Ashes and Kingdoms

The Winter Solstice Festival was approaching and the city of Nanais was surrounded by busy air.

A large number of servants and housewives roll out on the street, with their feathered faces as if the end of the world were to come, running around shopping.

Because first we have to buy ingredients and gifts for the Winter Solstice Festival, and once that festival is over, virtually every business goes on holiday.

Fishing, as well as the crop city, will be over in a few moments, and the store will clear shelves and clean up. If you get tired of buying what you need to be prepared for, you will be able to endure inconvenience and hassle early in the New Year.

The life of the orphanage was no exception, and that day Finn was going around the shop here and there at the service of the Dean.

"Ugh, man, you're an awesome crowd every year. Well, that's it all..."

Come on, and unload your stuff on the side of the road, and the dean starts inspecting. Finn also put down what he had and stood to protect them from the waves. There,

"Ugh!! Buy it, buy it. Yeah!!

The child's tall cry echoed the murmur. During the bundle, people around them stop moving and look back at the source of the commotion. And soon, he shook his head, or his face, or spilled a sympathetic bitterness, and hurried to each errand again.

"That's a poem, too."

Dean smiled bitterly and looked across the street. It's a store that stores a variety of toys. I'm just so busy at this time of year that nobody mind a kid sitting around in the store crying. A mother with a grabbed hem pointed at her voice and said no, stop, scolding her.

"I want - I want - No!! Buy -!

There is no sign that the fierce waste will subside. Finn saw how the mother and son were doing and figured it must be a wealthy house there. Exchange gifts with your family, I guess that's all you can afford.

Finn doesn't actually know how the Winter Solstice Festival will be spent in the general household. But if you're listening to the kids in the city, even though they give each other gifts, they don't seem to get much.

Perhaps that child will get a gift every year. And I know I'll always get it, so oh and I want what I want - whatever's in my parents' purses.

Not in orphanages. Of course, everyone eats treats, and blankets and cold clothes can be new thanks to the Shishi family, who get generous at this time of year. But there are no special gifts for each and every one of us.

I wondered how you feel, Finn wondered a little. Just because you're a child, just because it's a winter solstice festival, that you get a gift.

If I were you, I might be a little restless.

With that in mind, the Dean has spoken gently as he cares.

"Do you have something you want?"

……

Asked unexpectedly, Finn looks up as he blinks his eyes. and the dean bowed his hips and whispered in a whisper.

"Don't tell anyone, I think you can make a special gift, okay? Anyway, you almost take care of everyone in public."

Besides, the dean shuts his mouth. I perceived the words that went on earlier, and Finn lay down his eyes.

- Plus, normally, like other kids, I'm old enough to be welcomed into some house and celebrate the Winter Solstice Festival.

To the compassion of such a dean, Finn silences himself with nothing to answer. The Dean coughed up slightly awkwardly, but immediately went on to talk in a bright tone.

"Well, the Winter Solstice Festival just happens to be a reason, and I've wanted to reward you with something for a long time, Phineas. Why don't you take this opportunity to say what you want? If you're worried about how you feel about me, you can ask the gods. There's one thing you want, too, right?

…………

Even if asked, Finn was silent. Behind that, at last, the mother who exploded her anger grabs the child's hand and walks out as she drags it. Finn glanced at the distant cry.

The toy store was certainly attractive. Sometimes, too, he stopped on his feet on the way to making amends, something he stared at while fighting the temptations he wanted to take in his hands. Beautifully colored wooden horses, soldiers and small animals that become one picture when successfully fitted within a frame. Parents and children of ducks whose necks move when they roll what kind of tricks.

But now he asked me what I wanted, and I wondered what they were.

The Dean is waiting patiently.

Somewhat on Finn's chest, one answer was revealed. But when I open my lips, it doesn't sound like a voice and I don't try to stick around my throat. In the end, I just had to hold my mouth again.

The director laughed and gently laid his hands on Finn's head like that.

"A secret wish that no man can tell you. That's good too, no, maybe that's what the Winter Solstice Festival gift was supposed to be."

……

As Finn looked up with a strange face, the dean continued as if to lean his neck and consult.

"The old North was pretty poor in the first place. The Winter Solstice Festival wouldn't be what it is now either. It was barbarian land anyway. It would be inconceivable that such a lovely item would have been flooded with such a special gift. I want it, I don't want it because I don't know enough to waste time wanting this, and I don't want it. That's why. The Winter Solstice Festival, which used to come out of the story, is supposed to be a day to make wishes to the gods."

Finn nodded, too, when he was told. Even though it has been imperialized and long, the folklore passed down to the Vitian tribe has not disappeared either. There were some of those muscular things in the old stories told to the kids in the orphanage. The Dean recalls any of them and tells him to meditate and recite them gently in his eyes.

"The young man wished for courage and medals, and the maiden for eternal love, to be given to the gods - I wonder if that was the case"

So do you, and the Dean asks. Finn looked away unexpectedly and stared at the road surface. And

"... me too"

I snapped with a tiny little, cluttered voice.

"Courage, I want it. A strong heart, unbeatable at all times."

- Often, there was no reply. In the teeming street, silence arises for just the two of us.

Then the dean slowly leaked an exclamation.

"Right. It's a wish like yours. Not to beat, but not to be beaten,"

Stinging and repeating, Dean stroked Finn's head again. Finn himself, who wanted it unconsciously, such as the difference, cannot raise his face with confusion and embarrassment. The dean chuckled.

"Maybe you said it unconsciously. You'll see. In living, it's often more important to just not lose than to win. Well, that's a long way off. Now... Okay, but with courage, I can't buy you one there."

Trouble, I laughed bitterly, then the Dean went on in a serious tone.

"And with the gods, it will not be easy to give."

"Can't you?"

Finn asks, unfortunately. When the dean crouched down and glanced at him, he made him preach heavily.

"Phineas, courage is not given by anyone. It's something that arouses itself. Even with the gods, we can't give it to those who don't want to be brave. But don't say your wish is futile. Unless you forget that hope, the gods should help you too. If you wish for courage and encourage yourself whether you are strong or not, the gods will send the wind to the little fire you have made, and you will sparkle. So take care of that wish."

"- Yes."

Every word, Finn, who was engraving in his heart but listening as if, nodded deeply and quietly when the story was over. Confirming that, the dean eased his expression and stretched his back in an unexpected mood.

"Well, let's say it's time to go home! Still, Phineas, sometimes you say things that are somewhat difficult. I'm not fooling around either."

Finn faces abrupt words, and is decent. Isn't it the dean who said the hard thing? I guess I just simply said what I wanted.

Dean laughs prankily at Finn with a puzzled face, and for some reason he snaps satisfactorily, "All right, all right." Finn couldn't figure out why, but he didn't seem to explain it to me, so he gave up and held his stuff silently.

Now that the long years have passed and she herself is in the position of a parent, Finn occasionally laughs bitterly remembering the dean of that day.

I would have been a tough kid to deal with. Even casual conversations sometimes became like serious battles, and I was horrified to see if I kept an adult's face when I could get a response - a feeling that he could see.

(Dean)

Calling toward an obtuse figure in memory.

(That day, you did give me the courage)

It may not have been courage itself. But those words continued to be supportive to Finn until later.

You don't have to win to lose, you don't forget what you want.

(I hope, like you, I can give you something too)

I'm not sure. Was this how the Dean felt back then?

Looking up at the winter sunny sky, Finn smiles one complicated smile. From beyond the white thin cloud, I felt a nostalgic voice containing laughter inspired me.

(Final)