dead souls, imperial envoy

Chapter 49 The Imperial Envoy (1)
The InspectorGeneral
(Russian) Gogol

translated by Zhao Jian

character table

Anton Antonovich Skwoznik-Demkhanovsky - Mayor.

Anna Andreevna - the mayor's wife.

Maria Antonovna - the mayor's daughter.

Roja Rokich Khlobov - Superintendent.

its wife.

Amos Fyodorovich Lyapkin-Tapkin-Judge.

Artim Filipapevich Zemlyanika - Director of Charity Hospital.

Ivan Kuzmich Shchkin - postmaster.

Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky - landowner of the town.

Pyotr Ivanovich Dobchinsky - Landlord of the town.

Ivan Alexandrovitch Khlesdakoff - an official from Petersburg.

Osip - his servant.

Khrisjan Ivanovich Kiebner - county medical officer.

Fyodor Andreevich Lulukov - retired official, notable person of the town.

Stepon Ivanovich Golobkin - retired official.Celebrities in the city.

Ivan Lazarevich Rastkovsky - retired official, notable of the town.

Stieppen Ilyich Ukhweirtov - Chief of the police department.

Svechtunov - the policeman.

Del Zimolda - Police.

Pugovich - the policeman.

Abdulin - Merchant.

Feverange Petrova Boshlebkina, a coppersmith's woman.

Sergeant's wife.

Mishka - The mayor's servant.

Guests of both sexes, merchants, petty bourgeois, petitioners.

Hotel servant.

character and clothing

(actor tip)
The mayor is a man who has been an official for many years and thinks he is very smart.Even when accepting bribes, he behaves very seriously; he has always been very serious and likes to reason; his voice is neither high nor low, and the length of his speech is neither long nor short.In short, everything he said seemed to have meaning.He had the gritty face and the resolute air of every man who has had a hard job in a lowly position.From horror to joy, from lowliness to arrogance, as the position is promoted, this transition is also natural.As a violently developed mind expresses the heart of man.He always wore a uniform with medal buttons and boots with spurs.He always had short hair with white streaks in it.

Anna Andreevna, the mayor's wife, was a coquettish woman from the provinces, not very old, who had received half her education from novels and picture books, and half from the books in the storeroom and boudoir. Some messy stuff.She has an intense curiosity and an unabashed vanity.Sometimes she loses her temper in front of her husband and puts on airs of the hostess, just because her husband didn't answer her questions for a while, and the way of expression is limited to blame and ridicule.In this play, she changed a total of four different clothes.

Hles Dakov, is a 23-year-old young man with a thin build.Not very clever, without a backbone of his own—one of the emptiest types of people in the yamen.He speaks and acts without deliberation.He does not fix his sustained attention on any single thought.He said something here and there, and what he said was often jaw-dropping.People who play this role must be sincere and ordinary, so that they will be more brilliant.His clothes are more fashionable.

Osip, the servant, like most of the older servants.He has a tense and serious expression, and his gaze is always downward when looking at people, but he is prone to talking, even to his master, he always likes to mutter a few words to himself.He always had his unhurried voice.When he talks to his master, he often has a serious, hasty, and even rough expression.He is smarter than his master, so he can always predict the future, but he doesn't talk much at this time, he is a silent liar.His clothing is a gray or navy blue shabby gown.

Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky, two short, curious people; they were very similar in appearance; they had small bellies, spoke quickly, and often used gestures to aid language .Dobchinski was slightly taller and more serious than Bobchinski; Bobchinski was more casual and lively than Dobchinski.

Lyapkin-Gapkin, a judge, has read half a dozen books, and has a somewhat free-thinking mind.This person prefers to guess and likes to add annotations to every sentence.A person who plays this role should always keep a thoughtful look on his face.He speaks in a low voice, draws out his tones, and often makes a hoarse sound, as if suffering from melioidosis, or like an old-fashioned bell, which hisses first and then strikes.

Zemlyanika, administrator of the charity, was fat, slow, and clumsy, but quick-witted, opportunistic, and deceitful.He likes to do things for others, and he always likes to talk about things.

The postmaster is an honest and innocent man.

Various other characters will not be explained one by one here, and their prototypes can always be found in front of them at any time.

Actors, please pay special attention to the last scene.The last line should be said all at once, so that everyone can resonate like lightning.All should change their posture in an instant.The sound of astonishment should burst from all women's mouths at once, as if from a single chest.If this is not done, the overall effect will not be there.

◎The first act

[A room in the mayor's house]
▲The first scene

[The mayor, the director of the Charity Hospital, a school inspector, a judge, the chief of police, a medical officer, and two police officers.Inspectors are hereinafter referred to as inspectors, administrators of charitable institutions are hereinafter referred to as administrators]
Mayor, I invite you to come and tell you a very unpleasant news: the imperial envoy is coming to our city soon.

