Casual Heroing

I’m trying to chill at my bakery, as per usual, and Gaius came here to bother me with talks about the steps to take to become a Goldie. I’m pretty confident I would be able to take him down if I needed. He’s a big guy, but my magic has been growing by leaps and bounds. After the practical experiences I have had in the Dungeon, I can hold my own in a fight. I’m not an expert or anything, but I wouldn’t be easily mugged like the night I kissed Lucinda.

Oh, man.

I sigh.

“Are you still thinking about that little sapling?”

Goddamn Elves and their weird sayings.

“No, you flat-eared Elf,” I reply in kind.

“Huh, little Joey was thinking about his lost crush.”

See, adventurers are really not tactful people. When you can die pretty much any day, you tend to develop thicker skin and harsher jokes.

I hear heavy boots stomping on the bakery floor and coming through the entrance. Turning around, I see several men – or maybe even women – covered in black armor from head to toe.

That's the Royal Guard, Joey Luciani.

I almost jump out of the chair.

What the hell was that?

“Is that the Royal Guard?” Gaius stiffens.

I’m Lord Juler. I am communicating directly to your mind. I can also see through your eyes with a little spell.

Goddammit.

Be careful. The Royal Guard has only people above level 40. But do fight them if you have the chance. A student of mine should be as fearless as my great people—

I stop listening to the ramblings of the old archmage and I slowly stand up.

“Hello, gentlemen, can I help you?” I ask with an amiable tone.

A slender figure in black armor walks up to me until we are barely one foot apart. Well, if this is an intimidation technique, it certainly worked. The bulk of the armor looks too sleek – this has to be a woman. I wonder, is she hot? She’s a bit taller than me, an inch or two, but there’s a distinct aura of magic coming off from the armor.

The person in front of me doesn’t say anything, but I can feel the tension rising through the air. Gaius has gotten up and has a hand on his massive weapon – probably more as a comfort toy than being intentioned to start a fighting.

The rest of the Royal Guard spreads around us and secures every door, window and hole on the ground floor of my bakery.

Tell them to respect the boundaries of your domain. If one day you are going to be my disciple, Joey Luciani, you need to be ruthless.

Sure, and why don’t I just jump from a bridge or set myself on fire, right? I mean, if I have to kill myself, I might as well start brainstorming for something original.

“Filthy Human,” I hear the person in front of me hissing.

“Listen, just tell me how can I help—you bunch of disrespectful idiots.”

I hear the clink of the armors while the Royal Guard tighten the fists on their weapons. The person in front of me starts slowly taking out a shortsword from its scabbard.

What the hell just happened? My mouth moved on his own!

“By the customs of your proud kingdom and the lost life of your [Great Prince] Vespasianus, I invoke the laws of hospitality on your new generations. A great man, greater than any of the present here, advocated for fair treatment of every single race in this world, humans included and had laws passed for the sake of peace. Are you reneging on the memory of your [Great Prince], or are you going to bow for your mistakes?”

Thank me later, Joey Luciani. I took the liberty of giving you a hand in solving this matter.

All those words just came out of my mouth with my voice, just a little deeper than usual. It appears that Lord Juler, even in his ethereal form, can still do a lot of weird shit. And I think he just sealed the deal for my instant death.

In a second, though, I hear a series of hard thuds on the ground.

I look around with my mouth wide and see that everyone, save the person in front me, just fell on one knee, with a fist on the ground and their heads low.

What?

“Humans shouldn’t speak of my family lightly,” I hear the armored woman in front of me say.

Family?

The [Great Prince]?

What?

Ok, now, you have to understand that something just happened in my brain. See, there’s a lot of adrenaline, fear and reverence going on here. However, I can’t help but think of one very specific fantasy of mine.

Do you have any idea where I’m going with this?

If she’s family of the [Great Prince], she must be a…

“Princess Laura,” a man says from behind, “the customs are to be respected.”

“I’m not bowing with a Human here.”

OH BOY.

Brain.exe just stopped working.

This can’t be real.

Is this what I think it is?

This is the next level plot.

If my love with Lucinda was ill-fated, this is one of the most common tropes of K-dramas and romance fictions in general. She’s the angry princess who hates humans and guess who I am if not the human who can change her mind!

Hohoho.

Oh boy.

THIS IS GOLD.

Is this my new future wife?

She’s even taller than me!

And she looks super bossy!

I start smiling profusely, but I fear that she just interpreted it the wrong way.

Slowly, she takes off her helmet and a cascade of vivid purple hair falls on her armor, framing the most delicate and refined beauty I have ever seen in my entire life. This woman would make Gigi Hadid look like a beggar off the streets.

Two piercing red eyes look at me with pure anger.

Taking the shortsword out of her scabbard, she slowly puts it at my throat.

My body feels locked in place, unable to step back.

“So, Human. You know the customs of my family, it seems. But I’m not bowing to any filthy bastard like you, even if I it means going against my own blood. Therefore, do you have anything to say?”

I smile.

I wink.

I click with the side of my mouth.

And I say.

“How you doin’?”