Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 2 Overview of Social Etiquette and Eloquence (1)
China has always been known as the country of etiquette.For thousands of years, Chinese people have often presented themselves and others with a polite image.

People live in certain "interpersonal relationships" every day.Therefore, social networking has become a subject of extensive social experience and life experience.

What is Social Etiquette?What is social eloquence?What are their contents and characteristics?This chapter will give you detailed answers.

[-]. The meaning and attributes of social etiquette

Interpersonal relationship is manifested through communication and contact between people, so this requires people to use certain behavioral norms to adjust and enhance the relationship between each other.It is in response to these needs that social etiquette arose.In modern society, with the rapid development of market economy, social etiquette has become an indispensable part of people's social life.Paying attention to etiquette, paying attention to politeness, and observing certain etiquette norms have become an important symbol of a civilized society.Therefore, according to our definition, social etiquette is the etiquette and polite behavior that people must follow and master when communicating with each other in social interaction.

Social etiquette has its own characteristics and attributes. Specifically, there are the following three points.

(1) Extensive

From state leaders to ordinary citizens, no matter male, female, old or young, they must have certain relationships with others or society, such as classmates, colleagues, fellow villagers, peers, neighbors, and friends; the relationship between individuals and enterprises, individuals and schools, individuals and the country Agency relations, etc.

(2) sincerity

Treating people and behaving properly are important contents of social etiquette, but the most important thing is respect and care for people, showing kindness, sincerity, and humility.Only when a person truly respects others and treats them sincerely from the heart can he consciously abide by social etiquette norms and help establish harmonious interpersonal relationships.

To treat people with sincerity, you must speak decently, behave appropriately, be modest and courteous, and be kind to others.Only sincerity can communicate hearts and win trust.

(3) levels

(1) There are mainly five kinds of human needs, namely physiological needs, safety needs, social needs, respect needs and self-realization needs, while etiquette belongs to the three levels of social, respect and self-realization needs.

(2) From an emotional point of view, because people are at different levels, their emotional communication and etiquette requirements are also different.If you stray into a level that you shouldn't enter, you will often have psychological pressure and unaccustomed.

(3) Because people have different etiquette and cultivation, their behavior often reveals the characteristics of their own level.Such as low, medium and high etiquette behavior;

The role of social etiquette
Social communication, an issue that was once ignored by people, has become more and more important in modern life.Under natural economic conditions, people can live a carefree and carefree life in the idyllic pastoral where chickens and dogs hear each other, old and dead. Live independently and happily.Extensive and comprehensive social interaction has become an important condition for people to live happily and work successfully.

1. Good social interaction can increase popularity
Facts of life prove that people with good interpersonal relationships are easy to do things smoothly.This means that you must properly use your social skills to adjust interpersonal relationships, so as to achieve your desired goals and results.

Under various social conditions, it is the common nature of human beings to pursue harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationships.In developed countries, in addition to the needs of self-actualization and esteem predominating among the citizens, there are quite a few people who regard social needs as their dominant needs.In underdeveloped countries, in addition to physiological and safety needs dominating the nationals, social needs also have a certain dominant position.It can be seen that no matter what the social conditions are, people need to communicate.Only by establishing harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationships through communication can we get along well with others and cooperate with each other.

2. Good social networking can form a network
The regularization of occupational mobility and the contractualization of interpersonal relationships urge people to constantly face unfamiliar communication objects and environments.The rapid development of science and technology and the highly technical production will inevitably lead to the regularization of people's occupational mobility, which makes everyone's interpersonal relationship constantly break through the stable social network formed by geographical, academic and professional relationships, and is forced to enter continuous change In this state, you often have to start from scratch, and you often have to rush to establish new relationships.Strange people, on the one hand, do not know each other, on the other hand, they hope to get to know each other as soon as possible.

The process of social communication is the process in which the two parties in the communication know each other, experience each other, and behave in the same way.Only through communication can we observe others, analyze others, and understand others.It is only through social interaction that we are able to understand the needs, motivations, purposes, ideals, and beliefs of others.Only through communication can we grasp the character, temperament and talent of others.At the same time, only through communication can others know, understand, experience and grasp themselves.

Therefore, it is absolutely necessary for us to build a relationship "network" through our good social skills, so that the "network" provides the most possibilities for our own survival.

3. Good social communication can collect information
Socialization is a combination of human intelligence.Learn to socialize, and use social networking to obtain "rich information from the other half" from the other party. The advantage is to provide you with valuable "direct information" in a "short", "fast" and "new" way.Therefore, social communication must be direct communication, because direct communication is full of many unexpected benefits, the most important of which is to enable you to carry information and think about development.

