In your 20s, you must understand the wisdom of success

Chapter 20 The Psychology of Success (1)
(Chapter 1 Loneliness—Get out of loneliness and taste the sweetness of life
There is a kind of tree called camphor, its wood texture is compact, and it is a good building material.Moreover, it has been found that utensils made of this wood are not prone to insect growth and are durable.Later, people learned that it was because of a special fragrance emitted by this tree that can repel insects.

To prevent any problems, you need the wisdom of camphor - to "arm" yourself from the inside out to keep your heart healthy, strong and stable.

Walking quietly on the path alone, eating silently, doing something alone, being alone in a room... Have you ever had a lonely moment?Do you hate this lonely feeling and look forward to having someone to accompany and share?

Don't put yourself under the control of loneliness and fall into boundless sadness. Only by bravely stepping out of the shadow of loneliness can you taste the sweet life.

Drive away loneliness with fulfillment and happiness

Perhaps because human beings are used to living in groups in primitive society, modern society has such a disease as "loneliness".People are afraid that they are different from others, afraid of being rejected by others, afraid of being alone and helpless in times of misfortune, afraid that their thoughts will not be understood by others... In short, it is a kind of inner panic.It seems that the human mind is getting weaker and weaker.

If you want to fundamentally overcome your inner fragility, there is nothing better than setting yourself some goals and cultivating a certain hobby.A person who knows what he is living for will not feel lonely; a person who lives to love and pursue something will not be afraid of loneliness.

There are two girls who rent an apartment together in Beijing.Both girls are very attractive, both have jobs that pay well, and both hope to become famous one day.One of the girls is very wise. She believes that girls living in big cities, especially single girls, must carefully arrange their lives and plan their future.She goes to a church and takes an active part in various activities.She also joins a workshop and even takes a course on character improvement.She used her salary as much as possible to communicate with people and create a colorful life.

She has moderate and pleasant leisure activities, but she is quite cautious about social relationships, and tries to avoid ambiguous relationships between men and women.

When she arrived in Beijing, of course she also felt lonely. Which girl would not feel this way?However, she didn't want to be like some men who spent half a day diving under the sea and only found a sponge.She knew that she must have a plan.Today she is happily married to a bright young lawyer.This is the result of her emphasis on "to achieve the goal"-she got a happy life.

As for the other girl?She was also very lonely at the beginning, but she didn't carefully arrange her life.She went to some amusement park or bar to find friends, and it turned out that she also joined a club in the end.It's an "alcoholics recovery club" that helps alcoholics!
When you feel lonely, look through your address book, maybe you can write a letter to a friend you haven’t seen for a long time; or call a friend and ask him to watch a movie released on the weekend; Or invite a few friends to have a meal, and you cook by yourself and fry a few delicious dishes, which is very interesting.

But sometimes I feel ten times more lonely when I'm with people than when I'm alone.This is because you don't fit in with the people around you.Just like you suddenly come to a country where you don’t understand the language, you can’t communicate with the people around you, and you can’t enter the warm atmosphere. You can’t help but feel lonely, and the enthusiasm among them The atmosphere in the room even more brings out the miserable scene of you being left out in the cold.To break this embarrassing situation, only "self-forgetfulness".It's good to think about what you can do for someone.Remember: the fire that warms others also warms yourself.

To get rid of loneliness, we can leave the hustle and bustle of the world in a moderate way, get close to nature, and enjoy the fun that nature brings us, which is also a good way to get rid of loneliness.It's just that people who are busy with fame, wealth and livelihood have no longer a comfortable mood to appreciate the beauty of nature.

General Bader was on a mission in Antarctica, where for five months there was no life of any kind within 5 miles.The weather was so cold that when the wind blew past his ears, he could feel his breath being frozen, frozen like crystal.In order to fulfill his mission and get out of this predicament, he has to work non-stop so as not to go crazy and lose his grip.

He said: "This is a very good thing. It gives me a feeling that I can master myself..." He added: "If there is no such thing, then the life will be without purpose. If there is no purpose, these days It's going to be like normal, and it'll fall apart in the end."

If you and I can't be busy all the time - if we sit around worrying, we'll have a whole lot of what Darwin called "frivolous thoughts" which, like the goblins of legend, will hollow us out. Thoughts that destroy our power of action and willpower.

To get rid of loneliness, you must arrange or do something to make yourself feel full and satisfied.We all know that the New York subway system is the largest underground transportation network in the world, but if you are not willing to drop a few coins and walk through that revolving door, the entire underground railroad system is of little use to you.

If you want to stay away from loneliness, you must be more confident so that you can convey happiness to others.Usually communicate with others more to win their needs and love for you, so that loneliness will "stay away" from you.

Thinking and improving in solitude

Loneliness is not terrible, on the contrary, if you can make full use of it properly, in today's noisy and bustling world, it will be even more precious.

Loneliness gives you the opportunity to be alone. It is in the process of being alone that people stimulate the power of thinking and play the role of self-creation.When you decide that you must never be alone, you make a huge mistake and miss the opportunity to thrive when you are alone.

