Apocalypse Tamer

Getting punched by a hastened cannibal weredeer hurt.

The wendigos moved like lightning, hit harder than trucks, and were about as translucent as the wind itself. Even with the buffs provided by the Field and Kalki’s distant music, Basil could hardly dodge half of their attacks. He waved his halberd around and fired an elemental orb, but hit only air.

Basil hadn’t realized just how much he relied on the Hasten buff in battle until now. With Vasi incapacitated, he had no way to renew the effect.

“Argh!” Basil grunted as a wendigo bull rushed him. The monster’s horns hit his chest with enough strength to toss a car over, sending him rolling back in the snow. His armor didn’t crack under the pressure, but only barely.

Warning: you have lost a third of your HP!

I’m outmatched in close combat, Basil realized. He leaped into the air and activated Double Jump, only for invisible hands to grab his ankle and throw him halfway across the courtyard. Basil barely managed to land on his feet as the two wendigos assaulting him closed the gap between them.

“I’m coming, Boss!” Swiping away the wendigos surrounding him with a sweep of his tail, Bugsy pointed one of the craters on his back in Basil’s direction. “Magma Bomb!”

His crater erupted like a volcano and fired a sphere of magma. The projectile hit the ground a few meters in front of Basil before detonating in a burst of lava. A fiery puddle of molten rock spilled over the ground, the sheer heat instantly vaporizing the snow into steam. Basil immediately noticed an invisible shape moving among the fumes at high speed.

“I got you now!” Basil leaped in the air and impaled a now exposed wendigo through the chest. His halberd sliced the creature in half and killed it instantly.

Supereffective Hit! Critical Hit!

Inspired by Bugsy’s example, Basil activated his corrosive Dragonbreath and spread noxious fumes around him. The second wendigo, however, had learned from his comrade’s mistake. The creature fled at the toxic cloud’s approach to avoid having his movements tracked.

These things are smarter than they look, Basil thought as he surveyed the battlefield. More of the monsters were ganging up on Rosemarine and Bugsy. As for Krampus, he was climbing the courtyard’s walls and well on his way to the castle’s roof. We need back-up.

Basil swiftly sent a message to Kalki and Plato through the Logs feature to inform them of Krampus’ location. He then rushed to Rosemarine’s rescue, leaping in the air and landing on her back.

“Let’s rumble,” Basil told his tropidrake. He immediately sensed his Dragon Rider I Perk activate, letting him hang on to her back even as a wendigo attempted to pull him off to the ground. “Charge on, I’ll cover you!”

“Yes, Mister!” Rosemarine roared and charged across the courtyard, trampling any wendigo that hadn’t yet hastened itself while Basil unleashed Fire Elemental Orbs from her back. Rosemarine’s invulnerability to flames allowed the projectiles to detonate in close proximity without harming her. Between Basil and Bugsy, the whole courtyard now resembled a sauna; even the cold blizzard couldn’t keep up with them.

Krampus, however, had climbed up all the way to a roof overseeing the courtyard. He glared at the battlefield, searched inside his sack… and brought out a spherical bomb.

“Here’s your present!” The fairy lord threw the bomb into the courtyard, and swiftly grabbed another from his sack before the first even landed. “And here’s yours! And yours!”

“Take cover!” Basil shouted at his allies before targeting a bomb with a fire orb. The two projectiles collided and exploded in a fiery detonation above the courtyard. Basil attempted to do the same with the others, but Krampus produced bombs faster than he could keep up with. Those that landed on the ground exploded in volleys of ice shards.

Bugsy’s Heatriser caused the projectiles to melt before they could even reach him, but Rosemarine was not so lucky. A few of them exploded in close proximity to the tropidrake and nailed her with ice shrapnel. Rosemarine shrieked in pain as the shards tore through her leaf-scales. Basil himself grunted as a projectile rebounded off his armor.

Krampus’ [Turbo: Frost] boosted his [Ice Present]’s damage!

Warning: You have fallen below half health!

