After All I’m a Lolicon Really Sorry

The setting sun gradually dyed the world in its colour, the dim light scattered over desks and chairs, the classroom after school only remained two people lingering, the atmosphere appeared exceptionally charming and affectionate.

“That… Aoba … I… I like you! Please go out with me!”Aoba

The fingers of the girl in front anxiously crossed together, her eyes wandering.

Being confessed to by a girl in the classroom after school, this may be a very enviable thing, but the key is that I do not recognize her, or maybe never even noticed her. According to her she is my classmate in the same class, and in the not even one month time that I entered high school, she believed that she had fallen in love with me, and thus doing this confession action.

Looking at her bright red cheeks, her bright eyes that hesitate to make eye contact with me,  I’m certain…

I really don’t have any impressions of her, none at all. Maybe usually in this kind of situation, the regular high school freshman will accept the other side’s request of going out, and then live through a peach coloured high school life, living a lovey dovey couples life every day filled with love. And then increasing the feelings as they go out, making the girl go from “Ah! H!” this kind of shy reaction at the beginning turn into “Ara ara ~ Try a bit harder!” this kind kind of change getting rid of their innocence.

The girl in front of me is right now using a hopeful gaze looking at me, the script that she drafted herself probably just has one answer?

“Ah, so ah, actually I like you too, being able to go out with you makes me really happy!” This kind of answer, right? Maybe if it was another guy he would follow the atmosphere and say yes to this cute, beautiful girl. Peach coloured school love dramas start just like this, but I am after all me.

[Who are you?]

I honestly asked her, and her expression revealed a completely unmaskable astonishment.

“Aoba-san…”

“If I hurt you like this I will not apologize, since you came to confess you should have been prepared to be rejected, no? And right now what I want to ask you more is why you confessed to me.”

It’s not that I’m an arrogant person, it’s just that I really don’t have any thoughts of love towards this girl whose name I don’t even know.

Hearing my words the girl’s face started to turn red, although I’m not sure if this is because of shyness or because she was angered by my excuse and rejection.

“I… I regularly see Aoba-san you sitting alone at your seat looking at the sky outside the window, I really want to understand what you are thinking in your heart!”

No no no, I just happen to be sitting in the must sit spot of manga mcs that is the last row window position, as for what I’m think, of course I can’t tell her this.

“Aoba-san is always alone in the classroom, I can feel the aura on Aoba-sans body that is different from other people!”

An aura different from others? I just have no friends. At the beginning of the school year because of a cold, me who entered the school three days late missed the new class school opening forming small groups opportunity, and from the beginning I didn’t care, and when I noticed it I was already no longer able to mix in with them.

“Even though you say so I am still unable to accept your confession.”

She lowered her head, seemingly very upset.

“You came to me carrying a mentality of absolutely succeeding am I right, and right now you are probably feeling that after failing you appear to not be very charming, right. ”

The girl lifted up her head in shock, and then looked towards me with a resentful gaze, after all confessing to a guy and getting rejected and even having her sore spot pointed out is a very shameful thing. Usually girls like her will have a group of people known as “friends”, and she maybe already told her friends about confessing to me after school. Failing now she will naturally feel like her own charm has been denied, and will be afraid that she will be looked down upon by her friends.

“You really are a scumbag, actually saying these kinds of words towards her after rejecting a girl!”

Her tone was very cold, that shy confession a few minutes ago filled with love now appears to completely be an illusion of mine.

“It doesn’t matter to me that you have this kind of assessment towards me, but all I did is point out the key point to the problem.”

“Yeah, that’s right, if you had to say it then I am displeased, clearly you should have just gone out with me and then be dumped by me once I have no more feelings!”

The scene before really was an illusion, huh, the her right now is flustered and exasperated, although this is also all my fault.

“There is completely no need for this”

I looked at her eyes.

“You just need to say that I am a lolicon.”

She was stunned by my words, I also ignored her reaction walking out of the classroom.

That’s right, she only needs to say that I am a lolicon.

“Aiya, my confession yesterday failed!”

“AH! How could it fail? Aoba-san he actually rejected you?”

“Ah! I never discovered before, Aoba-san is actually a lolicon!”

“Ah! Is it really like that? Aoba-san looks so normal, he’s actually a creep that likes lolis?”

“That’s right, I didn’t think either that he is actually this kind of person.”

I can already predict this kind of conversation, as long as she says so her friends will push all of the responsibility on to me, and then her so-called charm and her position among her friends will not change.

I actually didn’t just randomly find a reason for her, after all I’m not that kindhearted to reject her and then place myself in her shoes and think about how to maintain her face, I was only just addressing a reality.

That’s right, I Aoba Yi, am a 100% lolicon!

