Gu Pan Sheng Zi

Chapter 62N.72
Turn off the lights, the room is dark.

I fell asleep half-dreaming and half-awake in this darkness, and my mind kept echoing these days, what these people said to me, Ye Murong's, Jian Han's, Xiang Ming's...

Fragments of memories are repeated over and over again. The people I met, the things I did, and the words I said, flashed in the dream in a messy and disorderly state, and the pictures were blurry or clear.

I dreamed of the day when I first went to the hospital for a comprehensive examination. A woman in her 50s looked at me indifferently, probably seeing cowardice and shrinking from my eyes, and asked me coldly, "Is it alive? "

I nodded.

She lowered her head and opened some forms and handed them to me, "Go and check."

When I left the hospital, it was a sunny day outside. Under the strong sunlight, I held a B-ultrasound film in my hand, and there was a small life conceived in my womb.

Qiao Ke's words lingered in her ears, she said: "Pan Zi, this is not your business alone, you have to think about it. How difficult it is to be a single mother, I don't need to tell you, you can know it by Baidu. Don’t think about yourself, think about the child in your belly. If you give birth to him, you have the responsibility to take care of him. Otherwise, it’s better not to.”

Facing the sunshine, I said to myself: "Give birth. How difficult it can be."

Because I know that what supports my belief is not the hatred for Ye Murong, but the love for him.

When Guan Guan was born, the sterile operating room was filled with the smell of disinfectant.All I could see was the white light from the overhead lights.From time to time, a nurse came over to take a look at me and said, "Three fingers are opened, it's almost time."

I think the pain of childbirth can make every mother feel lingering fear for a lifetime.Before that, I never knew that kind of pain could make people want to die, scream hoarsely, and only hope that time will end this kind of pain soon.But in this world, the foundation of human beings is love. Love breeds faith, faith breeds courage, and courage makes people fearless, daring to face physical pain and inner suffering.Maternal love can really withstand the moment of life and death, and it is the great love in the world worthy of eternal praise.

The labor pain hit, and I yelled "No" and woke up with a start.

Ye Murong got up abruptly, hugged me, and looked at me with sleepy eyes, "What's wrong?"

I saw through the gaps in the curtains that the sky was gray and still not clear, so I wiped the cold sweat off my brow, "I had a dream."

"What did you dream about?"

"When I dreamed about giving birth to Guan Guan, it hurt so much that it woke me up."

Ye Murong lay down with his arms around me, kissed my forehead, and said softly, "Don't be afraid, it's just a dream."

I shrank into his arms, and he hugged me tightly, patting my back one after another.

Sleepiness hit me, and I fell asleep drowsily.In the dimness, I seem to hear him say in a low voice: "Pan Zi, I'm sorry, I let you bear this alone."

On the first day of the new year, I was woken up by the sound of firecrackers.When I opened my eyes, the person beside me was gone.

When I walked out of the bedroom, the door was opened from the outside, and Guan Guan, who was wearing a red cotton coat and trousers, ran in, and rushed towards me with a cold red face, "Mom is a big slob, she slept so late."

I picked her up, "Where did Guan Guan go so early?"

"Uncle Ye took me to set off firecrackers. He also bought me candied haws to eat."

It was only then that I saw Ye Murong walking in behind Guan Guan, wearing a dark gray cashmere coat, with radiant brows and eyes, and a smile at the corner of his mouth, showing no trace of fatigue.

He handed the candied haws in his hand to Guan Guan, who took it and handed it to me, saying, "I bought this for my mother."

"Thank you Guan Guan."

"Uncle Ye bought it."

I smiled at Ye Murong, "Thank you."

He nodded slightly at me.

"Guan Guan is back." Mother Cao came out of the kitchen and glanced at me, "Go wash and eat... Let's have lunch."

Jian Han and Yu Xin went to pay New Year's greetings to their relatives, saying that they would not come back because they had lunch at the second grandpa's house.After lunch, Ye Murong went to play chess with Cao's father.Mother Cao went to take a nap.Guan Guan and I took out the somatosensory game console and played tennis in the living room.

