Before My Withering

Xiao Fei had written 112 letters for me, probably out of boredom when he was pregnant. His personal relationships were very simple, and few of his old friends were mostly related to Song Zhiqian. I was reluctant to get in touch with them, so I was unable to inquire about his life.

I believe he was a straightforward yet sober, polite and tolerant individual. If we had lived in the same timeframe, I would have grown to like him. 

Too bad I’ve never met him.

Zhou Chen asked me where he should put the cello when we got home. I asked whether there was a storage area where the temperature and humidity could be controlled. He gave me a puzzled look and inquired, “Don’t you use this cello?”

“I have something you gave me,” I said rashly.

Then I suddenly felt uncertain. “It was given to me, not lent… right?” 

He smiled. “I don’t understand musical instruments. Of course it’s for you.”

Zhou Chen seemed to be in a good mood today. Although the Qi family had caused a disturbance, it somehow didn’t seem to affect him.

He was happy, so I was, too. I unconsciously hummed a song as I squatted on the ground to clean up the letter box.

I will be brave,

I will not let anything take away what’s standing in front of me

Zhou Chen, who returned after storing the cello, heard me singing this passage.

Because it had to fit the tone of the cello, the timbre of my performance at the graduation celebration was adjusted to be relaxing and quiet. I unintentionally returned to its previous brisk tone as I hummed to myself.

He approached me and rubbed the top of my head. “It’s late; don’t you want to go to bed?”

A dozen letters were strewn across the carpet, some open, others closed. As I approached closer, I watched Zhou Chen’s look change to one of uneasiness. 

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

“Pa’r olcf, la’r cba j rfmgfa,” P rjlv. “Gb sbe kjccj rff la?”

Lf tfrlajafv j ilaaif. “Pa’r kglaafc obg sbe, P kbc’a gfjv la.”

Ktfc tf ifjcfv bnfg ab tfiq wf qea atf rmjaafgfv ifaafgr lcab atf ybz. “Jifjc eq abwbggbk. Xb ab yfv.”

“Gbm,” Ktf jawbrqtfgf kjr rb gfijzfv atja j yjv lvfj obgwfv lc ws tfjv. Xgjyylcu tlr tjcv, P jrxfv, “Lbk kjr ws qfgobgwjcmf abvjs?” 

He pretended to be serious, but smiled as he replied, “Mood is steady, and there is no bad response. It’s all great.”

According to Zhou Chen, my temporary memory confusion was caused by my dread of reality, therefore my body turned off my senses as a protective mechanism.

It’s pointless to attempt to flee if I want to improve. I need to learn to confront reality and accept what has happened in the past.

And everything of my history had one thing in common: Qi Shu. 

So these past days, he would accompany me to treatment; from name to voice to picture, slowly desensitizing me bit by bit. It was very difficult at first. The rejection ingrained in my bones made me resist it instinctively. When I was in a bad state, I even unconsciously wanted to relieve my psychological pain through physical pain.

Zhou Chen did not stop me, but one time when I was absent-minded, my arm was replaced by his. So that one time after I scratched his flesh, I suddenly realized that I could no longer hurt myself or Zhou Chen again.

He said it was a necessary process and I had to move from passive acceptance to active confrontation.

And I know change was happening to me all because of him. 

Since then, the therapy went much smoother. Little by little, my trust and dependence on Zhou Chen pushed away my fear and anxiety towards Qi Shu. That’s why I could be so calm today.

I didn’t wanna fail to live up to his efforts. I want to get better.

“Will there be a reward for good performance?” I asked, reaching out a yard after taking an inch.

Zhou Chen raised his brows. “What do you want?” 

“I want, uhh… a star.”

The answer was complete gibberish. I had everything I needed, so I couldn’t think of anything I could ask for at the moment.

Unexpectedly, he replied, “Okay.”

Okay?! 

It took me three days to understand what he meant by “okay”.

After dinner, we went out for a walk as usual. Zhou Chen had especially asked me to add a coat. I thought it was to avoid hypothermia, but I didn’t expect him to take me to climb the top of the mountain, which took more than an hour as we kept on stopping.

To be exact, I walked for less than half an hour by myself, and he carried me up behind his back.

There was an empty terrace at the top of the mountain, where a telescope and tent had been prepared in advance, and I got a sense of what he was up to. 

The tent was spacious, heavily carpeted for warmth and packed with simple necessities.

Zhou Chen asked me to take a rest. He set up a bonfire outside and burned a pot of hot water.

I had thought he was well pampered, and never touched dirt and spring water. I didn’t expect he was quick at his work, and had such a leisurely, and unhurried temperament that even watching him make a fire was a delight.

When everything was ready, it was already getting dark. I sat on a pony bar with a cup of hot tea, watching Zhou Shen adjust the telescope. 

Finally, he stepped back and waved to me “Ready.”

It was the first time I had ever played with such an expensive, sophisticated instrument. For fear that I’d accidentally break it, Zhou Chen took my hand and taught me how to look, so in the eyepiece, I saw a pale rose-colored nebulae surrounded by scattered points of light under he dark night sky and a slightly larger star with a pale blue halo in the middle of the picture.

“This is a lonely star. It never had its own planet, and there are no other stars around it.”

Zhou Chen’s low, slow voice sounded like a narrator telling an old fairy tale. “Its number is CX940.” 

“But now it has a new name. BHI824, A Boat Heading for the Island, a boat heading for the island.”

A boat heading for the island…

My breathing stagnated for a moment.

I said I wanted a star, and he really gave me a star. 

“Xiao Yu.” Zhou Chen hugged me gently from behind. “The starry sky is vast, but there is one star that belongs to you. Just like the vast sea of ​​people, there is someone who belongs to you.”

His voice was infinitely sentient and tender, and I felt as if I had fallen into this rose-colored nebulae, feeling the light and heat that had existed since the beginning of time. The beating of my heart resonated with the whole universe.

“Your birthday is tomorrow. This is my first gift to you,” he said.

Is tomorrow my birthday? I almost forgot myself. 

“Thank you, sir.” I wanted to turn back and thank him, but the slight movement pushed my back on his hot chest.

Then I blushed unpromisingly again.

Of all the hugs, this was the one I couldn’t stand.

Zhou Chen was calm. He turned me around and hugged me again. This time, I completely fell into his arms. 

Over our head was the boundless starry sky, behind was the silent mountain forest; the boundless world seemed to contain only the two of us.

The summer night was bright, as the wind blew gently.

The campfire burned quietly, crackling occasionally. I could hear Zhou Chen’s heart beat, beating the silent night like a drum.

I turned this moment into a piece of music and deeply remembered it in my mind. My blood churned with the notes. 

I think this would be my best composition. It was born under the stars and love.

And Zhou Chen was my muse.

The author has something to say: 

Today’s playlist: 《Take Me Away》 

[This time you said to go together, somewhere, just you and me]