Life and Death in Tibet: The Dream of Chenye Chen

Chapter 13 Dangar Hall to Lanzhou

When I set off from Jiangda with a brigade of soldiers, it was November in the early winter of last year.It was already June 24th of the second year when I arrived at Dangar in Qinghai. The long-distance journey lasted 223 days.The clothes on my body have not been washed and changed for a long time, and they have all turned into ocher black. The braids of the hair are tangled together and clumped together. As for the haircut, the beard is half an inch long, and it's not because I'm old.Fortunately, the cold weather outside the Great Wall did not drip any stinky sweat along the way, but I used to smell the stinky sweat of the soldiers for a long time in the army, and it smelled like cheese. Today, I finally understand how the smell of human sweat is not smelly.I walked in such a strange dress on the road of the market full of people, and attracted almost all curious eyes. People in the market gathered around the hotel where I stayed to ask about my situation. I felt too embarrassed. So I washed myself from head to toe, changed my clothes and went to the market to buy new clothes.The folk customs in that place are simple and simple. It is strange for us southerners who have recently come from Tibet. It seems that there is a big news in broad daylight. Men, women, old and young are vying to pass on the view. Walking on the road, businessmen and rich people saw me head-on. , all in awe.This is like the history of generals returning to the mainland, and captured envoys finally returning to the homeland of the Han people after vicissitudes of life. The onlookers find it fresh and exciting, but they don't know the inexplicable sadness in the hearts of those who have experienced it.In this way, I have almost become a local "celebrity". Wherever I go, as long as I enter any store, the owner will stand up and salute me grandly, and entertain me with fruit pancakes, and must make me full ——Because they all heard about my risky escape from Tibet and my life-and-death trek in the Qiangtang desert...

The next morning, I went to a cloth shop. The owner of the shop treated me kindly and led me through a secret passage into a secret room where a good earthen pit was built. He told me to lie down on the cloth reed mat on top of the pit. Come on, let me smoke.He first took out a small rectangular wooden box, opened it, and there were several compartments inside, including hookahs, opium lamps, wine jugs, wine glasses, cotton tobacco, matches, and tobacco rods.He toasted me first, and then handed me the wooden box for me to choose.I only took a few sips of the waterpipe, and then put down the delicate wooden box. The shopkeeper was still there, and warmly invited me to smoke opium, because almost no one in this area does not have smoking sets and opium at home. .

I was detained for a week because I purchased these clothes. Anyway, I had plenty of time to live in the hotel, so I observed carefully. Only then did I know that all the local materials and daily necessities were produced by Han Chinese, but the people were mixed with Han Chinese and Tibetans. At the same time, it is also fashionable for women to bind their feet, and the lotus steps under the skirts are not even three inches. The clothes are all very simple, and so is the culture.My neighbor is a private school. I saw a student who was punished to kneel down and covered his head with a grass circle. The teacher would put stones on it from time to time and punish the student to kneel and recite the text. I was surprised when I saw it Shocked, as if in a lifetime, unable to react.