The afternoon sun was warm, and Guan Guan and I were sweating from running around.Guan Guan panted and collapsed on the sofa, "It can't be done, Guan Guan can't beat mom."

I smiled smugly, "Of course."

"Your mother's physical ability can also bully children."

I don't know when Ye Murong appeared behind me with the sound of beating, and I don't know how long I looked at it with my arms folded.

I glared at him angrily, but I didn't dare to say that I would like you to try something like a challenge.Because he's telling the truth, physical education... I've never had a good pass.

Guan Guan got up early, but now he was a little sleepy, and yawned.

I pulled her up from the sofa and dragged her into the bathroom, "Go wash your face and take a nap."

Guan Guan actually braced himself up and looked at Ye Murong eagerly, "I want to play with Uncle Ye for a while."

Ye Murong was obviously also surprised. He was very surprised that Guan Guan liked to play with him. He opened his mouth but didn't say a word, which is rare for him.The emotion in his eyes burst out fiercely, and he looked at Guan Guan with fiery eyes, and the joy on his face was fully revealed.

My heart trembled violently, and the emotions in my heart also gathered at this moment, making me unable to tell whether it was fear or expectation.

Just when I thought he was about to say something, Ye Murong's throat moved, his eyes gradually stabilized, and he smiled and said to Guan Guan: "Guan Guan sleeps first, I'm not going anywhere. When Guan Guan wakes up, I will play with you."

Guan Guan thought for a while, tilted his head and stretched out the little finger of his right hand, "Then let's pull the hook, and I will see you when I wake up."

Ye Murong also stretched out his little finger of his right hand, and shook it with Guan Guan. "If the hook is hung, it must not be changed for 100 years."

What a childish way of making a promise, to say it casually, is an agreement that will not change for a hundred years.Sure enough, it is a way suitable for children.

After coaxing Guan Guan to sleep, he closed the door and walked out of the bedroom, only to see Ye Murong sitting on the sofa, with a cigarette between his fingers, but he didn't smoke, he just let the smoke float up, and the body of the cigarette was burning bit by bit.

When the fire was about to burn his fingers, I took the cigarette butt from between his fingers and pressed it out in the ashtray.

He raised his head and looked at me, with a wry smile on his lips, "Pan Zi, at that moment just now, I really wanted to hear Guan Guan call me Dad."

I lowered my head and whispered, "I know."

On the night of the first day of junior high school, we had dinner at Yuxin's house, and the three of us went home.

Because it is the Chinese New Year, there are very few cars and people on the road.The festive lanterns hanging on the lampposts illuminate the empty road very brightly.The big shopping malls have closed, and the small shops are not open at all. This is the most depressed day of the year in the north.However, this is also the busiest day for every household.It's a day of reunion.It is also a day of reunion.

When I got home, Guan Guan took Ye Murong to play games with her, and I washed the clothes they changed in the bathroom.

Guan Guan's laughter came from time to time in the living room, and when I walked in, I happened to see her jumping into Ye Murong's arms, shouting, "I won, I won."

Ye Murong nodded with a smile, and kissed her forehead.

I was in a trance for a moment, and suddenly felt that this is already very good.

family, together.

The phone rang, an unfamiliar number, I answered, "Hi, hello."

The person over there seemed to laugh, "Gu Panzi, long time no see."

This unlucky voice made me hold the phone tightly, "It's been a long time."

"How about we meet? Behind Ye Murong's back."

I watched Ye Murong and Guan Guan smiling and hugging each other, and the image of Ye Murong and Mu Chenwei sleeping in each other's arms couldn't help appearing in my mind.Yu Xin said that they have been together for the past few years.

I think, I have always cared about their past and present.

I am not a tolerant woman, but I am definitely not a weak woman who is easy to bully.

"Okay, tell me the time and place."

Mu Chenwei chose the coffee shop in the Swiss Hotel.

The magnificent design of the hall and the revolving door cut off the cold wind outside.The indoor air conditioner was fully turned on, the carpet under my feet was soft, and the European pattern stretched all the way.

