Actor, Search for Hope

And I felt like I needed to find out about the hospital, so I sighed.

“Whew.”

It hasn't been more than a year since I returned to the past, but depression seems to have gone a step further. The depression that I thought I had stopped acting, feeling a variety of emotions, is progressive now. I hadn't thought of that myself, but now I look back on this behavior. In this situation, it was right in front of the camera. It was similar to the beginning of a previous impulse control disorder that I had come to after I stopped taking depression medication. The crucial evidence is the palm of his hand. The pain in the palm of my hand, when I realized the blood coming out of my fingernails digging at my palm in the past, I said it was too late. I haven't dug up enough blood yet.

But I don't want to take the pills.

Lispenjeong. Sribanjeong. Droctin capsules. Xanapamjeong. Indenol. Zolpicin. Rivotril Jung. Etraville. Kurokel Jung. Myeongnim Bromazepam Jung, etc. Names of pills that were clearly memorable because I didn't like them. It's medicine that I take at first, so I've remembered because I don't want to remember the name and the effect, but the number and the kind of medicine that changes over time. That's why I gave up memorizing.

Pretty soon, I didn't think I needed to know.

Is there an end to the endless desert sea? There is no end to the unseen desert in the human eye. It's just invisible. The same is true of human life. The life that was supposed to end, the life that looked like that, it just went on like this. But there is an end.

Nature began to embrace the crimson light in the air as the sun set. So, nature's magic, which began to fill the world, began to paint my heart yellow.

Pearls.

Wait a minute to walk like that. The sunset flower, which bloomed a while ago, subsided a little thanks to the painter holding only the black color that had withered and came. C.

“Let's go back.”

The staff, who were following the Sun Wu who was walking without saying anything, and who could not do anything, sighed for relief.

.

On my way back, I was finishing my meal and tidying up. At the center of the camp, a silent red flame blazes through the grass. and the ability to make insects fly away from each other. I don't see shit.

“Where have you been? ”

“A little walk. ”

Everyone kindly welcomed me as if to welcome me naturally to the appearance of Sunwoo. It's still the same company leader, Su-yeon who approaches and takes it, and Noah who pretends not to be. Kim Min-soo and Park Hyun-soo, who are older, aren't they cold? I gave out the Frog Skewers and Bunny Bath, saying that I left my share of Sunwoo as well.

“Brother, here. I left it there just in case, but you don't have to eat it because I'm going to edit it. ”

“Thank you.”

After the shoot, it is time to take a short break. As I've heard in advance, I try my best to secure food and eat it myself. The missing amount fills the stomach with food prepared by the crew.

“First of all, this and... oh, ramen and rice. ”

I was hungry, but I started eating with rice and ramen after just tasting a little bit of food that was hard to eat or now. Of course, I did not forget to apologize to the staff, including PD, before dinner.

“But I'm glad it's not a dead end. ”

“No appetite for quantity. Lucky or not. ”

From the perspective of the producers, including PD, this was very vague. A lot of celebrities have been through this program, and I've met as many people as I have, but I've never met a character like Sunwoo.

“One shot of catching a rabbit with a knife would be the end of it. ”

“That's right, but... ”

It is also important that many appear, but sometimes not more than one scene with impact. In that sense, the knife throwing scene of the Sun Wu was very successful.

“I'll explain my schedule tomorrow. Go ahead and eat. ”

“And you?"

“Later.”

Lee Hyun PD stood up and approached the actors who were eating.

“I'm here to briefly explain the following schedule. You haven't heard the schedule since, have you? Oh, listen, I'm going to edit this right now, so just relax. ”

Lee Hye-hyun continued to say that he was okay when he looked embarrassed to see if the PD was filming.

‘Sunwoo doesn't seem very interested. It doesn't really seem like a concept, does it? ’

From the point of view of the PD, I have met many people through the principles of the jungle. An actor who raises the stock price, an idol who lives at the bottom, and a person who has no face or words without a camera. I really met stars, so when I first saw Seonwoo, I thought that attitude was a kind of concept.

“I did a lot of picking on my first day. So I'm going to let you rest until lunch tomorrow. ”

Normally, this relaxation was hard. However, I was lucky to pull the mulberry in a short time. Even for the producers, the cast is good.

“Wow, is it okay to sleep late tomorrow? ”

“Yes, sleep well. We'll even smoke pillows and portable mosquitoes when we're done preparing for bed. ”

PD's expression brightened everyone.

“Don't lose too much stamina in the first place. Some people look a little tired, but you need to be in good health. Tomorrow afternoon will be a desert expedition, so please take good care of it. ”

I said it was an explanation, but from a PD perspective, I want to ask for a physical safety. It was too chaotic for PD to see from day one, and everyone was moving too hard.

“I'm supposed to shoot stars at the end of the day and do a talk show, but I'll postpone this for tomorrow. Eat slowly and prepare well. ”

.

After dinner, everyone is getting ready for bed. Of course, it wasn't really sleeping, it was a show for the camera. It wasn't until after the filming was really finished that everyone's expressions cleared up.

“Here's a pillow and a portable mosquito fragrance. ”

After finishing filming that day, the cast members, as well as the staff, were ready for themselves. Everyone went inside and sat down, whether they were tired or not, but Seonwoo was still sitting outside, looking up at the sky.

“Aren't you coming in? ”

“A little later. Go ahead.”

After a while, the camera and the lights went out, and the silent darkness sank. Nevertheless, Noah looked outside because he could not see the Sun Wu.

“Aren't you going in? ”

“What about you?”

