About Your Pride and My Prejudice

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“This is now….”

This was a very unexpected situation.

“What happened?”

“Miss, stop looking and go back.”

“Yes, miss. It’s cold.”

The maids were busy sending me back. With an awkward expression on everyone’s face, as if begging.

“Please answer me. Where are the guards?”

“…….”

“If you leave the main gate like this……!”

“…….”

When I raised my voice out of frustration, the two maids exchanged glances with bewildered faces. Did they make a deal with the guards on condition that they keep secrets?

“Please tell me.”

“……Why are you asking that? Let’s go back inside first, miss.”

“I can’t go like this!”

I didn’t want to fall for the attitude of hiding something. I approached the front gate straight away.

I hope the employees are not just conspiring secretly to deceive their owner. Alan is busy and tired from his business, so I hope he can relax at home without worrying about anything. I was having only those kinds of thoughts.

Perhaps the guards are not sneaking out of their workplaces, but resting nearby for a while. It’s definitely hard to stand all day.

Please, I hope my guess is correct.

“Miss!”

Rose vines were densely hung from the elegant gold-plated arch and the long iron fence below it. Even in the weak afternoon sunlight, the autumn roses glowing red in the light of the setting sun evoked a strange sense of déjà vu.

However, even if I looked around the main gate, I could not see the guards. There was only a lonely landscape with a spacious stone paved path.

“I can’t believe it…….”

Have they really decided to completely abandon the gate guarding?

“Miss! Please don’t go outside!”

“Pardon? What are you saying….”

The maids screamed and I looked back at them with a bewildered look.

“If you leave like this, we’re going to have a hard time…….”

“…….”

Those words opened my eyes wide. It was because I belatedly realized that they were busy worrying about Alan’s reaction rather than me going outside even though all the guards were gone.

All my thoughts stopped suddenly, and my lips were twitching, but the maid comforted me again.

“So please go back. Huh?”

“The wind is cold, miss.”

The maids seemed anxious that I might run out of the main gate right away, but they couldn’t even pull my arm and were just stamping their feet. Since there are two people, if I use my strength, it would be enough to take one of them down.

Surely my position in the mansion has changed. The other day, when the official letter came from the cathedral, I signed it on behalf of Alan, and now I use his room as if it were mine, and Alan, who has returned to the mansion, always fell asleep with me.

I felt like I had mixed feelings, but anyway, I couldn’t let this situation pass. All I had to do was figure out the exact situation and tell Alan.

“I can’t turn a blind eye to this.”

“Miss…”

“Did the two of you happen to know? Negligence of security.”

Suppressing my trembling heart, I asked in a grim voice, but all that returned was a curious gaze.

“……What do you mean? Negligence of security?”

“I need to tell Alan everything. Just because he doesn’t come back every day doesn’t mean they shouldn’t do their job…….”

“Pardon…..?”

“I am upset to think that if I hadn’t gone out for a long walk today, I would have never known. So I want you to be honest.”

I ended up taking a deep breath, worried that they would open up to me and tell the truth. Then the maid, who covered her mouth with her surprised eyes, answered cautiously.

“D-didn’t you know?”

“……Is that important now?”

“I-it’s not that……. It’s the young master.”

“Alan?”

Still clenched my fists, I asked back in a daze. And the maid’s answer was,

“He was the one who removed the guards, miss.”

“What?”

……What is this? Did I hear it right? What does she mean by Alan removing the security?

“He ordered to remove all the security at the front gate…… About a month ago? As far as I can remember, it’s been quite a while.”

“…….”

“We thought you’d know, so we thought you were going out today.”

“Right, you wanted to get away from the beginning. Ever since the master told to remove the security, I have been nervous.”

The two maids added explanations as if they had been waiting. Then they looked at me with eyes expecting an answer, but my lips didn’t move. As if I had become a completely different person from before.

