Actor, Search for Hope

“Cut! Okay, the rumors weren't exaggerated. ”

It was a scene to be filmed around sunset. When the sun sets on the blue sky and the world turns red. That's why we might have to postpone it to tomorrow in a couple of NG's. Because there was no turning back to save the video, in less than 10 minutes. I sighed of relief because everyone was being informed about it in advance.

“That's all for today. Well done, everyone! ”

The protagonist accepted a little reality when he finished playing and shed tears on the bench in front of the house. Then I felt a little real.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, let's go back. ”

An individual's life not in the script.

I always felt that the short line in the script was too implicit, so I was sad.

The script adds this explanation.

Bring the past to life on the bench. Accepts reality a little. Tears spilled.

.

From elementary school to high school. I was bullied. I'm not sure why now. No, it was because he was too shy to express his own doctor. Probably would

Kids hide things for fun, throw erasers. I even threw a rock once. I didn't have any friends on my side. Luckily for me, I was transferred because of my father's transfer, which my teacher said at that time.

It would be better if XXner went to transfer. You should try it sometime.

Go get 'em.

I've never been bad at it.

I tried to do as well as I could, but not always.

It was still vivid in my memory.

After transferring, I finished elementary school nearby and became a middle school student. Could it be a coincidence? But if it is a coincidence, the sky is too grumpy. If there's a God, why? Why? The kid who led the bully transferred to the school I attended. In the same class.

After some time, I looked around and it was a mess again.

Why would he do that?

I thought there would be similar bullying as in elementary school, but this time I was completely ignored. This is the only difference. Completely invisible to no one in class.

I always slept with my earphones in my ears when I was resting.

Some children ate together during lunch, but that child disappeared completely at some point.

Nobody talks to me.

There was nothing to do, so I needed to focus on something.

Study.

I think I spent all my time studying except for sleeping at school. But maybe it's because I didn't have the talent for studying. I used to get nosebleeds from studying a lot. Results are between 40 and 50 out of a total of 300. I was lucky enough to get to number 20. I think it's a pretty good grade, but I don't think it's as good as the effort I put into it.

That was my life in middle school.

People who know the name, but don't know it at all. The stories that were heard around me were like noise to me. I wanted to sleep, study, and eat in such a gray world.

The day after the middle school graduation ceremony.

I saw my mom who used to smoke, but didn't drink, get drunk.

My mother hugged me and said,

I'm sorry, so sorry. I'm so sorry for giving birth to you...

I wish you didn't know anything.

When was it?

My mom must have known things, but not all of them.

At least I felt that even the space where light came from my world was covered in darkness.

It was the saddest and most painful moment of my life.

16 years is still a short life.

But the years were too long.

.

I went to high school.

Will it be different in high school?

But apparently, he was desperate. I had expectations of things in my new hope, but I didn't think I would survive this time if the results were the same, so I was giving up in my mind.

So I kept obsessed with studying.

We needed some shelter. If I devoted everything completely to studying, I could forget everything at that moment.

That's a year.

Two more years.

In the meantime, I made a friend.

The day the third grade first semester begins.

The child next to me talked to me.

“Hey, you're good at studying, right? Tell me about your studies. ”

I still felt that the results were lacking compared to the efforts I was making. From a subjective standpoint, I felt very inefficient. My gift is not in studying. It wasn't completely absent, so it was just an effort.

Between 10th and 20th in the entire school.

But it looked pretty good on the outside.

High school grade 3.

Proficiency.

The child next door said. He asked me to be his friend, saying that he would ask nicely from now on since he is next to me.

And since he's a friend, tell him to study.

I was happy that it was because of studying, but I could see it clearly.

I think I have a friend.

Light pierced the clouds of my world that were turning black from gray.

.

Then one day.

I was in the bathroom, having a stomach ache, and I heard my friend's voice.

“Hey, who... who are you? What was his name.He's good at studying. Are you good with dogs? ”

“Seems like they're always sticking together at recess these days. ”

And the word of a friend.

“It's right next door. Dogs are good at studying. I think I'll go to 10th grade. We're in the third grade, too. Don't you think we should go to college? I don't want to be a real friend, but it helps. I was pretty good at it just because I studied. Well, I honestly don't want to get along. ”

I couldn't get out of the bathroom for hours that day.

.

But my life remained the same.

Friends........... still teaching, studying.

But the number of words decreased a lot.

A lot.

.

I went to university.

I was lucky, I guess.

I've never done anything like this in my life. I received a much better score than the mock exam I have seen so far in my qualifications. If this score is not really at the top, I will pass the mess.

He said he was lucky around him.