Information is wealth, and good social skills are the means to collect this wealth.The means serve the end.Those who do not want to obtain information are tantamount to driving themselves out of the home of wealth, and are tantamount to walking on the road of "yelang arrogance".

4. Good social relations can breed emotions
Social interaction is the only way to achieve emotional exchange.Only through social interaction can people sell their feelings and win the friendship of others at the same time.The knowledge of social psychology tells us that the emotional recognition and resonance between people is the result of intercommunication and mutual infection formed by the stimulation of the communication situation in the process of communication.Without entering into the communication process and without forming a communication situation, people will not be able to truly experience the emotional state of others, so they will not be able to properly match their own feelings to resonate with others, and thus it will be impossible to win others' love and love.In addition, people are unable to express their concern, warmth, thoughtfulness and friendship to others, so it is impossible to get positive returns and reactions from others.By the same token, if people don't get in touch with their partners, they just indulge in lovesickness and fantasies, and they will not be able to achieve emotional communication and infection with others.

5. Good socializing eliminates distance
In his book "Silent Language", Edward Hall divides the distance between people in daily life into four categories: intimate distance, personal distance, social distance and public distance.

(1) The intimate distance is 8~15cm.Intimacy distance is limited to people with a high degree of emotional connection.For example, between lovers, between relatives.Situations that force strangers to intervene in close proximity to each other, such as on a crowded bus, often lead to psychological distress and disputes often result.

（2）个人距离为15~50厘米。15~50厘米是朋友之间进行沟通的适当距离。而如果陌生人进入这个距离就构成了对别人的侵犯。

(3) The social distance is 50-90 cm.This distance is suitable for formal talks and diplomatic activities.

(4) The public distance is more than 90 cm.This distance is not suitable for human communication, only for speeches.Studies have shown that interpersonal communication at this distance tends to create an atmosphere of hostility and mutual aggression.

The key to socializing is to eliminate distance, communicate with each other, and find success.

6. Good networking creates opportunities

Any social interaction is not blind, and people will always capture the conditions and factors of success in the process of socializing.Therefore, successful people always look for the necessary connection between social interaction and opportunity.

Carl Peter, a master of American chance studies, said: "If you seize the opportunity, you will catch your life, if you touch the opportunity, you will get gold. All opportunities are not clearly displayed in front of you, but you need to use your intelligent brain to decipher them. "

The difficulty that opportunity brings us is: mysterious and incomprehensible, accidental and unpredictable.Indeed, opportunities have brought us success as well as hardships.

Opportunity is like a veiled woman, you must know how to find her, capture her, wait for her, know how to do what she likes, be ahead of others, take advantage of the victory to pursue, borrow flowers to offer Buddha, etc., in order to finally capture her heart and arouse her passion. Hijab to see her bright smile on you.

The technique of capturing opportunities is no longer a secret recipe, unattainable.Then you will understand this sentence more deeply: smart people will seize every opportunity, and smarter people will continue to create new opportunities.

[-]. The meaning and types of social eloquence

An essential feature of human social activities is that it is a kind of language communication.This is the biggest feature that distinguishes human activities from animal activities.Man is a social group animal. In the process of social activities, human beings communicate and contact with each other, and for the consistency and coordination of common actions. Therefore, language, the most important communication tool for human beings, came into being. .The Chinese pay attention to "listen to their words and observe their actions", and regard language and conversation as an important content of examining character.

1. The concept of language

Language discourse, that is, speech, is an activity in which people use language orally in a certain context for a certain purpose.It is mainly realized through dictation and hearing by using the sound natural language symbol system, that is, the exchange of ideas between people through dialogue.Speech is more direct, vivid and vivid than written description in expressing thoughts and feelings, and it is also easier for the other party to accept and understand.Because of this, speech has always been the most commonly used and main means of communication for people.

In social life, language and conversation not only help people transmit information and exchange ideas, but also help people increase understanding and deepen understanding.As the saying goes, "Words are the voice of the heart", which shows that language and conversation can also reflect a person's inner world, and a person's moral cultivation, cultural level and personal interests can all be expressed through speech.

2. Types of speech
(1) Judging from the preparation of the speech and the way it is used, it can be divided into two types: formal and informal.

A formal speech is a formal conversation, which is a conversation in which the two parties agree on the subject, purpose, time and place through consultation in advance, such as negotiation.Informal speech is informal conversation, which is a relatively free, casual and random conversation without any preparation in advance.This form is more convenient, lively, and easy to express thoughts, feelings and attitudes than formal conversations, and it is more conducive to people getting familiar with each other and getting closer to each other.

(2) Judging from the methods and skills of conversation, it can be divided into two types: straightforward and tactful.

