A Rose Dedicated to You

Chapter 13: And, So I…

Translator: Blushy
Editor: delishnoodles

I was walking on thin ice every day.

I was happy and fascinated by the scenes around me, but I finally saw the cracks.

If the ice breaks, then all I can do is fall.

I was probably a fool in many ways.

 

From that day on, I continued to worry.

I couldn’t live as I have been doing now.

Orpheus and I were doing well because we didn’t have any romantic feelings towards each other.

Diana’s presence hadn’t been a problem either.

But once that balance was broken――― and I had stepped onto the ice, it won’t go well anymore.

No one else was to blame; I was.

I fell in love with Orpheus despite knowing that Orpheus and Diana loved each other.

I was foolish and had strangled myself.

I was worried.

I suffered while crying, endured the pain in my chest and came to a conclusion.

――― I will disappear from their sight.

I love both Orpheus and Diana.

The love I feel for them both are different, but I love them from the bottom of my heart.

――― I’ll step down.

I’ll disappear from the sight of my loved ones.

May they be married this time for their happiness.

However, if I just disappear from their sight, then they would be worried because they are kind.

Orpheus would be worried, and he would probably try to find me.

Thus, I became a wicked person and will disappear from their sights once they hate me.

I will be cast away by Orpheus.

That man would probably fly into a fit of rage if I disappear while only leaving a scandal behind, but that didn’t matter anymore.

I have no obligations to a man who sold me off to gain loans after he’d oppressed me harshly.

And it doesn’t matter what happens to me.

I had no worth, to begin with, and I’m not needed by anyone.

I’ll become a nun or a prostitute. I’ll become anything.

――― If it’s for Orpheus, if it’s for the person I love, then I can do anything.

I don’t mind if people look down on me.

I also don’t care if they reject me.

I’m not looking for someone to understand.

This is ――― this is my love.

This is my love for Orpheus.

 

And I became the Countess Rosenstein whom everyone hates.

I insulted Orpheus when he tried to talk to me and ignored Diana who kept repeating her excuses.

Orpheus said he would move Diana to another place, and I would ask him why every time.

“You’re the one who wanted to keep her here, so why are you trying to get rid of her now?” I would say.

『I don’t care.』

By then, I had met Claude and had his cooperation, so I said, “I’ve found someone I like. So, I don’t care about you anymore. Do whatever you want.”

『You’re the only one who can’t abandon me.』

『I’m not abandoning you.』

I tore up the promise that I had made to Orpheus many times as if I was tearing up a thin piece of paper.

“Why, Ophelia?” Orpheus muttered, while standing there with a badly wounded expression on his face.

I ignored the pain in my chest that felt like it was being pierced by countless needles, laughed and said, “It’s because I hate you, Orpheus. I hate you and I hate Diana.”

Thus, the curtains closed on my happy days, and I was only allowed to push forward to the end.

Everything was in the past and will never come back.

 

◊♦◊♦◊♦◊

 

I sat down at dinner after I shook Orpheus awake.

The sun had already set, the curtains closed, and the only light source in the room came from the chandelier and candlestick.

A heavy silence flowed between us.

Orpheus quietly drank his wine, and I earnestly carried the food in front of me to my mouth.

An aura of rejection flowed out from Orpheus’s whole body and was carried in the silence.

“Ophelia, I need to talk…”

“You’re not going to complain, right?” I gulped down the glass of wine in front of me and interrupted Orpheus.

“I ate as you ordered. I ate properly. I’m full, so I don’t need dessert.”

I violently threw the cloth which I had wiped my mouth with on the table and stood up.

“Wait. I need to talk to you. Sit down.”

“I refuse. I have nothing to talk to you about. You lectured me a lot yesterday, and I’m sick of hearing your voice since it sounds as if you’re looking down on me. Ah, oh, yes, yes. Don’t send Juris as a messenger again. I don’t like that man. I don’t want to see his face if possible.”

“It’s not a lecture. Just sit down.”

“You’re persistent! I told you I don’t want to, didn’t I?!”

I threw a tantrum like always.

“I have nothing to talk to you about, and I don’t want to listen to you! What? What complaints do you have?! I promised that I wouldn’t waste money for a while, and I didn’t disturb your time with Diana!”

“Ophelia.”

“Shut up! You’re always like this! You’re kind to Diana, but you always complain about me! Why can’t you be a little kind to me!?”

Orpheus remained expressionless.

He looked at me coldly, and I couldn’t understand what he was thinking. He stared at me, who was shouting because I had gotten worked up.

He won’t gently appease me like he does with Diana when she gets angry.

He would never direct his loving smile and natural arched lips at me.

――― But I still love him.

I became a loathsome person because I love him.

I was selfish and arrogant. I became a bad wife who people frowned at just by hearing my name.

I degraded into a fool.

If I do this, then the relationship between Orpheus and Diana is justified, and the servants becoming would support her even more.

Before long, Orpheus will run out of patience with me, divorce me, and I will disappear from their sight.

And Orpheus and Diana, the lovers I admire, will marry and be happy.

Orpheus can smile gently and lovingly forever by Diana’s side.

――― So, I will give him my everything.

It’s okay if my feelings don’t reach him.

It’s okay if it remains unknown forever.

It’s okay even if I’m looked down upon and rejected.

“I hate you all! You, Diana, Juris and Elze. I hate you all!” I didn’t want to see Orpheus’s face distort as if it was cracked and rushed out of the dining room as my bloody scream echoed.

