Bestfriend With Benefits

"Don't make me curious like this, Carol" I lifted my eyebrow as I talk, smile cause I know she was trying to joke. But the situation became weird and weird, like she's about to tell some horror stories. Caroline took a deep breath and sniffed another smile. Her expressions changed, she ain't joking right now. "Ryan.." she squeezed my hand "I ever met her in a pub.." she continues. My forehead crinkled, I was deep in shit curiosities, waiting for her to continue her words. "She was working as a sexy bunny waitress that time" she added. Soon I caught her gaze back, she was maybe assuming things? Tiere won't do anything stupid like that for money "Maybe she was just a waitress?" I keep my urge to stand for Tiere, she's nothing like that. Caroline rolled her eyes and moaned "Ryan, you are always so positive at everything?" I don't like assuming things before knowing the truth.

Caroline clicked her tongue and say "Come on.. I saw it"

"I know.. a sexy bunny waitress..hmm" I replied with a shrug, it doesn't make any sense, Tiere got money from her parents before she moved out, there's no reason for her to work like that. Is that the bunny waitress like what I saw in Movies? Like sexy dancers? I just knew it happens here, in Indonesia.

She looks fine, but we can't always trust people by their smile, or how they look cause you know.. Once I read from somewhere, Don't Trust What You See. Even Salt Looks Like Sugar by Claudia Garcia.

"Ryan?"

She caught me daydreaming, Caroline's hand waving in front of my face, "Ryan?"

I cleared my throat "Um.. yea.... So.. pardon me?"

Caroline sniffed a smile, "Seems like you love her that much, do you? You don't even trust me" now she looks like going to cry. She covered her face with her hands.

"No..No.." I rose from my seat trying to calm her down. "Hey, Carol.." I grabbed her shoulders. "I trust you" Caroline puts her hands down immediately, lucky me cause she hasn't start crying, I don't want to catch any attention from the café, it's going to be so embarrassing.

There's no way for Caroline to tell a lie, my brain is playing negative scenes. Does Tiere lie to me? So, she worked as a bunny waitress in a night pub, accompanying drinking customers and accept high tips? My whole world sank, I am both sad and surprised at the same time. How could she lied to me about this?

"She put a very thick make up and think that nobody recognized her. You know Rudy?" I lifted my head, catching Caroline's gaze. She folds her arms on the table.

Rudy, the troublesome teenager in the back of my classroom in the past. As I know he loves the pub since high school, and he was dating Caroline during high school. Pretty amusing huh? But yeah, Rudy is very rich. Tiere used to hate him. That handsome dude is every girls' crush, but very arrogant.

"Rudy met her, but she refused to talk to him. You know, a pub waitress with that outfit. They are like..... hey come on drink with me, pay me with high tips" she added with gestures. Yes, that was all I've been thinking about.

"But yeah.." she leaned her body on the chair.

"When I came to the pub with my friends. She didn't see us, but we clearly saw her. That time, I was about to call her but I afraid it would be very insulting, so I just stay quiet. I saw her flirting the other man that time"

"You know... She saw Rudy that time, she was afraid of him, like hell. I heard she escaped to the toilet after seeing Rudy" she continues.

I don't want to hear about the dark secret no more. My heart needs more time to accept what my mind already knows.

"She didn't tell you right?" Caroline made another question, I became confused. I lifted my head gazing back at her, nodding my head slowly.

***

I stopped by her apartment, promise her a Mc Donald after I finished my date, but I didn't buy anything. I stood in front of her apartment door, at the same time Tiere came out.

"Hey! Ryan!" she hugged me tight. "You came!"

In odd moments, I don't need to knock the door, she will comes out like she has predicted I arrived on time. Funny.

I didn't reply her, Caroline's words echoing inside my head. I can't believe she lied to me. My heart rate increased, feeling hot and frustrated.

"Ryan?" Tiere loosened her hug, look at me deeply in curious, she reads my face, I threw my gaze away trying to calm myself. "What happen? Did anything bad happen to you?" she held my cheek and I leaned away. Tiere frowned, "Ryan?"

She stepped aside and clicks the door locked. Now she looks really sad like almost cry. I took a glimpse of her and sat on the bed, waiting for her to come after me, but she stayed in her place, froze, deep in sorrow.

"Tiere..."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Worked as a bunny waitress?" I start the conversation.

"How ..." she stammered, knowing full well that I was after something about her dark secret.

"You didn't tell me about it at all" I cut her off.

"I..." she can't move her jaw, she's shock and about to cry, her voice turned wobbly.

"You lied to me all this time? Seriously?" I cut her off again, anger boiled in me. I clenched my fist, squeeze them on the mattress.

"I... was... working as... a waitress" she took a deep breath and continues, trying to hold her tears. "Cause wearing that costume make me earn..... more money. We didn't sell..... our body like slut. We weren't sexy dancers like what you think about. The guys are just very clingy but I..... never ever sleep with them"

I rubbed my forehead, deep in depression.

"But you have money. Why do you work like that?" I sniffed a smile, "Or you lied to me about that too? Are you kidding me, Tiere?"