We haven't seen each other for many years, but it seems that the reason for our meeting is the same every time.Because of one Ye Murong.

When I was in Tokyo, Mu Chenwei also asked me out once, at the Starbucks in front of the school.

I have a vague memory of what she said, but I just remember her saying with sharp eyes, "I'll wait and see how long it will take for you and Ye Liulian to exhaust your so-called love."

The hotel waiter ushered me to my seat.Mu Chenwei has arrived, and she is still beautiful, very much like a model on a shopping website who is trying on clothes. At first glance, she is pure and charming, and her every move seems to be well-designed, elegant and just right.She was wearing a royal blue wool dress with fine cuts and flowing lines.

She drew delicate eyebrows, raised her face and said, "Ah Zi, long time no see."

"Long time no see." I sat down slowly, took off my coat and put it on the chair next to me.

Then there is no more words.The waiter who ordered the food looked at us carefully, and followed us in silence without even making a recommendation.

Mu Chenwei ordered a cup of espresso, held the small white bone china cup between her fingers, looked at me leisurely and said, "Ah Zi, you are not as good as you were back then."

I smiled and looked down to stir the cream in my coffee.

What should be used as a criterion for judging.Back then, I was full of fighting spirit and fought for the honor and favor of the day and night. Is it good to talk about gains and losses for a while?

Mu Chenwei looked at me silently for a moment, then sighed and said, "I heard that you have his child."

After a pause, she continued: "We have been together these years. Not only in life, but also in work."

I took a sip of coffee, with a strong hazelnut taste, put down the cup and said in a calm tone: "Yes, I have his child. I also know that you are the one who has been by his side all these years. But recently I always wondered if a child asked me why I separated from her father, and I said it was because of a text message from someone else, would it be too childish. But I did not kill the child as you wished, I am afraid I let you down."

Mu Chenwei's eyes sharpened, "Ah Zi, you don't naively think that you broke up with Ye Murong just because of that text message, right? I just helped you guys settle it earlier."

"To me, none of this is important anymore. Mu Chenwei, do you understand?"

"Gu Panzi, it's just that you met Ye Murong a little too early, and he's the one who went all the way to the dark. You lived in his heart, and he refused to take it away. But I don't believe in evil, I don't believe it. He can keep his memories for a lifetime. Everyone persuaded him to move on. He also made an agreement with me for a period of six years. After six years, if he can get away from everything with you, he will marry me. During these six years, I stayed behind him, and even if the media saw us together, they never reported it. I know, he was afraid that you would see it, and whether he admitted it or not, he was still waiting for you to come back. At that time, I missed you If you let go of your pride and appear in front of us, it will be fate, and I owe you. But you have not heard from you for so long, but at this time, you can meet yourself. Do you know that we even have an engagement venue? It's all booked, I went to France to try on the wedding dress, and I went to Italy to order a ring. After so many years, I can finally be his bride. Gu Panzi, I can't beat you for so many years. You can't even show up again Well-prepared, kid that age, makes any counter-attacks from me look ridiculous."

I smiled weakly, and I could only laugh, because I really didn't know what to say.

Years ago, she ruined my love life.Now, I also ended her dream.

Mu Chenwei also smiled, and her lips with light pink lip gloss parted slightly, "So what if Ye Murong has been waiting for you, just like you have always hated him, is it really because of love? Both of you are stubborn Can people really distinguish whether it is the persistence of love or the stubbornness of unwillingness?"

On the way home, I couldn't help cursing my mother, there are some people in this world who would rather make it difficult for themselves than make you feel comfortable.

I went to the supermarket and wandered around. Because of the Chinese New Year, there were no people in the supermarket.In the huge space, rows of shelves are placed there, and the shelves are full of colorful and exquisitely packaged food.This is what I don't like very much. I always feel that under the layers of packaging, what you see is not necessarily what you want to buy.I like to visit the fresh food area and the fruit and vegetable area. I like the piles of fruits like small hills, the red and green grapes, the mangosteen with soil, the cantaloupe with water droplets, and the durian that attracts you to smell it... …

Joe can say that I am a naked pervert.

