american tragedy

Chapter 161 (2)
Chapter 334 (2)
Mrs. Griffiths suffered greatly because her son refused to trust her.Not only mentally but also painfully.Her own son, and so close to death, knew what he had said to Mr. Macmillan, but he would not tell her.Can God stop tempting her like this? But, because Macmillan said that, no matter how sinful Clyde was in the past, he thinks that Clyde has now repented and cleansed before the Lord. , is indeed a young man who can be the creator of the world, so she also thought about it silently.Great is the Lord! He is merciful, and in His breast there is peace to be found.What is death, what is life, to a man whose whole soul surrenders to him and finds peace? Nothing can be said.In a few years (very short years), he and Asa, and after them, Clyde's brothers and sisters, will follow him, and all his misfortunes here It will all be forgotten.

His love, his concern, his kindness, all these are the most fulfilling and beautiful manifestations!... In the state of her mental agitation at that time, she trembled several times and felt a little abnormal. Ryder could see it and feel it too.However, on the other hand, from her prayers and anxiety for his spiritual happiness, he could also see how ignorant she was of his true state of mind and desire.There was more in Kansas City than he could have wished for, but there was so little of it.Things, just wanting things, how important he is to things! And what he hated most was being taken to the street when he was a child, in front of many boys and girls.And those things that he never forgets, many children have all of them.And, instead of going out like that, in the streets, he would rather go anywhere in the world, much better than that! This missionary life, which seemed to his mother so great, seemed so miserable to him! He had Is such a feeling wrong? Has it always been wrong? Will the Lord feel disgusted now? Maybe her thoughts about him are correct.Of course, he would be much better off if he had taken her advice.

But how strange that even at the end of this life, when he first desperately wanted sympathy, and not only sympathy, but real deep understanding, even now, and His mother loves him so much, sympathizes with him, and is trying her best to rescue him with her firmness and self-sacrifice. However, for his biological mother, if he wants to tell her the real situation back then, tell his biological mother, he still has to do it. less than.Between the two of them there seemed to be an impenetrable wall, or an impenetrable fence, which was the result of sheer lack of understanding, so it was.She would never understand his yearning for comfort, for luxury, for beauty, for love, and, moreover, the kind of love he likes. Wishes and desires that cannot be changed.These are beyond her comprehension.She would regard it all as sin—wickedness, selfishness, and all the tragic incidents and incidents connected with Roberta and Sondra as adultery, infidelity, even murder.Moreover, she really thought that he had said some things to Pastor McMillan and her, but he didn't feel that way at all.Although now, his desire to find refuge in God is also very strong, but as long as he can do it, it is best to find refuge in her understanding and sympathy.As long as it can be done, that would be great.

God, it was all so horrible! He was so alone, even in those fleeting last hours (how fast the days flew by), with his mother and the Reverend Macmillan by his side, but not mutual understanding.

And there was something worse: he was locked here, not allowed to go.He had felt so early on, the system here, a terrible regular system.This is an iron system.This system operates automatically, like a machine, and does not need human help or a heart in the early days.These police officers! These people, who deliver letters, ask for news, say nice but empty words, walk briskly to make small favors, or take prisoners to the playground, and return from the playground; Or take the prisoner to the bath, they It is also ruthless, just a machine, just a robot, just pushing, pushing, restraining, restraining the prisoner in these walls.

Once there is resistance, it will be like being ready to give someone a little favor at any time, ready to kill at any time, just push, push, push, always push people to that small door over there, and there is no way to escape from there.I can't escape, I can only go forward, go forward, until the end, push him into the small door, never go back, never go back!

Thinking of this level, he stood up and walked around on the ground.Later, he often returned to the mystery of his own guilt.Ah, even thinking of Roberta, thinking of his wickedness, and forcing myself to read the Bible, ah, even to the point of laying my face on the iron bed and repeating: "Lord, give me peace, Lord , give me light, lord, give me strength so that i can resist all the evil thoughts i should have, i know i'm not totally white. oh no, i know i'm plotting evil things. yes, yes Oh, I know, I repent, but, do I really have to die? Is there no way? Can you help me, Lord? Can I show myself like mother said, show for me, can you Can't the Governor be made to change the death sentence to life imprisonment before that last hour? Can't you make Reverend McMillan change his views and go to the Governor? And change my mother's views? Get out. I'll be someone else. Ah yes, get rid of all my sinful thoughts. I'll be someone else. Ah yes. I will, if you let me go, don't call me Die now, die so early. Don't, I want to pray, yes, I want to. Give me the strength to understand, to believe, and to pray. Give me!"

