A Not So Evil God In Fate/Grand Order

To not confuse people, I am going to use Charles instead of Seth. Remember, this is an act. Vin Diesel isn't street racing in real life (as far as I know). Hopefully, this will clear your mind a little and let you enjoy the chapter better.

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On a quiet night, two Saints, a man, and a woman, were praying near a shore accompanied by a swordsman wielding a katana. He seemed to be observing the woman, radiating some sort of fighting spirit.

The woman noticed this and some tick marks appeared on her forehead. "Don't you see I'm busy here? Why don't you go bother someone else?"

"Your words cut deeper than the deadliest of blades, Martha. I just wanted to exchange blows with someone like you." The swordsman responded in a tranquil tone.

"And I told you I didn't want to! What type of person do you think I am? Saints don't indulge in such things as brawls!" Rider said. Her tone conveyed the annoyance she was feeling at the man. He had been following them for quite some time now.

"No need to be modest. I can see the fiery will to battle in your eyes. You carry a heavy burden. Maybe I should help you with it? What was his name again? Tarasque, was it? I would like to try my luck with it." As he said that, he looked at the ocean, where a strange monster was resting.

"Huh?! Do you think your sword can cut through Tarasque's scales?! They could resist even my punches!" Hearing her mount being taken so lightly by him, Martha immediately defended it.

"Oh? I thought you fought enemies with your prayers, but it seems you like to take a different approach. Quite the Saint, indeed." He nodded at his own words, finding it appropriate.

"Ahem...you must have heard wrong. As a Saint, punching someone is something I would never do." She said, avoiding eye contact with reddened cheeks. Near their location, a certain someone sneezed. 'A cold? Human bodies are weak...'

"Haha. That would be a good scene to photograph. You used to be empty-handed before "That Man" gave you the staff, didn't you?" The other Saint laughed a bit, imagining Martha finding Tarasque only with her fists.

"I have to admit it. As a fellow Dragon Slayer, I would have liked to see you fight bare-handed against a dragon." He continued, finally ending with Martha's patience.

"I don't punch dragons! I don't street-brawl anymore, and haven't fought with my b.a.r.e hands in my life! You only photograph landscapes, so shut up and do so!" Despite her 'outburst,' the other two didn't take it in the wrong way and laughed together.

'Idiots surround me...' Martha cried in her mind as she stuffed a dumpling in her mouth, trying to forget the existence of these two.

Just at that time, the group consisting of the Chaldeans plus Orion arrived at their location. "There seems to be two Dragon Slayers and one Samurai. At least Siegfried isn't with them." Mash said before getting closer to the trio.

Remembering the combination of George and Siegfried they did back in Orleans with Atalanta, Charles (Seth) couldn't help but agree with Shielder. It was indeed borderline disgusting.

A Noble Phantasm that gave you a Dragon Trait if you were to be hit by it, and another that dealt more damage to dragons, together they were a deadly team.

Returning to them, Mash positioned herself in front of the group and was the first to speak. "Please surrender peacefully, or we will have to use ropes!"

"Ropes? What are you on about, little girl?" Martha asked with furrowed brows.

"She means not to offer resistance. In old Japan, criminals' bodies were tied up by enforcers so that they wouldn't resist." It was the Samurai, the one who answered her question.

"R-Ropes...couldn't they just tie up their hands? Tying up someone's whole body..." Rider said while blushing. 'I always thought you were kind of a sadist, but it seems I was wrong...' The silent Seth thought as he looked at the embarrassed Saint.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you are trying to say. We are not criminals in any way." Georgios defended himself and the others. His honesty was apparent for everyone to see.

Seeing his earnestness, Fujimaru decided to speak this time. "I apologize if we sounded like we were accusing you. It's just that someone stole those dumplings from Chaldea, and we are trying to get them back."

"So that's how it is. I indeed bought this, but if someone stole these goods, then as a Saint is my duty to give them back." St. George, understanding Fujimaru, packed the dumplings that were out of the boxes, wanting to return them.

"Um...are you two okay with it?" Seeing as there was no problem with Georgios, Mash decided to ask the other two integrants.

"I don't have any problems. As a fellow Saint, I also have to uphold a particular set of morals. That and St. George paid from them. I didn't lose any money." Rider responded shamelessly.

"I'm just some wandering swordsman. Besides, I have been freeloading for a while. I don't have any rights to ask for more." The Samurai answered with some sort of 'Philosophical smile' if that was even a thing.