After shopping back and forth for a long time, I bought a bag of fruit and went home.

As soon as I entered the house, I smelled the aroma of rice, the smell of vanilla mixed with the smell of meat, and there were European-style candlesticks and waking red wine on the table.

Ye Murong came out of the kitchen with a white plate, Guan Guan followed him in a small apron, saw me and shouted: "Mom, Mom is back. Come and eat. It's Guan Guan and Uncle Ye Good night."

I answered and went to change clothes.

Ye Murong fried steak, served with mashed potatoes and fried eggs.The sauces include black pepper sauce and tomato sauce that Guan Guan likes.

I poured a glass of apple juice for Guan Guan and a glass of red wine for Ye Murong.

He glanced at me and asked, "Aren't you going to drink?"

"No, I'll drink plain water."

Guan Guan ate a mouthful of mashed potatoes and asked me, "Where is the candied haws my mother bought for me?"

I just remembered that before going out in the afternoon, I promised Guan Guan to buy her candied haws and bring them back. After meeting Mu Chenwei, I simply forgot about this task.

"Mom forgot. Mom will buy it for you tomorrow, okay?"

"Won't you forget it tomorrow?"

"No, Mom promises."

After eating, Ye Murong played with Guan Guan for a while before putting her to sleep.I tidy up the kitchen and sit on the couch to watch TV.

The local station's New Year's Gala was rebroadcasting, and several big-name stars were invited to sing.Turning around, I could see a few more familiar faces.

Ye Murong came over with two glasses of red wine and handed me one.

I looked up at him, and saw that his brows were slightly frowned, and his expression was quite dignified.

I took the cup and took a sip, "What's wrong?"

He sat down beside me, gently held my shoulder, and said in a deep voice, "Did Mu Chenwei look for you?"

"Ah."

A love song is being sung on the TV, talking about the love tragedy of separation without reunion, and love without turning back.The deep male voice sang the tearful lyrics over and over again with a hoarse voice.Unnecessarily annoying and a little sad.

Ye Murong called me in a low voice, "Pan Zi."

"Ok?"

"I... what happened between me and her? I did something wrong?"

I put down the cup in my hand, moved around, met Ye Murong face to face, looked into his eyes and asked, "Did you sleep with her?"

I felt Ye Murong's arm on my shoulder stiff for a moment, and there seemed to be a trace of anger in his eyes, but it quickly disappeared into the boundless darkness, leaving only a look of helplessness, and he nodded.

I smiled, "Why don't you let her have a baby for you?"

"Pan Zi!"

I looked up, tears flowed out, and said what I had been thinking for so long. "Ye Murong, I hate you. I have always hated you all these years. But what I hate more is that you gave up on me so easily, and even the redemption was just a weak text message, nothing else. In your heart, I am far away from you. It can't compare to the self-esteem and pride of your big man. I often think, if after we broke up back then, you could come to me and say a few soft words, even if it was bossy and scolded me, instead of bringing Mu Chenwei out Double entry right. We... Will we go on forever."

Ye Murong raised his hand to wipe away the tears on my face, his eyes were entangled with me, and he called me hoarsely, "Pan Zi."

"Do you know that we just broke up at that time, and you were with Mu Chenwei. I was so embarrassed. Do you know how many people I offended because of you before, and how bad they said when they got down? words. You..."

Ye Murong pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly, "Don't say it, Pan Zi, don't say it. It's all my fault. I'm sorry for you."

This grievance has been held in my heart for too long, and tears flooded because of it.I cried loudly in Ye Murong's arms, crying heartily.

After crying enough, Ye Murong wiped my crying face with a towel.He looked at me expectantly and asked, "Pan Zi, can you forgive me?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. Really. In fact, for Guan Guan's own good, I should say yes. But..."

Ye Murong patted my head, "I understand. I can wait."

"Give me a six-year deadline, too?"

Ye Murong gave me a fierce look.I sighed secretly in my heart, it's over, my bad temper broke out again.

Unexpectedly, he suppressed his temper and said slowly: "Don't you think I have no mobility and don't know how to redeem it? I will try this time."

(End of this chapter)