“Mister, it’s cold!” Rosemarine complained. In spite of her immense bulk, a quick look at her status screen informed Basil that each bomb took off more than a tenth of her health. She wouldn’t be able to resist them forever. “I don’t feel so good!”

“Let’s drag him from his nest!” Basil pointed his halberd at Krampus. “Bugsy, cover us!”

Bugsy answered by breathing searing flames near Rosemarine, shrouding her movements in fire and smoke. Basil felt his armor heating up, but distance let him avoid taking damage. With the wendigos retreating before the wall of fire, Rosemarine rushed at the courtyard’s walls and used it as a support to rise on her two back legs.

Basil prepared to jump off her to reach Krampus, only for an invisible shape to leap through the smoke and straight at him.

Basil barely had time to raise his halberd at the hastened wendigo before it hit the shaft with its horns. The blow was almost strong enough to knock him off Rosemarine’s back—and it would have done so without his Dragon Rider Perk's help.

“Get off me!” Basil snarled as he tried to push back the wendigo. Rosemarine was unfortunately too small to reach Krampus on her own and vainly raised her hand at him to sweep him off the roof. “Off I said!”

Basil unleashed his corrosive Dragonbreath and hit the wendigo straight in the face. The beast hissed in pain as it inhaled the noxious miasma, its white fur turning purple on contact… and most importantly, making him visible.

Supereffective hit!

The wendigo attempted to leap off Rosemarine to escape a counterattack, but Basil managed to grab him by a horn with his free hand. Using all the superhuman strength he had accumulated across months of leveling, he pulled the wendigo towards himself and hit the beast in the face with his halberd. The monster survived the blow and thick black blood sprayed from his skull as he violently brawled with Basil.

Krampus threw a bomb at Rosemarine’s face, nearly causing the tropidrake to stumble. She miraculously managed to hang on to the wall, though Basil was too busy hacking at the wendigo to help her.

Then the roof under Krampus cracked open.

Basil was as surprised as the fairy lord as a golden serpent erupted from under the boss and swiftly coiled around him. Shesha let out a hiss as she wrapped herself around Krampus before biting him in the throat. It seemed to annoy the fairy lord more than it hurt him, but it did put an end to his bombing spree.

As Basil finished off the wendigo, he looked up to see a giant bird flying through the blizzard right above his head. Kalki rode Garud with Plato behind him, still playing the flute over the howling wind.

“Kalki, Plato!” Basil had never been so relieved to see the hippie again. “He’s keeping Shellgirl in his sack!”

“On it!” Kalki had his bird of prey dive down at Krampus like an eagle. Garud grabbed the sack with his talons and took off with it.

Unfortunately, Krampus wouldn’t let it go. He refused to drop the sack, even as Shesha squeezed him tightly. Both were swiftly taken off the roof and floated over the courtyard.

“Not the naughty sack!” Krampus growled as he desperately hung onto his bag. “Mine, mine, mine!”

“Drop it, you fat… goat!” Garud complained. The bird was extremely powerful, but the scene reminded Basil of an eagle trying to lift a pig: as absurd as it was comical. “Get him off me!”

“Can’t believe I’m helping a bird,” Plato answered. He leaped off the bird’s back, landed on Krampus’ head, and stabbed him in the face with Joyeuse. “Dwarf tiger to the face!”

“Argh!” Surprised and hurt, Krampus finally let go of the sack and crashed to the ground. The boss, Plato, and Shesha ended up rolling together among boiling water and Bugsy’s lava. “Ah! It burns!”

The sack tore itself open in response and vanished in a shower of colored dust. Garud found himself holding a colorful clamshell and the mimic inside. Shellgirl was back in the game.

“Enough of this!” Krampus got back to his feet in the middle of the courtyard, holding Shesha’s throat in one hand and lifting Plato like a kitten with the other. Both were swiftly thrown aside like bags of rocks. “Krampus hates you!”

“I’ve saved a bird’s life!” Plato managed to land on his feet, though Shesha hit the ground head-first. “Look at what you made me do!”

