american tragedy

Chapter 18 (1)
Chapter 113 (1)
This situation with her lasted for four months, and he spent a lot of time trying to make her take him as seriously as anyone else.But whether she can be sincere to him, he is not sure.As for saying that his relationship with her was just a friendship, he refused to believe it either.She was so charming after all, and he had the vague notion that he was her last choice.He was so infatuated with her sensuality and mercurial temperament, with her gestures, expressions, voices and clothes.

He pursued her foolishly.Seeing this, she cast him aside, or avoided him so that he could not content himself with occasional romps with her.At the same time, she described to him other intercourses.In this way, he felt that if he continued to pursue this way, he couldn't stand it anymore.He angrily declared to himself that he would make a clean break with her from now on.She was nothing good to him.But the next time he met her again, his courage disappeared again, and he really couldn't cut it off.

But what she needed, or what she wished to have, was quite frank.It starts with little things, a new powder puff, a tube of lipstick, a box of powder, or a bottle of perfume.In the end, her kindness to Clyde was nothing more than a little bit of intangible affection--leaning softly on his arm, as if affectionate, but often making people happy--but she dared to be in the same room. In different ways, she would show him what purses, blouses, slippers, socks, hats, etc., she would buy if she had money.And in order to maintain her favor and please her, he went to buy it.And sometimes, when the family needs to buy something, he has to be urged to buy it.However, by the end of the fourth month, he began to understand that her affection for him was obviously not improved compared with the beginning.In short, he was engaged in a passionate and painful quest without any definite hope.

As far as his family is concerned, the Griffiths are as restless and depressed as they used to be.After Esta's disappearance, the whole family has been unhappy.For Clyde, there had to be another sense of mystery, which made him uncomfortable and irritable.Because, in the Griffiths family, when it came to sexual matters, his parents' attitude was the most annoying thing.

The secrecy surrounding Esta lately was particularly evident in the fact that she had gone away, she had never returned, and the family had never heard from her.However, Clyde also noticed that during the first few weeks when the family had not heard from her, the parents were particularly agitated, very worried about where she was and why she didn't write, and after these weeks, they suddenly changed. I no longer worry about anything, become more resigned to fate, at least less distressed than when it seemed hopeless.He couldn't explain why.It's obvious, it's just that nothing is said.Then, Clyde noticed that the mother was corresponding with someone, which was rare for the mother.In terms of communication and affairs, she has very few external relations, and it is very rare to get a letter at ordinary times.

However, not long after he arrived at the Green Davidson Hotel, one afternoon, when he came home earlier than usual, he saw his mother looking down at the letter, which had obviously just been received. A thing that has to be kept a secret is somewhat relevant.As soon as she saw him she stopped reading, a little flustered and disturbed, got up and put the letter away without telling him a word about what she was looking at.Maybe it was intuition, Clyde thought that the letter might be from Esta, but he didn't dare to say for sure, because he was too far away to see the handwriting clearly.She acted as if she didn't want him to ask questions. They weren't that close, and it wouldn't have occurred to him to ask her.He was just suspicious in his heart, and then he put this matter aside from his heart, but only partly.

A month or five weeks later, when he was getting better at Glynn-Davidson and was beginning to like Hortense Ferriggs, his mother made him a curious suggestion one afternoon.When he came back from get off work, she called him into the chapel, and without explaining what had happened, or directly stating that she thought he might be able to help her in his present condition, she just looked at him nervously and said: "How can I raise a hundred dollars at once? Is there anything you can do, Clyde?"

Clyde was startled and could hardly believe his ears.Because, just a few weeks ago, it would have been unthinkable to ask him for more than four or five dollars.His mother should understand too.But now she was asking him this, evidently thinking that he might be able to help her.This assumption is also correct, because his clothes and his appearance show that his situation has improved.

