Blue Moonlight

23. Let me pursue you once too.

Yu Xinqiao thought, “This person really knows how to give me challenges.”

To appear intimidating, Yu Xinqiao shouted his name, “Xu Yanhuan.”

Sensing the tightening of the hand placed on the waist, Yu Xinqiao’s heart also contracted.

But Yu Xinqiao still said, “You said you wouldn’t force me.”

Almost immediately after saying that, Xu Yanhuan’s phone, placed on the dining table, started ringing, and the system ringtone sounded particularly abrupt in the quiet darkness.

Having to let go of Yu Xinqiao’s hand, Xu Yanhuan answered the call first.

Xu Yanhuan put the call on speakerphone, and it was the building’s housekeeper on the line, saying that there was a brief power outage just now, causing some residents’ homes to trip the circuit breakers. They asked Xu Yanhuan to go and flip the main breaker back on. If he didn’t know where it was or how to do it, they could come and help.

“No need, we’ll handle it ourselves,” Xu Yanhuan said.

“Alright, sorry for the trouble. Have a pleasant night.”

After hanging up the phone, Xu Yanhuan walked toward the entrance door and felt the distribution box on the wall, opened the cover, and a beam of light suddenly shone through.

It was Yu Xinqiao who turned on the flashlight on his phone. This time, he made sure not to shine it on Xu Yanhuan’s face but rather directed the light near his hand to facilitate his operation.

Pressing his finger against the main breaker switch and pushing it upward, the room was instantly illuminated, and the sound of appliances restarting came from various directions.

Eyes that had adapted to the darkness would feel dazzled when “seeing the light” again. Yu Xinqiao couldn’t help but rub his eyes a few times. Xu Yanhuan frequently glanced at him while checking if the refrigerator was operating normally. After a while, Yu Xinqiao realized that Xu Yanhuan was confirming whether he was crying again.

It’s impossible not to feel embarrassed. Yu Xinqiao thought irritably, “I don’t cry that often, and I’ve only shed tears once in front of you, and it was because I was scared.”

Inside the refrigerator, apart from bottled water and a small amount of eggs and vegetables, there were things Yu Xinqiao loved to eat: apples, yogurt, shredded squid, and so on.

Yu Xinqiao’s mouth watered at the sight of the food, thinking that spring had arrived, and summer wasn’t far away. It was time to fill the freezer with some ice cream.

While he was contemplating, Xu Yanhuan suddenly spoke, “Lu Meng Jie and I don’t have the kind of relationship rumored outside.”

Yu Xinqiao was taken aback.

“A few years ago, she helped my family in a lawsuit,” Xu Yanhuan continued, “Later, encouraged by her, I applied to law school and directly entered her law firm after graduating. To me, she is both an elder and a friend, and whenever she needs help, I will definitely lend a hand.”

After tidying up the refrigerator, Xu Yanhuan turned to look at Yu Xinqiao and said, “She and I don’t have that kind of relationship. There’s someone in her heart that she can’t forget. And as for me, I already have you.”

Since he said it like that, Yu Xinqiao had no reason not to believe him.

But curiosity still lingered, “Your family had a lawsuit? What kind of lawsuit?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Xu Yanhuan said, “It’s all in the past.”

Yu Xinqiao: “…” Alright, if you don’t want to say, I can’t pry your mouth open.

Thinking that the matter was over, Yu Xinqiao didn’t expect that before bedtime, Xu Yanhuan knocked on the door and entered the master bedroom, using a grand pretext, “You haven’t answered me yet. Are you jealous?”

Yu Xinqiao stammered, “I… I was just asking casually. Is that not allowed?”

“Of course,” Xu Yanhuan straightforwardly replied, “You can ask more in the future.”

The toes hidden under the blanket were almost tearing the bedsheet apart. Yu Xinqiao thought, “If anyone asks again, they’ll never get to eat ice cream!”

Although that’s what he said, if there are real issues, they still need to be asked; otherwise, problems will arise.

On a weekday afternoon, Yu Xinqiao took off from work and went to the Yanhuan Bar to meet Xiao Kaiyan. As usual, they each had a bottle of Yakult, clinked glasses, and started sharing their grievances.

Xiao Kaiyan was frustrated because her new boyfriend had a lot of energy. “Do men only think about one thing and nothing else?”

Yu Xinqiao added, “Not only do men think with the lower half of their bodies, but they also think with their mouths.”

Xiao Kaiyan immediately caught on, “Did he force a kiss on you?!”

“It wasn’t exactly forceful…” Yu Xinqiao said shamefully, “I was so weak, and I even cooperated.”

Xiao Kaiyan clicked her tongue, “I can see that he has you completely in his grasp. You have no room to maneuver.”