Frank speech means that both parties directly express their thoughts and feelings, without beating around the bush, and just tell each other what they have in mind.Euphemistic speech refers to the use of various indirect and subtle language to express meaning instead of directly expressing the words clearly.In interpersonal communication, sometimes using euphemism can make it easier and better to achieve the goal.

[-]. Verbal features of social eloquence

Eloquence is the ability of people to use oral expressions to express ideas and convey information, and it is also the display of oral expression skills.The reason why a person with extraordinary eloquence has extraordinary charm and can make the listener intoxicated, convinced and overwhelmed is because he has mastered the characteristics of eloquence and is familiar with the mysteries of spoken language in expression.

The speech characteristics of eloquence are mainly manifested in the following aspects.

1. colloquial

As the saying goes: "Words must be popular to spread far." The so-called popular means that speaking should be popular, and one should express one's meaning with words commonly used in people's daily life, that is, it should be colloquial.Because colloquial language is popular, easy to speak and understand, it is easy to be understood and accepted by the general public.

Because the colloquial expression is lively, lifelike, full of personality, unconventional, kind and natural, expressive in sound, clear in meaning, and fascinating, it can be understood and accepted by people.

Of course, spoken language is a language widely circulated among the people. It is a natural form. Although it is lively, brilliant, and expressive, it is inevitably rough, impure, and full of impurities.Therefore, the colloquial expression of eloquence requires standardization, and the standard spoken language of the common language of the nation should be used as much as possible, and dialects should not be used or used less, so as not to cause language barriers.Also, colloquialism and popularization are not equal to vulgarization and abnormality, and they are not contradictory to civilization and elegance.Therefore, when using words and sentence patterns, we must be selective.

2. Rhythm

The rhythm of human vocal language is a comprehensive, orderly and regular form of speech expression, which is mainly based on the selection, combination, deployment and control of sounds, supplemented by the adjustment of semantics, words, grammar and expression techniques. Variety.The actual result of the effective use of this rhythm of eloquence has formed a distinct sense of rhythm, which is the direct source of the charm of eloquence.

According to different combination features of phonetic form, semantic content, dictionary style, logical format structure and expressive techniques, the rhythm of words can be summarized into six basic patterns.

(1) High plate type
Gaoban style is a rhythm form characterized by high-pitched and sonorous tones, relatively concise content, steady but fast speaking speed, and strong and upright style.Generally speaking, the high board style is often used in various work mobilization, motivational speeches, policy statements and other speeches. It has a strong emotional color and a strong shocking power.

(2) Low plate type
The low-tempo style is a rhythmic form characterized by a light and calm tone, a moderately slow speech rate, a relatively leisurely content, and a soft and elegant style. This type of board.It is widely used in various eloquent expressions such as persuasion, making friends, and entertainment.

(3) Allegro style
Allegro style, also known as Lianzhu style, is a rhythmic form characterized by fast speaking speed, short pauses, quicker and more changes in content, style and technique, and a particularly compact hierarchical structure.Allegro is widely used in the spoken language of modern Westerners, which probably has something to do with the fast pace of Western life.Allegro rhythm is also common in speech forms such as debates, defenses, and questions and answers.

(4) Adagio style
Adagio is a rhythmic form characterized by slow speaking speed, long pauses, slow and less changes in content, style and techniques, and a relatively loose hierarchical structure.This rhythm is often used in speeches on solemn occasions, such as political speeches and work reports.

(5) Middle plate type
Zhongban style is a rhythm form with neither high nor low pronunciation, neither suppressed nor raised tone, neither fast nor slow, pauses neither long nor short, relatively plain content, and no obvious changes in style and technique.For example, serious negotiations that cut to the point, questions and answers between strangers, reluctant statements or speeches at meetings, all adopt this rhythmic pattern.

(6) Comprehensive
Most of the short speech communication adopts a single rhythmic pattern, but the rhythmic pattern used in longer speeches cannot be single, but a combination of multiple patterns.

3. Concrete

Concrete, as opposed to abstract, refers to concrete and vivid, vivid and vivid.The concreteness of eloquence means that the words spoken by the subject are not only easy to understand, full of voice and emotion, but also vivid and vivid; not only colloquial and popular, but also vivid and visual.This requires the subject to use concrete and sensible spoken language to describe life phenomena or images of things, so as to give people a feeling of being there, seeing things, hearing sounds, and seeing people.

So, how can we make eloquent expression concrete?Generally speaking, the following three points should be mainly achieved.

(1) Be good at using the technique of description, that is, to describe the sound, color, shape, taste, etc. of objective things concretely and vividly through the techniques of imitating sound, imitating color, imitating shape and imitating flavor.

(2) Concrete, concise, and popularize abstract principles to make it easy for people to understand and accept.

(3) Appropriately use allusions so that the listeners can gain inspiration and lessons from them.

4. Sense of humor

(End of this chapter)