"Do Servants even need money? What are they going to do with it anyway?" Charles tilted his head in confusion.

"We also have needs, like every person. I wouldn't have gotten far without some monetary support in my life." Martha answered his question with a smile on her face, like teaching a child.

"Hm...it certainly makes sense." Charles nodded his head, placing a hand on his chin. 'You would look like a good person if you haven't extorted me out of all my money every time you could back then.' He rolled his eyes inside his mind.

"Here, this is everything we have." While they were talking, Georgios finished packing every dumpling in a box and returned them. Now, Charles was carrying two boxes. Of course, it didn't pose any problems.

"Thank you for your troubles—" "Wait a minute. They are deceiving us." Before Fujimaru could finish talking, Orion interrupted him.

She pointed at the katana-wielder man. "That Samurai is hiding an extreme, rare dumpling in his pockets." There was a slight shake in the swordsman's body when she said this.

"And that woman," She now pointed at Martha. "She is hiding some behind her back."

"Ahahaha...I wonder what you are talking about..." The Saint averted her gaze to the side, not wanting to make eye contact.

"I didn't expect such behavior from you two. You can take these criminals away; I will just stay here." St. George distanced himself from the duo, not wanting to be associated with them.

"Don't you have some hidden in your camera pack too?" Charles raised his eyebrow. Georgios immediately jumped back and took out his sword. "THOU ART A DRAGON?!"

"...No?"

"Now that we have come to this. There is no option but to fight! I will ask the Lord for forgiveness so that I can give you the Holy Knuckle without repercussions! Kojirou, you freeloader, you fight too!" Martha seemed pretty eager to fight for some reason.

"I can't reject a request from you. Very well, I shall show you guys my Secret Blade." He said, taking a stance to begin combat.

"You have something like that?! So cool!" Charles' eyes lit up, like an excited child. Even the tranquil Samurai found it weird to have someone admire him like that. Though, he had to admit he found it pleasant.

"I see you are a man who recognizes hard work. As fellow swordsmen, nothing would make me happier than have a duel where we exchange techniques." Korjirou said in his usual calm tone.

"Now is not the time to make friends!" Both Martha and Mash reproached them, making both men sigh in unison. "Women are boring sometimes." They spoke in synch.

With nothing more to say, they battled for a long while. Noble Phantasms flew here and there. Tarasques were abused by their riders, etc. Just your everyday things. Charles even learned Kojirou's Tsubame Gaeshi! Of course, that was thanks to the 'real' him. Sadly, Mystery didn't come together with learning it, making the technique inferior to the one of its true wielder.

The male Saint and Samurai even gave a passionate speech about why they lost before falling on the ground 'unconscious.' Saying things like it was because they lent their blade to evil and greed. Martha just called them a bunch of losers.

"Saber, come here." The Saint signaled for Charles to get closer, which he did. As soon as he got into striking distance, Martha hit him with the Holy Knuckle.

"What was that for?" He asked while rubbing his head and looking at her with his brows furrowed. That move was as powerful as always.

"For some reason, I felt the Lord asked me to do that," Martha said before turning back and running to the shore where Tarasque was lying there with some bruises on its head.

'I thought you were the type to not resort to violence, Yeshua.' Seth thought as he watched the fleeing Saint, who at this point had mounted her dragon. Although he didn't get a clear answer, he could feel someone's amus.e.m.e.nt at his words.

"I'm outta here, kiddies!" Tarasque began ascending to the skies with Martha laughing like some third rate villain. "Still, as thanks for the dumplings, I will tell you we gave some of them to a fat man that called himself an Emperor. He is the type that scams everyone he sees, so be careful. You will find him in the wasteland." And with that, she flew off.

"It seems we have a new location to search," Fujimaru said while observing at the Saint in the distance. He couldn't believe she was the same person as the one in Chaldea. This Martha was more 'wild' for lack of a better word.

"What do we do with these two?" Mash asked, pointing at the two men who were faking their unconsciousness.

"I'm having fun, so I want to continue our journey; you can leave them be," Orion said with an enthusiastic smile. As she was speaking, the plushie bear tried to get out of her b.r.e.a.s.ts again. Luckily for her, Charles did an overdramatic cough, bringing the youths' attention away from her, enough to push it back.

"Are you alright?" It was weird seeing a Servant do these kinds of things, but he was getting used to it little by little. He had his Servants to thank for that.

