Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 9 Social etiquette and eloquence (1)
Man cannot live in a vacuum, nor can he survive without society.Even Robinson hired the aboriginal "Friday" as his entourage on the isolated island.Therefore, the communication between people is continuous, and a relationship society of communication is formed between each other.And social etiquette will tell you what to do and how to do it when interacting with people, and how to be slick and cute.

[-]. The Master said: "If you don't learn rituals, how can you stand up?"

"Book of Changes" said: "The mouse has skin, but humans have no manners, and people have no manners. Why not die!" If you are rude and blame others, you will really curse people to die early.In society, people need to form more relationships and less grievances, and being more polite is a necessary tool.Rituals are man-made and acquired. You must learn them with your heart. Learning makes people develop habits.

Confucius also said: "If you don't learn rituals, how can you establish yourself." Confucius's so-called rituals do not only refer to politeness, but it is certain that politeness must be included in it.Speech and action, voice and smile, you must pay attention to it, be polite, and then a gentleman, it is not surprising that many people are courteous.In terms of people, courtesy is enough to show that you are a gentleman!

A certain person is the top leader of a certain company. When a senior employee goes to see him, he not only sits still, but also refuses to call you sir, and refuses to pay attention to your statement.Sometimes when he is unhappy, or he thinks what you said is wrong, he never opens his mouth, as if he doesn’t hear you, and he never looks at you, as if he doesn’t see you.He is like this to senior staff, and of course it is conceivable to other subordinates.It is really uncomfortable to treat friends with the same indifferent expression.When he gained power, everyone only dared to criticize behind his back, and flattered him in person, but they all hated him in their hearts.He planted this kind of evil cause, and then the situation reversed, and there were a lot of people attacking him at the time. Of course, there may be other important reasons, but the usual arrogance is at least a supplementary condition.

It is not surprising that many people are polite, it is human nature.Pharaoh is not polite, and he suffers from high myopia. He can't see the faces of people more than ten steps away. For acquaintances, he can only tell who he is by listening to the sound. Therefore, people who are not familiar with him often misunderstand who he is. Arrogant.In order to remedy his shortcomings, he always added "please" or "thank you" when pouring tea for his younger sister. When they came to him and made statements or requests, he always stood up and never sat down. In the chairs, they are sometimes referred to as "sir".

However, being polite also requires sincerity, if you are not sincere, you can know the hypocrisy of the person, and hypocrisy makes people hate it.To be sincere, to be respectful, to be truly polite.As the saying goes: People who are familiar with the ceremony are not familiar with it.This means that you should be polite to your acquaintances, "Yan Pingzhong is good at making friends with people, and respects them over time."The reason why Yanzi can be "respected for a long time", he must first be able to respect people for a long time.Respecting for a long time refers to both sides, and it needs to be started by everyone first.

[-]. Make a polite and characteristic self-introduction

From the perspective of communication psychology, when people meet for the first time, they all have a psychology of eager to understand each other and want to be respected by each other.At this time, if you can introduce yourself in a timely and concise manner, it will not only satisfy the other party's desire, but also the other party will return the gift.Meeting each other with sincerity in this way has laid a good foundation for further exchanges.

When introducing yourself, you should pay attention to the following points.

(1) Have self-confidence.Some people are afraid of meeting strangers.Those who were originally eloquent became stuttering; those who were originally clumsy, their mouths seemed to be sealed.How can this situation leave a good impression on the other party?To overcome this timidity, the key is self-confidence.Only with self-confidence can we introduce ourselves well and leave a good impression on others.

(2) Be sincere and natural.Some people call self-introduction self-promotion.You need to be "real at a price" when you sell your product, so you can't sell yourself without bragging about the facts.When introducing yourself, it is best not to use extreme words such as "very", "most" and "extreme". A sincere and natural self-introduction can often attract the attention of the other party.

(3) To consider the object.The fundamental purpose of self-introduction is to leave an impression on the other party, so speak from the perspective of the other party's understanding.For example, for the first time to participate in a certain seminar, you stand up and say: "My name is XX, and I will make a speech." At this time, the people present will definitely think this way: Who is this?Why have I never seen it before?What does he represent?Is his opinion worth listening to?Therefore, to the audience, you only introduce "My name is XX", and others will not pay attention to your speech.If you understand the psychology of the audience, you can introduce it like this: "My name is XX, and I am a teacher at XX University. It is the first time for me to participate in this kind of seminar. I hope you can give me more advice. Now I will talk about my views on this issue. ..." This kind of introduction can make the audience pay attention to your speech.

