medicine to talk as widely as possible.Of course, if you are meeting for the first time, it is best to start with a topic that can interest or excite the other party, which will make the communication pleasant and smooth.

Further reading: Geographical strike-up

The theory of geographical strike-up can be expressed as follows: in that place, the more natural your reason for appearing and the clearer the group you belong to, the higher the success rate of your strike-up.Generally speaking, the arrangement from easy to difficult is from schools to office buildings, then to residential areas, then to transportation hubs, and then to commercial areas.Many chat-up masters may have a feeling that the success rate of chat-up in different places is different, and the large-scale and intensive chat-up activities have confirmed the correctness of this feeling.

The real fun of striking up a conversation lies in the right place and timely communication, not just getting a phone number, otherwise, striking up a conversation based on geographical location is "strike-up by alms".And the topic of your strike-up must be precise, depending on the occasion and what topic to use, as long as you can successfully carry out the strike-up to the end, then the future strike-up will become more and more smooth.

04．Self-introduction, a passport to a successful conversation

There are several specific forms of self-introduction when striking up a conversation, namely social self-introduction, work-style self-introduction, communication-style self-introduction, ritual self-introduction, and question-and-answer self-introduction.When chatting up strangers around you in daily life, the most commonly used self-introduction is communicative self-introduction, which will have a subtle impact on the person being picked up.In fact, the good impression left by the strike-up person on the hit-up person often starts with a well-timed, generous and decent self-introduction.A beautiful self-introduction in a conversation can often become a bridge to effectively strike up a conversation with strangers.

Why does your self-introduction when you strike up a conversation determine how good or bad the person you hit up is?Psychologists believe that when people meet for the first time, they both have a desire to understand each other and a desire to be respected.For example, when we go to the office, knock on the door and enter, and see a stranger sitting there, we immediately think: "Who is he? Can I ask him for my business?" An impulse to strike up a conversation with the desire to know the other person Spontaneously.If you can introduce yourself in a timely, accurate and brief manner at this moment, and "reveal yourself", so that the other party's desire to know you can be satisfied, this is a kind of respect for the other party.Then, the other party will also introduce himself to you in time, and will also reveal himself, so that the two parties can meet each other sincerely and hit it off, and the subsequent things will be much easier.

As important as self-introduction is, we sometimes overlook the art of self-introduction.Some people think: "I may still need to think about introducing others. Introducing myself should be self-evident. Don't I know myself?" Timing, content and form are not good enough.On what occasion should a good self-introduction be chosen?What we are familiar with includes applying for a job, speaking at a meeting, business negotiation, speech debate, attending a party, etc.When there are strangers present, introduce yourself so that everyone can get to know each other; or in a large and more formal occasion, introduce yourself to show the importance and respect for this event; on another occasion, when others forget your name, introduce yourself in time It is an expression of thoughtfulness and friendliness.The occasion for self-introduction depends on the situation. If you are all acquaintances, or at a very familiar party, of course there is no need to introduce yourself.

In view of the fact that there are many different opportunities for self-introduction, the expression methods when introducing self-introduction are different.Specifically, the following points should be grasped when introducing yourself when approaching strangers.

First, seize the opportunity to introduce yourself

When introducing yourself, you must seize the opportunity to strike up a conversation with strangers and do it in an appropriate occasion.For example, when getting along with strangers in a relationship, when a stranger asks for self-introduction, when someone asks for help from a stranger but the other party does not know much about himself or knows nothing about himself, when he meets a stranger unexpectedly on the way of travel and has When it is necessary to contact them, they must introduce themselves.Introduce yourself on these occasions, when the other party is free and in a good mood and interested, so as not to disturb the other party.In a party, the host usually introduces himself first, because the host is the focus of the entire party, so everyone should get to know him first.

Self-introduction on other occasions should follow a principle: people with low status should introduce themselves first, so that people with high status can understand themselves.In other words, the relatively young person should take the initiative to introduce himself to the elder, and then the elder will respond by introducing himself.Of course, in actual communication, if the other party's status is relatively high, but the other party doesn't know much about etiquette, it doesn't hurt to introduce yourself first.

Second, correct the attitude of self-introduction
The attitude when introducing yourself must be natural, friendly, kind, and easy-going. You should be calm, confident, generous, and courteous, which will help people to have a good impression.On the contrary, if you show a submissive and nervous look, with uncertain eyes, red face, and flustered hands, you will be despised by others, and communication between you will be blocked.

When introducing yourself, you should also express your sincere emotions that you are eager to know each other.Anyone is honored to be valued by others, and if you are enthusiastic, the other party will return it.In addition, the tone of voice should be natural, the speed of speech should be normal, and the voice should be clear and powerful, without stuttering or stumbling.

Also, pay attention to the attitude your body language conveys.To introduce yourself, you should nod to the other party first, and then introduce yourself to the other party after getting a response.You should be good at expressing your friendliness, concern, and desire to communicate with your eyes and facial expressions.This not only keeps the listener attentive, but also conveys confidence.Body language is also an important part. A report once pointed out that non-verbal parts account for 70% of daily communication.Therefore, if you want to communicate successfully, you should remember to pay attention to your body language.

Third, be detailed and appropriate

In some more formal application and negotiation occasions, the content of self-introduction should be as concise and comprehensive as possible, and the content that the other party is most interested in and wants to know is selected as an oral introduction, and more complicated content can be expressed in writing.Because if you introduce too much content, the listener will feel tired and boring. After all, self-introduction is a courtesy, and other people should listen carefully, so try to make your language concise and comprehensive.

The detailed and appropriate self-introduction is reflected in many details.For example, when delivering a business card to the other party, there is no need to repeat the oral introduction of the content on the business card. Develop the habit of short self-introduction, and the time is preferably half a minute to one minute.If it is some private gathering or occasional meeting, you have to distinguish the situation. If the two parties just meet by chance, a polite greeting is enough, and there is no need to introduce it in detail.The other party may be anxious to leave or it will be difficult to see each other in the future. An overly detailed introduction is tantamount to wasting each other's time.If the other party is interested in making a deep friendship, he will show his willingness to communicate, and will take the initiative to ask "where is the high school", "what is your occupation", etc., and it is not too late to introduce in detail at this time.

Fourth, master the measure of self-introduction

Generally speaking, the content of self-introduction includes two basic elements: my name and self-evaluation.When introducing yourself, these two elements should be reported continuously at one go, which not only helps to give people a complete impression, but also saves time and gives people a capable image.When making self-evaluation, it should neither be too high nor too low. The key is to grasp the measure.

(End of this chapter)