In your 20s, you must understand the wisdom of success

Chapter 28
"Think twice before acting" saved Zeng Guofan's life.

Staying calm is one way to control your impulses.To avoid blindness, learn to analyze and think about problems calmly.

If you don't develop this habit, it will be easy to be impulsive when encountering problems.The beginning of impulsiveness generally manifests as clenched fists, unnatural movements, raised voice pitch, and rapid heartbeat.These will affect normal thinking, cause errors in judgment, and lead to impulsive behavior.

To analyze problems calmly, we must start from adjusting our mentality, yearn for beautiful goals, and accept some healthy and energetic things in our minds, which will reduce the chaotic emotions caused by unsatisfactory things.It is also necessary to develop the habit of thinking, do not rush to conclusions when encountering problems, do some research before expressing opinions.This has a decisive effect on your ability to keep calm in times of trouble.

Impulsivity is often triggered by anger.Most people get angry because they encounter things that are not in line with their wishes.To avoid anger, start with self-cultivation and acceptance of new things.If you are irritable by nature, it is imminent to get rid of this bad habit, because anger can easily make people lose their minds and often cause serious and irreparable consequences.

Here is Xiao Qi's story:

I used to work in a computer company. For some reason, my colleague Xiao Yang often said some insulting and vulgar words to me, and he also tried to persuade other colleagues to stand on his side and fight against me.It's not clear what the problem is, but I desperately want to know this.

Once, when I came back from vacation, a friend said to me: "Xiao Qi, you don't know what Xiao Yang said to you just now, you'd better be on guard against him." Several times I couldn't help but want to beat him up, but I still managed to stay calm and put his stupidity aside.Whenever he insulted me, I treated him kindly and took it as a challenge to myself.I think if you keep doing this, the problem will always be solved.

A few months later, things turned around. Seeing that I didn't get angry with him, Xiao Yang finally became more relaxed.He even told me at one point: "I'm trying to piss you off, but you just don't get pissed off."

After working together for a year, we became good friends who talked about everything.

Young people must develop the habit of being good at thinking when they encounter problems.That is, before making up your mind, you must ask yourself more questions, pay attention to sorting out your thoughts, and think about why you made such a decision.Although this process seems simple, it often has miraculous effects in the actual situation of dealing with difficult problems.

A very successful salesman once said: "My success stems from my diligent thinking and asking myself a few more reasons." "I even figured out a secret to do so." He said, "Before visiting customers , I make sure to get down first, grab a cup of coffee, and shine my shoes. This way, before I actually step into the client's office, I have one last chance to think about how I should present myself. The results are fantastic Yes! In addition to allowing me to calmly deal with the questions raised by the other party, it also enabled me to sell a lot of things."

So we say, no matter whether the decision is important or not, you must give yourself time to think before making a decision, and ask yourself more questions.

Keyword perception: impulsive
The ability to control impulses needs to be trained slowly.Of two people who put in the same effort, the one who can control their impulses will do better.Therefore, you should always analyze the possible consequences of your actions, and don't act rashly without thinking.

(Chapter 8 Criticism - Being Criticized Because You Are Important
Unreasonable criticism is often a disguised compliment.When we are in the midst of a storm of criticism, we should maintain a posture of self-reliance.

The person being criticized is always a big shot
King Edward VIII's Prince Windsor (the Duke of Windsor) studied at Dartmouth College at the age of 14-this school is equivalent to the Naval Academy in Annapolis, USA.One day a naval officer found him crying and asked him what was the matter.He refused to tell at first, but finally told the truth: he was kicked by the students at school.The commander called all the students together and explained to them that the prince did not complain, but he wanted to know why these people abused Prince Windsor like this.

After a long time of excuses and hesitation, everyone finally admitted that when they themselves became commanders or captains of the Royal Navy, they hoped to be able to tell people that they had kicked the king's ass.

So, if you are criticized, remember that it is because criticizing you brings a sense of importance inside the critic.It also shows that you are accomplished and noticeable.Many people get satisfaction from blaming others who are more accomplished than themselves.

The philosopher Schopenhauer said: "The small man is often proud of the shortcomings or mistakes of the great man."

There is an American who is called a "hypocrite", "liar" and "not much better than a murderer". Guess who he is?A cartoon in a newspaper showed him lying on a guillotine, a machete about to decapitate him, and crowds in the street booing him.who is he?He is George Washington.

When we are unfairly criticized, we can stop and say, "Wait a minute, I am far from perfect. If Einstein admitted that he was wrong 99% of the time, maybe I have at least some It's wrong 80% of the time, maybe I deserve that criticism, and if it's true, I should be thankful and find a way to benefit from it."

