The genius is on the left, the lunatic is on the right

Chapter 18 I was originally a man, not a woman

One Sunday afternoon, it was time for Anna to take piano lessons.Sparse birdsong, everything seemed so peaceful.After the mother woke up from a nap, she washed the fruit and went upstairs, intending to reward the hardworking piano teacher and daughter. When she opened the door of Anna's room, she was shocked. Anna was lingering with the female piano teacher. Daling's mother couldn't imagine, no one realized that Anna's mother was standing outside the door...

Anna was born in a middle-class family and lived happily ever after since she was a child.As the youngest child in the family and a girl, she is naturally loved by the whole family.Also because of being spoiled and spoiled, Anna was very naughty since she was a child. She was even regarded as a wild girl by her teachers, and her classmates said she looked like a boy.

In daily life, Anna also likes to play with boys, because she thinks girls look delicate.When she was five years old, Anna suddenly announced at dinner one day that she was going to be a boy in the future.At that time, no one in the family paid attention, just smiled.

As Anna grows up day by day, she behaves more and more like a gentleman. She will take the initiative to help girls, and she will also take the initiative to help her mother carry things, and even hold her mother's hand to lead her upstairs.At school, Ana had become the recognized leader among the girls, was respected, and she liked being called by masculine names.

All this made the family feel puzzled, but it did not attract more attention. It was not until the mother discovered the secret between Anna and the female teacher that she became alert.At first, the mother took Anna to the hospital for examination, and found no abnormalities in the sex organs, and it was indeed a daughter.Later, through multiple diagnoses, Anna was diagnosed with an Oedipus complex (that is, the Oedipus complex does not love the father), and she began a two-year period of psychoanalytic treatment.

Although Anna's psychology and personality have grown during the treatment process, and her will has become stronger, she still cannot change her homosexual sexual orientation, nor can she change her deep sense of identity with her father's role.

In the end, the analyst concluded that Anna's homosexuality was primary, that is, "structural homosexuality."Since "there is no cure", we can only let nature take its course.Time passed quickly, and in a blink of an eye, Anna became a college student from a little girl. During the days when she first entered the campus, Anna felt very embarrassed, because her glamorous appearance attracted the pursuit of many handsome boys, but she only wanted to Can take the trouble to politely reject these people and persuade them to stop.It wasn't until at a party that Anna was deeply attracted by a weak girl, and approached her consciously, that the boys fully understood and gave up their fanatical pursuit.

In the days that followed, Anna never stopped chasing that girl for a moment, just like a little boy who just fell in love, waiting outside the school gate every day, just to catch a glimpse of his sweetheart.

And this girl named Cindy also has a lot of feelings for Anna, from the initial admiration to attachment, and gradually developed love.During this time, Anna took care of Cindy almost like a parent. She would send flowers to Cindy every day, accompany her to and from school, and rent an apartment for Cindy with family money.It can be said that Anna unreservedly pinned everything on Cindy, which also paved the way for her later tragedy.

The happiest time in Anna's life passed quickly. After the two graduated from college, Anna asked the family to help Cindy find a job, and the two began to live together.The beginning of the day was as loving as ever, Anna tried to make love to the darling girl like a man, but after many attempts failed, a disheartened Anna smoked non-stop on the balcony.

Although Cindy didn't care about it on the surface and deliberately comforted her, Anna knew very well that this gap was difficult to make up, and she was in great pain.Gradually, Anna began to feel afraid. She was afraid of losing Cindy, and she was afraid that Cindy would fall in love with a man.

After another half a year, Anna's worries really came true. Her brother came to the city where they were due to work, and he often came to visit Anna, and gradually became acquainted with Cindy.Cindy, who was already tired, was very excited to see the sunny and handsome boy, which also made Anna jealous.

For this reason, Anna and her brother often had fierce quarrels, but apparently her brother was also very interested in Cindy, and Anna even wanted to kill her brother at one point.The painful days continued day by day, and finally Anna had a showdown. She told Cindy to make a choice between herself and her brother.

Cindy was in pain, she said to Anna: "Anna, I like you very much, but you can't give me a baby, how much I want a baby of my own. I love your brother too, I am really in pain .”

Anna felt desperate after hearing this, she left a letter and left.

The brain-burning logic of a genius or a madman
Anna's same-sex love ended in tragedy due to physical limitations, but Anna was luckier than many homosexual patients. At least she once had a beautiful love. Although the time was short, it became eternal.

Anna's condition can be classified as a "sexual inversion" in which her female genitals prevented her from bonding with her lover.The love between Anna and Cindy is entirely spiritual, and cannot achieve the perfect combination of body and soul.Although many attempts were made, they failed in the end.

In real life, some people, like Anna, have "gender identity disorder", commonly known as "transsexualism".Their gender identities are at odds with their anatomical gender, and it feels like a person lives wrapped up in an identity that doesn't belong to them.

People with transsexualism often show clues in adolescence, and some even show it obviously, but these are often not easy to attract the attention of guardians.

For example, the Anna we mentioned earlier, if it wasn’t because the mother caught her making out with the piano teacher on the spot, maybe she would always feel that her daughter was just a little “boyish”.But when they really drew attention and tried to correct their daughter's sexual orientation, they found it was too late, because Anna's psychological development had approached maturity. strong recognition.

(End of this chapter)