Born a Monster

334 234 – The Incinerator Burns

Plotline: Main

Type: Social

When the attacks happened, we apprentices normally stayed asleep. It was a good change of pace, so far as I was concerned. Ah, the blessed feeling of having full health!

It had its disadvantages, beyond those I’ve already mentioned. For example, on the morning after I started evolving my digestive system again, we learned that Incinerator Bei had died. Ironically, to a flame attack.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked Madonna.

“I’m in charge of the apprentices, including you. Since I don’t want the job, I’m naming you, the apprentice with the least complaints against you, as Head Apprentice. You’ll be in charge of the meditation room, picking up the water mana in the morning, and distributing it for conversion to fire mana. With our reduced number of fire mages, we need only twenty four fire mana each day. Earth and metal quotas are the same.”

Yan Di muttered something.

“I’ll have time to help with those.” I said. “At least until another fire mage shows up.”

“Not right now, you won’t.” Madonna said. “Walk with me. We need to pick up Water mana, if you remember.”

.....

“All right, everyone come along. We’ll load up what mana we can carry, and put the rest in the sapphire batteries.” I said.

Madonna kicked my shin. “I also want to talk to you alone.”

I sighed. “All right, but that’s our schedule starting tomorrow.” I said.

“What do we do while you’re gone?” asked Tsi Ba.

“Go over our herbal inventory.” I said. “Garlic, Ginseng, Ginkobaloba, Salt. Since we have spare time, we’re going to make Healing Potions today.”

“But... isn’t that advanced magic?” Yan Di asked.

“Woodsmen who know almost nothing about magic can make a healing potion. It will get you experience and magical research cultivation, both of which will help you to expand your abilities.”

Tsi Ba frowned. “Incinerator Bei talked like that, also.”

Oh crap. Yeah, she had. “I’m not just talking about cycling more mana, or faster. I’m not talking about impossible advances in ability. But... if I’m in charge, then it’s time to get to work on those two hundred experience points to level two. What are your primary elements?”

“Air.” Tsi Ba said.

“Earth.” said Yan Di.

I blinked. “Air is one of the four elements, not the five. How did you come to that as your element?”

Madonna cleared her throat. “Or, you could meet them later. Gather your sapphires, and let’s get moving.”

The three of us packed a padded leather satchel with the runed sapphires that served as mana storage batteries. It was something we were used to doing on a moment’s notice. Bei Lala would take it away, and be back about an hour later, with full crystals.

Today, I put the strap over my shoulder, and moved to catch up with Madonna.

“Husband.” she said.

“How did you recognize me?”
She snorted. “First, your eyes are distinctive. Secondly, your body posture is terrible. Your acting is sub-par, and only a genuine idiot would make the decisions that you do. Of course, it had to be you.”

“Ah, and here I thought it was because we were together for so long.”

“Hah. I may also have been checking on your location periodically, though our bond.”

I blinked. “So it’s like a perpetual System group?”

“How have you NOT even explored that in all this time?” she asked. “Oh, that’s right, you’re a dolt.”

“Good to know that we can just fall back into our marriage after months apart.” I said.

She smiled, made a point of hiding it behind her fan. “It’s good that you’re taking the initiative like this. Rather than, say, being ordered by your superior to do so. I really think that you’ll learn and grow while trying to make something more out of those apprentices.”

“I’ve had plenty of growth.” I said. “I’m just not fond of how none of that seems to actually improve my odds of survival.”

“Survival.” she scoffed. “What is your power level up to now, seven? Eight?”

“Around that.” I said.

She snickered. “So, six, then. You are SO easy to read, husband.”

Apparently not, but not all truths need to be spoken.

“So,” I said, “how goes the war from the front lines?”

“Excuse me? How would I know? I fight from as far in the rear as I can manage. You get a chip on your shoulder, you get the attention of the enemy, and then... fwoosh! Or smush. Or you get so emotionally overwhelmed that you hurl yourself to your death.”

