As The Wind Blows Your Scent To Me

It was another lonely week for Yuina. Coupled with the fact that she was currently staying at home to recuperate, the sparse loneliness was overwhelming at certain times.

Every time she swept her gaze across the duplex, she only saw things that reminded her of him. 

She just ate a little at mealtimes, consumed the medicine given by the doctor and rested on either the bed or the couch. 

Until now, aside from Himari and the school, no one else knew the tragedy that befell her.

Several teachers with who she had good relations inquired about her well-being. Yuina just answered them politely without revealing too many details.

All of them were shocked to hear about her miscarriage because, even though Yuina didn't conceal her status, no one had ever seen her husband.

"It's only Thursday."

Yuina mumbled in a really low voice but that was the only audible sound inside the vast duplex.

If her condition allowed it, she could get back to work this coming Monday but, the principal actually advised her to take more days of leave.

After dinner, Yuina moved to the living room. She sat on the fluffy white carpet, facing the floor-to-ceiling windows. The colorful and bright neon lights were reflected on the glass as the city nightlife was still in its full mode.

In the few days after she got out of the hospital, Yuina had slowly gathered her thoughts. The small dissatisfactions that kept accumulated inside her gradually surged up, leaving her no choice but to confront them.

Ironically, she only truly saw these things only after losing a child that was so dear to her.

"All in all, I have to do this."

Yuina's eyes were calm despite the turbulence of emotions swirling inside her. With her gaze lowered, she glanced at the phone that was lying next to her.

This morning, Ryuu called her, having their normal conversation. He excitedly shared with Yuina about the probability that he might have won the foreign director's heart after having an informal audition.

For the first time, Yuina didn't share the same excitement as he had.

Yuina kept looking at the phone. She took a long breath, mustering up her courage then she picked up the phone.

With one press on the screen, she made a call to him.

"Is he still working?"

Right now, Ryuu was in the neighboring country, his last destination. The time zone didn't differ much from theirs. Seeing that the clock had struck eleven o'clock, it should already be nighttime at where he was currently at.

He only picked up the call after the third attempt.

"Wife! You're calling me, hehe~ Did you actually know that I've just entered my hotel room?"

Ryuu's voice was tinged with joy the moment the call was connected. There was a faint trace of exhaustion yet he remained energetic talking to his beloved.

Thousands of miles away from him, Yuina crept up a smile on her face, a smile that was so bleak.

"Ryuu, when would you return?"

Only known to Yuina, her calm voice was masking the furious beating of her heart. She could even hear the buzzing sound inside her ears, traveling all the way up from her heart.

It was so uncomfortable.

"Ah, have you forgotten? I'm coming home! This Sunday~ Why? Do you miss me that much?"

In Ryuu's background, there was the sound of fabric rustling. He might be taking off his attire for tonight's event.

Lowering her eyelids, Yuina cast a look at the carpet where she sat. She suppressed the emotions that kept trying to burst forth.

"Would you immediately return home or are you going somewhere else first?" Yuina asked another question.

She didn't forget about his return date. She just wanted to make sure, just so to know if there were any new changes in his already packed schedule.

"Err... Unfortunately, I have to go and see Director Aoyama once I arrived," Ryuu's voice lowered by a degree, sounding so cautious, "He wants to talk about our next filming in the jungle."

It was pin-drop silence inside the duplex as Yuina listened to her husband's latest words.

Before, she could swiftly conceal her discontent but, now...

Opening her eyes, Yuina felt they were hot.

"...postpone it."

Baffled, Ryuu asked back, "What? Postpone... my meeting with the director?"

Yuina smiled weakly, "Can't you?" 

"It's not that I can't but... The director has to squeeze some time out of his schedule to meet me so and I'm the male lead so..."

Yuina bit her lower lip hard, trying to stifle a sob but, nevertheless, the sound still escaped her lips.

It was discernible by Ryuu at the end of the line.

"Wife, what's wrong? You sound off... Are you alright? Are you crying?"

The small cracks in her heart further digging deep inside her. 

To even breathe, it hurt her terribly. 

