american tragedy

Chapter 20 (3)
Chapter 113 (3)
It immediately occurred to him that this was the most typical example of what happened to his family.He was just about to start his career, and he wanted to be a decent person, have some way in society, and enjoy himself.But something had happened to Esta, and it gave him a little headache and a little resentment at what happened to her when she had just planned to go out for herself.

"How long have you been back, Esta?" he asked hesitantly, and he didn't know what to say now, because, now that he was here, and she was the same, he expected It will inevitably cost money, cause trouble and pain, and I wish I hadn't been so curious.Why be so curious? It turns out that I have to help.

"Oh, not long, not long, Clyde, I see about a month or so now."

"I think so too. A month ago, I saw you walking along No. 11 Street near Baltimore Street, right? I really saw it." He said, his joy slightly diminished, and Esta also noticed This little change.She nodded. "I know, I saw you. At that time, I told my mother, but she didn't seem to take it seriously. But she was not as surprised as I expected. Now, I understand why. She looked like she didn't like me. As if telling her. But I know I'm not mistaken." He stared at Esta strangely, not knowing what to say, and at the same time wondering what the meaning of what he just said was really so important.These words did not seem to be of any real help to her.

As for her, she didn't know how to tell him the truth of her situation, or make him admit it, and she didn't know what to say.You have to think of something to do.Clyde saw clearly that her embarrassment was dire.His questioning look made her feel uncomfortable.Later, probably to save herself, she finally said: "Poor mother. Don't think she is strange. To be honest, she doesn't know what to do. You know. Of course everything is my fault. If If I didn't leave, I wouldn't make her suffer like this. She really doesn't have much money, and she has always been very difficult." She turned her back suddenly, her shoulders began to twitch, and her waist fell on the ground.She covered her face with her hands and lowered her head so that he knew she was weeping faintly.

"Oh, don't be like this, sister, what's the matter? What's there to cry about? Is the person who walked with you married to you?"

She shook her head and sobbed harder.At this moment, Clyde immediately realized how serious the psychological, social status, and physical consequences of his sister's situation would be.She is in trouble now, she is pregnant, has no money, and has no husband.That's why his mother was always looking for a house.That's why she asked him to try to raise a hundred dollars.She was ashamed of Esta and what had happened to her.She was not only ashamed of what others might think, but of him, and of Julia and Frank, and perhaps what had happened to Esta that might affect them.As normal people say, this is improper and immoral. For this reason, she has been trying to keep it a secret, but just made up some random words to say it, which naturally made her very angry. Surprised and very distressed.Unfortunately, the lies she fabricated were not well-made, and Clyde exposed them.

At this time, he was upset again.Not just because of his sister's situation, and the possible repercussions for him and his family in Kansas City, but also because he found his mother's deceitful behavior in the matter disturbing and somewhat immoral.Take this matter as an example, even if she didn't intend to deceive him, she always evaded him.She had always known that Esta lived here.On the other hand, for the matter, he was not without sympathy for her, by no means.In such matters, of course, deception is necessary, even for a religious and honest person like his mother.You couldn't let people know at all, and if he could, he would never let people know about Esta's situation.What would one think? What would one say to her and to himself? Hadn't his family been bad enough? So, while Esta cried, he stood looking at her blankly, do not know what to do.She also knew that he was embarrassed and ashamed, all because of her, so she cried harder.

"This is tricky," said Clyde, distressed, but sympathetic to her after a while. "But you wouldn't go away with him unless you really loved him, (he was thinking of himself and Hortense Briggs.) I'm sorry for you, Esta, but cry now It’s useless, there are many people in the world besides him, everything will be fine for you.”

"Oh, I know that too," Esta sobbed, "but I'm so stupid. I'm so miserable, and I'm hurting Ma and all of you like this." She choked up and couldn't say a word for a long time. "He ran off without a trace and left me alone in a Pittsburgh hotel with no money," she went on. "I don't know what would have happened to me if it hadn't been for Mom. I wrote her Then she sent me a hundred dollars. I worked in a restaurant for a while until I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't want to write home that he had left me. I was ashamed. But in the end, I was embarrassed It’s great, but I can’t think of any other way.”

She burst into tears again.Knowing now what his mother had done and wanted to do, Clyde felt sorry for Esta as much as for his mother, and a little more for his mother.For Esta had a mother who loved her, and the mother had little help.

"I can't do things just yet, because I can't just yet," she went on, "and Ma doesn't want me to come home now, because she doesn't want Julia and Frank and any of you to know. That's right, too, I understand very well. Of course it is. Besides, she has no money, and neither do I. Besides, it's so lonely here sometimes!" Her eyes filled with tears, her throat choked, "I used to be so stupid!"

Suddenly, Clyde felt like crying.Life is so unpredictable and ruthless sometimes.Think about it, what crimes he has suffered in the past few years.He has always had nothing and always wants to run away.However, Esta met such an end when she ran away.He thought of how innocent and kind she looked when she sang hymns among the high walls of tall buildings.Ah, how harsh life is.How strange is this world!

He looked at her, then around the room, and finally told her that she would never be alone.He will come again, but don't tell mother he has been.If she needs anything, she can go to him.Then, he came out and walked towards the restaurant.Along the way, he thought, how unlucky he was following his mother just now, otherwise he would not know anything.However, things will be exposed sooner or later, and his mother can't hide it from him forever.In the end, she might have to borrow money from him.However, that guy left his sister in a big city without leaving any money behind.He thought of the girl who was abandoned in Greene Davidson a few months ago and couldn't even afford the rent and food, and he became confused.

But now it was his own sister's turn.Someone actually abused his own sister like this.However, he was no longer as frightened now as he was when he heard her cry in the room.Ahead of him was a bright and bustling city, with people scurrying about, and the beaming restaurant where he worked.Besides, he had his own love life, and Hortense, and all his pleasures.Esta has always found a way to solve problems.She'll be fine again, and everything will be all right.But to think that he was part of a family that was always so poor, always so disrespected, and that kind of stuff going on and on and on.He was a little annoyed.

(End of this chapter)