This was what Clyde had thought and prayed for in those short, dreadful days since his mother and the Reverend MacMillan had seen the Governor and visited him, until the last moment of his life.But in the end, because of his doubts about the meaning of the afterlife, and because he was dead now, because of the convictions and sentiments of his mother, and of the Reverend Macmillan—this Macmillan Pastor, I come to him every day, explaining what God's kindness means, and persuading him to believe in and trust God's kindness wholeheartedly.Because of this, a kind of psychological terror was aroused in him, and in the state of psychological terror, he himself finally believed that he did not rely on tranquility alone.In such a state of mind, coupled with the pleas of Reverend Macmillan and his mother, he finally wrote a statement to the public, especially to young people of his own age.These are a few sentences written with the help and supervision of Macmillan himself.The statement said:

In the shadow of the valley of death, it is my heart's desire to do all that would remove any doubt that I have surrendered to Jesus Christ, my Savior and never-disappointing Friend.My only regret at this moment is that I did not place him in a high place in my life when I had the opportunity to serve him.

If I could call a young man to him by a word from me, that would be the greatest favor I have ever known.Now, though, all I can say is, "I know who I believe in, and I know that he can take care of what I entrusted to him that day." (This quote is what Macmillan often said to him of.)

I know that if only the young people of our country would realize the joy and joy of the Christian life, they would do their best to become zealous and active Christians, and to strive to be as Christ intended them to be. Life.

There is not one thing, not one thing, that has prevented me from seeing God, that I have not repented of.I know that my sins are forgiven because I am fully conscious and candid when I talk to my spiritual guide, and God already knows who I am.

My task is done, the victory has been won.

Clyde Griffiths

This article was written, and this statement was completely different from his consistent rebellious emotions throughout his life, so even at this moment, he felt the difference deeply.He handed this statement to Macmillan, who was overjoyed by the victory.He shouted, "Victory is won, Clyde. Today you will be with me in Paradise. You have his permission. Your permission, your spirit, your flesh, are his." .Praise his name forever."

Excited by this victory, he took Clyde's hands, kissed them, and hugged him, saying, "My boy, I am very pleased with you. God has really shown the truth in you." His power to save. I have seen it myself. I have felt it. Your statement to the world is indeed his own voice to the world.” Then he put the letter in his pocket, and agreed on Published after Clyde's death, not before.But after Clyde finished writing this article, he sometimes hesitated in his heart, is he really saved? In such a short time, he just said that he has been able to trust God with absolute reliability. Can he do it? Can he? Life is so strange, the future is so vague, is there life after death? Is there really a God who will welcome him, as Macmillan and his mother have said repeatedly, is there?

Under such circumstances, two days before his death, Mrs. Griffiths, in a panic, sent a telegram to the respected David Walton: "Before God, can you say that you No doubt at all of Ryder's guilt? Please call back. If you can't say that, you are responsible for his death. His mother." The governor's secretary, Robert Fossler, replied: "Walton The governor does not believe he has valid reasons to interfere with the decision of the appeals court."

On the last day, in the last hour, Clyde was escorted to the cell of the Old Death Row.There, first a haircut, a bath, a pair of black trousers, a collarless shirt (to be unbuttoned at the neck afterwards), a new pair of felt slippers, and a pair of gray socks.So dressed he was allowed to see his mother and Reverend Macmillan again, and Macmillan was allowed to stay with him from six o'clock in the evening before his execution to four o'clock in the morning the next day, Explain to him the love and goodness of God.At four o'clock the warden came to say that it was time for Mrs Griffiths to leave, and that Clyde should be placed in the care of Macmillan. (According to his explanation, this is not a mandatory requirement of the law.) Then, Clyde and his mother took a final farewell. Before the farewell, in the silence, he struggled to say these words:

"Mother, you must believe that I am willing to die without complaint. I will not suffer. God has heard my prayer. He has given me strength and peace." But he secretly added One sentence: "Did he give it?"

(End of this chapter)