As The Wind Blows Your Scent To Me

She was speaking so quietly but, the words blared out in his mind, so deafening as if a rumble of thunder was roaring.

Ryuu's pupils trembled. His lips quivered, making him stutter.

"What do you mean... some time away from me?"

Yuina flinched. She unconsciously took a step back, almost falling to the couch. Her grip on her hands turned tighter, her nails dug into her skin. 

Her franticness made her forgot her headache.

"...yes."

Since she had said so, there was no turning back.

She could no longer retract her words and treat them as if nothing happened anymore.

"I want some time away from you."

"But, why... I don't understand. Yuina, what... what the heck happened?"

The veins on his neck kept bulging. Ryuu's eyes darting everywhere, not knowing where to let his gaze fall.

Yet, in the end, he still looked at her.

Yuina was staring at the floor, dodging from staring directly into his eyes.

She didn't have the courage to return his gaze.

"I really... don't understand."

His tone faded at the end of the sentence yet the weight of the words fell heavily in the living room.

Ryuu was frustrated.

Why did it become like this?

He anxiously returned earlier than scheduled because he was so worried over his wife but, why did she say something that sounded so ominous to him?

Her fearful eyes earlier...

She appeared as if she was afraid of him...

Something that she never did.

Yuina bit her lower lip. Her mind was buzzing, trying to find better words to convey to Ryuu but, she found that it was meaningless.

If she did that, won't she just sugarcoat their situation right now?

"It's like I've said," Mustering up what little left of her courage, Yuina raised up her chin, locking her gaze into Ryuu's red eyes, "I need some time away from you."

Please...

Don't ask me any more than that.

Although Yuina didn't want to admit it, she couldn't stand the pressure that was emitting from Ryuu right now. The dark swirls were imminent in his reddened eyes, on the dire need to be unleashed.

"But, why?"

His questions remained the same.

He did not understand, really.

Yuina let out a suppressed breath. Her inside felt so stuffy. With a bitter smile, she finally replied, "Because I'm not happy."

It was a hard truth to swallow but...

She couldn't feign it any longer.

"...what?"

Startled, Ryuu took a step back.

He looked so surprised, so confused with why did she say she wasn't happy, not when every moment they spent together only brimmed with laughter and joy. In the years they were together until they got married, they had never fought, only bickering playfully.

This would be the very first time.

Once again, her tears fell.

"Ryuu, I'm not happy... Really, I'm not..." Voice shaky, Yuina shook her head a few times. The lights above shone onto her face, glistening her tears, "...I used to tell myself that I'm happy but, I'm not."

All of her happiness concealed how lonely she truly was inside. 

The throbbing of her head intensified, Yuina felt her view was spinning but she kept standing firm opposite her husband.

"Why are you not happy? Why? When... you have everything?"

A cynical laugh escaped her lips.

"...do I have everything? ...!"

"Yuina!"

Yuina fell on her knees, sending panic to Ryuu. He lurched forward, grasping her shoulders. His heart pounded furiously the moment he realized how hot her body was.

"Yuina? You're feverish! Let me carry you upstairs, okay?"

Ryuu fretted over her, distressed to see Yuina looking so weak. He had even let go of the frustration that built up within him.

"Don't... want it," Yuina weakly raised up her hand, trying to shake his hands away from her shoulders.

"Yuina, don't be stubborn... You're sick. First, let me carry you to bed. Then... then you can vent out to me, en?"

In the haziness, Yuina forced herself to look at him, her husband.

Even though her vision was blurred because of her tears, he was still charming.

"Do I have everything, Ryuu? I don't think so..."

Her eyes slid open a fraction, her lips still carried the same bitter smile.

Distracted, Ryuu blurted out, "What..."

"...you're always away, leaving me alone in this... cold place."

"Yuina, it's..."

Ryuu stuttered, he really didn't know what should he answer in this suffocating occurrence. 

Yuina closed and opened her eyes listlessly, the dizziness felt as if it was tearing her mind apart.

"...I kept telling myself that it's okay, it's alright for you to be away because... you're doing it for us but... Ryuu, I actually don't want that."

A drop of tear trickled down to her chin, dripping on the back of her hand.

"All of the luxury... They are meaningless to me, Ryuu. I just... I don't want to live like this anymore."

