Born a Monster

426 326 – In My Defense

“And I am not the one who wanted to forego granite and use basalt in the flooring of...”

“Black basalt would have looked better!” the prim man interrupted.

I gave up, stood up, and walked over to the most bored guard. “I need food.” I said, “I’ll be back before they decide anything.”

“Sarge?” he asked a weathered, one armed woman.

She sighed, smacked her gums. “They’ve got two, maybe three months of grievances yet to go.” she decided. “Be about it, but waste no time and hurry back.”

“And bring back snack pebbles, if you could.” the youngest said.

“I gave up my bicep to bring you into this world, child.” the sergeant said. She thumped her chest. “We are biology. He is escamology. Like us, but made of fragile animal materials.”

The young lad blinked at me. “How do you not collapse under your own weight?” he asked.

“Mostly bones.” I said. “I can teach you about it when I get back.”

.....

“You do NOT talk to the suspect like he’s a friend.” mother sergeant said. Maybe sergeant mom?

Whatever, I was free of the drama. The markets were closing, but I got a bag of some weird fruit and a smaller bag of snack rocks. Not pebbles, but palm-sized sedimentary stones with little flecks of... I guess mica? It wasn’t obsidian, but black and sharp and I suppose tasty by the way they vanished once I got them back to the tertiary chambers.

Yes, tertiary. Dwarves have a natural understanding of supporting structures, even in government. This council would debate, and then bring it to another council, who would debate, and that council might either do something, or kick it up to the primary council. And if THEY didn’t decide what to do about it, then usually nothing was done unless some private citizen or other got fed up with the issue and just fixed it themselves.

For example, some dozen or so rampaging madfolk had been put down by the city guard. Some eight guardsmen had been infected with Taint, and were busy pestering the various churches about how to un-Taint themselves.

I mean, heck, I’d offered to let a jaguar eat both my kidneys. And... it kinda worked. Don’t do that, though. I almost died, and I had some idea it was coming. What did dwarves use? Did they have stone kidney equivalents? What were their kidney stones like, if so?

But I had other things to do, like dispose of the evidence of cheese and fruit. A considerable dinner, at least enough to take the edge off.

“I remember that being the other way around.” elderly woman said, sparking off another round of denials and accusations.

How could I have done anything but yawned?



“Are we boring you, citizen?” prim man asked. “Or should I call you patient?”

“I don’t...” I began.

“MUST we bring the child into this matter again?” dismissive woman asked. “Other than being a freak of nature, why is he still here?”
“We have yet to determine his punishment.” elder woman said. “Or, if I recall, to decide that he is even to be punished.”

“What?” prim man asked. “That can’t be right. Clerk!”

“The honorable lady Takkenda has the right of that, lord.” the clerk replied. “The child has not even been formally accused.”

“Perhaps,” mild mannered man suggested, “we should leave that matter until tomorrow while we discussed what is to be done about the contamination?”

“You mean the Taint of Madness.” dismissive woman said.

“I mean that by whatever words you choose to call it, yes. Why not just get our earth mages to dig the whole thing out, roll it down the slope outside the western gate? Let the people at the base of the mountain deal with the issue?”

“You would have others lose their lives over our mistake?” dismissive woman asked.

“You would lose the lives of good dwarves?” elderly woman asked. “Just slap a forbiddance on the whole building, let it slumber for a decade or two.”

The priestess cleared her throat. “This isn’t some beast that will grow old and feeble with time. And I recall what happened three decades back with...”

“Those were drug dealers!” the officer shouted. “And they got what was coming to them, and twice over, before we purified them.”

“I recall that being a joint effort, much like our current siege of the building in question.” the priestess reminded him.

“Ah, yes. So it was.” he replied.

“If we are done remembering the past for now,” prim man said, “perhaps now is a good time to get back to present matters? This lunatic has unleashed madmen upon our city, and admitted to arming them.”

“Oh?” the elderly woman asked. “I guess it’s getting late. We should probably get the child into Common Custody before they set their charges down for bed.”

“And deal with his insolence when, exactly?” dismissive woman asked.

“Tomorrow.” one of the quiet men said. “Or the next day. Or even the next after that. I motion that we deal with the Taint in our city before worrying about mundane issues, such as children running around with picks.”

“Seconded.” the priestess said.

I perked up. Was there actually going to be a vote?

There might have been, but it was not that day. They didn’t even decide to let me go to Common Custody until the second day, and rebuffed my request for stay at a paid inn.

Say what you will about their unique sense of humor, the Purifiers (Inquisitors) of Gaia have comfortable mattresses. Well, perhaps not comfortable, but at least insulated enough not to be cold. Mind you, waking up to find I’d stretched my feet into a brazier wasn’t fun, but I’d definitely slept in worse places.

That, and being close enough to the temple of the Lava Maiden to enjoy a steam bath is a treat not to be missed. I can’t say I was entirely clean at the end of it, but at least I wasn’t filthy.

A quick swing through the food market as it was opening, and I’d had enough breakfast for three normal people. If one forgot the injuries and the low health, I was actually close to normal.

“Where are you going?” asked one of my guardians.

“I don’t think I’ve been released from the council.” I told her.

She chuckled. “What day is it?”

I blinked. There had been a time when I could answer such a question. “I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it ends in Y.”

“Sloth.” she said. “Today is the day of Sloth, during which all public functions are closed down. Tomorrow is the day of Vanity; my advice is to bring along a pack of cards and some dice, possibly two or three board games.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“Trust me, they’ll be too bloated of ego to notice whatever you’re doing.”

“And this differs from their normal routine in what manner?”

“Hey! Those useless walking bedpans are MY government, and I’ll thank you to not insult them more than I myself do.”

I smacked my lips together and said, “Even trying that sounds like a lot of effort. Isn’t it Slothday?”

“Damn you, reptilian vermin!” one of the other inquisitors said, “You just cost me six silver.”

“He cost me only four.” another said.

“Who did have the box for him getting Sandaro’s humor so quickly?” one asked.

Nobody, was the answer. There was a box, and with good odds, but nobody had taken it.

“There must be some way of getting all that money.” one of them said.

“It’s the day of Sloth.” Sandaro said, “We could always use mahjong.”

“We’d lose half of it.” said one.

“It’s money we’ve already lost; we’d get half of it back, and have several games of mahjong to enjoy.” another responded.

“What is mahjong?” I asked Sandaro. And that decided THAT. They just HAD to show me mahjong.

Mahjong was a game brought to our world by the Sword Hero, Hattori Hanzo. He learned and taught much of sword smithing, a bit less of swordsmanship, and left enough little Hattoris over Dauria that they formed a house and a guild named after him.

“Legend is that he owed so much alimony that he fled Dauria never to return; whenever he stopped in one place long enough, the debt collectors caught up to him. When he arrived in Othello, he taught our ancestors the great game of Mahjong.” Sandaro finished.

Hattori Hanzo, you are an ass; I lost nine silver that day.

Escam, meaning meat. Escamology life-forms sometimes call stone-life lithology. Me? Different biologies. Just because one is my origin doesn’t mean that I’m going to get all possessive about terms. Besides, we haven’t even gotten into the real weird biologies yet.

No, gods NO, I am not going over the dwarven ranking structure, the overlapping merit, duty, service, and sacrifice. Not HERE. Although I know of no such book detailing dwarven military in detail, not every truth is mine to tell.

Yes, in the dwarven language it is properly either T or N, depending upon the specific language. My scribe assures me that the statement as he translates it, while not entirely accurate, conveys the meaning more clearly.