The owner of the hotel I was in was in his sixties, but he had the tone of an old man.One day I saw him put on a gorgeous crown and go out to see off a government official. When he came back, he told his family: "The official cried so sadly! I and other people also cried bitterly." I don't know. Knowing the reason, I went up to him and asked him to explain clearly. The shop owner told me: "The previous official is also old and has no concubines. He is very affectionate with his wife. The so-called husband and wife have equal eyebrows. There is only a young man of fifteen or sixteen years old. He has been an official here for more than two years. His son is studying in Lanzhou Middle School. After the winter vacation, he sent a servant to pick him up for vacation, and he was 15 miles away from the city. On the road, I didn’t know that the servant was addicted to opium, so he couldn’t stand it any longer, so he hurriedly found a small shop to smoke. The young master waited outside for a long time, and he was desperate to return, and finally got angry and walked back by himself on horseback. His The servants chased after him. Seeing that the young master had disappeared, they rode fast horses to the office immediately. The officer and his wife thought it was their young master who had returned. They were so happy that they called their son's name, but they didn't. He asked the servant, but the servant immediately said in a panic: "After arriving in the city, the young master left first. "So the parents sent people to look for it everywhere, but they couldn't find it, so they doubted the servant again and asked repeatedly, but there was no result, because the servant was always very loyal, and he had been with his master for so many years, how could he not trust him? So he offered a heavy reward and sent messengers to search everywhere, but after several days there was still no news. The official and his wife were so sad that they cried and prayed to the gods day and night, asking God to bless their children. Survived. The guards couldn’t find any traces. One of the guards was afraid that his boss would blame him when he returned, so he went to a temple on the mountain more than ten miles away from the city, praying for the gods to show a little truth, and because he was tired all the way up the mountain I leaned against the back of the divine case and wanted to take a nap. After a while, I heard a person praying to God. I didn’t pay attention at first, but then I heard that person muttering to himself, as if he was confessing. Listen carefully Terrible—that person is the murderer of the son! The guard was afraid that he would not be able to catch him alone, so he rushed down the mountain from the side door. On the side of the road, he met an acquaintance and told him what happened. Together they went to the mountains and caught the murderer. When they arrived at the office, they interrogated them severely and confessed everything. It turned out that he was a thief from Qinghai, because someone told him that a wealthy businessman would go to Xining to collect debts at the end of the year that day. Coming back. I must pass by a mountain, so I asked a few comrades to lie in ambush behind the rock wall halfway up the mountain, and piled up a few huge rocks to wait in secret. The right side of the mountain is a cliff and the wall is on the left. There is a river on the left, and there is only sheep intestines in the middle. People who come and go must pass by the trail. After a while, they saw a man riding a horse, and the color of the horse was exactly the same as that of a rich merchant. They no longer doubted it, and pushed down the stone. He was dead. Going down to search, there were only a few books in the so-called rich businessman’s bag. Nothing else was found. Looking at the face of the deceased, he looked like a handsome young man, not a businessman at all! These bandits were shocked. Jump, hurriedly buried the body nearby. I already knew that the misunderstanding was not small, and it was too late to regret it. Many local indigenous people believed in Buddhism, so they went to the temple to pray. This case. By now, everything has come to light. Since the official and his wife were saddened by the tragic death of their beloved son, they also felt that their position and work were meaningless, so they resigned from their positions after taking care of the child's funeral and returned home. Most of the residents in our city missed his honesty and kindness during his reign, so they vacated most of the city to see them off. They were equipped with artillery and sent them to the suburbs. Everyone left with tears. Repeating the same name, saying that his eyes can only see his son going out, but he can no longer see his son coming back from outside...! So I cry for his pain and sorrow, not just for someone!" After the boss finished talking about it, he couldn't help sighing again.I also sat there in a daze, speechless.Things in the world seem to be intentional and God's will. With such a good conscience as an official, but his son was killed in such a brutal way, it seems that God is too unreasonable, but who can figure it out?