I threw myself on the mattress, in a very deep depression. Tiere stands still didn't move at all from her position, I lifted my head looking at her. She is already in tears, sobbing, wiping her tears.

That's when I feel my heart shattering into pieces. I stood up quickly rushed into her. Once those tears broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. She began to cry with the force of the hard raining falls from her eyes.

"I'm sorry.." I pull her closer and hug her real tight, smelling her flowery hair. "I'm sorry Tiere.. I was just shocked.." I tried to explain. My heart beating in harder rate, this time I feel both sad and awful. She hasn't stop, I feel my chest soaked. She is crying hard like waterfalls, gasping for breaths. "I was... just working as a waitress..... really. I didn't do anything weird.. we were just wearing those costume for a bigger tips. I was just young and dumb.." she gasped as she spoke. "I.... lied to you... sorry.. I was just trying to .. stay and...and... pay my college bill.." she tried to finish her words.

I exhales a harsh breath and say "You can ask for my help, Tiere" pushed her gently, bend a bit to look at her. She threw her face away, looking shy to show her messy face.

"I don't want to bother you.. " she mumbled.

"But.. we are best friends, Tiere"

She shrugged her shoulders, "It was just hard for me, Ryan" she brushed my hand aside from her shoulders, don't even look at me.

"Come here, Tiere" I pulled her closer in my arms, hug to comfort her

"I'm so sorry. I was just stupid.." I said.

I feel her arms tightened on my body.

"Do you have another secret to tell?"

Tiere nods her head, "I have"

Waiting for her to response. She gasped for breath before she spoke, like it was the darkest secret among all.

"I..I was lying to you about my mom and dad's money. They didn't give me anything. I leave alone cause I want to show it to them I can live myself" like what I assumed, I was right after I heard the dark secret from Caroline.

She loosened her arms and continue speaking "I..I was just so stupid at everything Ryan... I used that douchebag's money to buy me an apartment, I live in a small room earlier before I bought this apartment... I ... I am not a gold digger, Ryan.. he was just sincerely helping me out.. and I didn't ask for it.. he did it by himself... and ..and ... I was just.. stupid...." she tried to defend herself.

"Calm down" I pat her back slowly. "What can I do to calm you down?"

"I .. don't want to tell you cause.. if I did... you will judge me as a gold digger, like his parents"

"I know I know.. I won't judge you, Tiere" I stopped her, she was wrong, there was no way I could judge her. I know Tiere very well. "Now, let's forget all of it. Just.. no secret between us okay?".

She nodded, "I just need to lay on the bed and cover my head so you couldn't see me crying"

I pushed her again "Why would I do that?"

She threw her face away, "Just ..don't look at me like this.. it's embarrassing"

"I am your boyfriend right? Partner in crime? Best friend? Brother?"

"Just don't talk about it" she said with a shrug and pulled her body away but I caught her arm at the same time.

"If you want to lay, go on, but with me.. and don't cover your head like burrito" I gave her a chuckle with delight, I hope she catches my joke.

She threw her face away, "Please let me go for a while. There are...snorts in my nose"

"Oh.. alright" I let her go, can't hide a smile, she is really cute sometimes.

Tiere laid her head on my chest, while I am busy reading my thesis. "Getting better?" I asked as I look down, I can only see her hair.

She nodded her head, "Maybe" her fingers playing on my chest, sometimes touch my nipples. It's tickling actually.

"Why do boys have nipples?" she asked like a fresh kindergarden.

"I don't know how to answer you, Tiere. I am neither a doctor nor god"

She giggles and I'm so relieved, she's getting better. "Just.. stop playing with my nipples" I insisted.

"Oh ya..Do you need me here, Tiere?"

"You want to stay here?" she asked, innocently.

"Yes.. I want to.."

"Ryan.." she rose from her laying position

"How could you do this to me? How about Caroline?" she looks worry all of sudden.

I flared my nostrils, "Just... Don't talk about her right now.. I decided to stay here with you.."

She nods her head, "Oh..okay.." and leaned her head on my chest "What are we going to eat? I am starving"

I lifted my hand to check the time, "It's 7 actually"

"Pizza. With cheese and beef"

"Okay.. gonna order it right now. Or do you want to go out?"

She shook her head, "I prefer staying here"

"Ryan, do you like me?"

I put my phone aside, tilted my head looking at Tiere. She twirled her hair, caught my glimpse. "I..."

"Don't answer me. I mean... have you ordered?" she tilted her head looking at me, we are looking at each other.

She cut me off at the moment I want to answer her emotional question. I haven't had the chance to think, what is my real feeling to Tiere? Are we just friends like we used to be? Or she's become more than a friend to me? Of course I like her. What I know for sure is that every day brings a chance for me to stay closer to Caroline, step out to reach her more –live for a commitment and filled with love I always wanted to have.

Silence expanded for few seconds, we were staring at each other, in deep thoughts. I don't know what is she thinking about, but I'm curious.

"Ryan.. just order.." she said, throwing her gaze away.

"Umm.. okay" it's pretty awkward between me and Tiere nowadays, she's like, keeping something as secrets from me. I don't know what is she thinking about. Does she has anything to tell? Or I was just assuming things. I don't know. I care too much about her, she has become precious to me.