At this time, his first thought was naturally that she had noticed his clothes and his behavior, and thought that he was lying to her about his income.This is partly certain, but Clyde's attitude eventually became so pronounced that his mother had to adopt a much different attitude towards him than before, and she also doubted whether she would be able to control him in the future.Finally, it could be said that since he got the job, she saw that for some reason he seemed to be wiser, more self-confident, less inferior, and more self-indulgent.Seeing this situation, she was both disturbed and happy.Because Clyde used to be very sensitive and restless. In her opinion, this was a big problem. Now that he had such an interesting change, she naturally thought it was not bad. Sometimes, coupled with his beautiful clothes, she felt It was always disturbing to wonder what kind of friends he might make.But since his hours were long and hard, and whatever money he made was spent on clothes, he felt he had nothing to complain about.Her other thought was that he might be a little selfish, thinking too much of his own comfort, though she could not blame him for such occasional pleasure-seeking after his long misery.

Clyde couldn't grasp what she really meant, but looked at her and exclaimed, "Oh, where can I find a hundred dollars, Ma?" Asking to consume it, an expression of distress and doubt immediately appeared on his face.

Mrs. Griffiths said tactfully, "I don't expect you to get all the money for me. I have a plan and I think I can get most of it, but I do want you to help me figure it out." I would like to see how to raise the rest of the money. If there is a way, I am not willing to talk to your father, and you are old, so you should be able to help." She looked at Clyde with an approving expression . "Your father is such an amateur in business, and he's worried enough these days."

She wiped her face with her large weary hand, and Clyde was touched by her plight, whatever its nature.Leaving aside whether he is willing to pay so much money, or whether he can pay so much money, he is still very curious about the details of this matter, one hundred dollars! Ah!

His mother went on to say after a while: "Let me tell you what I have been thinking in my heart! I must ask for a hundred dollars, but I can't tell you what it is for now. You don't have to ask me. I have one of your father's dollars on my desk." an old gold watch, and a solid gold ring and brooch for me, which should have been worth at least twenty-five dollars if they were to be sold or staked; (Clyde is familiar with these memorabilia.) The saucer alone is worth $25, and I'm sure it's worth at least twenty to $25 all together. I was wondering if you could bring these close to where you work Which pawn shop, besides, can you take out five dollars a week for a while? (Clyde's face drops.) I can find a friend, Mr. Maggie, who is here often, and he can lend me the money and make up One hundred dollars, I can use the money you give me in the future to pay him back."

She looked at Clyde as if to say: "Well, of course you won't abandon me in my present troubles." Clyde was relieved too, though he had expected to give almost all the money he had earned to him. spend yourself.In fact, he also agreed to take these small things to the pawn shop, and temporarily give an extra five dollars until the difference between the less than one hundred dollars in the pawned money is not made up.But he still couldn't help being disgusted by this extra request, because he hadn't made so much money for a long time.As far as he could tell, his mother was asking for more and more, now ten dollars a week.Clyde thought, always going wrong, always wanting this or that, never knowing when to ask for something.

He took the little things and sent them to the nicest pawn shop he could find for $45.Add to that amount Mother's ten dollars, and you get fifty-five dollars, plus the forty-five dollars she could borrow from Mr. Maggie, and you get a hundred dollars.But, he thought, he would pay ten dollars a week for nine weeks instead of five.Because he now always wants to be completely different from the past in terms of dressing, living, and enjoying himself, so this matter is naturally not a pleasant one.But he still decided to do it. After all, his mother was kind to him.In the past few days, she had endured a lot of suffering for him and the rest of the family, so he couldn't be too selfish.

But now he has a persistent thought that since his parents want him to help them financially, they should be more considerate to him than before.Let's just talk about one thing. Taking his night time as an example, he should have a lot of freedom when he comes and goes.And now he wears his own clothes and eats from restaurants. In his opinion, this is not a small amount!

