The genius is on the left, the lunatic is on the right

Chapter 25 Leaving Home, What Should I Do?
Meimei, a first-year girl from a certain university, is 17 years old. Her parents are workers and her family life is warm.She was the only daughter of her parents and was much loved.Before she went to college, her parents took care of everything and never did any housework, and she didn't even have to wash her clothes, shoes and socks by herself.After entering university, I missed my home in a different place very much, and was extremely uncomfortable with university life, resulting in many psychological contradictions and confusion.She was homesick day and night, and when she went to bed at night, thinking that the place she was sleeping in was not her own home, it was difficult to fall asleep.In my dreams, I often dream of my father and mother.Whenever I heard the music on the radio containing the content of "Mom", I would cry. What I heard on the street and on campus were all local accents.She has no interest in organizing spring outings and autumn outings in the class.Seeing my classmates having fun made me feel even more lonely and sad.My academic performance is declining day by day, and I am worried all day long, worrying about failing the final exam, and even more worried about disappointing my family.After entering school, she saved all her living expenses and used them on calling home.

Meimei's psychology is a bit sick, she has most of the characteristics of a dependent personality.

People should be independent.Walking independently makes people break away from the animal world and become the spirit of all things.When entering the gate of youth, after entering adolescence, they begin to have a certain sense of independence, but they are often confused by the attachment to others, especially their parents.

Dependence is the biggest obstacle in the psychological weaning period.When you step into the gate of youth, you begin to have a certain sense of independence, but your dependence on others still often bothers you.With the development of body and mind, on the one hand, you have more degrees of freedom than before, but on the other hand, you take on more responsibilities than before. Facing these responsibilities, some people feel timid and unable to cross the psychological barrier of relying on others.Relying on others means giving up the dominance of the self, which often fails to form one's own independent personality.They are easy to lose themselves. When encountering problems, they don't actively use their brains.

Dependent psychology is mainly manifested as a lack of confidence and giving up control over one's own brain.The main manifestations are as follows: no assertiveness, lack of self-confidence, always feel that one's ability is insufficient, and willing to be placed in a subordinate position.Always think that it is difficult for an individual to be independent, often ask for help from others, be indecisive in dealing with things, always hope that parents or teachers will make up for themselves when things happen; people who are highly dependent like to make friends with people who are highly independent, hoping to find support from them, find sustenance.In terms of study and work, they like to let teachers or leaders give them careful guidance, and make demands from time to time, otherwise, they will be at a loss.At home, everything is at the mercy of my parents, and I don't even have my own ideas and opinions on what clothes to wear...

The dependent personality has an excessive desire for closeness and belonging, which is compulsive, blind, and irrational, and has nothing to do with real feelings.A person with a dependent personality would rather give up his personal interests and outlook on life, as long as he can find a backer and get the warmth from others all the time, he will be satisfied.This way of life of dependent personality makes him more and more lazy, fragile, lack of autonomy and creativity.Due to grievances everywhere, patients with dependent personality disorder will have more and more depression, which prevents him from doing something for himself or having any personal hobbies.

When analyzing dependent personality, psychologist Horney pointed out that this type of person has several characteristics:
Feeling very weak and helpless, with a feeling of "I am small and pitiful".When I have to make up my own mind, I feel helpless, like a boat lost in the harbor; I take it for granted that others are better than myself, more attractive than myself, and more capable than myself; unconsciously I tend to judge myself according to the opinions of others.

Dependent personality arises early in human development.In childhood, a child cannot survive without his parents. In the impression of a child, parents who protect him, nurture him, and satisfy all his needs are omnipotent. He must rely on them, and he is always afraid of losing this guardian god.At this time, if the parents dote too much, encourage their children to rely on their parents, and deny them the opportunity to grow up and become self-reliant, so that over time, the children will gradually develop a mentality of dependence on their parents or authority, and they will still be unable to be autonomous after they grow up.Lack of self-confidence, always relying on others to make decisions, and unable to bear the responsibility of choosing and adopting various tasks and jobs throughout life, forming a dependent personality.

If people with dependent personality are not corrected in time, they may develop dependent personality disorder.When people who are overly dependent need to be independent, they may feel very difficult in normal life and work, lack a sense of security in their hearts, often feel fear, anxiety, and worry, and are prone to emotional reactions such as anxiety and depression, which affect their physical and mental health.

The brain-burning logic of a genius or a madman
How can a person with a dependent personality recover to a good physical and mental state?There are two main methods.

The first is the habit correction method.

The dependent behavior of dependent personality has become a habit. If you want to treat it, you must first get rid of this bad habit.Check out which of your behaviors are habitually relying on others to do, and which are your own decisions.You can make records every day for a full week, and then divide these events into three grades according to strong self-awareness, medium and poor, and summarize them every week.

For events with strong self-awareness, you should insist on doing it yourself when you encounter similar situations in the future.For example, one day you can wear bright clothes to work according to your own wishes, then you should insist on wearing bright clothes to work in the future, instead of giving up because of other people's gossip, until you no longer like to wear such clothes.Although these things are small, they are the breakthrough point for you to correct bad habits.

For events with medium self-awareness, you should propose improved methods and gradually implement them in future actions.For example, when making a work plan, you listened to the opinions of your friends, but you don't appreciate these opinions, you should tell your friends why you don't appreciate them.In this way, your own opinions are incorporated in the work plan. As your own opinions increase, you can gradually switch from listening to other people's opinions to completely making your own decisions.

For events with poor self-awareness, you can adopt tricky control techniques to gradually strengthen and improve self-awareness.Deceitful control refers to adding a self-created color to the behavior required by others.

Dependent behavior is not easy to eliminate. Once a habit is formed, you will find it difficult to decide everything by yourself, and you may unknowingly go back to the old way.In order to prevent this phenomenon from happening, the simple way is to find a supervisor, preferably the person you rely on the most.

The second method is to rebuild self-confidence.

If you simply break the habit of dependence without finding the root cause, then the dependence behavior is likely to relapse.The method of rebuilding self-confidence is to correct and cure dependent personality disorder fundamentally.

The first step is to eliminate the bad imprints of childhood.Dependent people lack self-confidence and have very low self-awareness, which is related to the traces of inferiority left in their hearts by bad education in childhood.You can recall the negative words that your parents, elders, and friends said to you in childhood, such as, "You are so stupid, you can't do anything." "Look at your clumsy hands, let me help you." Etc. You sort out these words carefully, then cognitively reconstruct them one by one, and pass these words on to your friends and relatives, so that when you try to do something, they don't use these words to accuse you, but to Enthusiastically encourage and help you.

The second step is to rebuild courage.You can choose to do some slightly adventurous things and do one thing a week, for example, take a short trip to a nearby scenic spot alone; No matter what the day, never depend on others.By doing these things, you can increase your courage and change your weakness of relying on others for everything.

(End of this chapter)