After the same conversation just repeated with a circle, I smiled and looked up at the sky. It's like silver powder on a black paper. Leading star waterfalls pour down from the sky.

“Beautiful.”

“... Yes? ”

The Milky Way is too subtle to compare galaxies to rivers. A sea of natural stars. She smiles again, smiling at her face as she rubs her cheeks red.

“Heaven, isn't it beautiful? ”

“Ah.”

Noah sighs, shy of his delusions, and looks up at the sky.

Now it's completely healed, but for a while, his neural pathways are directed against Noah. Sunwoo's attitude became burdensome, but not repulsive, after the help he didn't know himself. It was okay because I didn't like it for no reason or reason. But at first, I didn't like the fact that I was going with her. Because I'm afraid the fire will ignite again in the remnants of Seohyun Kim, which originated from the shadow of Lee.

“You don't hate me, do you? ”

“Why? I wouldn't be here if I didn't. ”

At first, Kim Seo-hyun appeared to overlap with her. I don't know why I care more, and I want to do something about it. And annoyed.

“We did a show together, and it was like a lover's role. You didn't get along. ”

Fortunately, the more time passed, the better. Because of the natural sky that leaves the city. And because of the appearance of Noah not acting Seo-hyun Kim. Two reasons why they interact. As time passed and I looked back, Lee Si-hyun's emotions now remained only in memory.

“I was so focused on the smoke. ”

To focus on acting, it was normal to get acquainted with the same actors, but Sunho was much out of line. It wasn't an excuse, it was true. Noah had to accept it quietly because it was so true for others and for himself.

“I think we're getting along a little bit now. I'm not the only one who thinks that, am I? ”

“Rather than filming a drama. ”

Her smile, thankfully, was hard to imagine the sharp image I had first seen or the image I had heard from the rumors behind.

“I thought I'd be happy if I got popular, but now that I think about it, ”

How long has it been since I've looked up at the beautiful sky that is hard to say? As the light struck, Noah's voice sank slightly into the sky filled with an inaudible sound.

“I think they're gaining popularity by selling happiness. ”

For happiness.

I still looked up at the sky because I didn't have anything to say about happiness, and Noah kept saying as if he didn't want something to stand against or answer.

“Make your name known, be popular. The cheer and the gaze. It was good at first. ”

It would just be nice to be popular.

“Idol has been a dream since childhood. But after the debut, after a lot of time, it was very unpopular, so I had a lot of meetings. ”

It's not popular.

It's not recognizable.

People didn't call me.

“I'm watching TV at the end of the year. I thought I'd done an idol for this. ”

It was hard to ignore the world.

Celebrities live for attention.

“So I was so happy when I started getting popular. And a growing number of fans, a growing cheer. I was so happy that the dream of Idol that I had drawn was coming to me. ”

Celebrities are, in some ways, the professions that give and receive emotions. Makes fans feel fantastic and happy. Celebrities spend money on the joy of their fans.

“But the more I go, the more I feel. ”

It's so lame.

I'm scared that if I turn my eyes for a moment, the happiness in my hands will disappear.

“The problem is, I don't even know if it's happiness anymore. ”

Is it happiness that remains in your hands?

“I don't know what happiness is. I thought love would make me happy, but I knew it wasn't just like that. ”

When you chose death for yourself. And back in the past. At first, I thought I would be happy if I made love.

“Most people say they live to be happy. You said Noah would be happy if he got popular. I thought love would make me happy. ”

There were as many forms of happiness as there were people who loved.

“But not necessarily. But he was happy. ”

I think I'm happy when I'm in love. But the feelings that everyone felt were so different. Just as there were many forms of love, there were many forms of happiness.

“Have you... ever been in love? ”

The problem is that Sun Wu doesn't know it himself.

Kim Lee Jin was happy because he loved Kim in his own way, and Man B also found happiness in his own kind of love.

“A little?”

I could find happiness in my first love. Over time, that happiness eventually collapsed and became a wandering life.

“With whom, if at all? ”

Kim Seo-hyun was anxious about the back story of marriage, but found happiness in love. There was a lot of anxiety.

“First love to die of leukemia. ”

“Is this real or is this a joke? ”

It's Lee Shi-hyun's first love that died of leukemia. Noah asked seriously, not knowing whether it was a story in the drama or a story in reality, but he continued to speak as if he had not heard the Chosun.

“I think it's love, it's happiness. because everyone has a different reference point. And those standards can change at any time. You said you found happiness in popularity. How about changing that standard to love this time? ”

“... will I be happy if I love you? ”

“Well, I guess there's more to hope than just looking for popularity. Wouldn't it?”

Hope has wings.

Hope lives on in our souls.

Even if it's a song without lyrics,

It never stops

It will sound more beautiful in the harsh wind.

The wind will suffer.

For bullying a little bird flying in the sky.

A little bird in a storm.

It warmed the hearts of many.

A country where everything is frozen solid.

I heard that song in the sea far away.

So I was in pain.

At least once.

I did not beg for bread crumbs.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886), hope has wings.

There's hope as long as it's alive.

Unless you die.

Even if the endpoint is the sea of nothingness.

a little bit in the process. The days of acting like this, thinking about love. Now more than ever. I still felt happy as a sunbae. I can't say Moore specifically, but I'm happier than I was then.

Staring at Sunwoo who thinks like that is the sky. In the past, in the present, maybe in the future. An unsaid stream of dark blue silver formed the sea, and time began to linger. In the sea of silver light, there was a myriad of emotions flowing in the drops of water.