Let us remember: even the pure and noble Jesus will be questioned and criticized by many people.Perhaps the wisest approach is best represented by Dante's famous quote: "Go your own way and let others say it!"

Criticism is like a dog. When a dog sees that you are afraid of it, it chases you even more and threatens you.But if you turn your head towards the dog, the dog stops barking and wags its tail for you to pet.As long as you confront other people's criticism of you head-on, in the end, it will convince you instead.The reason why we are afraid of criticism is because criticism is a real fact, the more real we are, the more afraid we are to escape.But the reason why criticism is valuable is because it contains truth in it.

Carnegie often took Reese for a walk in a forest park near his home. Reese was a small Boston Bulldog he raised.Because he rarely encountered pedestrians in the park, Carnegie often did not leash or wear a mask for Reis.Legally speaking, this would cause some trouble.

One afternoon, Carnegie was running a race with his puppy on a small hill when he ran into a policeman.

Carnegie decided to strike first without waiting for the police to speak.He said: "Mr. Police Officer, now you caught me on the spot. I am guilty. I have no excuses, no excuses. Last week, the police warned me that if I bring the puppy out again and don't wear a mask for it, I will be fined." I."

"It's easy to say, easy to say," replied the policeman, "I know that no one can resist taking such a puppy out to play when no one is around."

"It's true," Carnegie replied, "but it's against the law."

"Puppy like this probably won't bite others?" The policeman excused him instead.

"No, it might kill a squirrel," Carnegie said.

"You probably take it too seriously," he told Carnegie. "Let's do it this way. You just let it run over the hill, out of my sight, and let it go."

Carnegie sighed and thought, that policeman is also a person, what he wants is the feeling of an important person.So when he blames himself, the only way to boost his self-esteem is to show respect for his criticism.

In the face of criticism, when you are right, try to make the other party agree with you in a gentle and subtle way; and when you are wrong, you must quickly and sincerely admit your mistake.Don't forget this old saying: "By arguing, you can't get satisfactory results; by making concessions, you will gain much more than you expected."

A certain degree of satisfaction can also be gained from having the courage to admit one's mistakes.Not only does this remove guilt and self-justification, but it helps to resolve the problem this mistake created.

Use criticism to see yourself clearly

A man with a mind always reminds himself that he is not perfect, and he knows that he does have many shortcomings.Criticism is a good way to find faults and should be welcomed.

You and I should also welcome criticism of this kind, because "the opinion of our enemies is closer to the truth than our own."

Other people's criticism is extremely valuable and can show where you are, but you must remember not to stand still in that position.

Use other people's criticism to see your behavior clearly and see whether you are right or wrong.If you're wrong, fix it; if you're right, don't take criticism and feel uncomfortable about it.

When facing criticism from others, don't feel that you are being persecuted.In any case, if your critic can point out something that breaks your ego and enables you to improve, then he is doing you a great favor.

As you learn how to offer constructive criticism to others, you must also learn not to find fault with everything.Learning to accept yourself and others for who you are is truly an art.The more tolerant and unbiased you are, the more others will listen to your criticism and take your advice into account.Instead of biting at other people's faults, it's better to turn a blind eye to the little things and focus on those events that really matter.

The more critical a person is, the more he needs love and understanding.Instead of blaming someone who is being particularly critical of you, find out what their real needs are.Behind an angry face, there is often a wounded heart.Knowing this, there will be ways to ease the tension between them and you.Instead of defending yourself, or getting angry at this person, try to soften his attacks by empathizing with his emotions.A friendly smile and a warm word are usually more effective than a malicious counterattack.

We should know that the part of a person being criticized is only a small part of the whole body, and your advantages are always much more than the part being criticized.Just as your weaknesses are only a small part of your totality, so a criticism is directed at a certain behavior of you, not your whole being.If you remember this, it will be easier not to defend yourself, no matter what people tell you, you should know that even if you make mistakes, you are still worthy of love.Seeing other people's criticism as a helpful opinion can make you grow more than seeing it as a malicious attack.

Keyword insight: criticism
Carnegie said: "Do what you have to do as much as possible, and then put away your broken umbrella, lest the rain of criticism flow down the back of your neck."

A sound personality enables you to have the courage and resilience to face the eyes of others, while firming up your own direction.

The famous American poet Whitman said: "Do you get everything from those who admire you, treat you well, and always stand by your side? From those who oppose you, accuse you, or stand on the road Don't you learn more from those who stand in your way?"

(End of this chapter)