However, another problem occurred.Not long after planning a hundred dollars, he met his mother on Montrose Street.It was one of the poorest streets, a succession of two rows of wooden houses on the north side of Beekle Street, a low one-story house and many unfurnished apartment houses, and the Griffiths, poor as they were, had to If you have to live in such a street, you will feel that you have lowered your status.His mother was coming down the steps of the seedier house in the row.The house had a conspicuous sign in the window facing the street saying, "FULLY FURNISHED ROOMS FOR RENT." Without turning around, and without seeing Clyde crossing the street, she turned toward the next door. The other one went.This one, too, had a sign for rent of furnished rooms.After surveying the exterior of the house, she went up the steps and rang the bell.

At first Clyde thought she was looking for someone she was looking for.It's just that she doesn't know the exact address.However, as he walked across the street toward her, the owner poked his head out of the door, and he heard his mother say, "Do you have a room to rent?" "Yes." "Do you have a bathroom?" "No. But the second floor There is one." "How much per week?" "Four dollars." "May I take a look?" "Of course, please come in."

Mrs. Griffiths seemed to hesitate for a moment.Now Clyde was standing below, less than twenty-five feet away from her, looking up at her until she turned and saw him.However, without turning around, she went into the house.Clyde stared at her curiously.Because it is by no means impossible for her to find a house for others, but she is always looking for family friends or young women, why come to this street to look for it? He wanted to wait here and ask her what she was doing here. But he had a few things to do, so he went on.

That evening, coming home to dress, he saw his mother in the kitchen and said to her, "I saw you on Montrose Street early this morning, Mother."

"Yes," replied the mother, after a moment's pause, but he felt that she was startled, as if the news had startled her, which he had never seen before.She was peeling yams and watching him curiously. "Ah, how is it?" she went on.Although she was calm, she blushed a little.As far as he was concerned, it must have been unusual for her, and this look of astonishment caught Clyde's attention. "You walked into a family's house, looking for a furnished room, I suppose."

"Yes, I was looking," returned Mrs. Griffiths, simply. "Someone is sick and has no money. I have to find a room for them, but it's not easy to find." She turned and walked away.As if he didn't want to talk about it.Although Clyde was also aware of her mood, he couldn't help but said again: "Ah, what's the point of looking for a house on such a street." His new job at Green Davidson had already made him I have a different idea about how to live alone.She didn't answer him, and he went to his room to change.

About a month later, one night, while walking east on Missouri Street, he saw his mother not far away, coming from the west.By the light of one of the small shops in the row on the street he saw her carrying a rather heavy old-fashioned bag.This bag has been kept at home and has never been used by anyone.As soon as she saw him approaching, she stopped suddenly and turned into the porch of a three-story tile-roofed apartment.He walked over and saw that the outside door was closed.He opened the door and saw a few steps of stairs. The light was very dim. She might have gone upstairs.But after he got here, he didn't investigate further, because he wasn't sure if she went in to see people, and it all happened so suddenly.He was waiting at a nearby corner, and finally saw her come out. What made him curious was that she looked around carefully before leaving as before.Why was that? She didn't want to be seen by him.

One of his first thoughts was to turn around and follow her, for he had noticed her strange behavior very much.But then again, if she didn't want him to know what she was doing, maybe it was better not to know.But she was so evasive, which made him very curious, why his mother didn't want him to see her carrying the bag? It was not her usual temper to be so evasive and secretive.He mentally connected it with the last time he had seen her coming down the steps of a house on Montrose Street, and with seeing her reading a letter and the rush to raise a hundred dollars.Where has she gone? What is she trying to conceal?

He made all sorts of speculations about all this, but he still couldn't conclude that it had any definite connection with himself or with his family.A week later, when he walked through No. 11 Street near Baltimore Street, he thought he saw Esta, at least a girl who looked like her, and no matter where he met, he would definitely think it was her.She was as tall as her, and had the same walking posture as Esta.But this time, she looked older. She hurried through the crowd, and he didn't have time to see clearly, so he just caught a glimpse.For this reason, he turned around, trying to catch up, but when he approached, she was gone.But he was convinced it was her, and walked straight home, and met his mother in church, and said he must have seen Esta, and she must be back in Kansas City, and he could swear it.He saw her near No. 11 and Baltimore Streets, or at least he thought it was her he saw.

(End of this chapter)