 

Countess Rosenstein is selfish, domineering and a spendthrift. She also loved gambling and went to gambling houses whenever she found free time.

It is rumoured that she is a regular at the famous gambling house on the outskirts of the capital. She stays there from day time and drinks wine like water. She flaunts her good fortune for marrying a rich and handsome husband and takes bets from wealthy nobles who have spare time.

‘Gambling’ was a way for nobles who have too much spare time and money to kill time.

However, it is disgraceful and vulgar for a young lady to be absorbed in gambling when it hasn’t even been that long since she’d gotten married, and she hasn’t even given birth. It was normal for society to frown at her.

Moreover, the madam’s notoriety doesn’t stop there.

Social behaviour, self-indulgent in her private life, and lovers with a painter.

Although she is a country noble, she is the former daughter of a Marquis House, and while everyone praised her husband for being wonderful, she continued to act foolish without reflecting.

These days, people in high society all seem to say this.

『It won’t be long until Countess Rosenstein is expelled from high society.』

――― Will I be expelled from high society first? Or divorced first?

I’d like to be divorced first, but that might be difficult considering the number of unfriendly glances that are thrown my way whenever I go to the gambling house.

The nobles, who are seated with me, look at me with smiles on their faces, but they were probably scoffing at me inside.

She has more pride than others and is a foolish woman, they probably thought.

No, they might be cussing me inside; I’ve lost all my money to that damn woman.

――― I’m tired. Let’s stop.

Thinking it was the right time, I raked up the coins in my hand, handed it to Renee, who was standing behind me and stood up.

“Oh, are you already leaving Countess Rosenstein?”

“Well, are you quitting while you’re ahead? That’s sly, Ms Ophelia. Play with us for just a little longer.”

I showed the nobles, who were trying to detain me, an arrogant smile suitable for a winner.

“I’ll hold back. I won’t necessarily receive the Goddess of Victory’s smile so many times. Goodbye, everyone.”

I curtsied at the nobles, who were smiling wryly, and left the table. I ordered Renee to exchange the coins and headed to the rest area at the corner of the room.

I wanted to rest slowly in a place with few people, but I was caught by nobles I knew and by the time I was seated on the leather-covered seats, I didn’t have the will to stand up.

――― I’m really exhausted.

I sighed heavily, opened the fan and was briefly fascinated by the painting of the large bundle of roses.

――― Orpheus.

I thought deep crimson roses resembled that handsome person.

 

I continued to play the foolish Countess Rosenstein.

I said more selfish things, I became hysterical in some ways, I played around with my lover and continued to waste money, breaking my promise of not wasting it.

Then, I started going to the gambling house, which I had neglected for about half a month.

I also started gambling to ruin my reputation, and also because the wealthy wife, who I was modelling my act of being the worst type of woman ever, is addicted to gambling. She did nothing but gamble and even fell into debt.

Of course, I didn’t dare to imitate her until that happened to me, but I started going to the gambling house because my reputation would drop a lot since I was a young wife.

Gambling also has its advantages.

If I’m lucky, I can make money.

The money I earned was invested in the business of a merchant I knew, and I’ve made quite a profit from it now.

I kept my savings in the bank without touching it, and I was planning on withdrawing it all once the divorce has been decided, then I’ll sell off all the dresses and jewellery that I have, add that amount to my savings, and give it all to Orpheus.

Alimony, no, it’s more appropriate to say that this is the fee for the nuisance I’ve caused.

I’m sorry that the money isn’t very clean in the first place, but I have no other way to earn money.

 

The room inside the gambling place was laid out luxuriously like a high-class salon and was filled with fashionable men and women of all ages, even today.

It was filled with hot air and was stuffy.

I want to bask in the outside wind, but I had to wait for Renee to return, so I could only endure it with the light breeze coming from my fan.

I stared blankly at the scene which unfolded before my eyes as I waited for Renee.

The nobles who were laughing boisterously and having fun gambling were of various ages and positions.

On the heavy tables were cards, dice, roulettes, wine glasses and stacks of coloured coins ――― which would become a hefty amount if one were to cash it out.

Gambling is a pastime for nobles.

Most of the nobles, who live in the capital, have a lot of time and money, and they didn’t go to gambling houses just to seek thrills, but also to socialise.

Gambling houses weren’t only a place to spend money, but also a place for nobles to interact with each other.

Some gambling houses are so prestigious that only selected nobles are allowed to enter.

――― Elegant.

I thought as I watched them shout.

All the nobles come here to enjoy gambling and chatting.

The whereabouts of large amounts of money, mansions, land or fiefs given by the King are sometimes decided with a small roll of a die.

Even losing is a pleasure for them.

I can’t understand their mental states, no matter how much time passes.

I don’t think gambling is fun at all because betting makes me break out in a cold sweat.

And above all else, it’s tiring.

I don’t bet a lot of money considering that I could lose, and the act of wagering money from those who lose it makes me feel guilty and shaves away at my energy and mentally.

A noble’s extravagant pastime might not suit someone who has been living like an orphan since a young age.

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――― I’m really doing stupid things.

I’m beyond saving because I’m doing a lot of foolish things to break up with the person I love.

Instead of relying on Claude when I get divorced, it would be better if I become a nun and spend my days repenting to god.

Though, I don’t think that all my past actions will be forgiven even if I do this ―――.