Judge what, imperial envoy?

Administrator what, imperial envoy?

The imperial envoy from Petersburg, the mayor, came with anonymity and a secret order.

The judge is screwed now!

The admin had nothing to worry about, this is back!

Inspectors!With a secret decree!

Mayor, I seem to have a hunch!Last night I was dreaming all night about two very special mice.I have never seen this kind of mouse: the whole body is black, and the body is fat!Come hurriedly, sniff it,—and run away.I will read to you a letter I received from Andrei Ivanovich Chimekhov.You know this Chimekhov, Artim Filipavitch.He wrote it like this: Dear brother, in-laws, and respected teacher: (reading in a whisper, eyes rolling quickly)... "I have something to tell..." Ah!Here: "I have something to tell you: some officials will be ordered to visit the province in the near future, and they will pay special attention to the situation in our county. (Finger raised up, very meaningful) Although he claims to be an ordinary person, I have already learned from the reliable point of view. Get the exact news. Brother, I know that you are cautious, but small mistakes are inevitable. My dear brother, you are very smart, and you don’t want to give up what you send, "... (stop reading) This is a private matter..." So I advise you, elder brother, to be cautious. The imperial envoy will probably rush to Guicheng soon, or he may have already arrived in Guicheng, and he has lived somewhere incognito. It is unknown...Brother, I once..." Here are some household chores: "My sister Anna Kirillovna came here with her brother-in-law; Ivan Kirillovich is getting fatter and playing with the lyre..." The letter was This way, that's the situation.

Judge Yes, that's the situation, it's a bit unusual.It's an indescribable feeling.

Inspector Why?Anton Antonovich?Why did the imperial envoy come to visit us?

Mayor why?Maybe it's fate! (sigh) Thank God, it's always been somewhere else before, but it's our turn.

Judge I think, Anton Antonovich, there are a lot of details to pay attention to here, especially politically.It means: Russia... yes... wants to start a war, so the imperial envoy is sent to investigate whether there is any rebellion.

Mayor, why do you think about this?Still a smart man!Will there be rebels in a small remote county?Is it a city on the border?Starting from here, even if you travel for three years, you will not be able to go to foreign countries.

Judge no!Please listen to me, you can't do this...you don't...the above are some people with fine eyesight, they don't care how far the road is, they have to think about what they should think about.

Regardless of whether the mayor has considered it or not, I have already warned you. ——I have already made some arrangements in various aspects, and I hope you will do the same.Especially you, Artim Filipapitch!This passing official must first inspect your charities,--so you should arrange it and make it look good; the hat should be clean and tidy, and the sick can't go around like a blacksmith in old dirty clothes .

Admin None of this matters.The hat could have been cleaned up a bit.

Mayor yes.Also, hang on every bed a sign written in Latin or some other script... This is what you should do, Khrisjan Ivanovich, - with the name of the disease: when Sickness, which day, which date... Your patients always smoke some strong tobacco leaves, which is not good.When people walk in, they will always sneeze.It is best to reduce the number of patients, otherwise it will be considered as poor management, not letting the good people get better quickly, or medical officials are incompetent.

Admin Regarding the first level of treatment, Kristyan Ivanovich and I have our own ideas, and we think it’s better to let nature take its course—we generally don’t use more expensive medicines.Everyone must follow the laws of nature: if you want to die, no one can stop it; if you want to be good, just say yes.Khrisyan Ivanovich did not understand a word of Russian, and it was difficult to communicate with them.

[The medical officer makes an e-like sound. ]
Mayor, I would like to advise you, Amos Fedorovich, to pay more attention to the situation in the courthouse.In your hall, there are often petitioners walking around, and the guards even raised a flock of domestic geese, with their young goose cubs, always slipping in and out under people's feet.Raising poultry is naturally a rewarding thing, and of course the guards can also raise it.But it's obviously inappropriate in this kind of place... I wanted to talk about this before, but I was busy with other things and forgot.

Judge well, I'll order them to be sent into the kitchen today.Come and have a nice meal if you want.

Mayor In addition, I have to say something about these things. Don’t hang those messy and tattered things in your office all the time. I saw a long hunting whip hanging on the paper cabinet.I know you like hunting very much, but it's best to put it away temporarily, and you can hang it up after the imperial envoy has left.And your jury, of course I admire his erudition, but he always smells like he just came out of the brewery, which is not very good after all. I wanted to tell you this matter, but I forgot it as soon as I was interrupted by other things.If it was true that his body smell was natural, as he said, there was a way to cure it: You could persuade him to eat some onions, or garlic, or something.Khrisjan Ivanovitch could help him with some medicines.

[The medical officer makes the same sound as before. ]
Judge no, the smell cannot be driven away.He said that when he was a child, his mother didn't like him, and he fell down. Since then, he has always smelled of soju.