“Krampus hates Christmas!” Finding himself alone, as his wendigos were either dead or had fled, Krampus clapped his hands. A colorful candy rod as tall as Basil himself materialized in his hands. “Krampus will sack every last one of you!”

Krampus brought the [Naughty Rod]! Fear the [Naughty Rod]! Every hit will be a critical one!

Basil’s armor would protect him from critical hits, as would Bugsy’s defensive Perks. The rest of the team, on the other hand…

“Bugsy, let’s engage him in melee. Everyone else stays at range.” Basil glanced at Rosemarine. “You think you can take a few more hits in close quarters?”

“I’m strong, Mister!” Rosemarine pleaded. “I will eat his rod and his arm with it!”

“That’s my girl.” Basil was loath to do battle without Dragon Rider’s damage modifier. He cast Monster Cure to help Rosemarine recover her health and ordered a frontal assault. “Forward!”

Rosemarine roared as she charged at Krampus like an elephant, followed closely by Bugsy. Basil raised his halberd to cut down the boss like a mounted knight of old.

“Hasten!” Krampus side-stepped at high-speed, dodging Bugsy’s mandibles, Rosemarine’s fangs, and Basil’s weapon. He hopped behind the tropidrake…

And spanked her in the tail with his candy rod.

The blow sent Rosemarine stumbling on her belly. The poor tropidrake landed face-first on the ground with tears in her eyes.

“He spanked me, Mister…” Rosemarine whined, cowed by the treacherous blow. “Krampus spanked me on the tail!”

“You barbarian!” Basil raised his halberd at Krampus with murder on his mind. “I don’t believe in spanking children!”

“And that's why they don’t respect anyone these days!” the fairy replied with a cranky voice. “Krampus is bringing back the good old days!”

“Here I go medieval then!” Basil leaped at Krampus with his lightning-empowered halberd, jumping twice to strike from a diagonal angle. The boss saw it coming and swiftly parried with his weapon. Candy clashed with metal in a fearsome deadlock the world would remember forever.

Plato, of course, exploited the opportunity to launch a sneak attack. He waved Joyeuse and sent a sharp blade of air at Krampus. The boss pushed Basil back with a parry, deflected the blade of wind with his candy rod… and found himself open to Bugsy’s flanking maneuver. The volcanipede threw a magma bomb straight at Krampus’ face.

The boss couldn’t react quickly enough, even while hastened. The projectile hit him in the chest and soaked him in lava. His clothes burned, as did his hair. His beard turned into fireworks.

You have brought Krampus below half health!

“Krampus’ butt is on fire!” Krampus cursed. The howling blizzard answered his words by swirling around him like a cloak of snow. The winds were strong enough to push Basil and everyone else backward, but the fairy’s voice still carried over it. “Krampus has had enough of this cursed job! All Krampus wanted was to punish naughty kids so they wouldn’t grow up as rotten adults! Instead he is beaten by adventurers! Transgressed, violated, each year without rest!”

“Why don’t you just take a vacation then?!” Basil shouted in annoyance. He could have done without this entire battle.

“The gods won’t let Krampus take one!” the fairy lord complained. “Krampus complains all the time, but he is taken for granted!”

“I wouldn’t mind changing that,” Kalki said with slight embarrassment. He seemed to have taken the remark personally. “I swear, I will see what I can do…”

Krampus was too bitter to listen to him. “Curse you! Curse you all! I hope you all die of frostbite!”

And in a blink, he was gone as suddenly as he appeared. The fairy lord vanished in a cloud of snow powder without leaving a trace. The blizzard battering the castle calmed down into a harmless wind.

Basil kept his guard up anyway, half expecting a sneak attack. Only when the System notification confirmed their victory did he finally relax.

Congratulations, you have driven off Krampus! You have been put off the naughty list and you will receive experience as if you had killed him!

Your party received 13,600,000 EXP (2,266,666 for you). You gained nine levels (total 63).