“And the wards on the wall? Those are supposed to help with that.”

“Do the crenelations help when you take an archery shot around them?”

“Well, no, because... oh.”

“Common sense.” she said. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to win this little micro-war they’ve generated here. My focus is the Ermine Cloak, even it it’s more coat-shaped than I was led to believe.”

“And you’ve probably got a plan for gathering the other pieces?” I asked.

“I was born for a purpose.” she said. “Forgive me if I focus upon it. Even if it costs my life, I will succeed. And that means... neither of us can die here, husband.”

“I have survived, and made plans to enhance my odds of survival.”

“And does this formula for synthesizing spider venom rest in my husband, who can adopt the traits of animals, as long as it’s only the lame and easily understood ones?”

“I can make a few doses a day, so long as I have adequate nutrition and sulphur.”

“Sulphur? Like egg yolks, or like powdered sulphur? Would sulphuric acid be useful?”

“If you have a source other than stomach acid, I’m interested.” I said.

“Oh my. Stomach acid, so creative. And so many stomachs just inside the wall. But no, this is about basic chemistry. Not even alchemy. Pure mundane cooking and recipes.”

“So long as... you are the one producing the venom?” I guessed.

“Clever, clever, imbecile.” she said. “So... is four doses a firm cap?”

“Of course not.” I said. “But if you want more venom, then I have less biomass for other things.”

“Ooh, other things. So mysterious. Like gathering minerals by eating rocks?”

“Not a high priority.” I said. “Why? What use are you seeing that I am not?”

“Probably three things for every one that you are.” she said. “But tell me what you want to put a priority on.”

“I want to grow my Omnivore system by another rank.” I said. “I want the extra stomach slots.”



“Juvenile. To what end?”

“To the end of getting second tier ... well, everything.”

“And what after that?” she asked.

“I’ve already got endurance.” I said. “What I need are a lot of these abilities that burn that endurance. Sadly, those require... levels. Class levels.”

“Your divisor is insane.” she replied. “Get used to being the seven of all trades, and the master of none.”

“The saying is... ah-ah, I see what you did there.”

“Yes, husband, I am mocking you because you deserve it. And because I have missed so many opportunities to mock you, and because... because we need a plan for when this is over. The Spiro family will not be pleased to learn we no longer have a ship.”

“The Spiros are a business family. As long as we can provide more income free than enslaved, we have value to them.”

“Oh? And you think they’ll just let you return home to your Tidelands, so very far beyond the limits of their power?”

“What? No. But they will be interested in removing Danton the Black, perhaps other pirate lords as well. And who knows what treasures we can recover from the vampire of the caldera?”

“Oh, my dear, stupid husband. Aren’t your two years almost up? In fact...”

“Ugh. We’ve been out of touch for far too long. Long enough for them to realize something went vastly, vastly wrong after we reached this island.”

“And how will they react?”

“They will... and with... and the war... Crap.” I said. “Nobody is coming. No colonists, possibly not even another diplomat. We... we have time to gather the full panoply.”

She shrugged. “What timeline are you planning?”

“One week to four months, depending how things go. Most likely an entire season, and that’s if we can avoid the vampire and Danton becoming prolonged affairs.”

“Oh you lovable, doltish idiot. You’re planning on getting a new ship from somewhere, aren’t you?”

“I can merge roughly nine feet of rudder into the hull.”

She blinked at me.

“The wooden rudder. To the wooden hull of a ship.” I said.

“Those are some piss-poor wards.” she said. “Why would you want such a poorly shielded vessel?”

“You would rather have no vessel at all?”

.....

“Yes! I would rather sail as a passenger in a properly warded vessel than to own one destined to sink because it couldn’t repel one of the many curses of the sea. I am sorry, husband, but you are known for your bad plans.”

“What if I were to plan better?” I asked.”

“I remain dubious, for I know you. But I seem to have time to listen.”