american tragedy

Chapter 156 (1)
Chapter 332 (1)
Such firm faith and strength as the Reverend Macmillan's were commonplace to Clyde, and he would never have been moved in the slightest eighteen months ago.However, in this environment, it is different.He was imprisoned, isolated from the world, and life in death row was strictly prohibited, forcing people to find comfort or relief in their own ideological field.In this way, Clyde, like ordinary people who suffer from layers of shackles, puts his heart and soul into it, now or in the future.But the past, no matter what stage it was at, was so miserable and unimaginable.The past was really fried.And the present (his current situation), and the future.Some are just deathly fear and uneasiness, the fear of failure of the appeal, and the most feared thing will inevitably happen.This was as terrifying to his waking consciousness now as it would be in the future.

As a result, the result is the only way for a mentally tortured person: in order to escape what he fears or hates, he hides in hope, at least in fantasy, even though he knows it is useless.But what were hopes and fantasies? Since Nicole had brought up that new idea, his only hope was a review.Assuming it is possible to go to a place for a review, to Australia or to America, to Mexico, or to any such place.There, under a pseudonym, all his old connections and past ambitions of a superior life could be cast aside.That way he might be more or less settled.On this hopeless path of fantasy, however, there is also the shadow of death: the appeals court refused to review.Why not refuse it, since I have already experienced the Bridgeburg jury.Then...then just like in his dream last time, he saw a bunch of snakes curled up there in front of him, and he quickly turned around, only to see a rhinoceros with two horns kicking over in front of him.Before him lay the monstrous thing in the next room, that dreadful chair! that chair! the straps, the electric current which so often dimmed the lights in the cell.He couldn't bear the thought that he would go in, if ever.But suppose his appeal was denied! Damn it! He didn't want to think about it any more.

But what else to think of than this? The Reverend Duncan Macmillan came, and brought his appeal to appeal directly to the Creator of all things. (As he insisted) This is a sure-fire plea.But before he came, it was precisely this problem that had been tormenting Clyde severely.How simple was Reverend Duncan's solution!

"God gives peace beyond understanding," he insisted.He is quoting Paul.Later, he quoted words from Corinthians, Galatians, and Ephesians.How easy it would be for Clyde to appreciate and enjoy "a peace that surpasses all understanding," if Clyde prayed as he said.This peace was upon him and all around him.As long as he looks for it; confesses his inner misfortunes and faults, and expresses remorse. "Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks waits. He who seeks finds, and he who knocks, it will be opened. Among you, Whoever has a son who asks for bread will give him a stone; if he asks for a fish, will he give him a snake." He quoted the words from the Bible in such a moving and sincere way.

However, the example of Clyde's parents is always in his mind.What did they find? Pray—it won't help them.Here, too, he noticed that for the other prisoners who had been sentenced, it seemed that prayer was of no use. Most of them also listened to the priest, rabbi, or priest. One of them went to prison every day. Cry out or pray to God.But aren't these prisoners still being led to death? He also complained loudly, saying that he hadn't been interested in any of these people so far.Nonsense, what are these claims about? He couldn't tell why.But there was such a voice to persuade him.This moved Clyde and captivated him.Could it be possible... could it be possible? He was so alone, so desperate, so desperate for help.

But is this true (Reverend McMillan's persuasion—at least it has influenced him to say such a process): if he had been more honest in his past life, he would have paid more attention to what his mother said and enlightened , instead of going to that whorehouse in Kansas City, and pursuing Hoyuth Briggs so viciously, or after that, not so viciously pursuing Roberta, but have been working and thrifting, Undoubtedly, most people do this, so wouldn't his situation be much better than it is now? But, on the other hand, there are indeed so many extremely strong impulses in him.I have thought of all this.Another fact that came to mind: There were a lot of people, like his mother, uncle, cousins, and this pastor here, who didn't seem to be bothered by these things.However, he sometimes speculated that maybe they could live well because they could deal with desires and desires like his with extraordinary psychological and moral courage.Maybe there was only one other thing he yearned for in the past.Since his arrest he had heard his mother, Macmillan, and others talk about it, as if that was what it meant.