Nine? Basil blinked as he read the notification. The party had gained as many levels as they did from defeating Apollyon. Shellgirl had a point, events were awfully profitable. More importantly, they were one level short of accessing the metamorphosis Rosemarine had unlocked by consuming Dionysus’ essence. Basil wondered how she would look afterwards.

“Monster Cure.” Basil swiftly healed his allies, at least physically. Being spanked for the first time in her life had left Rosemarine cowed, and Shellgirl wouldn’t come out of her shell—literally—when Garud landed her on the ground. “Shellgirl, are you alright?”

“It was… horrible…” Shellgirl’s hideout opened just enough to let her traumatized eyes peek through. “The candies… the candies had faces, Partner… on the inside…”

Basil wisely decided not to ask for details.

No other monsters attacked the castle for the rest of the night, and the group gathered around the Christmas tree to find its roots miraculously drowned under packaged gifts. Either Krampus had left them on his way out or, more likely, the System spawned them as soon as they got rid of the cranky fairy.

Basil pitied whoever would have to face him next.

“Anyone want tea?” Kalki asked as he kindly distributed drinks to his allies in the great hall. With the dungeon having swiftly repaired the damage done to the walls, the team enjoyed a well-earned warm evening near the chimney. “Or hot chocolate?”

“Two hot chocolate cups for me and my lady, please,” Basil said with a smile. He rested in a chair with Vasi on his lap, his hands around his girlfriend’s waist. The witch hadn’t said a word, but accepted the hot chocolate cup all the same. “So, did you open your gift?”

“I did,” Kalki replied as he served his friend. He clapped his hands and summoned a new item from his inventory: a mace with a rounded head, made of pure gold. “It seems familiar to me.”

Vishnu-Gada

Family: Weapon (Club/Mace).

Quality: A.

Power: +20 STR.

Crit: +10%

Accuracy: 60%

Effect 1: [AdvancedMastery: Hindu]: Followers and figures of the Hindu faith can wield this weapon with Advanced Proficiency (x2 damage, +10 crit) even if they do not possess the necessary Perks.

Effect 2: [Divine Authority]: Inflicts the [Charm] ailment on a critical hit.

Effect 3: [Clarity]: The wielder can cast a variant of [Intelligence Up] (Tier I spell, [Support], 10 SP) at will on themselves and others within sight; uniquely, the spell will not only buff Intelligence for five minutes, but also dispel all negative [Mind] effects and related ailment.

Effect 4: [Unused Spot].

The sacred weapon of Vishnu, with which he has busted the skulls of many evildoers or beaten wisdom into the heads of fools. 22 carat, accept no substitute.

“Very nice,” Basil noted. “Want me to upgrade it later with a rune?”

“Perhaps,” his friend replied with a warm smile. “But let us delay work for tomorrow, shall we? I believe we’ve all earned a rest.”

“Truer words have never been spoken.”

“And what did you receive, my friend?”

Basil showcased him his gift: a pair of car keys seemingly made out of computer circuits. “From what the System tells me, it’s a Steamobile upgrade,” he told Kalki. “But I’ve no idea what it does.”

Your Intelligence score is not high–

“I know,” Basil snapped at the System. His fifteen minutes of genius hadn’t lasted. He could only hope that the upgrade would let his team reach Bulgaria quicker. “Kalki, can you cast your spell on me? I need to cheat on my System exam.”

“Tomorrow, my friend,” Kalki promised with a tired wink. “Tomorrow will be for work, tonight is for play.”

Basil chuckled and glanced at the Christmas tree. Bugsy had prayed for an architecture kit to build new Lairs, and received something close: a magical Monopoly board game. The volcanipede had immediately set up the board, with Shesha, Garud, and Plato all ready to play.

“Boss, look!” Bugsy drew a ‘go to jail’ card, and a mini-prison of folded paper appeared on the appropriate tile. It looked disturbingly realistic. “I can imprison figurines!”

Basil could hear muffled screams coming from the miniature jail. He wisely refused the call of capitalism. “I’ll join in for the next match after resting a bit.”