Why do you keep waiting for the phone to ring?Are you worried about your relationship with someone?Are you sick of yourself?If this is the case, you can find something to do to overcome your fear of being alone.But don't feel that you have to do something "constructive" when you're alone to hide your loneliness.You'll enjoy solitude more if you find an afternoon or two a month to be alone.When you are alone, you should think about it, and don't always feel impetuous and lonely.Solitude is an essential part of the powers of greatness.

Maybe you like to get together with some friends, or chat for a long time on the phone, or occasionally ask about other people's private affairs, or insist on seeing him when others are busy, or pay too much attention to yourself in the team, as if afraid that others will miss it Miss you or forget you.Many people do this, but as a result, they don't like themselves more and more, and others think you are immature.Not being able to be alone often makes you seem a little childish.

If you can enjoy alone time, then your intentions to find a friend will be purely genuine, not weak; you call a friend to invite him to dinner because you want to see him, not because you can't stand being alone Eat alone.Your friend will feel that you really like him and value him, not just rely on him.You will be more likeable to those who want to find a real friend, not a friend who is more vulnerable than him.

When loneliness comes, face it, look at it, and don't have any thoughts of running away.Then think about your goals, your dreams, and the methods needed to achieve these goals, instead of simply distracting yourself with various entertainment and activities.

Only at this moment is your mind completely independent, and only this mind is creative.

Ms. Wu Shihong, who used to be the general manager of Microsoft China, is a typical example of being good at self-improvement in loneliness.When she first joined IBM, her humble position made her silent and lonely, but she thought about how to change the status quo in silence. She spent 6 hours more working and studying than others every day, and later became the general manager of IBM South China.Later, when she resigned for self-retirement and training, and her parents were seriously ill, she still used the time alone to actively think about her dreams and future, and finally took over the golden seal of general manager of Microsoft China.

If you can understand loneliness and overcome it, you will find that there is no need to run away from it.Everyone should leave some time for themselves and learn to think in solitude.

Keyword perception: loneliness
The philosopher Roma once said: "The most fundamental need of man is to overcome the pain of separation and break free from his prison of loneliness." Only by stepping out of the fence built by oneself can others approach you and share a beautiful life with you.

Or, when loneliness strikes, why not reflect critically?

(Chapter 2 Inferiority—Pull the dead grass, flash your smile
Inferiority complex has the resilience to make people move forward. Because of inferiority complex, people will be clearly or even overly aware of their shortcomings, which prompts you to work hard to correct or make up for these shortcomings with other achievements (strengths).These experiences will sharpen your character, which is the psychological basis for success.

over the hurdles of life

A girl was very inferior because of a small eye on her ear, so she went to a psychiatrist for consultation.The doctor asked her how big her eyes are, can others see it?She said she wore her hair long and covered her ears, and her eyes were just small eyes that would fit through the earrings, but not where they should be.

The doctor asked her again: "What's the matter?"

"Oh, I have less meat than others, I am very distressed and inferior because of this!"

There are too many people like her in real life, people who say that they have special low self-esteem because of some kind of flaw or shortcoming.Put these defects or shortcomings together, almost all-encompassing: fat, short, dark skin, heavy hair, big mouth, small eyes, yellow hair, thin arms, pimples on the face, accent, can't eat Western food, lack of money at home...all are reasons for inferiority, and "a small eye on the ear" is probably the most important of them.

This "small eye on the ear" story cannot but arouse our thinking.

People with low self-esteem do not want to be inferior, but because they lack a sense of security in their hearts-they are always particularly "good at" discovering their own flaws, shortcomings, and aspects of life that are not conducive to themselves, and then put them under a magnifying glass to see, the result It’s me who scares me—how can I compare myself to others and compete with others when I’m so bad?
Inferiority often breaks into our inner world inadvertently, controls our lives, and blackmails us with courage and courage when we make decisions and make choices; when we encounter difficulties, inferiority complex will stand Our backs scare us loudly; when we are about to stride forward, inferiority will pull our sleeves and tell us to be careful of landmines.An occasional setback will make us dejected and devastated. We will deny everything about ourselves, and we will feel that we are worthless, extremely useless, and even fall into the vortex of self-blame.

People with low self-esteem lack courage in the face of life and cannot compete with powerful external forces, causing them to struggle in the trap of pain.In fact, all friends who say that they are inferior because of something in real life think that inferiority is not a good thing, and they are eager to pull out the rotten grass of "inferiority" from the depths of their hearts and throw it far away , From then on, he raised his chest and raised his head, with a confident smile on his face.

It is difficult for a person to make a difference if he is a prisoner of inferiority complex.Inferiority is the natural enemy of self-confidence, and inferiority is a trap in life.

Inferiority is the biggest hurdle in life, and everyone must successfully cross it to reach the pinnacle of life.

