This thing about me becoming a girl

In the eyes of outsiders, she is the most ruthless and cruel one, but in fact she also has desires, even though she herself does not know what she desires.

Back on the bench, Bei Dao Ya had been silent for a long time, and the woman on the side did not dare to leave at will, but hugged the child tightly in her arms.

In fact, thinking about it now, Bei Daoya can understand what she is longing for everywhere.

When she was dying in her childhood, she longed for such an emotional sustenance, otherwise she really didn't know what she was alive for.

After all, she has been weird since she was a child, she has no desires, and she is not always chasing something like other people.

She is rootless and desireless.

Or maybe what she really wanted was too difficult to obtain, so she didn't have time to pursue other things.

She has always been moving forward in order to have everything, because since she has everything, then what she wants will naturally be there.

So she was very evil, and she would grab what she didn't have, which made her really famous later.

A child who went astray?

maybe.

In fact, she is not that good. There are many things she is not good at, and she can't figure out some simple problems.

The North Island Crow was silent.

So now, does she have what she once wanted?

Involuntarily, Bei Daoya recalled his childhood.

It was too late, there were no trams, Bei Daojiu hugged her and hurried down the street towards home, even though she was terrified to death, she gritted her teeth and held on.

Likewise, he hugged himself tightly.

Until now, she seemed to be able to recall the warmth and strength of hugging herself back then.

Really, it seems that I can't feel the severe cold.

After returning home, Bei Daojiu's hands were also a little stiff from the cold.

These two memories are intertwined in Bei Daoya's mind, which is very complicated and unclear.

After all, she is not Fu, nor is she Bei Dao Ya.

It is a fusion of two individuals.

She has what Bei Dao Crow has, and what Fu has.

Similarly, Bei Daoya's thinking will affect her, and so will Fu.

For example, Fu in the previous life, will she be like many times now?

No, Fu is a truly rational person, and will always put her own interests first, like a person who really doesn't pour emotion into anyone.

As for Bei Dao Ya, would she ever be like she is now?

Neither will it.

Therefore, Bei Dao Crow has not been struggling with this problem for a long time.

She is a fusion of two people, a crow and a fu.

What she's thinking about now is just that question, about her deepest thoughts.

So what she wanted, did she get it?

The cold wind was howling, and the Beidaoya, who had been silent for a long time, suddenly smiled faintly, with a clear mind and a sense of relief.

She was a little enlightened, and a little figured out.

669. Got it

Looking at the sudden smile of the girl beside her on the street bench in the middle of the night, the woman was a little puzzled, but she didn't ask.

Bei Dao Crow has figured it out a bit.

What has she wanted all this time?

Just like what Higurashi Ryo said, just remember what you wanted in the first place, that's enough.

In the same way, she finally understood why she was so dazed when she saw the father and daughter meeting in Xixiu Temple.

Because of the incident with the father and daughter of the temple, it reminded her of herself.

The real reason for her to make the father and daughter meet was always because she was wavering.

Because this pair of father and daughter reminds her of herself and her mother.

She is wondering if she did something wrong?

Thinking about it now, in fact, she has been paralyzing, or deceiving herself.

I think everything I do is for my mother.

Although this may be the original intention at the beginning, until now, the North Island crow is more, just to climb the pyramid of power.

In fact, there is no difference from the previous life. I think that as long as I have everything, then I will naturally have what I want, such as the happiness of my mother.

But if you think about it seriously, will what you are doing now really make your mother happy?

In fact, that was just what I thought my mother was happy for.

My mother is not happy overseas, but I always ignore it, thinking that it is all for a better tomorrow, which should be sacrificed.

But I never thought that maybe my mother was never suitable for this kind of life.

It just suits you.

Even now that he clearly has the ability to bring his mother back, he has never done so himself.

For what?

Mom's safety?

Maybe there is this reason...but maybe more important, if the mother is in the country...it will affect her own hands and feet.

Is the future life I envisioned really suitable for my mother?

On the bench, Bei Dao Ya stretched out his palm and looked at his slender fingers.

What have I been doing all this time?Is it a bit of an upside-down?

Thinking about what Higurashi Ryo said.

Remember, when you first embarked on a certain path, what did you feel in your heart at that time, were you paranoid?

When participating in the reserve competition, what were you thinking?

Overwhelmed by anger and hatred.

In fact, thinking about it now, maybe the reason why I am so persistent is that I am afraid of returning to the incompetent appearance at that time.

But is this decision wrong?

No, even though Bei Daoya figured it out, there was nothing wrong with this decision.

After all, at that time, if she didn't do this, she would have to be slaughtered.

It just seems to have gone so far... It has deviated from the original route.

At the beginning... what did I want.

Bei Dao Crow thought carefully.

She was enlightened and quickly found the answer.

what..

What I want...is to spend the rest of my life to heal that hurting mother.

At this time, snowflakes suddenly floated in the sky.

Pure white, velvet catkins, swaying, falling on the shoulders, falling on the top of the head.

It is too dazzling.

Bei Dao Crow raised his head, closed his eyes, felt the temperature of snowflakes falling on his face, with a faint smile on his mouth.

She thought of the mother who always had a smile on her face.

That kind of smile was too dazzling for her eyes that were used to seeing the night.

So she wants to heal her.

It doesn't matter if you have nothing, as long as you can be by her side.

Isn't this a cure for Bei Dao's devastated heart.

The original intention of climbing the pyramid of power is also for this, never to get anything else.

But I have deviated from my original intention, and I am addicted to the road of climbing the pyramid of power. The more addicted, the more empty, the more addicted.

Up to now, for my mother, it is just a fig leaf for my own actions.

She also figured out why she felt that there was an obstacle in her love for her mother before.

That obstacle is the deviating self.

Ah, now that I think about it, I'm still really slow...

It turns out that I have deviated from the original path...from the moment my mother went overseas, she has deviated.

Bei Daoya always thought that it was the mother who needed to be changed, after all, the mother was too weak.

Although my mother does need to change, but what needs to be changed more is myself.

After all, my mother could have avoided these things, and she was the one who brought her on this path.

She was also just an ordinary woman.

It has always been like this.

On the bench, Bei Dao Crow, who was facing the white snow on her back, took a long breath, and the hot air escaped from her mouth, like a dream like fog.

She tilted her head and looked at the anxious woman beside her.

"Thank you."