About Your Pride and My Prejudice

Chapter 107: It’s You That I Wanted

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It was very strange. Outside the window, the golden autumn was in full swing, but the inside of the room was as cold as early winter.

In the middle of it was Alan Leopold sitting. That jet-black haired man, whiter than snow.

“…….”

Where did my spirit of shouting his name go, and as soon as I faced him, I froze as if I had frostbite. With his long legs crossed at an angle, he lifted his fine chin gracefully…… This is because he looked like Alan Leopold in my distant memory, whom I used to peek at without anyone knowing.

I couldn’t see the man who whispered sweet words to me and smiled at me, curving his red lips as if he had bitten a flower. Did our memories disappear last night like those ashes?

I suddenly felt empty in my mind. The moment I just woke up from my restful sleep, I realized that everything was a dream, like a beautiful and painful sense of loss.

“……Alan.”

He finally saw me. Eyes like a misty winter lake were shining cold under his thick lashes. His skin was always as pale as the moon in the night sky, but he looked exceptionally pale today.

He didn’t sleep? Is there any problem…….

It was ridiculous for a moment even though my heart was numb with anxiety. Who the hell cares about whom.

Alan looked up at me with a cool, emotionless stare, and didn’t even tell me to sit down. Because of that, I felt dizzy just standing at the door and looking at him.

Why on earth are you so beautiful?

No great painter or sculptor could put all his breath and all his life into moving this beauty on a canvas.…. There are times when I feel unbearably sad just looking at him like that.

“Come and sit down.”

With a low sigh, he said reluctantly. I was startled, as if waking up from a dream, and quickly sat down in front of him.

The clear blue-grey eyes were terrifyingly deep. As our eyes met tightly, I was afraid that all my shameful thoughts would be revealed.

“What’s the matter? Your complexion….”

So I quickly lowered my gaze and asked in a trembling voice. But his answer was inexhaustible.

“What do you have to say?”

“…….”

At the arrogant tone of voice, I suddenly laughed out loud. Why the hell am I acting like a sinner in front of him, and why is he acting viciously like someone who has never done anything wrong?

“You, my novel…….”

Without a word, pent-up emotions poured down like a dam collapsed in the heavy rain. I clenched my fist. Until the tingling pain rushes into my fingers.

“Why did you do that? You know what that means to me.”

“Write it again.”

“……What?”

“You can rewrite it from the beginning.”

His cold voice was terribly insensitive.

“Again…”

My hand holding the hem of the dress relaxed. My whole body trembled and my eyes gradually became dim.

Is he doing this on purpose? You can’t bear it unless you make Melissa Collins miserable? Like a man who lives only for my misfortune…….

“That, now….”

Was it just my arrogance that I thought I could talk to him without getting angry?

Breathing deeply, I slowly looked up and saw the man in front of me. The only person who makes me feel all the emotions that exist in the world just by looking at him.

Rarely, only one emotion was painfully clear today. The bitter disillusionment that boils in my heart…… I even had the illusion that my whole body was being burned by the flames.

“Is that what you’re saying? Do you even know what you’ve done?”

“…….”

“What rights do you have to……!”

“Rights? Then what about you?”

I was speechless by the unexpected counterargument and froze.

“I wonder what rights you have to do that.”

“…….”

“If I said I got rid of it because it bothered me. Can you still be angry?”

A low voice and emotionless face. Nevertheless, the gaze that stuck to me was overwhelming enough to make me hold my breath.

My heart was pounding out of control. It feels like my body is getting cold. I had no idea that Alan was thinking like this….….

“You wrote about me in the first place, obviously.”

My head was bleached white by the sharp words. Ironically, there was only one thing that came to mind. The only truth hidden in a flood of anxiety and questions.

It was then that my tightly closed lips fell.

“It was you who even imprisoned me to complete it.”

“…….”

“You wanted the novel. Why are you saying that now? I….”

I don’t understand.

Perhaps I will never know your heart. Because you will never show or tell me.

“Phew.”

Then Alan let out a low sigh. I stared blankly as his smooth brow twisted painfully.

Is it painful just to face me now? Then will there be no more ecstatic times like those dreams? There were definitely moments when I felt something had begun between him and me.

Was it only the beginning of the end after all?

“Hic….”