Yuina's voice was hoarse, carrying her sorrow in each of her words.

"You really can't come home right away? Why? Why can't you? ...aren't I important? Aren't I? Are you lying to me?" 

Didn't you say I am the most important in your life?

But...

Why couldn't I feel the same?

The phone dropped from her hand, falling to the floor followed by a soft thud. Soon, her cries engulfed the entire living room, no longer could be concealed.

As the small things kept piling up inside her heart, an avalanche ensued, swallowing everything in its path including the remnants of good feelings she held. 

Ryuu was dumbfounded. His tone hurriedly changed, "Yuina, my wife... What's wrong? Wait, I'm going to make a video call!"

Tutt!

The call ended before in a second, her phone rang. The screen was showing there was a request for a video call from Ryuu but Yuina didn't even make an effort to lift up the phone.

She cried and cried, trying to let everything out, no matter how many times she had to do it just so as to feel at ease.

One of her hands gripped her lower abdomen, once again, her heart was mourning the loss of her child.

Even though the doctor said the cause of most miscarriages always went undetected, Yuina couldn't tear her away from any self-blaming. 

If only she kept herself healthier...

If only she took care of herself more...

If only she didn't ignore the signs...

But, there was nothing that could be done anymore. The ominous guilt and regret ate away her soul, pulling her down into the sea of loneliness. 

"Waaa... Hicc... Ahhhhh!"

Her cries drowned the continuous ringing of the phone, both sounds blared out in the ever-quiet luxurious duplex.

Yuina crouched down on the carpet, both of her hands covered her face, the tears streamed down her cheeks with no sign of ceasing. 

She was crying her heart out.

Yet, there was no one beside her.

Yuina didn't realize how much time had passed.

She remembered that her phone stopped ringing before once again Ryuu kept calling her. Even after her cries dissipated, she didn't pick up the phone. Yuina just let the phone lie on the carpet.

The missed calls had reached past one hundred.

Yuina rubbed her swollen eyes, feeling how sticky her face was. At times, she hiccuped.

She was ashamed of herself. She thought she could keep herself calm when calling her husband earlier but, everything spiraled downward. 

With how she had behaved, without doubt, Ryuu would sense something.

"...it has happened anyway. Just let it be," In a self-mocking voice, Yuina laughed bitterly.

For the first time, Yuina didn't mind what would Ryuu think of her.

She ignored the consequences that might sprout from her action today.

Before, she often devoured any grievances she felt as she only wanted Ryuu to focus on his dreams without feeling guilty at her.

She just hoped he could fly high to the sky, where his hard work and dreams would take him while she would wait on the ground, praying for his success.

But, now...

She wanted to be selfish.

She did not want to continue living like this, hiding in his shadows, looking at the back view of his wings.

"I'll be fine... It's alright."

Yuina rose up from the floor. Dragging her exhausted body from the living room, her feet were heavy as she walked to the kitchen.

Ding dong~ Ding dong~

"...?"

The doorbell rang continuously, blasting the sound from the entryway. Yuina looked at the clock. She gasped once she realized the time was showing past midnight.

She had cried for that long?

Ding dong~ Ding dong~

Yuina hesitated for a moment before she rushed to the door. She pressed a button on the intercom, a familiar face appeared on the screen, looking so anxious.

"Sister Yuina! Open the door! It's me! Sister!"

Hiro kept pressing on the doorbell while shouting at the intercom. From his unkempt appearance, it seemed like he was dragged out of the bed before coming here.

Yuina quickly opened the door. Even though she lived by herself on this floor, she still didn't want to let Hiro make noises outside. 

"Sister! What happened? Brother Ryuu said you... cried?"

Hiro was baffled at the sight of his sister's swollen and red eyes. Traces of dry tears were still on her face.

The initial urgency in Hiro's voice mellowed down, changing to a confused one.

"...you did cry. Why?"

In the face of Hiro's concerned eyes, once again Yuina burst into tears.

She couldn't say anything as her chest felt so painful.. What she remembered in the middle of her heartache was the warmth that came from a pair of hands, gently wrapping around her.