About Your Pride and My Prejudice

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“I have something to say.”

One day Alan said. It was such a lazy weekend afternoon, sitting opposite a teacup, he read a newspaper and I read a book I deliberately chose not to be the sad one.

“What do you want to say…?”

If he rhymes this way, it’s usually one of two. It’s very good news, or vice versa.

Alan has no expression, so he’ll have a straight face even before he delivers the good news. He doesn’t know how to make eyes like a child, or expressions that can’t leave the corners of his lips straight with excitement.

But I felt a sense of insecurity that he couldn’t hide. No matter how unemotional he may be, he wouldn’t put on such a gloomy look before bringing out the good news.

“Huuu….”

Alan sighed deeply. At this point, I thought that he would not have been able to read the newspaper he was holding at all. His face was more serious than the face he had focused his eyes on when he occasionally read documents.

Then, an unimaginable story came out of his lips.

“Melissa, ArchHill’s…….”

ArchHills?

“Your grandmother died.”

“……What?”

I hardened with a cup in my hand.

Are you…… saying that my grandmother died?

“How do you know that? Did you attach people to my family?”

“…….”

It was irresistible to remember the days when he was not my lover, but a mysterious man. Feeling cramped and afraid….….

Then I had a hallucination in which Alan’s white face, looking at me, suddenly changed into a creepy mask.

“Answer me, Alan…….”

Alan, who folded the newspaper and put it down on the table, said in a low voice.

“While you are here… I bought a house for the four people who were leaving the family for severance pay. On the outskirts of Florin and Solvern, ArchHills and piccom.”

The four place names he recited were respectively the two-story house where my mother was, the garrison of my father, the mansion of my aunt and grandmother, and the place where Viola was located.

It felt like the blood all over my body was getting cold. The hand that had set the teacup on the saucer was trembling, and a rattling sound echoed through the room.

“What do you mean by that? You try to spy on my people…….”

“I was just getting word on what was going on there. Just in case you need to know…… I don’t think you should miss it because of me.”

“…….”

I could do nothing but stare at him in disbelief. The clenched fist and the inside of the biting lip were tingling as much as it was terrifying.

“I’ve learned a few things, but I haven’t told you.”

“Ha… What are you trying to say now?”

“Because I don’t agree with the saying that there are more things in the world that are better not to know.”

“…….”

“I was afraid that my mistakes would remind you of your frightening times.”

Alan’s low voice was as deep and calm as ever. But his eyes were clearly shaking.

“……So what is the fact that you found out?”

What are you afraid of?

“The child raised by your one and only friend.”

“……Marty?”

“I found out that the child isn’t her husband’s biological son.”

Ha, I hastily closed my lips with a sigh.

“I don’t think your close friend and her husband know yet. If you want, I’ll send a letter to Piccom writing this down, right now.”

“…….”

A lot of thoughts crossed my mind. I grappled with my innocent nails.

“……No, don’t do that.”

“Don’t tell her?”

“They’re happy as they are. Don’t stir it for no reason and let them be happy…….”

I don’t have the right to judge what they want, but if they’ve been cherishing their happiness as if they were blowing a shiny bubble, I don’t have the right to burst it.

I asked nervously, concluding that.

“What else? You said a few, so there’s more, right?”

“Your father…….”

“…….”

That word made my eyes widened and my heart fell to the ground. Did something happen to father? Maybe an accident at the garrison?

My head buzzed as if I were standing on the edge of a cliff. I was so terrified that I even remembered Tobias.

Alan, who saw me bite my lips, said with a confused look.

“……Has a woman. Even if he returns to the capital, he won’t go back home because he has already set up a different house.”

“…….”

It’s a heartbreaking story, but I’ve definitely heard it in Arch Hill before coming to the Principality.

My grandmother told me that my parents were experiencing the same problem she had with late grandfather. She thought I knew the truth, but I didn’t know anything. I can only vaguely guess that my mother hid father’s affair because she thought of me.

“Maybe your mother already knows.”

“…….”

Yes, I guess so.

When I heard my grandaunt’s insinuation, I tried to cover up the uncomfortable truth without further digging. If I go back to the kingdom, I think I’ll be able to meet him then.

However, how long can I turn a blind eye to my mother’s depression and sadness?

I came to one conclusion from the truths Alan told me. Perhaps he was expecting too. There’s only one answer I can expect from him who gave me these facts.