When introducing yourself, be sure to take the other person seriously and be adaptable.If you are facing an older and serious person, you'd better be more serious and polite; if you are facing an easy-going person with a sense of humor, you might as well show your own characteristics more relaxedly and be a self that is both characteristic and polite introduce.

[-]. Addressing politely shows charm

A name is a name for a person.What appellation to use to address a person is not only a question of politeness, but also a question of attitude, and it also reflects the quality of the speaker and the relationship between the speaker and the person being called.Therefore, in social communication, we must pay attention to the etiquette of addressing.

1. Commonly used address terms
(1) Titles between relatives
Among relatives, the elders should be addressed by relative titles, such as grandpa, grandma, father, mother, aunt, uncle, etc.It is impolite to address elders by their names, positions, identities, occupations, etc.For peers, you can use relative titles or titles with ranking sequences to address each other, such as elder brother, younger sister, second elder brother, third younger sister, etc.; husband and wife can address each other by name, and when they are together, they can use nicknames, but it is not suitable to be in front of parents. It is used in front of children and in public places; older peers can directly address the young person by his name, and if the young person has grown up, it is more polite to use the title of relative.For juniors, you can call their relatives by their titles, or by their first names, so that they appear cordial.But when a junior has an adult junior of his own, it is not appropriate to call him by his first name.

(2) Appellations among acquaintances
For close acquaintances, you can follow the gender, age, identity, etc. of your relatives to determine the corresponding address. You can also call "surname plus relative title", "name plus relative title", "name plus relative title", such as " Grandma Wang", "Uncle Li" and so on.

In some formal and public occasions, acquaintances can be called by title or occupation, or by "surname plus job title, occupational title", "name plus title, occupational title".Such as "Principal Zhao", "General Manager Li" and so on.

Older, higher-ranking, and higher-ranking people often address younger, lower-ranking, and younger-ranking people by their names, which is straightforward.Conversely, it is impolite for younger, lower-ranking, and younger-ranked people to call older, higher-ranking, and higher-ranking people by their names.

It is the most cordial and casual way of addressing people by their first name instead of their surname.But this is only limited to elders to young people, teachers to students or people close to each other. It is impolite to call each other by their first name without this special relationship.

Friends, classmates, and colleagues who have been with each other for a long time can call them casually, such as "Lao Peng", "Xiao Chen" and so on, before their surnames.It is a more respectful title to add words such as "old" and "big" before the titles of relatives, professional titles, and status, such as old leader and eldest brother.For respected elderly people, the word "old" can be added after the surname, such as "Old Wang", "Old Sun", etc. This kind of address is very respectful.

(3) Appellation for strangers
Generally speaking, the following methods can be used to address strangers.One is to use general names: you can call "comrade", "friend", "master", "Mr.", "Miss" according to the person's specific age, gender, occupation, etc.Men can generally be called "Sir", unmarried women can be called "Sister", married women can be called "Madame" or "Mrs".And it is extremely disrespectful to call an unmarried woman "Mrs."Therefore, you would rather refer to "Madam" and "Madam" as "Miss", and never call the other party "Madam" or "Madam" rashly.Adult women can be called "Ms."The second is that they can be called by relatives.According to the other party's gender, age, etc., they can be addressed with the relative titles of their parents, grandparents, and peers, such as "uncle", "aunt", "grandpa", "aunt", "sister-in-law", "big sister" and so on.

2. Problems that should be paid attention to when using address terms

(1) Attention should be paid to differences in nationality, age and region
Different countries and nationalities have some special habits in addressing people. In Japan, women are not called "Ms.", "Ms.", "Miss", but "Mr." gentlemen".However, the address terms in the Han nationality language are much more complicated than those in other national languages. This depends not only on the gender, seniority, and age of the person, but also on the distinction between respectful and modest terms.Some ethnic languages ​​are not so particular. For example, "aunt" in English can be translated into modern Chinese as "aunt, aunt, aunt, aunt" and so on.Therefore, each ethnic group has different addressing habits, and in practical use, it is necessary to follow the habits of each ethnic group.