I stayed seven days at the hotel in Dangar Hall.When all the clothes were ready, we hired a mule cart and headed towards Xining.The distance is ninety miles, and the road is flat.When we arrived in Xining City, we saw the fortified city walls, row upon row of private houses, pedestrians coming and going on the street, it was so lively!In the Qing Dynasty, there was a commander-in-chief in Xining City, and another Daotai, Fuzong and county magistrate.The yamen of Qinghai's minister of affairs is also established here.Therefore, Xining is a major town in the border of China.The coachman led me to find a hotel on the street. After I settled down, I suddenly heard the sound of musical instruments and people singing in the next room, so I turned to ask the owner.He said that in the next room, there happened to be a passing troupe staying here.In addition, the hotel was quite satisfactory.The room is not big, but the reception in the store is very hospitable.Later, when I heard that I was an officer with a gun, and that I had come from far away Tibet, I was even more respectful to me.I haven't seen the life and entertainment in the world for a long time, and suddenly I heard someone singing and playing the piano during the journey, and I couldn't help being intoxicated.The next morning, as soon as I got up, someone reported that a visitor was coming. I was so surprised that I walked out the door.Unexpectedly, the guest walked in with his head held high and his chest held high, and sat down on me without saluting. Then several of his entourage and armed soldiers also entered my room and stood at the door.I asked several times, "What's the matter?" He didn't answer, and then said: "The city of Xining is under martial law. You brought weapons into the city. Why didn't you go to the government office to report and register?" Come on, I haven't had time to register yet.I chatted with him for a while, and learned that his surname is Yan, he is from Changsha, Hunan, and he is currently in charge of the Xining City Defense Battalion.When he knew my experience along the way, everyone felt like a half-townsman again, and the expression on his face became amiable.At this moment, another officer surnamed Chen came in and questioned me severely. My answer was similar to what I told Yan Guandai earlier, the difference was that I invited out the guns I was carrying, and Officer Chen also wrote a letter of acceptance. strip.Yan Guandai introduced my situation again and again, and Officer Chen was much more polite than at the beginning, and said to me: "Why didn't you tell me earlier, you almost made a misunderstanding!" Zhang Zhenjun.The latter stood in the hall and received us.I took a few steps forward and recounted in detail my entire experience of aiding Tibet and leaving Tibet, including getting lost in the desert and annihilating the entire army... I spoke impassionedly for more than an hour, and Zhang Zhenjun listened He was very moved, so he invited me to sit down, asked me more about the situation in Tibet, and finally said with a sigh: "I am from Anhui, and it will take me three years to take up the post here. It is really difficult. Now the country's The situation is changing again and again. There are thirty or so members of my family. I want to go back but I can’t go back. But when the country is in turmoil and difficulty, we need talents like you. If you work hard, you will surely rise to the top in the future. Today you come back In the south, there is a shortage of travel expenses, so don't worry too much, I will find a way to raise some for you!" I thanked him for his kindness, thinking of Xi Yuan who was alone in the hotel, I hurriedly said goodbye, walked out of the Yamen, and returned to the hotel, Xi Yuan Sure enough, she was very anxious, seeing that I hadn't gone back for so long, she was so scared that she cried a few times, and when I walked in, she burst into laughter.After a while, Yan Guandai came over again, because I told him about the experience along the way to Tibet, which made him sigh, and asked me to go to the government office to meet the prefect Chen there.At the Fuyamen, I talked about the situation of leaving Tibet again, and the prefect Chen asked me: "When you were in Sichuan, did you know a man named Chen Huan?" I said, "Aren't you talking about Mr. Er'an?" When I arrived in Sichuan, I heard that he had gone to Fangzhao with other troops." Yan Guan said beside him: "Mr. It is not easy to prepare travel expenses for a group of seven people. I met Zhang Zhenjun just now, and he highly praised your talent in front of me. We discussed and prepared to write an official document to recommend you to Zhao Weixi, Governor of Gansu Province. Governor Zhao has always been compassionate and loving. If he sees you, he will definitely use you, so you don’t have to worry too much.”

In this way, after living in Xining for three days, we set out on the road again. I recommended the two attendants Teng Xueqing and Zhao Tingfang who followed me out of the life-and-death line of Tibet to Yan Guandai of the local garrison.In addition, Zhang Zhenshou, Chen Taishou, and Yan Guan led three people to give me 80 taels of gold when they parted. Zhang Zhenshou also sent his nephew Kong to go to Lanzhou with me with official documents. I am really grateful.We traveled by mule cart for six days before arriving in the city of Lanzhou, where we stayed in an inn on Tanshi Street, where the owner was from Taiyuan.When I was about to unload the luggage, I noticed that the owner and the shop assistants were whispering, looking panic-stricken.After a while, the store door was pushed open with a "bang!", and a dozen or so armed soldiers came in, led their horses in, tied them to the stakes, and went into the hotel without saying a word, inspected every room, He came out and shouted sharply: "Whose luggage is this, don't you take it away?" Throwing our luggage and packages into the yard one by one.The shop owner smiled and invited one of them, who seemed to be the leader, to talk in the inner room. After a short conversation, I accompanied the leader out, and I still vaguely heard their words: "...It's just a trivial thing, it's not a respect , please bear with me..." The leader left, and the other soldiers also led their horses out.The shopkeeper breathed a sigh of relief and apologized to the residents one by one.I was angry and puzzled, so I asked him what was going on, and he said, "This is Ma Junmen who came to the province, and the horse team he brought was all Muslims, and they were very ferocious. You see: in the blink of an eye, they knocked me away again." Two taels of silver, it’s all right now! Oh, it’s still in the name of opening a shop, and it’s just asking for money along the street, once or twice a year, our life is hard!” After hearing this, I was deeply moved.

