Chapter 192 - Rhema's Inner Conflicts

“Is that the whole reason? Isn’t there another reason?” he asked.

“Another reason? What do you mean, Rhema?” she asked back.

“Isn’t it that you just wanted to help him?” he asked sharply.

Startled, Azriel blinked. “I didn’t join for such a purpose, but I thought that it’d be nice if I could be helpful to him… That’s not strange, is it?”

Rhema opened and closed his mouth. As if he was suppressing and swallowing something by force, his chin stiffened. No matter how many times she looked, he seemed angry. It seemed that he was suppressing his anger. He did not look like that when he turned the Colte Castle into dust. Even though he said that he was angry and wiped out Colte as if to vent, his face looked calm. She had never seen him showing his anger like this. It was extremely strange to her.

“Rhema… Are you upset?” she asked.

Rhema paused, touched his face, and asked, “Do I look like I’m upset?”

“…Yes,” she replied.

“I see. I guess I look like this if I feel this way,” he said.

“What?” she asked.

“I know that it’s not your fault, but I resent you. I’d like you to know how I feel but don’t want to expose it on one side. I want to gush to you about your nitpicking, but I don’t want to give you a hard time by demanding such things. Because of these thoughts, I can’t decide what to do.”

Rhema was strange. Rambling in a low voice, he looked very strange. An unknown heat underlaid his voice.

“I guess you can see how I’m feeling,” he continued.

“…Rhema?” she called.

She did not understand what he was saying. Resentment? Nitpicking? Those words did not go along with the Rhema she knew. Azriel had never seen him this unstable. She falteringly stepped back in spite of herself. Then, Rhema came close to her. She reflexively stepped back even further. He kept coming close. When her back touched the wall, she realized that there was no more space to step back. Standing in front of her, Rhema asked with a still face, “Azriel, why are you avoiding me?”

“Umm… Well, Rhema. You seem a little… strange…”

“Strange, what makes you think that?” he asked, smiling. It was a fake smile.

Azriel looked away from him. “Rhema, you feel a little strange now.”

“Is it because I was upset with you?” he asked.

“Were you really upset?”

“No, I am not angry with you. This is not rage.”

“Then why…”

“Are you sick of me now?” he asked.

“What? No, why do ask all of a sudden?” Bewildered, she looked up at him.

He smiled slightly. “You can come clean, Azriel.”

“About, about what?” she asked.

“Didn’t you hate the things I did last night?” he said.

“Well… I don’t love them, but… It’s you Rhema. It’s you, so I—”

“To stop people’s disappearance, you asked ‘Charles’ for a favor, made relics, and distributed them, but I wasted your efforts. Those people all died last night.”

When he confirmed her suspicion, a faint feeling overcame her. She was at a loss for words.

Looking down at her surprised golden eyes, Rhema let out cold words. “Knowing that it’s only me who can do that, you’d hoped that it wasn’t me. That’s why you came back, breaking your decision not to return for some time, and checked if it was my doing. Is it not true?”

“…”