Different regions and different living habits have created various dialects, so it is also necessary to pay attention to the similarities and differences between dialects.For example, the most widely and commonly used title of "comrade" in the mainland, but in Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan, this concept is almost non-existent.Therefore, when dealing with compatriots in Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan, it is not appropriate to use the term "comrade".

(2) Pay attention to the difference between spoken and written language

Compared with written language, spoken language is more popular, casual and more intimate.In modern Chinese, the same object can have two different titles in spoken language and written language, such as dad (spoken language) and father (written language).In spoken language, if you use the address in written language when facing the addressee, it will appear blunt, unnatural, and unkind.However, in spoken language, address terms in written language can appear as other terms.Such as "my grandfather", "your mother" and so on.

(3) Pay attention to the difference between the language environment and the address object
In daily life, we can call people who are familiar with us casually, even by nicknames and nicknames. Husband and wife can also use nicknames in private, which makes them more intimate and natural, and can increase mutual affection. Feelings.However, in public places, especially in meetings and classrooms, calling others by nicknames or nicknames will appear unserious and presumptuous, and should be addressed as "Comrade ××" or "Classmate ××".It is also inappropriate to use "nicknames" and "nicknames" for unfamiliar people, elders, leaders and teachers, otherwise, it will appear disrespectful.Therefore, when using address terms, we should pay special attention to the language environment and the addressee, and use them flexibly.In different contexts, for different appellation objects, appropriate appellations should be used that are in line with the person's identity, status, and reflect the proper relationship with oneself.

Fourth, conversation etiquette should not be forgotten
Conversation is a way for people to convey information and emotions, and to enhance mutual understanding and friendship, but it is not an easy task to be polite in conversation.To make the conversation play a good role, you should pay more attention to the attitude of the conversation, and cultivate and improve your conversation skills.

1. The basic principles and etiquette of conversation
In any social situation, honesty and warmth are the foundation of conversation.Only an open and honest conversation can make people feel cordial and natural, and the atmosphere can be harmonious.

When talking, the two parties should look at each other and listen to each other. Don't look around, look left and right, don't read books or newspapers, or look tired, yawn, and don't do unnecessary small actions, such as playing with nails, fiddle with clothes corners, scratching the head, etc. Knuckle pressing, etc., these actions appear to be of low quality and impolite.

When talking, try to let the other party finish the sentence, and don't interrupt or interrupt easily.In case you need to intervene or interrupt the other party's words, you should first obtain the consent of the other party.Ask in a negotiating tone: "Please wait, allow me to interject", "Please allow me to interrupt," or: "Let me ask a question, okay?"

If many friends are talking together, the speaker should not just focus on one or two people you are familiar with, but should take care of everyone present; the listener should pay special attention to the person who is speaking , the eyes should also occasionally patronize other people, and everyone should have the opportunity to speak, not just two or three people.For those who are relatively silent, we should also try to make him speak.For example, ask him: "What do you think about this matter?" or "What do you think?" and so on.

2. Conversation skills

(1) "Located materials" and "adaptive"

When visiting friends and guests or asking for help, you must first exchange a few words.Going straight to the point and going straight to the point will give people the suspicion that there is nothing to go to the Three Treasures Palace. It is best to be able to take advantage of the environment in which you are in and use local materials to draw topics.If the occasion is appropriate, a few words such as "It's a beautiful day today" will also work.If you are at a friend's house, you might as well compliment the interior furnishings, such as asking how the TV works, how good the paintings on the wall are, and so on.Such an opening statement is not a substantive conversation, but mainly to make the atmosphere harmonious.It is the most appropriate way to use the tone of praise.

(2) The conversation depends on the object

People of all ages, occupations, and status have different interests, languages, and habits.Therefore, pay attention to the choice of topics, language and tone in conversation.For example, don't talk about childcare to unmarried youths, don't talk about financial management with artists, don't talk about sports with disabled people, etc.If you lack extensive knowledge and the ability to control conversations, you can try to find out what the other party is interested in, let him express his views on topics he is interested in, and so on.What a person is interested in may be the essence of his knowledge reserve.Even if you don't have such interests and hobbies, you might as well listen to them to expand your knowledge, and maybe you will become interested in them.