Yu Xinqiao decided to lie flat on the bar counter, “Just imagine, a man you couldn’t have when you were young, now appearing before you every day, hugging and kissing you without any resistance. Even a simple misunderstanding can make your heart race. Wouldn’t you feel like you’re dreaming?”

“Sorry, I can’t relate. I’ve never encountered a man I couldn’t handle in my life,” Xiao Kaiyan shrugged, “But in this situation, either that guy has ulterior motives, or there were reasons for him rejecting you back then.”

The first possibility was mostly ruled out, leaving only…

Without further thought, the phone suddenly rang.

Seeing the caller ID displaying “Xu Yanhuan,” Xiao Kaiyan grinned mischievously and mouthed, “It’s a check-in.”

Yu Xinqiao, on the other hand, felt an inexplicable sense of defeat. He knew himself too well. Whenever Xu Yanhuan was involved in anything, he couldn’t remain calm.

In the end, Yu Xinqiao still answered the call.

Xu Yanhuan said he had finished today’s work and asked if there was anything Yu Xinqiao wanted to eat.

The conversation sounded like an old married couple. Yu Xinqiao hesitated for a while and said, “Ice cream.”

“Alright,” Xu Yanhuan on the phone replied, “I’ll be home in half an hour.”

This made Yu Xinqiao hurriedly bid farewell to Xiao Kaiyan and her golden retriever at home, and at the door, he even used a lint roller to brush off the dog hair from his clothes.

As he went out, he realized it had just rained.

The ground was damp, and there were a few puddles here and there due to uneven terrain. Since the bar was close to home, Yu Xinqiao walked back, carefully avoiding the varying depths of water puddles. He took in the fragrant scent of post-rain grass and trees, as well as the aroma of food from the roadside restaurants.

Walking through the pedestrian overpass and entering the residential area, he noticed the elevator coming up from the basement floor. When the elevator doors opened in front of him, he saw Xu Yanhuan holding shopping bags inside. Yu Xinqiao curved his lips and smiled at him, saying, “What a coincidence.”

Xu Yanhuan first froze for a moment, then took out an ice cream from the shopping bag and handed it over.

Yu Xinqiao finished half of it in the elevator.

It was a cute yogurt with a rose-shaped cap. He wasn’t sure if Xu Yanhuan did it on purpose. After all, what seemed like a recent memory for him was a distant story from six years ago for Xu Yanhuan.

And who would remember such a small thing for six years?

After entering the apartment, Yu Xinqiao stuffed the last bite of the cone into his mouth while uncontrollably glancing at the bulging shopping bag.

Caught red-handed. Xu Yanhuan walked in with the things and opened the fridge to put them inside. “It’s still a bit chilly, so you can only have one per day.”

As he spoke, his cold gaze glanced over, as if seeing through Yu Xinqiao’s inner thoughts. “I’ll check the quantity every day.”

Yu Xinqiao: “…” Does he really think of me as a child?

It was still early, not yet dark outside. Yu Xinqiao went to the study to practice the piano.

Xu Yanhuan was also in the study, sitting at the desk flipping through case files, occasionally making marks with a pen, and typing on the computer.

He looked particularly suitable in a formal suit, exuding a cool and restrained temperament. Now, he took off his suit jacket, unbuttoned two buttons on his shirt, revealing his Adam’s apple and faint collarbones. Under the rolled-up sleeves, there were well-defined muscles on his forearms and distinct wrist bones. Even when he was just typing on the keyboard, he was pleasing to the eye.

Moreover, Yu Xinqiao noticed that he was wearing glasses again.

Thin-framed glasses with lenses that barely distorted the eyes behind them, indicating a low prescription.

Maybe it’s just plain glasses, Yu Xinqiao thought. He must have been the tapeworm in my previous life, so everything from height, appearance, gender, and preferences fits my liking.

In Mrs. Yao’s words, he had bewitched me, leaving me utterly captivated and unable to get up.

As if sensing being “watched,” Xu Yanhuan suddenly turned his face away and sneezed.

Startled, Yu Xinqiao jumped up from the piano stool, thinking that perhaps he hadn’t cleaned the dog hair off himself properly and needed to practice some self-“isolation.”

“It’s nothing,” Xu Yanhuan said, “I got a little cold from the rain today.”

Yu Xinqiao approached to observe and noticed that there were still damp spots on his shirt. He sighed and said, “You came back after getting wet in the rain and didn’t change clothes? Xu Yanhuan, don’t you have any common sense?”

Yu Xinqiao, a renowned individual lacking common knowledge about life, finally seized on a piece of knowledge that he knew but others didn’t, feeling so proud that he might as well have written “I am the head of the family” on his face.