"Yeah. I just choked with a dumpling. No worries." Charles said, making Fujimaru and Mash sweatdrop. Meanwhile, Orion sent him a grateful look, assuming he already knows something but still chose to help her.

After that, they parted again to meet the next dumpling thief, walking for hours until they finally arrived at a wasteland. Noticing the presence of a Servant here, they knew it was the right place.

They weren't even within sight, and they could already hear shouts of "NEEEEROOOOO" and the like. There was only one person who could do that, a certain Emperor.

As they got closer, not only they heard shouts, but also the sound of someone else eating as if their life depended on it. "Delicious! This texture, this scent, this form! Truly marvelous!"

"Arghhhhhh...Fatso...arghhhhh." The other Emperor managed to insult him in between his madness. "I'm not fat! I'm just a little plump, proof that Rome prospers!"

"I don't think we should talk with them. Let's just knock these guys out and get the dumplings back." Even as the 'happy' Charles, Seth didn't want to interact with them. He believed he would lose brain cells if he did.

"I can hear you, you know!" Caesar complained as he continued to eat dumplings without stopping. Caligula did the same, albeit in a more reserved manner.

"I agree with Saber. He is only going to try and persuade us to give him more dumplings. It's better if we go directly to fighting." Mash, for once, agreed with Charles.

"Now that you are here, let me introduce my—" Just as Caesar was about to use his communication skills, Charles attacked him. The Emperor didn't waste any time and unsheathed his sword to parry.

"Hey, hey. Don't you have manners?! If you leave your dumplings here, I can forget this!" He tried to negotiate, but Charles just kept attacking relentlessly.

Seeing as the two Sabers were engaged in battle, the others decided to join too against Caligula. However, the Emperor was acting strange. It was like he was afraid of Orion but, at the same time, looked at her with hate.

Orion noticed this, and could only send a pitying look. She chose to put him out of his misery, personally. Mash was going to defend while she attacked from afar.

Caligula's punches hit like a truck, so Mash had to be careful and not take them head-on, and deflect them instead. At least this would work as some sort of training to improve her defense.

Caesar tried many times to knock some sense into Charles without success. He was dead-set in defeating him! Even after he used his Noble Phantasm and managed to get lucky with the number of hits, he just deflected them all!

Without choice, the chubby Emperor gave up. At the rate that this fight was going, he would lose a ton of weight and end up looking like some skinny boy from the slums. That wouldn't show the prosperity of Rome, so it was best to make a tactical retreat. Indeed, pull back today and conquer tomorrow. A fine saying!

As Caesar was thinking all of this, trying to escape reality. Charles was slapping his cheeks left and right, trying to wake him up. "Stop! Stop! Aren't you supposed to be a knight?! Why are you acting like a barbarian?! This thing is why I hate fighting. It is troublesome, very troublesome, troublesome indeed!"

While Charles was busy with the Emperor, the others were finishing their fight with Caligula. Thanks to Orion's cover fire and some hits in the head with Mash's shield, Berserker seemed to have calmed down significantly.

It wasn't until the fake Saber threw Caesar at the mad Emperor, burying him beneath the plump guy, that the battle was finally over, though. Even the other three flinched and offered a quick prayer to whoever Gods they believed in for Caligula.

"Oops." The culprit scratched his cheeks in embarrassment. 'I honestly didn't mean to do that...' Caesar was hiding something, and he wanted to know what it was. When Seth threw him in a random direction, he just happened to fall on top of Berserker.

"W-Well...I guess we can now retrieve the remaining dumplings." To solve the awkwardness, Fujimaru reminded them of their objective. Still, he didn't know how they were supposed to take the mountain of goods to Chaldea. One thing was to carry a box, another a whole deposit.

"You are right, Senpai. For now, let's organize the dumplings before trying to contact Dr. Roman again." Thanks to her Master, Mash focused on her objective again. She embarked on this mission so her Senpai wouldn't lose his tea time, after all!

When she was about to lift one of the bags that were lying around, she noticed it weighed more than it should do. 'Strange...' Putting it back on the ground, she opened it only for a sword to be directed at her face. However, before the weapon managed to annihilate her, another sword stopped it.

'Not you too...and how in the world did you escape my detection, Altera?'

(A/N: I feel dirty for stopping best civilization from killing Trashu. Father, I am sorry I have sinned.)