(3) listen
Being good at listening is a key to a successful conversation.When you listen to the other party's conversation, you should pay attention to the following points.

Make eye contact with the speaker, nod appropriately or make some gestures to show that you are paying attention.

The listener should be at ease, unless the other party is telling a shocking piece of news.The listener should express "oh", "um", etc. from time to time to arouse the other party's interest in continuing the conversation.

Through some short interjections and questions, hint to the other party that you are really interested in what he said, or inspire the other party to lead to topics that you are interested in.

Of course, if you are not interested in what the other person said and are very bored, then you should try to change the subject subtly, but don't say rudely: "Hey, this is so boring, change the topic."

(4) Ask questions

Asking questions is a great way to lead the way, start a conversation, or change the subject.First of all, you should pay attention to the content of the question. Don't ask the other party difficult questions, let alone ask people's privacy that is difficult to talk about, and questions that everyone taboos.The second is to pay attention to the way the question is asked.The person who asks the question should design the way to ask the question so that the other party can not only introduce some new things that you don't understand, but also enable the guest to fully describe their feelings and make the atmosphere natural and harmonious.

If the other party can't answer your question for a while, or is unwilling to answer it, it is not advisable to ask bluntly or jump randomly, and be good at changing the topic.If the other party doesn't like to talk because of shyness, you should ask some irrelevant things first, such as asking about his work or study, and wait until the tense atmosphere eases before bringing the topic on the right track.

(5) Think before speaking
Before you speak, think a little about what you are going to say.On the one hand, you have a correct estimate of your own personality, temper, and mood, and set up a self-"warning line". At the same time, you have a general understanding of the other person's personality, hobbies, and interests. The content, the way of asking questions, the language, the tone and so on.Speech without thinking, unprepared, or irrelevant and aimless, tends to give people a superficial feeling.

3. Language beauty

(1) Pay attention to the use of words
Speaking is like writing, the wider and richer the field of words, the more vivid the conversation.If the same adjective is used repeatedly to describe different things, it sounds flat.

(2) Pay attention to intonation
When speaking, people often have to reveal their true feelings, and the tone of voice is the expression of this true feeling.In social occasions, in order to make your conversation attractive and fit, you must pay attention to the size, weight, thickness, height, and speed of your voice.

It is more pleasant to lower your voice than to raise it.

Euphemistic and soft tones are more moving than rough and stiff tones.

Pronunciation slightly slower than Lianzhu Pao is easier to accept.

A cadence creates more interest than a flat, flat tone.

(3) pretentious speech
The most basic thing about elegant speech is that the words can express the meaning and be fluent and easy to understand.Therefore, when choosing words and sentences, it is better to be simple and natural. If you add too much text, others will easily misunderstand that you are showing off; if you use inappropriate words, it will make you laugh.

(4) annoying habits
Many people have a bad habit when speaking: they often unknowingly insert some meaningless mantras into the conversation, and they continue one after another, which makes the listener feel overwhelmed.Therefore, we should avoid this seemingly trivial problem, which actually hinders speech.

(5) Differences in dialects

In social situations, try to speak Mandarin and try to avoid using dialects.If the language barrier between each other is still difficult to completely eliminate for a while, then for the accent of others, you might as well listen to the "Southern Tune and North Tune" mentality, and you don't need to pursue it carefully after listening, and you don't need to insist on differences.If there are unclear words, you can ask more questions, and avoid ridicule or ridicule.

(6) Properness of jokes
Like to tell jokes and listen to jokes is the commonality of most people.Interspersing some punchlines and jokes in the conversation can make the atmosphere lively and harmonious, but telling jokes should also be done according to the time, place, and occasion, and there must be a sense of proportion.Good demeanor is based on the principles of friendliness and consideration for others.Some people like to ridicule other people's physical defects and shortcomings, especially on topics between men and women.In fact, this not only fails to show my wit and humor, but also shows my frivolity and boredom.As for low-level jokes, you should try to avoid them, don't tell them, and don't listen to them.

(7) Taboo topics
(End of this chapter)