The next day Zhang Zhenjun's nephew surnamed Kong came to ask me to go to the Governor's Mansion in Lanzhou City to meet with Governor Zhao.We got there and were allowed in after a while.Governor Zhao looked very kind, and in front of him I recounted my life-and-death journey out of Tibet. After hearing this, Governor Zhao sighed again and again. Finally, he quoted Mencius's chapter "Heaven's Great Mandate" to comfort me. Tell me: "Recently I received a call from Sichuan, saying that the Dalai Lama has dispatched troops to besiege Lhasa. Our army is isolated thousands of miles away. Rescue may become a problem. If the delay is too long, the troops may not be able to survive. .Yesterday, the central government sent a telegram to the three provinces of Sichuan, Yunnan and Gansu to request assistance to Tibet. This matter is too difficult. If you can wait and live in Lanzhou, I may be able to borrow from you.” I had nothing to say, so I had to Confessing that he was willing to obey orders, he said goodbye and went back.

Last year, when I returned to Jiangda from Gongbu, I tried to send people everywhere to look for Zhou Xun.Yang Xingwu and the others also put in a lot of effort and thought, but they couldn't find it.At that time, some people said that he had left Qamdo.Now that I have gone through hardships and arrived in Lanzhou, I heard people say that the man named Zhou Xun has also arrived.I sent people to inquire everywhere, but there was no news.A few days later, I met Hu Lisheng, a policeman from the local supervisory office. He is also from Changsha. He said that there was a fellow villager named Zhou who was currently being held in prison.I was very surprised, and then I thought, this kind of thing might be done by that person Zhou Xun, so I went to the supervisory office with Hu Lisheng to investigate and inquire, and it was because Zhou Xun accused that person of Mr. Luo's incident as my master. make.I had no choice but to request to see Governor Zhao, and explain to Governor Zhao the whole upside-down story.He replied to me: "Among the rebellious army, human life is as cheap as sand, where can I find out one by one?" I called around to Hunan people living in Lanzhou to mediate for me.One day, more than a dozen people from the same village came together.Gathering in the guild hall, Zhou Xun also came, so, in front of everyone, I explained in detail what happened to Mr. Luo.In the end, I asked Zhou Xun: "Mr. Luo's death, how did you see it? Why did you say that I was behind the scenes? Mr. Luo had no clothes to wear, and I would give him clothes if I was naked; Mr. Luo was hungry. Stomach, I would rather not eat it myself, but serve it to him, don’t you see this? We’re going back to the mainland, you don’t want to set off together, that’s your own idea, as for who should be left by my side as guards, It was not my choice, it was Zhang Ziqing's responsibility. The person who killed Master Luo was Zhao Liben from Sichuan. The place where he died was not far from Demo. However, the situation in the Tibet Bureau has changed. Master Luo violated the taboo of the people of Sichuan, which constituted a heinous death penalty. You are fully aware of all this. Mr. Luo was killed, why did you still frame me for such a crime today? What kind of thoughts are you willing to bear to do such an outrageous thing? Besides, you entered Tibet as an ordinary and unknown soldier back then. To be secretary, and then to be the attendant of Mr. Luo, which one is not recommended by me on your behalf?" I said while asking him, Zhou Xun's expression was very serious at first, then he showed embarrassment and shyness, and finally , actually forcefully smiled and said: "The Superintendent of Judiciary, I mentioned the process of your leaving Tibet, and there is no travel expenses, so there is no way to take Mr. Luo's remains back. Travel expenses home." I was furious after hearing this: "I can't get my travel expenses, so I don't need you to worry about them. But you actually framed me for murder?!" Zhou Xun remained silent, saying no again Speak up.The dozen or so fellow villagers also came up to dissuade them.I was in so much pain for a while, and all thoughts were lost, I decided to bid farewell to Governor Zhao immediately and return to the south.When parting, Governor Zhao repeatedly asked me to stay, and finally gave me 50 taels of gold, and I gave part of it to Ji Bingyue and the last two soldiers, and let them go back to their hometowns.After these matters were dealt with, I took Nishihara back to Xi'an by car and headed south.Since then, I have traveled day and night, and I have suffered the hardships of the journey all the way.