There is a high school class, every day at noon there is a show that the students love to see, which is "Talent View".According to regulations, everyone in the class has to participate, and they perform on stage alone every day. They can give speeches, tell jokes, and tell jokes. As long as they can show themselves, and everyone loves to listen and watch, no matter what All programs are available.

At noon that day, it was Xiao Gao's turn to take the stage.He can be said to be the "worst" among the boys in the class. Whether it is academic performance or appearance, he must be the last one.He walked slowly onto the podium, took off his cowboy hat used as a prop, bowed deeply to the students, then cleared his throat and began to speak:
"Well! From the point of view of my figure, you can see that I belong to the third-class disabled, but do you know? I am 1 centimeter taller than Napoleon. He is 1.59 meters, and I am 1.60 meters. , and Victor Hugo, Chairman Deng Xiaoping, we are all about the same size; my forehead is not wide, and the sky is not round, but so are the great philosophers Socrates and Spinoza; I admit that I am not old Signs of premature aging, balding before the age of 20, but it is not shabby, because I have the famous Shakespeare in my company; my nose is slightly raised, like Voltaire and George Washington; My eyes are sunken, but so were St. Paul and the philosopher Nietzsche; my lips are as thick as Louis XIV of France; my thick neck is as thick as Hannibal and Marc Antony."

After a moment of silence, he continued: "Maybe you will say that my ears are bigger, but I heard that big ears are blessed, and Cervantes' protruding ears are world-famous! My cheekbones are protruding and my cheeks are sunken. Well, this looks like Lincoln, the hero of the American Civil War; my receding forehead is as close as William Pitt and Goldsmith; my palms are thick and fingers are stubby, and the astronomer Tinton is also the same. Yes, My body is flawed, but beware, it's a trait of great people..."

When Xiao Gao finished his speech and walked off the podium, the class burst into endless applause.

His speech is not only because of his humor and clever metaphors, but also because he taught us a way to calmly deal with our own shortcomings.

When some people discover a flaw in themselves, they try desperately to cover it up.But it is better to give up this idea, because the defect is just a personal opinion.In other words, what you consider to be a weakness may not be a weakness at all.For example, some people may think that they are "quite inconspicuous, not good at all", etc. However, others may think that they are "quite serious, so they look very attractive".This proves that there may be a big discrepancy between your own and other people's ideas.

As the old saying goes: no gold is pure, no man is perfect.If a person is always struggling with his own shortcomings, his unhappiness is purely his own fault.Hiding your shortcomings in your pockets and actively expanding your strengths is the way to happiness.

Burn low self-esteem and turn it into a driving force for struggle
When Roosevelt, the most beloved president of the United States, was 8 years old, his body was extremely weak - his eyes were dull, his teeth were exposed outside his lips, and he was panting from time to time.The teacher in the school called him to get up and read the text.He stood up tremblingly, his lips fluttered, and his utterance was vague and incoherent, and then he sat down slumped, lifeless, really looking like an imbecile child.And there are countless children like him in the world, most of them are nervous. If they are slightly stimulated, their emotions will be affected, and they will be afraid and cower everywhere, not sociable, self-pitying, and have no interest in life.

So how did Roosevelt overcome his natural shortcomings?He is not discouraged by his congenital poverty, but uses it as the cornerstone of success; he never resents his congenital shortcomings and makes himself miserable; he does not tolerate his frailty, but only cares for his health; he does not just drink medicine, Injected, or sheltered in the mountains, sailed the sea, to restore his health.He took an active approach to exercise, and he was going to ride horses, row boats, and do vigorous sports like any other healthy child.He dealt with his timid nature with fortitude; he overcame his innate inadequacies with patience.Treat people with joy and kindness everywhere, and get rid of the shy, withdrawn and socially unsociable personality.Sure enough, before he entered university, he had already achieved great success. He was already a young man who people were willing to approach, full of energy and energy.He often went to Ariella to chase bison during his holidays, hunted giant bears in the Rocky Mountains, and attacked lions in the African continent. In the end, he was able to withstand the hard life of the army, leading the cavalry, and in the war with Spain, Great achievements.

President Roosevelt's success was not only due to his strong will and the spirit of not giving in to the shortcomings of his talents, but also because he had self-knowledge.He knows that weakness and timidity can be overcome, but language and attitude must be guided according to the situation.He learned a fake voice and used it in speeches. Although small details such as exposed teeth and trembling body made him unable to fully demonstrate his speech skills, let alone a bell-like voice and amazing rhetoric, he was still convincing and One of the most powerful orators.

Successful people with birth defects succeed precisely because those defects prompt them to work harder and get more rewards.So Carnegie said: "Defects often help people unexpectedly."

Why waste your own tears on faults and faults?Of course it is not good to make mistakes, but people are not sages, so who can be innocent?Napoleon also lost one-third of his wars, and our average record of mistakes may be less than half of Napoleon's!

This is the last point you should pay attention to if you want to conquer defilements before defilements conquer you.Never forget: don't feel inferior.

In a cold winter, a housewife was busy wiping the fog on the window, no matter how fast she wiped, the fog came out again soon.

(End of this chapter)