He rushed out, rummaging through boxes and cabinets, and then hurriedly returned while holding a medicine box. Upon entering, he saw Xu Yanhuan changing clothes. He took a sharp breath and was about to avoid looking, but then he realized he was a man and thought, “What the hell am I afraid of?” So he moved closer, keeping close to the wall.

In passing, he caught a glimpse of the wound on Xu Yanhuan’s shoulder that he had touched last time while applying medicine. It was about an inch long, with an uneven surface that didn’t resemble a knife wound.

Yu Xinqiao grasped a fleeting fragment in his mind and asked, “The injury on your shoulder, was it from the fight with Xie Fei?”

He still remembered the deep red scene stained with blood when he and Xu Yanhuan passed each other on the playground.

Xu Yanhuan paused for a moment, as if he hadn’t expected Yu Xinqiao to remember that incident.

“No,” he said with his back turned to Yu Xinqiao, “it’s an old injury.”

Given the location of the injury, it was likely man-made. Yu Xinqiao asked again, “How did you get injured? Did someone attack you?”

“I accidentally got into a fight.”

“You can be accidentally involved in a fight?”

“He couldn’t reach me initially, so he ambushed me.”

“…”

Unable to inquire further, Yu Xinqiao could only remind him, “Now you’re a lawyer, don’t break the law.”

Xu Yanhuan replied with a vague “Hmm”: “I cherish everything I have now.”

Yu Xinqiao had an instinctual feeling that the scope of what he cherished seemed to include himself.

He touched his warm ear and reached into the medicine box with his other hand, taking out a digital thermometer and handing it over. “Let’s measure your temperature first.”

After taking the measurement, it showed 38.7 degrees.

Worried and in a state of chaos, Yu Xinqiao raised his voice, “Xu Yanhuan, have you gone crazy? Was there no umbrella in the car, or nowhere to take shelter from the rain? You’re running a high fever and still working?”

It was only now that Xu Yanhuan showed a hint of illness. His gaze became slightly vacant, and his movements slowed down.

“Not crazy,” he looked at Yu Xinqiao and said slowly, “I wanted to come back early to be with you.”

With just one sentence, the fire that had just ignited in Yu Xinqiao’s chest extinguished with a “pfft” sound.

After taking the fever-reducing medicine and tucking the patient into bed, Yu Xinqiao carefully covered him with a blanket and reached up to remove his glasses.

Yu Xinqiao held one temple of the glasses in each hand, gently pulled them outward, then closed the temples and placed the glasses on the bedside table.

After doing all this, when he turned around, he found Xu Yanhuan still staring straight at him, his gaze deep, as if trying to pull him in.

Every time Yu Xinqiao was looked at like this, he felt flustered and didn’t know what to say. He asked, finding something to say, “Can you… still see clearly?”

“Yes.” Perhaps due to the fever, Xu Yanhuan’s voice was low and hoarse, scratching at Yu Xinqiao’s heart like feathers. “I can see very clearly.”

Yu Xinqiao wasn’t good at taking care of patients. As for a fever, he knew nothing more than resting more and drinking hot water.

“How about I pour you a cup of hot water?” Yu Xinqiao suggested.

Xu Yanhuan shook his head slowly, his movements sluggish. “I want to smoke.”

This fever wasn’t solely due to catching a cold. Recently, he had been working non-stop on cases and various other things, exhausting his energy and physical stamina to the limit. When he suddenly relaxed, the virus took advantage.

In the past, in situations like this, he would buy a pack of cigarettes and only take a few puffs as a way to relieve stress. Most lawyers smoked, including Lu Meng, who always carried a pack of cigarettes in her bag. When dealing with difficult clients or troublesome opponents, she would light one and relax.

But for someone like Yu Xinqiao, who didn’t smoke or drink and only dared to order apple juice and Yakult at bars, it was practically equivalent to debauchery.

“Xu Yanhuan, you must be insane!” Yu Xinqiao’s eyes widened. “How can you smoke when you have a fever?”

After calling his name twice in a row, Xu Yanhuan frowned and grabbed Yu Xinqiao’s wrist with his hand that was outside. Then he pulled forcefully.

Before Yu Xinqiao could react with an “eh,” he was already leaning against Xu Yanhuan’s chest.

Due to the fever, the warm breath spraying against his ear felt particularly scorching.

And there, separated by flesh and bones, was the solid and powerful heartbeat.

Even with a downward tone in his voice, every word Xu Yanhuan uttered carried an instructive force, even when he spoke slowly.

“Are you addicted to calling out my name?” he said to Yu Xinqiao. “Impudent.”

“…,” Yu Xinqiao’s gums itched. “You’re only three months older than me.”