Yuina slumped forward, fell onto Ryuu's chest. 

It had been months yet, his arms were as steady as before, firmly embracing her.

"Please... I don't want to be alone... I don't want to live like this... I don't want it..."

Her lips kept repeating the same words. This was so overwhelming to her, sweeping her undercurrent until she drowned helplessly.

Unable to speak anymore, Yuina cried.

"My wife... What... Don't cry, don't cry. I'm back already... Please, don't cry..."

The warmth of his palm lingered on the back of her head as Ryuu began to stroke her hair, letting her long locks fell through his fingers. He was restlessly trying to appease her.

Yuina was so ashamed of herself.

If possible, she wanted to have a proper talk with him but, once the moment arrived, her outburst of emotions taking over her.

She sniffled, holding herself back from crying nonstop. Once her tears died down, she tilted up her head, smiling at him.

"Hehe, you must have been so surprised, right? Ryuu... You know, I have another surprise for you."

Laughing in self-ridicule, Yuina mocked herself for putting them in this kind of situation, a situation that had never occurred to them.

Yet, this was the only way she could vent out.

Yuina wriggled free from his embrace. She pushed his chest, creating a distance between them.

She wanted to breathe.

"Yuina... let's talk later, okay? You look off, my love."

Ryuu was still ladened in confusion, both of his hands remained to stubbornly hold her shoulders.

Each of her words echoed in his mind but Ryuu shook all of them off. His focus right now was to let his wife be fine again.

But, could she?

Yuina ignored his worries. 

She could care less about her condition right now. 

She didn't want to prolong this. She had to get out of this situation no matter what.

Yuina supported her upper body with both of her hands propped on the floor. Although her eyes were still red, swollen by her tears, they were calm as she put her gaze on her husband.

So eerily calm.

Baffled, Ryuu opened his mouth yet, she dropped a bomb on him.

"Ryuu, I miscarried."

Her voice was so quiet akin to a whisper but...

As she had imagined countless times before, it was an understatement to say that Ryuu was shocked.

His look right now was beyond that.

"What... you said that you... Did I mishear?"

Horrified, his eyes trembled. Yuina could clearly feel how terribly he was shivering right now, the grip of his hands over her shoulders toughened, almost prodding his nails into her clothes.

"Our child... I lost it."

Her calm voice sounded so strange to her ears as if she was controlled by an otherworldly being. She felt dull. The numbness spread from the tips of her fingers and toes, overtaking her body before seeping into her heart. 

"Child... You were pregnant... Since when? Were you okay? Why you didn't tell me?"

Since when?

From the beginning of his global tour until now, there was never a mention of her being pregnant every time they contacted each other.

Did she... hide it from him?

Yuina stifled a hollow laugh.

"Last week, I miscarried. I was alone... no, if not for my colleague... I would truly be alone."

"Last week? When..."

Ryuu froze. Something dawned on him.

Lips trembling, he asked, "Was it... the day when you called me lots of times but..."

Yuina chuckled, "You didn't answer."

Ignoring Ryuu's ghastly pale face, Yuina shoved his hands off of her shoulders. Pushing herself to her feet, she slowly got up.

With her eyes fell on Ryuu who was still on the floor, she murmured, "There are still so many things I want to tell you but... I really need some time apart. It's so... stuffy here."

Yuina lifted up her feet, wanting to round Ryuu then went upstairs.

She had to get out of here.

But, where could she go?

"...!"

Yuina almost fell back when her left hand was grasped tightly from behind. Looking back, Ryuu was still on the floor, he held her wrist with both of his hands.

"...you don't mean to divorce, right? I won't agree to that!"

The always confident man was trembling.

Yuina was sad. Because of her, he was drenched in fear.

"Ryuu."

Ryuu kept his eyes on his wife's face. He disregarded how pitiful he looked right now, kneeling in front of her and holding her wrist like a devout believer.

"I love you. At the very least, my feelings for you haven't changed but..."

Yuina placed a palm over the back of her hands, feeling his warm touch.

"I'm afraid that over time, I would lose the courage to keep loving you." 

Pushing his hands away, Yuina freed herself from his grasp. Ryuu helplessly dangled his hands at both sides, never moving his gaze from her.

Her watery eyes were firm.

Yuina smiled softly. 

"I want to be happy."