A Wave Of Desire

~~

Ryan

~~

All day at school on Thursday I could see how miserable Kai was. He was still worried about Ocean. He wasn't sure that he was OK. He probably thought that he would get home and find out that Ocean had relapsed and was in a coma or something.

I mean, they let him out of the hospital way too early in my opinion. I didn't blame Kai for being concerned about his boyfriend. I would feel the same if something had happened to Ben.

I know that it wasn't the same for me and Ben. Ocean and Kai had been together for a lot longer than us. I had only been official with Ben for a little less than a week. Still, I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to live a life without him. He's been there for me since we were little, and I really didn't want to lose that.

Still, I wanted to try and do something special for the two of them. I think that my friends would be happy if we managed to do something that they didn't expect. The problem was, I didn't know what to do.

I think that, in a situation like this, it would be best for me to consult with Ben. He would know what to do. He would help me to figure this out.

When the day ended, I asked Ben to come with me to get something to eat. I wanted to talk to him, but I also wanted to be alone with him. And I could count this as our first date since we officially started to go out with each other.

I thought it was a big deal, something that we both needed right now. It was important that we go on dates and spend time with each other. I needed to show him that I truly did want to be with him.

"Ben, do you want to go out to eat with me." I swear I blushed when I asked him, it wasn't like I was embarrassed, but it was not something that I was used to doing.

"Why?" He was ruining this for me.

"I..I just thought that, you know, maybe we should spend some time together. I..I..I thought that we could.. that we could.. that it would be nice to go on.. to have a.." I was having such a hard time right now. How was I going to tell him what I really wanted?

"What is it? What are you.. Oh." Ben finally understood what I was trying to say. "W..w..well, I don't have any plans. So, uhm, I..I guess I could go with you." He was embarrassed now. This was such a disaster.

"W..well, I..I brought my car today. So.. so we can go with just the two of us now. K..K..Kai can drive himself home and w..we can go out." There, I actually said that we were going out. That was a major leap, a big step, whatever you wanted to call it.

Now that the embarrassing and difficult part of the whole ordeal was over, Ben and I went to my car. I wanted to be a true boyfriend and open doors and all that, but he didn't seem to like that very much.

"I am not a girl, or a damsel, or anything like that. What do you think that you are doing?"

"I just wanted to treat you with love and be chivalrous. It doesn't mean that you are a girl." I tried to argue my way here.

"Well, you don't have to. We're equals here." He looked down.

"Then you could do it for me too." I grinned. "If we're equals, then it will be a two way street." I kissed his cheek and held the door for him.

"You're an idiot." He laughed as he got into the car.

I didn't want to do anything fancy, this was a quick unplanned thing, so neither of us were prepared for a whole night out. So, I settled on taking us to the diner that we usually went to when we hung out. It was familiar to us both and would probably be easier on us with how comfortable we were there.

We sat in a booth, sitting opposite of each other and looked over the menu. I wanted to sit with him, but I wasn't sure how to go about it at the moment. I would have to settle for this right now.

"Should we get the usual?" Ben asked me as he looked at the menu. 

That menu hadn't changed at all since we were kids. It was the same food we had grown up eating. It was comfort food and home cooking, and all it did was remind me of how things used to be.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked me when he noticed how upset I was. "What's going on with you?"

"I..I'm sorry." I didn't want to be acting like this. I was on the verge of tears, and I wasn't someone that usually cried so easily.

"What is it, Ryan? Just talk to me, OK." He reached his hand across the table and gripped mine gently.

"I can't help but think about the way that things have been this past week and how things used to be." I forced the tears back to stop myself from crying.

At that moment Carla, the waitress that we usually had, came up to us.

"Hey, haven't seen you two in a couple of weeks. Are you going to have your usual?" She smiled at us, but then seemed to notice that I was upset. "What's the matter, sweetie?"

"It's OK, Carla. I will calm him down. If you don't mind, we will have the usual."

"Coming right up, Ben." She nodded at him and stepped away.

"Now out with it, Ryan. What is going on?"

"I can't help but think about how things have been for us lately. The things at school. Then the things that happened with our parents. Now with how Ocean has been hurt. It's all been too much. Coming here, I thought we would be comfortable and could talk because we came here a lot before we were dating. But all it did was make me think about how sad it is that my dad was just an asshat." I heard my voice shake.

"Yeah, I know. Your dad and my mom. They're quite the pair, aren't they?" Ben shrugged and tried to smile at me.

"At least you still have your dad. My mom took my dad's side. I am all alone."

"You're not alone." Ben sounded angry. "You have me. And you have Ocean and Kai as well. They will be there for us like we are going to be there for them. Neither of us are alone. Even if we didn't have Ocean and Kai, we still wouldn't be alone. We have each other."

"And I am glad that I do have you." I smiled at him. "I love you, Ben. And I would choose you every time. I miss my parents, and it hurts knowing that they did this, but I was going to be going off to college soon anyway. I didn't need them. I need you."

"I love you too, Ryan. And I am glad that we have each other like this now. We waited too long to tell each other how we feel."

"Weren't you always dating, though?" Carla asked as she set the glasses filled with our drinks down in front of us. The two of us jerked and pulled apart. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya." She grinned but it looked painful and forced. Her eyes, however, were apologetic.

"No, we only started dating last week." Ben told her, not at all fazed by what had just happened.

"Dang. I could have sworn you two were together this whole time. You made such a good couple that it was just the first place that my mind went."

"Wait, really?" I was surprised that she said that.

"Yeah. I always loved seeing you two come in here. My son was gay. He was such a sweetheart too. I could see the same look in your eyes that he had for the man that he loved. It was so refreshing to see you together and happy."

"That's cool. Where is your son now? What's he doing?" Ben, excited upon hearing this comparison, asked eagerly.

"Oh, well, he was bullied too much, and the man that he loved wasn't of the same orientation. H..he couldn't take it. He let the depression get to him and took his own life. I tried to be there, I tried to be supportive, but it wasn't enough for him."

"At least you were supportive." Ben lowered his head.

"Yeah, our parents disowned us when they found out." I added. 

"Now that just ain't right. You two didn't do anything wrong. You just love differently, that is all. I hate people that are so blind and stupid." She was huffing and glaring at nothing now. "You know what, boys, you're always welcome here. And today, your meal is on me. Come back anytime, just like you did before. I will protect you no matter what anyone else says."

"Carla.." I was shocked by her intensity.

"That's so kind of you." Ben seemed moved.

After that was done, and we had our food, we started to talk about the special thing that I wanted to do for Ocean and Kai. Ben agreed that they needed something special. The two of them had been through so much more torment at school than we had. The two of them fought hard, but they needed a break now.

We were going to plan a day where they didn't have to do anything. They didn't even have to leave their room if they didn't want to. We would do the cooking. We would cater to them and deliver things to them if they wanted it. That was the only thing that two nearly broke high schoolers like us could do. I wanted to save our money, as much of it as we could, for school when it would be just me and Ben.

Now that it was all planned, the two of us left the diner and went back home. It was still hard on me, thinking about my family and the strife that was our familial matters, but it was nice to know that both me and Ben had a place to call home even after all of this. I didn't want to know what would have happened to us if we had needed to live on the streets or something. That didn't bear thinking about.. Nope, all I needed to think about was that we had each other and a home with our friends.