Two Cities

Chapter 26 The Inconsiderate Person

If Sidney Carton would have shone elsewhere, he had been eclipsed at Dr. Manette's.For a whole year, he often ran to their house, but he was always such a depressed and sad idler.He speaks freely when he's willing to talk, but his indifference to everything casts a relentless darkness on him, rarely pierced by his inner light.

He was, however, quite interested in the street near the house and its insentient paving stones.How many solitary nights he wandered dazedly on this road.How many bleak dawns have illuminated his lingering lonely figure, even when the light of the morning clearly outlines the architectural beauty of church steeples and high-rise buildings hidden by night, he still lingers on.In fact, at that moment of peace, he might be able to think of some beautiful things that were forgotten and unobtainable.The forgotten bed in the Law Society compound saw him less recently than before.He often fell on the bed for a while, then turned over and got up again, and went back to that area for a walk.

It was August, and Mr. Stryver had told his jackal that "he had other plans about marriage," and went off to Devon with all his considerate tenderness.At that time, the beauty and fragrance of flowers and flowers on the roads in the urban area gave comfort to the souls of the desperate, health to the infirm, and youth to the elderly, but Sidney still lingered on that road, only because of Instead of hesitating and aimless, he became calm and powerful because of imagination.After he finally made up his mind, those feet involuntarily led him to the doctor's house.

He went upstairs and saw Lucy working alone.Lucy was not used to being in contact with him.When he sat down beside her, she received him with some unease.When the two were talking about the family, Lucy looked up at his face, but found that he was different from before.

"I thought you were ill, Mr Carton!"

"No disease. It's just that my way of life is a little unhealthy. What's the point of messing around like this?"

"Wouldn't it be a pity if I couldn't live a better life? I'm sorry, I accidentally said it when I was on the verge of speaking."

"God knows, I'm really sorry!" "Then why don't you change it?" When she looked at him gently again, she was startled and felt uneasy.Tears flashed in his eyes, and there were tears in his voice when he answered: "It's too late. I'm afraid I won't get better. I have to go down and down and get worse."

He leaned one arm on the table and shielded his eyes with his hand.The table trembled in the ensuing silence.

She had never seen him weak before, and it made her feel bad.He knew she was suffering, but he didn't look up at her, he just said:

"Excuse me, Miss Manette. I can't help crying because I'm thinking of what I was going to tell you. Would you like to hear me?"

"If it would do you any good, Mr. Carton, if it would make you feel better, I'd love to hear it!"

"God bless your kindness and thoughtfulness," he said quietly, taking his hands from his face after a short while. "Don't be afraid to be my audience, and don't be afraid of what I say. I'm very much like a man who died young, and has been disheartened all his life." "No, Mr. Carleton, I'm sure your tomorrow will be better .I'm sure you have every right to be proud of yourself."

"I hope to make you proud, Miss Manette. Even though I knew it--although this melancholy sentiment has given me a vague self-knowledge--I have kept it in my heart."

She was pale and trembling all over.Fortunately, at this time, he showed incomparable self-blame, which calmed her down.So this meeting is fundamentally different from ordinary chat.

"Even if you had the opportunity to reciprocate the affection of the man in front of you, Miss Manette, he knows by now that he is a disheartened, helpless, unfulfilled drinker (you know that). Although he will feel happy, there is no guarantee that he will not cause you pain, sadness and regret, will not pollute you, drag you down, and make you waste your time like him. I understand that you cannot have a little warmth for me. I am not I don't expect much, I'm even glad." "Put that question aside, can I help you, Mr. Carton? Can I make you do it all over again?—Excuse me! I really can't repay you My trust? I know it comes from trust." She hesitated for a moment, then wept genuinely, and said softly, "I know you wouldn't say this in front of others. Can I make things work in your favor? Where's the direction, Mr. Carleton?" He shook his head.

"No. Miss Manette, no. If you can let me say something more, you will do the best you can. I hope you understand that you are the Shangri-La of my soul. I met you and your Father, and this sweet home you have maintained, has rekindled my longing for the future. I have never felt more miserable and helpless because of it. Since I met you, I have never thought that it would bother me Troubled by regret. I hear the whispers of yesterday that I thought were dead. I've dreamed a lot: pick myself up, come back, get rid of my slack, fight on. But it's just a dream, it's all a dream, there's no hope When I woke up, I was still in the same place, but I still want to tell you that you once lit my heart."

"Has the dream vanished without a trace? Ah, Mr. Carton, think again! Try again!"

"No, Miss Manette, I knew throughout the dream that I wasn't worthy. And yet I've always had it, including this weakness. I always wanted to tell you how you took hold of me all at once and brought me back from the ashes— But because this flame is inextricably linked with me, it didn't ignite anything, illuminate anything, or achieve anything, and just burned out in vain."

"Since, Mr. Carton, my misfortune has aggravated your misery, then—"

"Don't say that, Miss Manette, because if there was any way to save me, you would have saved me. You would prevent me from suffering more."

"Since what you've said is largely due to me—in a word, this is how I feel—can't I have any useful influence on you? Can't I have any good influence on you at all? ?”

"My greatest achievement now, Miss Manette, is exactly the purpose of my trip. Let me always remember the sincerity I have revealed to you in the future confused life. This is my last confession. I want to remember , I have left you with painful memories at this time."

"None of this will last, and I have been asking you to believe me from the bottom of my heart, don't ask me to, Miss Manette. I have fought myself and I know better. But I am hurt Your heart. Let me hurry up and finish! Can you give me such a memory that the last true expression in my life was treasured in your diamond-like heart, and it will be there exclusively, no one will know?"

"If that will be a consolation to you, I promise." "Not even to your dearest?" "Mr. Carleton," she said shortly after, calmly, "it's your secret, not mine. Yes, I can respect it." "Thank you. One more time, God bless you." He pressed her hand to his lips, and made his way to the door. "Don't worry I'll babble, Miss Manette, even in passing. I won't mention it. I won't die. When I die, this sweet memory will remain holy--and for that I'd like to Thank you and bless you—my last vow is for you, and my name, flaws, and sorrows will all be placed in the soft place of your heart. This is the most joyful and happy thing!"

How different he was, what a sacrifice he made!How many emotions he distorts every day!It breaks my heart just thinking about it.When he stopped and looked back at her, Lucy Manette burst into tears.

"Don't be sad!" said he. "I don't deserve your sorrow, Miss Manette. In an hour or two the feelings of inferiority and stubbornness which I despise but cannot shake will make me less worthy of you than the prodigal son." Tears! But I will always be in your heart at this moment, even though I still look like a fool. My penultimate request to you is: believe me when I say this."

"I will, Mr. Carton." "My last wish is this—that when you have said it you will be rid of a guest whom I know you are not talking to. In vain, but I also know that my words come from the heart. I am willing to go through fire and water for you and your loved ones. If my career performance is better and I have the conditions or opportunities to give, I will do my best for you and your loved ones In your peace of mind, remember: I say this with a sincere heart. You will have a new relationship, and that day is not far away. That relationship will make you and the home you have worked so hard to maintain stronger. Closer and sweeter—a most intimate relationship that brings you eternal pride and happiness. Ah, Miss Manette, when a little being who looks exactly like his lucky father looks up before you, when you see again When facing your pretty face, please don't forget that there is such a person, he is willing to pay any price to keep the one you love."

He said, "Goodbye!", said a final "God bless you!" and left.

(End of this chapter)