In any case, smoking was out of the question, even if the half-pack of cigarettes from last time was still sitting on the bedside table in the guest bedroom.

Yu Xinqiao didn’t rush to sit up either. Following the principle of staying where one falls, he pressed his cheek against Xu Yanhuan’s warm chest. As his skin gradually warmed, he realized that he was slowly reconciling with the past.

“You’re no longer an eighteen-year-old child,” Yu Xinqiao exhaled. “As a twenty-four-year-old adult, you have to learn to take care of your own health.”

Xu Yanhuan responded with a “hmm” and his palm landed on the top of Yu Xinqiao’s head. “But you’re only eighteen.”

The displacement caused by amnesia turned them from peers into a six-year age difference.

Perhaps due to being ill, or maybe due to their proximity, Yu Xinqiao seemed to sense the uncertainty and restlessness coming from Xu Yanhuan.

He began to understand the meaning behind Xu Yanhuan’s words that day.

—I want you to continue liking me, just like before.

In other words, in the twenty-four-year-old Xu Yanhuan’s perception, the twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao no longer liked him.

The hasty proposal at the dumpling shop was likely just a passing whim.

It might even have been a way to get back at him.

An eighteen-year-old Yu Xinqiao was rejected in such a cruel manner by an eighteen-year-old Xu Yanhuan, and his heart was repeatedly tormented. After their reunion, he should curse at him, torment him. How could he still be full of him, just like before?

Moreover, six years had passed, and things had changed. How many could hold onto their initial intentions, unchanged until now?

But Yu Xinqiao still felt that he should give him a chance, give his twenty-four-year-old self a chance.

Even if the reason was solely based on intuition, the feeling that their fate was unfinished, and that not everything he saw back then was true.

He sat up straight, looking at Xu Yanhuan. “So now, do you still hate me?”

“No, I don’t hate you,” Xu Yanhuan said. “I never did.”

Recalling all the resistance he faced from Xu Yanhuan in the past, Yu Xinqiao muttered, “Who would believe it just based on words?”

Xu Yanhuan tilted his neck back and reached for the drawer of the bedside table.

Yu Xinqiao thought he was going to take cigarettes, so he held him back and didn’t let him. Xu Yanhuan, who had a fever and was not at his best, was pushed back onto the bed several times. Helpless, he said, “If you provoke me again, I can’t guarantee that I can control myself.”

When Yu Xinqiao realized what “control myself” meant, his face immediately turned red, and his hand that was sticking to Xu Yanhuan quickly retreated.

Although he still doubted, “Aren’t you running a fever?”

Being sick and still… not behaving?

Expressionless, Xu Yanhuan said, “If you don’t believe me, go ahead and try.”

Try what? How to try?

For the eighteen-year-old Yu Xinqiao, this was a truly difficult question.

Yu Xinqiao completely backed down and dared not act like the head of the household. He turned his head to hide his flushed face.

Until he heard the sound of a drawer opening and closing, two ticket-like pieces of paper appeared in his sight.

On them was a piano pattern, along with the name of a pianist that Yu Xinqiao liked very much, as well as the time and location of the performance.

“I couldn’t make it last time,” Xu Yanhuan said, “This time, I definitely won’t break the promise.”

At first listen, his “last time” seemed like it was just last month. If it wasn’t mentioned, no one would know that six years had passed in between.

His nose suddenly felt sour, and Yu Xinqiao recalled the feeling of waiting outside the Xuncheng Concert Hall that afternoon, and the continuous rain that seemed like it would never end.

That was one of his regrets left in Xuncheng, and now he unexpectedly had a chance to make up for it.

Due to face-saving, he still had to say a few “harsh words.” Yu Xinqiao said, “Don’t think that just because of this, I will…”

As if knowing what he was going to say, Xu Yanhuan interrupted, “Don’t soften your heart so quickly, and don’t forgive me either.”

“It would be best if it rains heavily again and I have to wait at the entrance all day.”

He once read a sentence last year.

— Just like every drop of wine can’t go back to the original grape, I can’t go back to my youth.

The twenty-four-year-old Xu Yanhuan can never go back to being eighteen, and he doesn’t want to go back.

He was extremely grateful that he met Yu Xinqiao again when he had freed himself from heavy shackles and accumulated some confidence.

Using his abnormally warm hand, Xu Yanhuan once again held Yu Xinqiao’s wrist, and he placed the two tickets, along with his rarely shown vulnerability and longing, into Yu Xinqiao’s palm.

“Let me pursue you once too.”

While you return to being eighteen all by yourself.

While everything is still within reach.

——————–

Author’s Note:

Just like every drop of wine can’t go back to the original grape, I can’t go back to my youth.

From Jian Yan’s “Shui Wen”.