Amara – Reunion

Author's note: this is from Seraphina's point of view

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Weeks of suppressing memories crashed on me with vengeance, creating my personal hell that wrapped tightly around me in a form of a suffocating reality.

Unpleasant moments replayed in my mind over and over again in an endless loop. Frowns, sneers, derision, disrespect, mockery, it all came back to me, making me feel smaller than a speck of dust. Unworthy.

The most agonizing was the loneliness, as I had no one to turn to. Desolation. Depression.

Duke was mostly not present, and whenever his ghost made an appearance, it came with aches and feelings of betrayal that made me wonder how many lies were hidden under that smile.

I believed that he was different, that I am special to him, yet he abandoned me just like the others. I was stupid.

The only thing Duke did differently was that he gave me hope before discarding me. False hope. How cruel.

Of course, he accepted all my flaws… it was all a game. He played, and I fell for it like a fool I am, desperate for someone to notice me and to treat me like a human being.

I remembered the phone calls after high school ended. Duke would ask me about my day, and I assumed he is a good listener, so I didn't think about the fact that he didn't share much about what he was up to. Well, it's better because it would be more lies. Was he even listening? Did he even care? Probably not.

His calls resumed after I found out about him dating other women and going to events with girls like Magda Thompson. The whole London knew, other than me. I was blind.

I stopped answering Duke's calls because they were a reminder I am part of a sick game that went on for years. He would tell me stories how he is focused on his studies, and I had in my hands photos of him dining with other women.

At least those women got dinner and flowers and maybe more, while I was just… what was I? Nothing. 

If he was not playing with me, why would he lie?

If there were no lies, I would believe that we were friends, but now I can only confirm that I was a complete idiot. 

My need to be accepted pushed me into the web that Duke weaved for years and the worst part is that I fell for it. I fell for him.

No wonder I woke up without memories, it was better that way. Now I believe my subconsciousness protected me from the pain when I lost hope.

Yes, my relationship with Duke was imaginary, but the connection felt real, just like the agonizing pain that is wrecking my insides, reflecting my mental state.

Where is the off switch? I want it to stop. I want everything to disappear. I want to return to Venice and wake up without memories and to stay that way. I want to forget about Sanya Bogdan, and everything related to her because I can't take this.

I want to go back to a reality where I'm dead and to find a path where Aldus will not revive me because this is not worth it. It hurts too much.

Why do I need to be alone? What did I do?

My parents, non-existent friends, Duke… no one wants me. No one, except… Aldus. Where is he? He must be troubled that I am in this state. If I continue drowning in self-pity after everything he did for me, maybe he will not want me either and then it will really be over.

My eyes fluttered open and I saw a person by my side.

Vesper? Why was she in my room?

I was on my bed and she was sitting on my right, holding my hand.

"Oh…", Vesper exhaled in what I recognized as a relief.

Maria was also in the room, standing further back with a small uncertain smile on her face as she looked my way.

Vesper let go of my hand. "Don't move. Let me call Aldus…" Before she finished, the door of my room flew open, and Aldus appeared.

He sat on my left and observed me with concern.

Without a word, Aldus gave me a glass of water from the bedside table which I finished greedily.

Maria was right next to me, to accept the empty glass, and then she stepped back into the background.

I looked into my fingers that rested on my lap, unable to look into Aldus's eyes.

I was embarrassed that I ended up like this and guilty to make him worry. I was ashamed that I'm so weak and that the events from my previous life affected me so much.

"How are you feeling, Serina?", Aldus asked, breaking the tense silence that enveloped us.

I wanted to say that I'm fine, but the gaping hole in my chest rendered me unable to speak.

Without thinking, I scooted closer to Aldus and hugged him.

The moment his hands landed on my back, my vision blurred.

"It's OK, Serina.", he spoke softly next to my ear. "I am here. Let it out."

His words opened the floodgate, and I was unable to suppress my sobs.

Aldus held me in silence as I shrank in his embrace, wetting his fine silk shirt with my tears and snot and he didn't complain, not even a little bit.

I was lost in grief as an important piece of me was gone and I found parts I didn't want to see.

It all mixed with the fact that a vampire was providing me comfort, a creature others fear and respect; a royal, scientist, alchemist, ancient, powerful… yet for me, he was my father, the person I relied on completely, and he became the unmovable pillar of support in my life.

Aldus didn't ask me what happened or what caused my pitiful state. He just held me and waited for me to let it out. He didn't say things will be alright, and I appreciated that he didn't comfort me with lies. He didn't offer his help beyond that hug and patience and that was exactly what I needed.

Eventually, I inched away, and Aldus handed me a handkerchief.

I cleaned myself clumsily and sniffled a few times before speaking, "I'm sorry I messed up your shirt."

"It's fine."

"Lazarus must be upset. He came for a date, and I ended up crying and fainting."

Aldus's expression was unreadable. "You did more than just crying and fainting."

I didn't get it. What did I do? I noticed that it's dark outside.

"How long was I out?"

"Six days."

I was shocked. Six days? That must be some fainting. No… I remembered the winds and plants flying around me.

"Did I make a mess in the sunroom?"

"You messed up much more than just the sunroom, princess. I am glad to see you are awake.", Lazarus's voice came from the door and I realized that he was listening to my talk with Aldus.

How long was he there? Did he hear me say how I messed up our date? Did he see me cry? How embarrassing.

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