In this world there are many different lolicons, and the majority of lolicons are split into two factions. One is the lolicon faction whose purpose is to love and protect lolis, willing to sacrifice everything for them and containing the majority of lolicons. Another are the scum that the majority of lolicons find disgraceful that are unable to control their own thoughts and actions, actually thinking of sullying lolis this kind of holy existence. Even though there are very few people part of this faction, but they are all dangerous existences.

And I Aoba Yi am naturally a lolicon that cherishes lolis. Because there are very many loli attributes, all lolicons are also split into many different types of lolicons. For example some think that lolis need to have the twin tail attribute, lolis without twin tails simply cannot become their faith. And some believe that flat chested is law, believing that only a washboard body can reflect the petite beauty of lolis, and this kind of lolicon will regularly argue with lolicons that like big-breasted lolis.

But in reality the majority of lolicons all have a common point, they all grasped the charm of lolis from the two dimensional world. They will not look for lolis in real life that fit the image in their hearts, they believe that real lolis can only exist in two dimensional.

There are also a minority of lolicons who look for their faith in real life, and among them a lot of them are dangerous people that could not satisfy their desires. It is exactly because they loved lolis too much that they gradually became unsatisfied with them who existed in another dimension, they started to target lolis in real life, betraying their original intention of cherishing lolis.

And the lolis that I love actually also exist in three dimensional, but I am not that kind of lolicon that causes harm to society due to being unable to pour all of my love into two dimensional lolis, but because I have an essential difference from the majority of lolicons.

The first time that I experienced the happiness that lolis gave me was in real life.

It is exactly because of an event that happened when I was in grade 4 of elementary school that I slowly became a lolicon. Plus after I became an otaku I gained more understanding of the lolis in ACG, thereby having an even deeper love towards three dimensional lolis.

So what I said to the girl that I still don’t know the name of was not false, this is my declaration of love.

I am a lolicon, I firmly believe that only lolis possess the beauty of a woman!

After walking out of the school, I lifted my head looking at the sky. The setting sun is gradually about to be enveloped by darkness, in the horizon dim yellow and pitch black slowly combined. The dividing line in the sky about to take away the daylight and enter the night as placid as a lolis flat chest.

Did I accidentally expose some kind of preference of mine?

The sky is about to darken and I stopped dawdling on the way home. I need to go to the convenience store right away and buy tonight’s dinner.

“Aobawhy are you coming to buy a bento again, since you live alone you should take even more care to take care of your body, right?”

The salesgirl helplessly reprimanded my behavior of buying bentos everyday. The reality is that I do know how to cook, but because I’m too lazy to spend the time to buy ingredients I’ve always come here to buy bentos.

Not needing her to say how much money I already placed the money on top of the counter, coming here to shop everyday  I already know the prices of this convenience store like the back of my hands.

“Inamori-nee, as a worker of the convenience store I don’t think it’s very good to be saying these kinds of words to persuade the customer to not spend money,  you’re not afraid that the store owner will hear?”

“Manager already knows about Aoba’s situation, he also holds the same opinion as me. Right now you’re still at the growing stage, eating these things everyday your nutrition won’t be able to keep up!”

I’m already being so worried about by people… Indeed, after moving to an apartment near the school, this entire month I’ve come here everyday to buy bentos as my dinner.

“Ah… That… How do I say it… Oh, right! I strongly believe in the nutritional value of the bentos that you guys sell here, especially the barbecue pork bento I just bought, regardless if it’s the taste or nutrition they are all very excellent!”

“Even if Aobasays so I still won’t be happy.”

The manager that came out of the storage mercilessly interrupted my excuse, and then grabbed a vegetable juice from the shelf and tossed it at me, I just barely caught it.

“Just think of it as a benefit for you coming everyday, getting some more vegetable nutrition is definitely not wrong.”

“You’re not giving it to me because it’s overdue?”

“Scram!”

I hurriedly ran out of the convenience store, dodging the manager’s kick of fury.

At the time during middle school I didn’t study hard, everyday because of my interests I was unable to calm down and study. Initially my thought was to just get into a regular high school around my home, but somehow I actually did pretty well on the exam, barely getting into a pretty good school in Tokyo.

Originally my family did not agree to me studying at such a far away place from home, but I still resolutely wanted to come to Tokyo for high school. Are you kidding me, I finally got the chance to be able to live by myself, how could I waste it?

I express towards my family that I am entirely capable of living by myself in Tokyo, because I’ve always had a job that;s pay was about barely enough for me to afford living in Tokyo, so I would not bring any burden to the family. After my long persistence they finally reluctantly compromised, giving permission.

Me who is now living in Tokyo feels very free, it’s just that I will occasionally think of my little sister at home, I still can’t forget the scene of Yeon-chan waving goodbye to me outside of the train her face filled with tears. This year Yeon-chan is already in year 3 of middle school, she said that she would definitely get into Tokyo and then live together with me, how cute, if I wasn’t a lolicon right now I’d definitely have already fallen into the cuteness of Yeon-chan and become a siscon.