That's what I thought.

But I was a little happy. I feel like my efforts have been rewarded.

I boasted about my master's achievements to my father and mother.

I feel like I've been smiling really hard for a long time. My mother and father were happy together.

Which university should I go to?

While discussing with my father, I suddenly spoke.

Honestly, I don't know why I live.

Why do people live?

I used to think I wanted to die a few times. I still think that sometimes. I'm honestly glad I got good grades in my degree... but what difference does it make if I go to a good university?

After hearing it, my father was silent for a while. I seemed to choose the words carefully.

“Good things happen in life. Isn't that what this scholarship score is about? Honestly, I didn't have that many happy days in my life either. But I met your mother, and now I have you. So now my life is so happy. ”

He also spoke of the origin of the kittens.

An old man lived with a horse at the border of the room. But one day, his horse fled and crossed the border where the orange cans lived. When the villagers consoled him, the old man said, "Do you know what good this will do?" I didn't get discouraged. A few months later, the villagers celebrated this when they came back with a good horse from Oranca. And then the old man, who knows what else it's gonna bring down? I said. "

However, the old man's son, who liked to ride the horse, ran on the horse and fell off the horse and broke his leg. When the villagers consoled that his son had broken his leg, the old man thought it might be good luck. "Not long after the war, the orange cans invaded." The oldest men went out to fight and died, but only the old man's son was able to survive because his leg was broken.

It was a story I had already known, but I was still listening.

It was the same story, but when I heard it with my father's mouth, I had a different feeling, a different idea.

“I told you not to meddle in life. There are good things, there are bad things. Good things happen when bad things happen. ”

He then recited a poem.

It's her favorite poem.

If I

If I can soothe someone else's pain,

My life will never be in vain.

If I can soothe a man's pain,

If I can comfort him in his pain,

Or one little bird lost and wandering around.

If you can get me back to the nest,

My life will never be in vain "

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) called "What if".

“Did I tell you before? I'm a regular company now, but I used to be in the National Literature Department. I met your mother at the university. ”

At one time, he smiled slightly embarrassingly, saying that he had dreamed of a poet. But not bad. No, it was good.

“Don't you write poetry now? ”

“I still read my wife sometimes. ”

And the story of my father's life.

How I've lived since I was a child, how I met my mother.

He told me so many stories until late in the morning.

He wanted to comfort me somehow.

I've known you for 16 years.

The image of my father that I learned that night.

Through the time I talked about it, I learned a lot of stories about my father that I didn't know. My dad, who I've known so far, was really part of the iceberg. So, overnight, I felt closer than ever.

Thank you, Dad.

A little, no, let's be strong.

.

I decided to join the Business Administration Department at L University. It was a university with a slightly lower name than its grade, but if it maintained a certain level of credit, it could receive a full scholarship. My mom and dad said college tuition was enough, and suggested that I rethink it, but I just laughed.

It's because I knew about the situation in the house. College tuition was a lot of burden because it was not enough. And frankly, I still don't know what I want to do. Would it be a successful life if you went to a good university and joined a big business?

The reason for entering a prestigious university nowadays is because of employment.

Very few people enter the ivory tower to study.

I studied hard, but I didn't like it.

I just needed a place to escape.

Will I just graduate from college and get a normal job?

If I live like that, I'll be as happy as my father.

I hope so.

.

University undergraduate Year 1.

It's a little different from high school.

I smiled bitterly.

OT, welcome freshman year.

I had kids named Friends next to me.

I listened to the class together and talked normally.

But only then.

A short time in college.

I do not contact or communicate separately.

Is this a friend, too?

Friends.

My mouth is shut.

About the time a group of freshmen formed.

I was part of that group for a while.

We eat together, we take classes.

But I still feel like I'm on the outside.

Then someone who was crowded together said.

“Hey, do you want to play a guitar? ”

In a word, I entered the Tonguitar club.

And for the first time, I touched an instrument other than a recorder.

It was more fun than I thought.

And he had a gift.

Talent I never knew existed.

.

# 43 "Train"

I met him in the sixth compartment of the 1225 Amur Hua train from Seoul to Busan at 21: 50.

“Oh, yeah? Where do you think you're going? ”

One person dressed nicely in the window. It looked like a popular shadow firm these days. The curl of the S curl. It looks more glamorous than a volume firm. Curl rich and voluminous. The front of my head seemed to be neat. ETA to Busan is around 03: 08.

“I'm the chief's representative. Amazing!”

Looking at the lighter toilet on his face, he looks like he was designed to be seen by someone.

I wonder if he's waiting for his girlfriend when he arrives.

I was a little curious.