One day, Xiyuan and I arrived in Binzhou.It happens to be August [-]th, which is the annual Mid-Autumn Festival in China.On the full moon day, I stopped to rest for a day, and I went to the market to buy some food, wine, and meat that I was usually reluctant to eat, and drank with Nishihara.Nishihara said: "The money I have on me is almost gone, and we are still so far away from home. How can we get home if you spend so much money?" I replied: "What you said is true, but although there is not much money, let us After arriving in Xi'an, I will write a letter to my family and wait for the money to be sent, okay?" While talking, an officer suddenly came outside the door and said to me: "Looking at the hotel register yesterday, I found out that you are from Tanga. Come to Erting, I am from Dangarting, so I came to see you. Did you hear that a man named Qiao Zidan was shot dead by the government?" I asked him what happened.He said: "I also fled to Lanzhou because of the failure of the revolution. Qiao Zidan was my brother, and he was arrested at that time. I fled to Lanzhou, and my brother was killed." I replied that he lived in Dangar Hall It hasn't been long, so I don't know much about it.So the young man surnamed Qiao took his leave and left.That night, Wang Zhaoqing, another Hunanese from my hometown, came to see me and asked me my name and where I was from. He asked me in detail. Wang Ruilin’s younger brother! I have been in Lanzhou for four years. I have received letters from my elder brother several times, saying that I have gone to Tibet with you, and in the letters I often mention that you take good care of him. The letters are gone.... Everyone is It is said that the troops stationed in Tibet have been surrounded by the Tibetan army and handed over their guns, and killed many people. I don’t know where to find out the truth. Today, I heard from the platoon leader Qiao that there is a fellow villager named Chen who recently came from Tibet. I immediately thought it should be you!——Sure enough..." Wang Ruilin, Wang Zhaoqing's older brother, came to Tibet with me when he was in Sichuan and served as my secretary.The Tibet Incident, in November last year, I followed me and a large army out of Qinghai, and died of illness on the way.Unexpectedly, I met his younger brother in a foreign land. I was helpless for a while, so I told him the truth.Before I finished speaking, Wang Zhaoqing was already sobbing.It happened that there was an ink cartridge on the table in my room, which was Wang Ruilin's relic, with Ruilin's name chiseled on it. Wang Guangqing recognized it at a glance, and burst into tears again.I also told him the story of how the soldiers in the army had ventured out of Tibet all the way. He finally understood what happened, and refused to leave with me. It was very late before he left and went back. Come knock on the door and give me a lot of wine, food and sugar cakes.Said to me: "When you go to Xi'an, you can only go on the road when you have money, but now the city of Xi'an is under martial law everywhere, and the places where people live are interrogated day and night. One of my country boys found a very rich family in the city. Hongpu Street in Xi’an City. No one lives there. There is only one named Qi Lansheng who takes care of the house for the family. We know each other. Let me introduce you. If you go to Xi’an, you can live there. A lot of money.” I listened and was very grateful.Wang Zhaoqing leaned over the desk, wrote a letter, asked me to bring it to his friend, and left after writing.

Early the next morning, we left by car.After walking for seven days, I arrived in Xi'an.Xiyuan and I went directly to Hongpu Street to find Qi Lansheng, gave him the letter, and asked him where he was from. It turned out that he was from Ningxiang, Hunan.He left us both to stay.Said: "I live in the east wing, you live in the last one, the first three are vacant rooms, there are more than a dozen rooms, you can live in whatever you want." Xiyuan and I went to the back room, cleaned it a little, and spent half a day, I bought rice noodles and charcoal, and planned to cook it myself, so I hurriedly wrote a letter and sent it back to my hometown in Xiangxi to ask for travel expenses.The house we live in is very secluded and remote, and I don't go out every day. I love Xiyuan and never leave.