My mind was all over the place. I couldn’t fathom Alan’s intentions of removing the security from the front gate without any notice.

It was only a few days ago when he hugged me and whispered that he was afraid I’d run away. Is it okay to leave the front gate empty like this?

What if I turned around and ran outside, and I didn’t come back forever?

….Does that mean he won’t care if I disappear? Does he have any replacement for a woman like me?

Of course, I don’t think the old stories he told me were lies.

“But….”

But his beautiful voice, his kind eyes, and even his enchanting kiss can’t prove anything. Those shining moments will eventually fade like a scent……….

Then the maid carefully added her words.

“Mr. Willam said the master looked distressed. When he told them to keep the front door open.”

“……Why?”

“Well, I don’t know. The master is the young lady’s patron, and it’s not common for the patron to go outside….….”

Added the maid in a whisper.

“Isn’t it a regret for the past eccentric behavior?”

“Eccentric behavior?”

There was a strange objection to that statement. I don’t really know my heart either.

“There’s this kind of love, too.”

That’s weird. If I hugged Alan and put my ear to his chest, I think I would know all his thoughts and all his sincerity without saying it………. When we are apart like this, we cannot see even an inch ahead as if we were immersed in the deep darkness.

Is it because I love him the most among the things I have? I keep imagining uneasy things, and I get sad out of control.

“……There is love that is precious and valuable, and that must be hidden deeply.”

Sometimes it’s unbearable if you don’t remind yourself with formless words….

“That’s a relief.”

One of the maids said with an expressionless face.

“At first, I thought it was definitely vague, but…… Both of you have the same feelings, right?”

“……We are…….”

“The young master cares about you dearly. From the beginning until now, at least from what we’ve seen in this mansion.”

“…….”

“He seems like someone who lives only for you.”

At those words, I lost my strength, and as I put my hand on the iron fence, I felt a burning pain as if on fire.

“Ah……!”

“Miss!”

Perhaps the thorn of the rose vine that was winding the iron fence was deeply embedded in the fingers, and the blood quickly swelled up in a circle. Tears welled up as I watched it.

It hurts. I’m glad to hear the maid’s words, but he can’t fully trust me outside the mansion, in a world I don’t know or know anything about. Nevertheless, I have no intention of leaving him.

“Ah….”

A silly bird who forgot how to spread its wings only tilts its head in front of an open cage door. Has his love for me broken my wings?

If that’s really the case, I …….

“It hurts……”

Tears that I couldn’t even understand myself ran down my cheeks nonstop. I put my hand helplessly while the maids hurriedly checked my hands, their faces hardened and I thought.

Would it seem strange that the reason I cry as if the world has fallen is only because of such a small wound? Or, is it fortunate to be able to cry even for such a wound?

“It’s pretty deep. You have to get it out right now, so you should go back.”

Realizing that I had no intention of running out the front door, the maids no longer begged or urged me. They just returned with their usual indifferent faces.

Is that so? I felt like an immature child crying sadly in front of two calm people. But I couldn’t stop crying.

“Ughhh … It hurts so much ….….”

“It’s okay, miss. Come on.”

The way back to the mansion and back to my cage, led by the two maids, was blinded by tears.

Wouldn’t it be great if this wound and my anxiety could be completely healed? It seems that I had such a fleeting thought.

* * *

I thought I’d talk to Alan when he comes back. I wanted to ask him about leaving the front gate open. Even after standing in front of that door, I didn’t have any thoughts of running away.

I wanted to talk about my feelings that only felt unnatural as if they were broken, like a bird that forgot how to spread its wings.

I don’t know if it’s completely broken, but I was afraid to open it and check it out.….

I didn’t mean to rebuke him. I just wanted to comfort this confused feeling. It’s a feeling we made together, and half came from him. So only Alan could comfort and cuddle me like this.

By the way, did Alan’s wing broken, too?

“Melissa.”

Alan was pitifully broken that night.

It was a deep autumn night.

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