“I have to go to the kingdom, Alan. Let me go to Grandma’s funeral.”

“I’m sure it’s over.”

“It doesn’t matter, so let me go.”

“…….”

Alan looked at me with frozen lake eyes. The gaze made my heart ache.

“If you let me know these facts just to stop me from going to Sourne, it’s really…… It’s unforgivable, Alan.”

“Melissa.”

“Just because it’s not a bad intention doesn’t mean it’s right, you know…….”

Our fragrant afternoon was changing desperately. I was trembling for fear that a part of me would fear him again.

“……You are right, I did tell you to let you go.”

Alan will never know that his answer at that moment sounded like a relief.

“But when I think you’re crossing the sea without me…….”

“…….”

“I can’t breathe, Melissa. I’m afraid you won’t come back.”

Oh, my God.

“If you’re not coming, I’ll chase you and lock you up again,”

“Alan…”

“There’s no way I can do it.”

The heavy breathing was intense. His overbearing, lofty shoulders looked somewhat fragile today.

“Alan, you thought I didn’t know that I wasn’t locked up anymore?”

I had a strange experience where my lips moved automatically.

“You’ve withdrawn all the guards at the main gate.”

“…….”

“I knew it. It’s my will not to get out of here, so…….”

The bird did not forget how to fly, nor did its wings bend. My eyes suddenly heated up.

“I’ll be back. Though I don’t know how long it will take.”

“…….”

At that very moment, I saw something twinkle and fall from the corner of Allen’s eyes.

“Alan……!”

It was the first time I saw Alan cry. I thought my heart would explode just by seeing his shoulders shake in fear that I might leave forever, but I can’t believe that was because he was holding back his tears.

Perhaps you have already become a body that cannot live outside the sea.

But it’s been a long time already since I can’t live without you.

It was so natural for me to rise up and approach crying Alan and hold his face in my arms. Like a waltz with a set motion.

I’ve soaked his chest countless times, but it was the first time I’d hugged Alan crying.

“I’ll be back. You’re already part of me, and there’s no way I can take it off.”

“…….”

That doesn’t make sense. I stroked his hair and whispered. Like caressing a small animal.

“……Are there any parts that are bigger than the body?”

Alan smiled in my arms.

“It’s such a small body.”

“Now you’re being hugged by me.”

Replying sharply, I buried my face in the back of his neck. Then he took a deep breath. The only thing in the world that lasts forever is the word eternity, but his firm body that I want to remember clearly even at the end of my life.

As the moment that resembled eternity passed like that, Alan whispered softly.

“You are such a kind and gentle person.”

“What, all of a sudden…….”

“Don’t be forced to come back because I cherish you. Make the choice you want, Melissa.”

He was clearly in my arms, but his voice sounded strangely distant. I asked, caressing Alan’s nightly hair.

“What if I don’t come back?”

“Well….”

Alan answered with a low voice, as if he didn’t want to think.

“I’ll send someone immediately to the kingdom…….”

“What?”

“……But I have to suppress my desire to do it…… I’ll have to live the rest of my life with the memories you gave me.”

His words reminded me of Madame Kerney’s words for some reason.

‘Everything was beautiful.’

About the beautiful and distant separation

‘After all, the only thing that keeps me alive is the memories of that time.’

Somehow I laughed hard because I felt like I was going to cry. I’m comforting Alan now. I can’t cry with him.

“How many months will my stake be worth? There will be memories left behind by your past lovers.”

“You’re making me sad. You were the only woman I had.”

“Huh?”

I grabbed his shoulder and jerked it out of his arms. Alan was looking up at me with stunned eyes, with a twinkling smile

“Then I’m the first……. No, but how…….”

“…….”

“As if you knew all the ways in me…….”

Then Alan chuckled, and I raised my voice because I thought I knew the answer.

“Did you dream of me too? Already in your dream……!”

“Melissa.”

Alan chuckled. Like an innocent child. However, a rather colorful smile hung around the beautiful lips.

“This isn’t a bedroom.”

“…….”

“Servants are listening.”

“Ah……!”

Only then did I realize that we were drinking tea in the tea room of the main building, and that there were some servants surrounding us.

I even made eye contact with the maid who came to fill the tea cup and stepped back with awkward steps…….

My mind went blank and my face was burning and I was dizzy.

“Your share…”

Alan wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me.

“Of course it’s the rest of my life, Melissa.”

“Al……hup”

……My love that knows no shame.

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