In the twinkling of an eye, the weather of early winter came again. It has been a whole year since we went back to the inland in Tibet last year. Finally, we are alive and have our own nest, where we can live without disturbance.But the weather is getting colder every day.Hurry to add clothes to himself and Nishihara.There was not much money in my pocket, and several times I sat down alone.I counted with my fingers when the remittance from home would arrive by post. After all, it would take two months, otherwise it would be impossible for the remittance to arrive—these two months, the long and cold winter, how can we live?Prices in Xi'an are more expensive than other places.In this way, I had no choice but to survive day by day. After more than 20 days, the money on my body was really gone. Nishihara said to me: "There is still some time for remittance at home, and we can't wait empty and hungry! Let's sell the coral that my mother gave me first. "The treasure was bumped and grinded on the way, and it has already broken.I looked at her, I had no choice, so I took it to the street market to sell it, and after selling it for two days, no one came to ask!On the third day, I went to an antique shop, and the shop was willing to buy it with an extra 12 taels of silver.I took the silver and went back, Xiyuan was overjoyed: "Hey, with this money, we don't have to worry about waiting for your family to send the money here, and we won't suffer from cold and hunger..."

I lived in that row of gloomy big houses, and when I had a lot of time, I often chatted and chatted with Qi Lansheng for nothing.In this way, I learned that there is a neighbor named Dong Yulu, who is from Yongshun in Xiangxi.I came to the north a long time ago, and now I am the principal of a certain middle school in Xi'an, and also a first-class adjutant in the province.He has always been generous and righteous.The fellow villagers from Hunan in this city admired him very much.So I went to visit him the next day. He was not at home, but I ran into Zhang Mujun, a fellow from Liyang who lived with him.I chatted with him, very happy.After a while the master came back and invited us to sit in the hall. Dong Yulu was silent, just smiling, good at people, knowledgeable in Chinese and Western, simple and unpretentious, which I admired very much.Since then, I have often been in contact with them. Dong Yulu was busy with affairs, and I didn't have a chance to see him again. In this way, I lived until the beginning of January of the next year. There was still no news from my hometown for a long time.The 12 taels of silver we got from selling the corals were spent again.I still have a pair of precious binoculars that have accompanied me in my travels for many years in my bag. I had to take them out and sell them for six taels of silver.Such a low price made me very anxious.The house we live in is at the end of the whole row of houses. Every time I go out, Nishihara will send me out, at least to a place by the side door, and sit down and watch me go home.One day, I went back a little late.When Nishihara came out to open the door, I suddenly noticed that her face was flushed, so I asked her in surprise, and she replied, "Since you left, I have been feeling hot all over my body and have a constant headache, and I am afraid that you will be home soon, so I will sit here and wait for you... ..."

