deadly temptation beijing

Chapter 20 The Power of Women (2)
Yu Jian looked at his legs subconsciously, and said to Su Lei: "It's nothing, it's ready. In fact, it's not your fault, it's just that I was too impulsive. Do you know? When we came to the coffee shop to enjoy the floating outside When it was snowing, I suddenly discovered that we are immature, even childish. You are like a little girl in a fairy tale, self-willed and persistent; and I am the kind of person who is at a loss, because desire is a choice , I lost my way and started to feel depressed." Yu Jian smiled slightly when he said this, as if he was laughing at life, and also seemed to be laughing at himself. "When I began to realize that I was facing choices again and again, I found myself really lost my way, and I really found that I missed the most important things in my life. Your appearance made me panic, Only then did I realize that I was deceiving myself. You know, when I first came to Beijing, I was full of hope for everything. I was so satisfied and confident in this world, but when I walked into this world, I had longed for it. When I was in the city, I found myself so ignorant and naive. I suddenly discovered that human beings are so primitive, I discovered that human beings are actually animals, and all civilizations are primitive without any progress. You and I , It was completely a farce arranged by God, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me know that this world still has a pure side, a kind side, and a side that can move me. Only then did I realize that Life can still be changed, and you can choose again. At this time, I am full of fantasies about our love. I fantasize that we have entered an extremely civilized society, and everyone is enjoying their own success and attachment to life But I never thought that my past would cause you such great harm. I know you love me so much, this kind of love makes me deeply feel a kind of responsibility, and even makes me feel sorry for you... I have missed a woman who can make me happy in my life, and this woman is you. But when I know that you are not happy with me, I know that I am wrong, we are completely people from two worlds .I used to deliberately change this reality, but the reality will not change because of a certain person. I know that you are in pain with me, but I really don't know how to comfort you. It's a kind of harm to you."

"No!" Su Lei grabbed Yu Jian's hand excitedly, "Yes, I admit that I once had the kind of confusion you mentioned, I even doubted whether we were in a healthy love, and at the same time I I also wonder if you love me, I want to get a real answer. I deliberately let you show love to me, but I feel that this is not my real idea, I just want you to pay for me sincere--"

"You mean I'm not being sincere enough to you?"

"No, I want too much. I also learned to disguise myself and act more rationally, but I found myself completely deluded by hallucinations. I love you, Jian, but I don't know How should I face everything about you. So, when I found you, I kept reminding myself that if I like you, I should like everything about you, including your strengths and weaknesses, including your present and In the past. But when I found out that your life was completely beyond my imagination, I found that I couldn't do it at all, and became more selfish. I couldn't tolerate everything about your past. I even wanted to torture you in a different way You, let you know what you did wrong. When you jumped off the stairs, I believed that you really loved me. At this time, how happy I am, I feel that I really did the right thing, And it's perfectly true. But when I saw those pictures—"

"Photo? What photo?"

There were crystal tears in Su Lei's eyes, she shook her head and said, "It's a nude photo of you and Mei Yihan..."

"..." Yu Jian felt something happened, he believed that Mei Yihan would do such a thing.

"Especially when I saw that videotape, I almost collapsed, and my psychological defense was crushed in an instant. I questioned myself in my heart, if we were on the bus, what could I say to you? Even if it’s just a word or a greeting, maybe it won’t be what it is now. I can’t forgive myself for hurting another person’s life because of my cowardice, and I can’t forgive myself for causing another person to be greatly wronged and hurt because of my silence. humiliation."

"Actually, it's all my fault..."

"No!" Su Lei sobbed.

Yu Jian looked at the world of snowflakes flying outside the window, and suddenly felt a kind of baptism deep in his soul. He thought: If only he could be as good as this city, he would be able to disguise himself with just a snowfall.

However, this is a real world.

When the two came out of the coffee shop, Yu Jian grabbed Su Lei's hand and kissed the back of Su Lei's hand affectionately.Su Lei stared at Yu Jian affectionately, as if admiring his resolute face, and as if thinking about something, he took a long time to look away, and silently stared at his white hands.

"It's so late, you should take a taxi back!"

"I also want to take a look in your room."

Yu Jian was stunned for a moment, then raised his head to look at the heavy snowflakes flying all over the sky, as if he was watching, but also worried about something.When he kept his eyes on Su Lei, he saw that her delicate cheeks were flushed from the cold, so he stretched out his right hand to hug Su Lei's shoulders and walked towards the community.Pushing open the door made of plywood, the inside is so dark that it feels oppressive and suffocating.After turning on the light, the whole room looked so small again.

Su Lei sat on the edge of the bed, gasping for air in his hands from the cold.Suddenly, she smiled, completely changed her expression, and said: "When you moved that day, I always wanted to stand up and stop you, but I just didn't have the courage. I turned my back to you, and I didn't even dare to turn around, for fear of letting you go. You saw me cry."

"Are you crying?"

"No, I just want to punish you!"

When the word "punishment" was mentioned, the two of them suddenly became serious and lowered their heads at the same time.Su Lei was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the concrete floor, she suddenly felt that she should not mention this matter again, but accidentally slipped her mouth.She didn't intend to mention these two words, but she still stubbornly believed in her heart that the punishment of Jian was correct and wise, but it should not be mentioned at this time.

When Yu Jian heard Su Lei mentioned these two words, he suddenly became nervous, and his heart was pounding non-stop. It seemed that there was something that disturbed him and made him suddenly feel terrified.He didn't dare to look directly at Su Lei, although he knew Su Lei had lowered his head; he didn't sit down either, although the only chair in the entire room was beside him.

"Have you found a job yet?" Su Lei asked after a long time.

"Oh... I...Actually... I didn't expect that it would be so difficult to find a job in Beijing, and many companies don't recruit college students. But fortunately, I edited a school newspaper in college and published some works. Some A newspaper and a cultural company were more interested in me, but my education was lower, and they chose me because they said they couldn’t recruit better undergraduates than me.”

"What position? Is it an interview?"

"The newspaper is recruiting reporters. But I'm from the Chinese Department and I'm a junior college student, so I don't think it's very likely. It's more likely that the cultural company is recruiting for a copywriting position. I'm a student Chinese, and I have a foundation in writing, so they are very interested in me."

"Oh, if you find a job, rent a building. Living in the basement is bad for your health."

"Really? Then why are there so many people living in basements in the whole of Beijing?"

"If you don't have money, who lives in the basement if you have money?"

"That's right. I never felt that money was a good thing before. Now I think I should have changed my concept. But my salary is definitely not high. If I rent a building, my salary will be fully covered."

"How about...how about you come and live with me?"

"I don't want to trouble you anymore, besides, the rent has already been paid."

"Are you blaming me?"

"No!"

"When I was young, a fortune teller predicted that I would not live to be 30 years old. As a result, I was diagnosed with severe meningitis when I was 16 years old. When I was 18 years old, I was hospitalized for three full months. , has been in a coma. My mother said that at that time my eyes could not blink, like a vegetable. Later, I suddenly heard my mother say that I was admitted by Beijing Technology and Business University. I blinked and said: 'Really?' Mom was taken aback by me when she realized I was awake."

"Do you often lose your memory?"

Su shook his head and said, "The doctor said that as long as you don't drink too much alcohol and your brain isn't stimulated, it usually won't happen. Do you know why I spent a year looking for you?"

Yu Jian shook his head.

At this time, Su Lei's cheeks turned red all of a sudden. "I'm really scared. As soon as I lie on the bed, I will become a vegetable and erase you from my brain."

……

(End of this chapter)