After returning home I turned on my computer and logged into my e-mail, a new e-mail with the subject as “You damn creep lolicon hurry up and finish today’s work!” had already arrived, the attachment is a TXT text file. Opening the file, inside is a storyboard manuscript that I have to draw an illustration for.

That’s right, this is my job, drawing illustrations for light novel writers. Me who learned how to draw from small always thought that in the future I would become a great painter whose paintings would spread through the ages like the likes of Picasso or Van Gogh. But ever since I stepped into the otaku domain all of my drawing talent was taken away by the demons known as “light novels”, most noteworthy is that right now I feel very satisfied! I have already abandoned my noble childhood dream, becoming an illustrator.

I really like my current job, making words come alive in the form of lines on the tablet, and then using the computer as a medium to send the illustration to the waiting author-sensei, making the variety of her characters become more vivid.

Maybe people will think that this sensei that I’m responsible for is being unreasonable, how can a good illustration be drawn in one days time? But the reality is that I have this capability, and it’s not one day, the amount of time that I need is even shorter, only needing a couple hours. In the first place it is exactly because this sensei saw this ability of mine that she made me her personal illustrator. In her light novels there are many illustrations, these are all my works.

And I actually have always admired this sensei, after obtaining her invitation I immediately agreed and was also happy for a relatively long amount of time. There is only one reason that made me so excited — In her light novels there are a lot of loli characters!

Really a lot, just the opening already appeared five little lolis with different appearances and personalities, regardless of which one they all made people feel that they are extremely cute! And towards a lolicon, being able to be specifically responsible for drawing the cute them, is a type of great honor.

I quickly started to get to work, all the time many people in the industry have asked me how I can so quickly draw a good quality illustration, but my even if I explained the reason they could not believe it.

Your general illustrator will first draw a sketch on paper, and then draw the artwork, however from the very beginning I’ve skipped these steps. As long as I enter drawing mode, I will forget everything about the outside world, the sketch of what I want to draw will clearly appear in my head, and I will directly start to draw the artwork on the tablet. In addition I very rarely need to make modifications, and the coloring, shading, color adjustments, and other steps afterwards are all done in one go.

My method of drawing has always been public, but other illustrators are unable to accept it. They all say that the illustrations that I draw are like assembly line manufacturing, I did not truly invest my heart and blood, but they are unable to experience the endless melancholy in my heart when I withdraw from drawing mode.

Every time after I finish drawing an illustration I will look at her for a very long time, thinking about my own shortcomings while cherishing the memory of her in my hands who is about to no longer belong to me alone, but will instead display her beauty to even more people.

Just like me right now, right now I’m really reluctant to send this her that I drew for a whole 6 hours to my sensei’s inbox. Her slightly perked lips, beautiful, animated big eyes, petite body will all be seen by even more people…

This is the melancholy in the heart of me, a lolicon when I am unable to guard the lolis that I created.

“Goodbye, the you who once only belonged to me.”

With a sentimental mood I sent her to sensei’s inbox, and then started my endless nostalgia, but my nostalgia did not surpass 5 minutes before being disrupted by the Line notification sound, I know that it is definitely sensei’s evaluation after receiving the illustration.

Nanako-sensei “You good for nothing lolicon I’ve already told you so many times! The ecchiness of you illustrations is too low! Ecchi! Ecchi! You’re clearly a perverted lolicon yet you can’t think of scenes bursting with ecchi? You just need to recall how you usually humiliate them in your head and that’s enough!”

Aoba Yi “Nanako-sensei I’ve already said so many times, I may be a lolicon but I am not a pervert! And that whatever ecchi that you’re talking about! All you know is skin! Skin! Skin! Readers will not like this kind of shameless illustration! Absolute territory and just barely hidden underwear are the most beautiful!” (TL: Absolute territory is that space that shows between a girl’s skirt and socks/stockings…)

Nanako-sensei “Clearly just a perverted lolicon yet you actually dare to righteously these kinds of words! You’re clearly imagining everyday of explosively shameful scenes! The last hand illustration that you gave me still remains some unknown fluid!”

Aoba Yi “Enough! That’s just a bit of my saliva that I let out when I fell asleep while drawing!”

Nanako-sensei “If you say it’s saliva then we’ll say it’s saliva, exactly what it is only you yourself know! Anyway in the future you have to remember ecchi! Ecchi! Ecchi!”

And then we finished this times work discussion. Looking at the time, it was already around two in the morning. At this time my stomach started to grumble, this sound reminded me.

I still haven’t eaten the bento I bought after school…

I laid on the bed and fell asleep after basically crying while finishing this already incredibly cold barbecue pork bento.

Whew, finally finished that. I feel like a loli master now. Once more clarifying that I am not a lolicon. Although lolis are very cute and I’d like to hug them and pinch their cheeks and then put them in my car and then…