About my hopeless brother and sister

Even as a child myself with only tender dignity, I felt shame.

What had my cousin done wrong? My cousin did nothing wrong, my cousin was perfect, perfect, perfect.

But, Cousin's perfection stung us, the imperfect, deeply. She didn't mean to hurt us, but her shell, however, stung us.

"Anna ah, you have to be good and learn from your cousin ah. My sister has passed away, but people are still so good. You're no worse than her."

Dad would touch his own head after every gathering and say tenderly.

What he knew, what he understood, he had been good as a child too. Before my cousin appeared, in the circle that I used to be in, I was also very good ah, beautiful and cute, academic performance is also the first in the class, the object of everyone's envy, once, was myself ah.

Himself, not worse than cousin ah!

Studying as hard as they could, they began to compete in competitions themselves, challenging themselves to things they hadn't tried before. Even though she was a different age from her cousin, if she was also the best in the school, she could still prove that she was the best, right! All you have to do is win a lot of awards yourself, and you'll be praised, right! At that time, the one who was surrounded by people was yourself!

Cousins aren't perfect kids at all, cousins aren't perfect at all! Maybe it's true that I'm not as smart as my cousin, but isn't it said that hard work makes up for clumsy birds? My cousin studied for an hour and I studied for two hours. It doesn't matter. So what if I'm a genius? If I'm a genius, I can catch up with my hard work!

Really, really trying.

Studying in class, studying at home, eating with a small notebook, memorizing texts while waiting for the bus, not listening to music, not turning on the computer, not watching TV, there is only one word left in life and that is studying. Put your cousin's report card on the wall, and you can keep yourself going.

I'm going to surpass my cousin, and I'm going to become that much more noticeable. I'm going to tell all the people myself, so what if I'm a genius?

Before entering the examination room, herself, broke the boat.

"Oh, oh, oh, this time Rhyme is first again, our Anna is seventh this time, oh, really, Rhyme is so good. Is there a good way to do it?"

"Oh, uncle I don't have a good way to do this, I'm just doing this on the fly... Haha, really really, I'm not hiding anything, really, I have my younger brother to take care of, where would I get so much time to study."

Himself....

Failed again....

Yourself, a fiasco.

What the hell went wrong? Myself, I've obviously done my best... Myself, where is it that I'm still not trying hard enough? Self...self...self has tried so hard, I don't know how to try anymore!

Looking down at the plate in front of me, at the BBQ in the forest, at the slices of meat boiling with oil on the grill in front of me, at the way they went from bright red meat, to burnt yellow, with aromatic food. A few pairs of chopsticks divide the food, but no one notices that their plate is blank.

Dad was talking to his cousin, Mom was roasting....

No one on their own side.

Just as well, this is how losers are treated. Yourself is the loser, it's the victor that has the halo and applause around him, leaving the loser with nothing but a back and a bust forever. Everyone is looking at their cousin, themselves, and they are so good...they clearly believe in themselves as well....

So you, yourself, aren't good at all?

The eyes gradually misted up, their own heart was sore, every drop of blood with a roar of reluctance and desperate cry, they really really really really really really really really really really want to surpass her, isn't it said that hard work can make up for it? Isn't it always said that if you give a lot, you get a lot? Why, why, why are you surrounded by nothing!

A few tears, dripping onto the empty plate.

"Nah."

A pair of chopsticks gently caught a few pieces of meat and placed it on their plate.

Hastily wiping his tears and looking up, in front of him was a face he hadn't seen much, white skin, black eyes, the childish face of a teenager who hadn't grown up. He looked at himself, his face is bright as the sun smile.

"Don't eat anything, well, it's quite delicious, really. It's awesome that you got seventh place in the exam."

He took a piece of meat in his mouth with a flourish and chewed it with relish.

"I...I'm...I'm good?" Without moving the meat, but rather, looking at him, choking up and asking.

"Of course it's great, taking seventh place in the school! What a great score! I'm so jealous of people like you who get good grades, by the way."

He looked at me a little puzzled and smiled.

"I...I'm nothing...compared to my cousin...nothing..."

"You can't compare it like that."

With a righteous expression, he picked up another piece of meat and said, "My sister is a genius, how can you compare to a genius?"

See!

See!

That's what everyone thinks, right!

Yourself...yourself...you just can never surpass your cousin, right! In the eyes of everyone, you're just never as good as your cousin, right! Yourself, you're not good at all right, you're simply the one who is repressed by your cousin right.

Dropping her plate, she cried out loudly and ran over to the depths of the forest.

I don't care I don't care I don't care!!!

I've tried so hard, I've tried so hard, why do I just always have to be in my cousin's glory! No matter who no matter who no matter who says so!!!! Why why why why! How can I be worse than my cousin? What am I less of a genius at? Genius genius genius!

Why does the world need such a thing as a genius! Why is it that ordinary people can't surpass geniuses no matter how hard they try!

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

The young girl tore her heart out in an agonizing rage of despair that startled a bird throughout the forest.

Himself, or, just die.

Feet, slipping violently....

"HEY HEY HEY!!! Danger!!!"

Your own hands, fiercely pulled by a pair of hands. The uncontrollable body was pulled violently, stopping the tendency to roll downward. The hands gripped themselves so hard that their own survival instincts made them struggle backwards as hard as they could.

The man must not have had much strength.

Together, the two men rolled down the steep slope.

"So ah, what are you running around for."

Being carried on the back by that boy, suffering from the pain all over his body, he lay on the boy's back and silently wept.

The boy's arm was bleeding and there were bruises on his forehead. Both himself and him rolled over, both hurt.

"Leave me alone..."

"Huh? What are you talking about, what have you got to be angry about."

He gasped, dissatisfied.

"I'm saying you should leave me alone! I'm nothing anyway! I'm no better than my cousin in anything! Why do you care about me? Let me just die!"