Amara – Reunion

Author's note: this is from Seraphina's point of view

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Lazarus left the sunroom, and I took the spiky measuring device from my pocket.

Measurements for the last half an hour didn't go above seven.

I expected something like this. Other than the slight anxiety when he was standing at the door and watching me in silence, I was not afraid of Lazarus.

I was comforted by the safety this villa provides, knowing that Aldus is nearby and I'm ready for the next stage. After lunch.

My sight fell on the extravagant bouquet of roses and chocolates and I was worried. Why did Lazarus look so smitten?

I hoped that with my pheromones in control, Lazarus will end whatever infatuation he has with me, but unfortunately, Aldus was right.

Aldus warned me that falling for someone is one thing, and reversing the process is not straightforward. After all, how does one stop liking a person? Either the person needs to hurt you, or you find someone else that you like more.

Oh, what a bother.

It seems that I'm stuck with Lazarus following me like a puppy (pun intended).

Well, as long as I make it clear that I'm not interested and he respects the boundaries, it should be fine. One day, he will find a woman he likes more and forget about me. At least, I hope that's how it will work.

This is a good lesson for me not to use my pheromones recklessly. The last thing I want is to be swarmed by random admirers. 

I opened my notepad and looked at the portrait of Duke I was working on. It's one of my best works so far, and I wondered how Duke changed since high school.

For guys, usually the jaw gets more defined. Did he grow facial hair or is he clean-shaven? Did he get a scar or two? I read somewhere how anything can change, other than the eyes.

Duke's deep blue eyes have the power to pull me in, and I would drown in them willingly.

Aldus said that if my test with Lazarus passes and I am confident enough, we can go to London next week. After all, even without me exerting control, my pheromones stay normal (albeit slightly elevated compared to humans) as long as I'm not scared. A trip into the city should not be terrifying, as long as Aldus is by my side.

As for the occasion, there is a meeting with the management of Notte Pharmaceuticals at their branch in London, and Aldus would like to officially introduce me as his daughter. Exciting!

I would love to see Aldus's empire, but my excitement is more directed to the free time I will have to roam London and hopefully find Duke. I will start from the neighborhood where we used to hang out and… someone should recognize him and point me in the right direction. That is why I'm working on his portrait.

Part of me fears that Duke found someone else, or maybe he forgot about me. Like a true coward, I don't dare to look into my memories after high school, but another part of me cries in need to see him.

No matter if he moved on or not, I'm only delaying to find out his current situation... and mine. Isn't that childish?

'Get yourself together, Serina!', I chided myself. I need to focus on Lazarus and my pheromone control, or I will not be able to leave this place. Any thoughts about seeing Duke and anyone else from my past need to wait as I deal with my current challenge.

…

Lazarus was visibly excited when he approached me in the garden that afternoon.

"Is this a good time for our chat?"

"Let's walk…", I stood up from the bench and led the way toward the vineyards.

My target location was the grove that extends beyond the vineyards, and we should reach it within ten minutes or so.

"Are your business talks with my father progressing well?", I started small talk.

"Yes. Thank you for asking."

I observed Lazarus's expression and a small smile that hung at the corners of his lips.

I wondered how much effort Lazarus is exerting to act gentlemanly. His polite way of talking didn't match the way he looked at me, like I'm a piece of meat and he was hungry. The control of his facial features was impeccable, but his eyes betrayed him.

I told myself to ignore it. Or even better, I should be aware of it. It will assist me in raising the challenge while controlling my pheromones.

'Smile, Serina.', I reminded myself.

Should I feel guilty that I am leading him on only to do my test?

The silence was uncomfortable. I had several topics ready, but now nothing seemed appropriate.

"Lazarus…", I called as I remembered something that was on my mind since I witnessed the bank robbery with Vesper on the street of Paris.

"Yes?", he responded eagerly, like he was happy to hear me say his name. What a silly man.

"I was wondering… If you walk on the street and see a crime in progress. Will you interfere?"

His eyebrow arched questionably. "Crime in progress?"

I understood he needed more details. "Let's say that there is an armed robbery and humans are involved. If you keep on walking, no one will pay attention to you. If you interfere, you can stop the robbers and save lives. Will you help out?"

"No."

That sounded final. "Why?"

"I never like playing God.", he said bluntly.

I was stupefied. "What?"

He scrutinized me for some time before responding, "Human bodies are fragile, their lifespans are short, and my longevity is giving me an undeniable advantage in terms of knowledge and experience. No matter how you look at it, I am superior. Before you ask if I should interfere, I want you to imagine that there is another creature, superior compared to me. Should he make decisions in my stead? I want control over my life, and in the same way, I will allow humans to make their decisions, even if they are mistakes."

"This was not about playing God. It was about saving the innocents."

He chuckled. "And who am I to decide who is innocent?"

Lazarus was obviously entertained, and I was getting frustrated. I asked a serious question, yet he reacted like I asked something silly.

He raised his hand before speaking again, "Let's try another example. There is a boy who is about to fall into a raging river. He is holding onto a branch, dangling above rapids, and losing his grip. Will you save him?"

"Of course.", I responded without missing a beat.

He nodded in acknowledgment. "Alright. You will use whatever means you have and save the boy. You ask him about his name, and he introduces himself as Adolf Hitler. Do you regret saving the boy?"

I opened my mouth and closed it as I understood the point Lazarus was making. Would I regret saving a life if that person was responsible for killing many in the future?

"It is my decision is if I will save him or not. I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully if I knew that a life was lost, and I could prevent it. What he will do with his life, is his decision to make."

"But you see, princess, if you didn't save that one life, many others would live longer. Maybe that child was not responsible for the genocide. Let's try something more realistic…", Lazarus said and pursed his lips while coming up with an example.

Several steps later, he continued talking, "What if... when that boy you saved was twenty-something, he drove under the influence and ended up in a car crash that killed a family of four? If you allowed him to die, that family of four would live. Do you think that you can shake off that responsibility just because you were not physically present? Even if you didn't find out about the car crash, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. Everything we do has consequences. Can you live with the consequences of your righteous actions when you know that it can cause more harm in the future?"

"There is no right answer to your question.", I said in a small voice. 

"And that is exactly why I chose not to play God. One way or another, they will perish, and my conscience is clear with the knowledge that I didn't have a hand in it."

Vesper, Lazarus, and Aldus gave me different answers to the same question, and even though their answers were different, they were basically the same: none of them would interfere with mortals.

Each of them had their own reasons, and I wondered if Lazarus will tell me about his reasons.

"Did you decide not to interfere with mortals because of your experience?"

"We all have a story to tell. How about you tell me yours?"

I realized that he will not talk. Well, this is the second time we met, so it's not like we are close or anything like that.

"There isn't much to tell, actually.", I admitted. "I grew up with humans and Aldus found me. He took me in as his daughter and I'm learning things."

Lazarus looked at me curiously. "You grew up with humans and didn't notice that they are aging while you are not? What about your family?"

I realized that his questions are valid. At first, I didn't think much about it because I believed that I was human, but after finding out that on the night I died I grew claws and had super-strength, I started doubting if something was off with my family. Maybe I didn't have any powers before that night, and maybe I was nothing more than a regular human, but my parents should know if there was anything extraordinary in my lineage. My real parents.

"I'm not sure if the people I grew up were my family.", this was much harder to say than I thought it will be. "I have gaps in my memory."

"I see…", he responded thoughtfully. "Is that why you draw things you dream about?"

"Yes. Father is helping me connect the missing pieces.", I responded and we both walked in silence for some time.

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