A slight sob broke out. When I met Alan, I made up my mind not to cry, but I couldn’t stop it.

In fact, I tried to hold back my tears by biting my lips. I didn’t want to seem any weaker to him. But I couldn’t do anything about the corners of my eyes that were getting wet, and I ended up burying my face in my hands.

At that moment, Alan lowered his neck. It’s like he’s holding back.….

“It’s not the novel I wanted.”

And words that sounded like a lie.

“It’s you.”

When I looked up, I saw golden dust swimming slowly between him and me. His face was visible behind the glazed and harmless sunlight. The beautiful face of Alan Leopold, which can now be seen even with eyes closed, and will never be forgotten even if I am reborn, seemed unfamiliar as if I had never seen it before.

I thought I’d never forget this moment.

“What does that mean?”

“I thought it was the novel you wrote (what he wanted).”

He had a strange face that looked like he was about to cry.

“……It was you who wrote it.”

“That….”

My heart pounded and fell to the floor. Soon even the tears stopped. I thought, blinking my eyes in disbelief. What did I hear now?  What did he say to me now?

It’s not a strange word at all, but I didn’t understand it at once. I mean… what Alan Leopold wanted was actually…….

“Den, are you outside?”

As soon as I reached out to say something, he rose up calling a man outside the door.

“Yes.”

“Call the carriage. My guest is going back.”

“Alan, now…….”

I stood up after him, but my legs were heavy as if a rock was hanging from it. Still, I desperately approached Alan trudging as if drawn by gravity.

“I’m still…”

“Go back now.”

A neat answer came back. But the gaze held me like a trap.

“……What am I supposed to do if you send me back like this?”

“Just wait a little bit.”

“…….”

“Wait for me. Let’s talk again at night.”

He whispered and arranged my tangled hair with a gentle touch.

“Okay?”

* * *

All the way back to the mansion in the carriage, I was rewinding his words, expressions, touches, all one by one.

“What he wanted was not my novel…….”

My anger and confused mind slowly died down at the sound of horse hoofs ringing at a constant speed.

—It’s you.

Just then, a warning sound went off in my head.

He is so wicked and cunning. I don’t think I can go against him. Then what should I do now? Do I just have to be fooled again? As always.

Something that glitters and glows, never knowing when it will disappear. It is called fantasy, which causes endless thirst by giving off a sweet scent from a distance that is almost out of reach.

I suddenly thought, between a sweet fantasy and bitter reality, is it so bad to choose the sweet fantasy?

I still don’t know if Alan Leopold loves me or not. I won’t know the secretive man’s heart unless our souls are switched.

So I have no way of knowing whether Alan’s desire for me is the same as my desire for him.

Even if what he said was true, I…… I don’t think I can forget the two people who were hugging each other and the green scenery that unfolded behind them.

“……Monica Elwood.”

A lot might have changed ifI had been as cool as her.  But I will never be her, so I have to constantly remind myself. To me, he is the only one for me, but to him I will never be the one.

And that the shallow, petty affection he gives me as if I was in the right place would never give me complete rest.

It felt like I was already smelling the anxiety and tears I was about to embrace. I can’t help but feel sad all of a sudden.

If I am alone and weeping with trembling lips, he will surely come and wipe away my tears. Then I’ll complain to him that it’s sad that I can’t be the only one for him, and I think Alan will speak in a low voice.

You’re the only one for me, Melissa.…. Like a devil who came to take my soul away.

If I’m willing to be deceived by the illusions he gives me, at least I can fill your mouth with sweet joy. I will soon forget about the boring world and thoughts, and I will be drenched in candy-like fantasies and burst into tears.

“I can’t help but cry either way.”

A low sigh breaks out. The day was coming to an end before I realised it. Soon the sunset will fall over the street. But I never opened the curtains until the carriage reached the mansion.

My body and head were as heavy as wet cotton. Fortunately, by the time I felt that I was more desperate to rest than ever, I was already able to get out of the carriage and hurried to my room in the detached house. The nightmare-like pile of ashes in my room had already been cleaned up.

But it wasn’t just the ashes that were sorted out.

“Oh, my lady…….”

All the maid’s belongings in the room had disappeared. And Sandra stood with an awkward face, carrying a large bag that was supposed to contain the items.

“…Sandra, what are you doing?”