That night, Nishihara was bedridden, and the next day, she refused to eat again, so she asked her what she likes to eat?She told me: "I just want to eat some milk." I hurried to the street to buy fresh milk and rushed home to serve it to her. She just touched it with her chapped lips and refused to drink any more.I was shocked and went out to find a doctor immediately.The doctor finally came, checked carefully, and finally said: "Probably it's yin and cold, and it should be cleared up." But before he finished a dose of medicine, smallpox red spots suddenly appeared all over Nishihara's body.I was terrified for a moment, remembering that when I was still in Chengdu, I heard people say that every woman from Tibet died of smallpox when she went to the inland area, and none of them in a hundred could escape this catastrophe!So I went out and asked the doctor again.The doctor said: "Nothing!".Another prescription was prescribed, but I began to doubt his level.From that day on, the medicine he took had completely lost its effect, and Xi Yuan's condition worsened day by day.One morning, she woke up very early, cried and said to me: "My life is about to die..." I was terrified and asked her why?She said: "Last night I had a dream. I dreamed of going to my own home in Tibet. My mother brought me a cup of sugar to eat. Let me drink a cup of white water - a Tibetan custom. Anyone who has such a dream will undoubtedly die. .” After speaking, he continued to cry.I said I don't believe it, it's just a very common dream, don't think about it, but she shook her head at me, expressing her belief.That night, the swollen places of the smallpox suddenly sank and turned into black spots.This time, knowing that her life was hopeless, I also lowered my head and began to cry softly.After midnight, when it was almost four o'clock, Xiyuan suddenly yelled loudly and woke me up, with tears in his eyes, he choked up and said: "Wanli Congjun, I expected to stay together for the rest of my life, but unexpectedly I have this strange disease." , It seems that we have to break up halfway, but if you can finally get relief and return to your hometown, I will die in peace. Husband, now the letter sent by your home may arrive sooner or later. I hope you will go back on the way all the way. Treasure..." After that, he stopped breathing...I howled beside her again and again, but she never woke up again.On this day, it was a certain day in Dongyue, I hugged the dead body and cried, crying several times and passed out.Woke up, barely stood up, looking at the dark surroundings that gradually turned white in the dawn sky.Find the remaining bills in my pocket, there are only 30 cash left, and my lover's body is still on the bed, what can I use to bury her in the coffin?Thinking of this, I burst into tears again, and then I thought about how poor I am, I have reached such a situation, and all the valuable things on my body have been sold out, even if I have to make a hasty funeral for Xiyuan, it will cost a lot of money.In Xi'an, the only person I know well is Mr. Dong Yulu, who seems to be relatively generous, so I turned around and went to his house.At that time, the east was getting white, and when I opened the door to the street, there was ice and snow all over the place, and the whole place seemed to be deserted in a hellish mansion.Seeing that the sky had not yet dawned, I thought it would be too reckless for me to leave Xiyuan at this moment, so I turned back and looked at Xiyuan on the bed, who had slept peacefully for a long time and would no longer wake up, a feeling of parting from life and death immediately made me feel pain in my heart.I couldn't help crying again.After a while, it was already daylight, so I hurried to Dong Yulu's house and kept knocking on the door of his house.Someone finally came to open the door, and it was Dong Yulu himself.Seeing me in such a panic, he immediately invited me into the house. "You came so early?" He asked, not understanding what happened, while I mumbled aside for a long time before I told him the news of my lover's death.He was taken aback, and asked me: "Then what do you want me for?" I was still thinking about how to put it mildly: "I only have five strings of money left..." Dong Yulu frowned, and asked again: "This way, why don't you pay me?" Is there any way?" After thinking for a while, I saw him turn around and go to the inner room, and after a while, he gave me a bag of silver and said, "There are about two or thirty taels in it, and you can use it for funeral expenses." He also called a relative named Luo Yuanbo, asking him to go back with me and help me with the funeral.I didn't have time to say thank you, so I took Luo Yuanbo back.On the way, Yuan Bo told me: "Dong Yulu is actually penniless. The money I gave you just now was deposited at his house by a brother of his clan..." I nodded, not knowing what to say.Then, Yuan Bo helped me go to the market to buy a shroud for Nishi Yuan to bury, and also temporarily invited a maid to bathe and change Nishi Yuan's clothes.I weighed the silver I brought, and the total was 37 taels.From the weight of the silver, I can also feel the generosity of Dong Yulu.Then invite monks to recite scriptures and perform rituals.In the afternoon of this day, after finishing the funeral, I buried Xiyuan's body in the Yanta Temple outside Xi'an.Under the Small Wild Goose Pagoda.I walked home slowly by myself, and buried the flowers in a frugal manner. I felt sad for the dead along the way, and also felt miserable for my rough life experience.When I walked to a familiar home, I suddenly felt that Xiyuan had really disappeared. The room was cold and empty, as if God had really set up a predicament for me to go in alone, suffering so much, so I raised my head to the sky and cried with tears Exhausted, the voice is also hoarse.The experience of my life, when I talk about it here, it is really heartbreaking...I will stop writing this book from now on.

(End of this chapter)