“Suit yourself,” Kalki replied as he took his place among the players.

Basil would have expected Shellgirl to jump at the chance to participate, but the traumatized mimic had instead spent the last several minutes anxiously gazing at her gift; perhaps expecting to be disappointed. She finally mustered the courage to open the package by pulling off its ribbon.

Her anxious expression swiftly turned to joy, as she uncovered her newest treasure: a red sphere of energy that the Bohens had grown quite familiar with over the last few months.

You have earned the [Essence of Santa Claus]!

Basil stared at the notification, dumbfounded. “Santa is real?”

Santa was a god?

“Finally!” Shellgirl’s sorrow turned to glee. “My wish is granted!”

“Are you sure that is good for your health?” Plato asked lazily while petting his new red mane. His Christmas gift had been a Simba costume that, besides a modest Charisma buff, only seemed to make him look like a mini-lion. Which, in Plato’s case, was all that mattered. “It’s not even Greek! You’re breaking our team’s theme!”

“Don’t care!” Shellgirl replied while opening her mouth. “Here comes my ascension!”

“Wait, wait!” Basil pleaded, but too late. Shellgirl greedily swallowed Santa Claus in one bite. “Shellgirl, you ate Christmas!”

“And it tasted like chocolate,” Shellgirl replied with a satisfied smile.

Congratulations, Shellgirl absorbed the [Essence of Santa Claus]! She has unlocked a unique metamorphosis (minimum level required: 70).

Basil let out a sigh as he was forced to accept the situation. Shellgirl would have big boots to fill next year… if they lived that long.

Overall, almost everyone appeared satisfied with their gifts. The only one sulking so far was Rosemarine. She had wished for a gun and Santa Claus obliged… by delivering a normal, human-sized gun. Her Fire Seeds tried to cheer up their creator the best they could, but Basil knew his tropidrake would sulk for the rest of the evening. Krampus had beaten Rosemarine the most out of everyone here, easily countered her usual strategy, and humiliated her. He had done his best to cheer her up, though she seemed too lost in her thoughts to listen.

As for Vasi, she was starting to worry Basil. His girlfriend sipped her hot chocolate without a word, staring at the fire as if she wanted to immolate herself. Her own gift lay unopened.

“Vasi, are you okay?” Basil asked her while gently caressing her thigh. “You haven’t even touched your gift.”

“No, I’m not okay.” His girlfriend set her empty cup aside, leaned against Basil, and crossed her arms. He could tell from her scowl that her pride had taken a hit. “One attack was enough to take me out of the fight. Without SP, I’m useless.”

“You’re a mage, that’s always a risk,” Basil pointed out. “I took a beating without your buffs. That’s why we work as a team: to cover each other’s weaknesses.”

Vasi smiled thinly. “I know you can’t do anything without me, Handsome,” she teased him. “But I don’t want to become a damsel in distress the moment I run out of Special Points. I need equipment to regenerate them quickly.”

“Maybe your gift contains one.” Basil kissed her on the cheek to warm her up. “Come on, I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“Mmm…” Vasi smiled coyly. “And what will you give me for Christmas, Handsome?”

Basil moved his lips to whisper into her ear. “You’ll find it under the bed sheet.”

“You make an excellent case for an early night’s sleep,” Vasi mused. She grabbed her own gift box, which was no bigger than her fist, and opened it. Basil had expected a magical wand, maybe a potion recipe.

Instead it turned out to be a letter written in a language that he didn’t understand. The words were runes of power charged with magical energy and radiated power; the seal signing it represented some kind of red dragon creature wearing a tiny crown. Vasi read the text once, then twice, then thrice again. Each time, her eyebrows furrowed deeper.

“It’s a magical invitation to an interdimensional family gathering,” she finally said. “My name isn’t mentioned for some reason, but the sender is.”

Why did she feel so tense in his arms? “Does it come from your mom?”

“No.” Vasi bit her lower lip. “From my dad.”