Mayor, I just kindly remind you.As for our internal situation and the inadequacies mentioned in Andrey Ivanovich's letter, I have nothing to say.And, oddly enough, no one is immune to making mistakes.This is God's arrangement, and those liberals say things against it, but it doesn't make any sense.

Judge, what is your view on crime?What is the difference between crime and sin?I can tell everyone that I take bribes, but what kind of bribes is that?It was some beagles or something.That's a whole other thing.

Whether it's a beagle or something, the mayor takes a bribe and takes a bribe.

Judge no, my dear Anton Antonovich.For example, if a man's fur coat costs five hundred rubles, and his wife buys a scarf...

Mayor, what's so strange about you saying that you took a terrier as a bribe?You don't believe in God, you never go to church, but I at least have a strong faith and go to church once a week.Have you ever done this? ...I know you. If you were to talk about the creation of the world, your hair would stand on end.

Judge, this is a very logical thing, and it is completely realized from my own wisdom.

Sometimes the mayor has too much wisdom, which is worse than a fool who has no at all.Of course, I just pointed out some problems in the county court; of course, it is not likely that anyone will actually go there to inspect.It is an enviable place, may God preserve it.As for you, Roja Rokic, you are the superintendent and must pay special attention to the situation of your teachers.They were learned men, educated in various colleges.But some of their actions are strange, of course, this is in line with their profession.There was one of them, the one with the fat face... I don't remember his name.As soon as he gets up on stage, no matter what the situation, he won't stop until he makes a face, like this, (makes a face) and then, with one hand, he goes under his tie to stroke his smooth beard.Of course, it doesn't matter if he made such a face to the students.Perhaps it would have been better, I'm not sure; but speculate for yourself--what if he made a face at a visiting grown-up?It would be so bad that the envoy or someone else would think the face was made on them.Such a fuss, my God, who can predict what kind of consequences it will cause.

That's true of the inspector, but what am I supposed to do with him?I've said it to him many times.A few days ago, our distinguished guest went to inspect the classroom, and he made a grimace that I had never seen before.He made faces out of kindness, but I was warned.Why suggest free thought to young people?

Mayor, let me also talk about the teacher who talked about history.He was a very learned man—nobody would deny that.He has too much knowledge, and he is always eloquent when explaining it, even forgetting his own existence.I heard him lecture once, when he was talking about the Ascilians and the Babylonians—nothing, but when it came to Alexander Macedon, he was in such a state that I couldn't even open my mouth.I thought there was a fire alarm, really!He dashed off the podium and slammed a chair onto the floor!Alexander Macedon was certainly a hero, but why did he have to throw a chair?Doing so can only cause damage to our property.

The Inspector is such a hot tempered man!I've said this to him many times, but bluntly: "Do as you please, I'd give my life for science."

Mayor Yes, there are many things that cannot be explained by common sense: anyone who is smart—either a drunkard or a grimace, which is really a headache.

What bad luck inspectors do in education!Anyone will come to intervene, showing that he is a smart person everywhere.

The mayor is nothing,——the most abominable thing is this kind of unannounced visit with anonymity!Who knows when he will suddenly come running and say: "Ah! everyone is here! Who's the judge here?"—"Lyapkin-japkin."-"Leapkin-japkin." Call Putin. Who is the director of the Charity Hospital?"—"Zemlyanika!"—"Call Zemlyanika!"—that was the worst thing.

▲Second game
[Characters and the Postmaster from the previous scene]
Good day postmaster, you are talking about an official coming to inspect, are you not?
Mayor Haven't you heard?
The postmaster had some news from Pyotr Ivanovich Bobchinsky.He has just been to my post office.

Mayor?What do you think?
Postmaster What do I think?I feel like I'm on the verge of war with the Turks.

The judge was right!That's what I think.

Mayor Yes, both of you have thought of that!
The chances of the postmaster going to war with the Turks are quite high.It must have had something to do with the French, who were afraid of chaos.

The mayor is at war with the Turks?What does it have to do with the Turks?If there is a war, it will be us, and certainly not the Turks.We are very clear about this, and my letter also meant this.

If the postmaster had been like this, he would not have fought the Turks.

What do you think, Mayor, Ivan Kuzmich?
Postmaster What can I think?And you, Anton Antonovich?
Mayor, what can I think?I'm not afraid, but somehow... those merchants and townsfolk make me uneasy.They say I plunder them, but God can testify that even if I take something from some people, it doesn't mean there is hatred between each other.I even thought, (shakes his hand and draws him aside) Will someone sue me on purpose?What is the purpose of the imperial envoy's visit?Ivan Kuzmich, for our common benefit, would you please take apart all the letters that pass through the post office before sending them out, and see if there are any reports of complaints or correspondence in the front line?If not, seal it again; of course, you can send the letters as they are opened.It's all okay.

(End of this chapter)