An Obsessive Man Raised Impurely

As the dark clouds that had long covered the Grey Duchy receded, the blazing sun filled the void. It was the beginning of a full-fledged heatwave. It was a time when the employees of the Duke’s residence were getting busier. 

The maids were feverishly changing all the bedding in the mansion for the summer, and the gardeners were busy chopping out tough weeds that continued to snap their heads even after cutting them off. Among them, Hadelion and I were the only ones who were relaxed.

‘Everyone is working hard.’ On these days, I used to kill time by capturing meaningless things in my eyes. Of course, Hadel also permeated my daily life.

‘What are they working so hard for?’

As I sat down on the stairs indifferently observing the servants, he stayed by my side. At some point, it became natural for us to be by each other’s side. It had already been over a month since Hadel came to the Grey Duchy.

“Hadel.”

“Yes, Lily. Did you call?”

As soon as I called, he hurriedly ran to me. When I first gave him a name, he was surprised every time I called him, and now he seemed to have gotten used to it. And at some point, he began to speak my name sneakily. Even today, I looked at him quietly as he called my nickname as if he wouldn’t ever get tired of it.

“Not Lily, but Lillian.”

“Lily- Lillian doesn’t like being called by nicknames?”

“Do you like it when strangers call you by your nickname?”

“We… Are we strangers?”

I chose silence, but I guess that was enough of an answer. Hadel, who had always had a straight face, frowned. The silence flowing between us became an invisible wall standing in the way between him and me. It didn’t matter because it wasn’t wrong.

‘If I hadn’t gone to meet you, we would have been a bad match in a twisted relationship from the very beginning.’

I turned my head and looked out the window. The sound of cicadas croaking loudly got on my nerves. I really hated summer. I couldn’t stand the nervousness that was building up for no reason any longer, so I pushed off my seat and stood up.

‘Why are you making that face?’ I felt stupid for being swayed by an unknown emotion that I couldn’t control.

“I want to go in.”

“What’s wrong? Are you sick? Shall I call the physician too? Look at me, Lillian.”

As I stood, frowning and rubbing my forehead, he stood too, as if he had never pouted. With a serious expression on his face, he pulled my arm. For whatever reason, I meekly bowed my back. Then he reached out and touched my forehead. The lukewarm palm felt cool. Is it because of the fading heat? Somehow, it seemed that the annoyance inside had subsided a little.

“I think you have a fever… Did you sleep without a blanket again yesterday?”

“Whoever sees you act like that will think I’m a kid.”

“I can’t do anything about it. I’ll call the physician.”

“I’m fine.”

“Lillian, I know you don’t like to say the same thing over and over again… but I’m still worried.”

“Don’t make a fuss. I won’t die from a fever.”

“I’m afraid to leave it like this and you’ll end up like back then.”

“I wish I could die like that.”

“…Don’t say such scary things.”

The reason he was frowning was because I was sick last week again. I couldn’t stand the tropical night and slept with the ice magic stone on, but sleeping without a blanket became the source of trouble. After that, I lay in bed for four days, and he stayed by my side again, as he did last time.

‘You must think that I’m exceptionally weak since I caught so many minor illnesses.’ Actually, it wasn’t wrong. Lillian Grey was born with a weak body. Archduke Grey had established two family physicians who lived separately in this manor. But it was subtly different. What withered me these days was Hadelion’s magic. The ‘mana’ possessed by wizards could be fatal to ordinary people. Of course, it was not poisonous to everyone. It acts as poison only to a few with a ‘specific constitution.’ Rejection doesn’t occur to wizards since they are born with ‘mana affinity,’ but ‘rare’ rejections occur among ordinary people. People in this worldview called this rejection reaction ‘mana allergy.’ Less than 0.001% of the population had this rare allergy, so people around Lillian were unaware of it. Even Archduke Grey, who loved Lillian so much and cared for her terribly, did not know about this. So I deliberately kept Hadelion by my side.

‘When he recovers all of his mana and returns to his original form, I’m going to ask him to kill me with his mana.’

Originally, a person with a mana allergy had to wear ‘magic protective gear’ in order to come into contact with a wizard. But I didn’t. So, what made my body weaker these days was purely the influence of Hadelion’s mana. He wouldn’t know about this even if I died and came back to life. I didn’t let go of him when I was sitting on the floor due to dizziness. It was to receive his mana. Each wizard had a different way of delivering his mana to others. In Hadelion’s case, the delivery method was ‘skinship.’ 

That was why I often held his hand. Staying by his side and sometimes holding him in my arms.

‘…There is absolutely no other meaning.’

Foolishly, I didn’t know at that time that it was just a lame excuse.

“It’s fine. Don’t go, Hadel.”

“No, Lillian. You don’t look good, I’ll be right back.  I promise, I’ll be really quick–”

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“…”

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I hugged him tightly. Afterimages of the hot sun came together. 

I stopped his time once more. When I think back on it now, it seems that my time also stopped at that time. In that brief moment, the howling cicadas sank deep into my heart. I used to dismiss the feeling that squeezed and shook my body as a symptom of the mana allergy.