What does it all mean? Is there a God? Does he really rule over human affairs, as Mr. Macmillan now claims? Can a man who has been ignoring him, at this moment, turn to him, or at least Turn to some creative power, and ask for help? Of course, help is needed in such cases, so alone, everything is governed by the law, not governed and controlled by people, and these people, all these people, They are all slaves to the law.But is this mysterious power willing to help? Is there really such a mysterious power? Can you hear people's prayers? Pastor McMillan insisted that he could hear them. "He said in his heart, God has forgotten; he has hidden his face. But he has not forgotten. He has not hidden his face." But is this true? Is there any reason? Faced with such a great disaster, Ke Ryder is in dire need of moral (if not material) support right now.

This desperate need is doing it, but only very indirectly, in a roundabout way, Clyde is seeking, seeking some way to save him, hoping that this personality or power can and will save him in some way, hoping that this personality transfer Direction—even if it is only slightly, or unconsciously shifting direction—personification and humanization of steering force.And of this he has not the slightest idea, except what appears in the name of religion. "Zhu Hao narrates his glory, and the sky uses his means." He remembered that there was such a sentence on a window in his mother's church.Another proverb says, "He is your life, and in your long days." After all, if he should have taken a liking to the Reverend Duncan Macmillan, would he have been really moved to think he could Can he find any way in religion to relieve his present misfortunes? In fact, it is far from it.

But week after week, month after month, the Reverend Macmillan had been visiting him often since his last visit, once a fortnight at most, sometimes once a week, and Asked how he was, what he wanted, and counseled for his health and peace of mind.As for Clyde, in the hope that the pastor would continue to care for him and visit him, he gradually accepted his friendship and influence.Such a sublime soul, such a touching voice, and always quoting words that soothe the soul. "Beloved, we are children of God now, and what we shall be has not yet been revealed. But we know that when the Lord appears, we shall be like him. For we must see him as he is. Whoever has this hope in him is cleansed himself, as he is pure."

"God has given us his Spirit, and from then on we know that we live in him, and he lives in us."

"Because you were bought with a price."

"By his own will he begat us by the word of truth, that we might be like the firstfruits of all his creatures. every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, What came down from the Being of Lights, with him is no change, nor shadow of turning."

"Draw near to God, and God will draw near to you."

Sometimes it seemed to him that he had found it, that he might even find help, who could tell.This is the strength and sincerity of the Reverend Macmillan still working on him.

However, it’s a question of repentance, and if you repent, you have to repent.But to whom? To the Reverend Duncan Macmillan, of course.He seemed to think that Clyde must cleanse his soul for him--or for people like him--a physical and spiritual emissary of God.But here's the trouble, at the interrogation, he gave so much perjury, and the appeal was based on that perjury.Should the perjury be retracted at this time? And, the appeal is imminent.Better to wait, no? Wait until he knows what happens with the appeal.

But how base, how hypocritical, how uncertain, how insincere.Come to think of it, what God would care for a man who buys and sells this way? No, no.And it's not right.How would the Reverend Macmillan feel about him if he knew what he was thinking?

However, there was another troublesome question in his mind: whether he was really guilty and how big it was.Yes, he'd wanted to kill Roberta there from the start.Now he realizes that this is a very terrible thing.Because, about his pursuit of Sandra, the insanity and his original frenzy had somewhat subsided by now.Sometimes, he was able to think calmly, and he was not always in psychological pain and agitated so much as when he was so close to her.In those dreadfully troubled days, he understood now. (Belknap's argument showed him the trick.) He could not help being aroused by a riotous frenzy which, in all its manifestations, was not far from insanity.Beautiful Sandra! Glorious Sandra! How seductive and fiery her smile was then! Even now, this terrible frenzy has not been completely extinguished, but is still smoldering, just Just being overwhelmed by all these horrible things he had been through for so long.

(End of this chapter)