Casual Heroing

I’m out.

I mean, I’m going for a walk.

Clodia gave me an enchanted clock that’s now resting on my house’s wall. She told me to get back to work before the 26th hour. I’m still getting around the notion of having 27 hours and 9 days. Listen, it’s weird. I can’t help but try to fit it in our system.

I do wonder if we have the same hours or if their planet simply has a different orbit, or things like that.

I do watch documentaries from time to time, but this ‘world-wide’ stuff has never interested me that much.

Apparently, I live in a nice district.

I look around and, once again, I don’t smell human excrements. I used to think that the Middle Ages were all about throwing your own waste around in the streets.

Deep down, I’m a bit disappointed by the lack of human manure. If I ever manage to go back, I’ll be sorely disappointed that I won’t be able to tell people that I was knee-deep in human excrements.

You can’t deny it makes for a great story.

I can already imagine people’s distorted expression when I describe the kind of sick, disgusting, tainted and diseased—

I almost bump into Officer Lucinda while I’m thinking about colorful evacuations.

“Luciani,” she looks at me with a polite smile.

I kind of recoil.

I was thinking about some unsavory things, and now, there is the cutest policewoman smiling at me with a charm that steals all the blood in my heart.

“Officer! I have a crime to report!”

She can already see where this is going and sighs.

“What is it?” she gestures with a hand for me to go ahead and tell the cheesy line.

“I don’t know, but I’m sure I did something bad. Would you mind cuffing me?” I wink at her.

She giggles, not expecting this very plain variation of a ‘someone stole two stars and put them in your eyes’ or something similar.

It’s all about the right intonation, the right look, the right facial expression. Delivery is essential. You master that and, boom, you get punched by many boyfriends you didn’t – or mostly did – know of.

The giggle is short-lived and she moves on immediately, much more interested in a particular thing I have.

“I came here to escort you to the [Enchanter],” Lucinda says.

“Do you have to cuff me if I refuse?”

It’s a legitimate question.

I’m just curious about my rights, the laws, and all.

“I don’t. I’ll call Lucillus or Antoninus. They will do it.”

The thought of being cuffed by the two tall Elves makes me want to throw myself off a cliff.

It just comes to me that French people and Elves are somewhat similar. I mean, they have one similarity I can think of on the spot. I really like French women and really dislike French men.

It’s the same with Elves!

“The [Enchanter] is close-by. Fetch the book and let’s go. He should be able to conduct a brief evaluation that will let us know if your book holds any secrets or dangers.”

I hope the [Enchanter] can burn the book. But something tells me that voicing my suggestion would get me zapped. And I’m not in a very zappy mood, if you catch my drift.

“Let’s go, baby-doll,” she looks at me with a little despise, but she seems interested enough in my book to let it slide.

…

“So, you never go out and relax?” I ask with wide eyes.

“When I’m not working to put away money to pay for my entrance fee at the academy, I’m practicing magic,” she shrugs. “The path to become an [Archmage] is stained with blood, most of which is yours. You have to sweat it hard if you want to become someone in the field of magic.”

If you ever met a lunatic Law student with crazy ambitions, that’s the kind of vibe I’m getting from my dear Lucinda now.

Well, I still love my future wife to death, though.

She can pursue all the magic she wants, and I’ll make the cakes.

I feel a slight zap in my left wrist and I swear.

Is the goddamn book reading my thoughts now?!

Uhm.

Wait.

That’s not so far-fetched, is it?

“And you just want to be a baker?” she asks with some disappointment.

“Sure thing. I don’t care about adventuring, being a [Mage] or whatnot,” I say while ignoring another little zap, “I just want to live a good life, marry a good woman and make good children. If you are interested, I have a spot open.”

“I don’t think our paths will cross in the future,” she says with no apparent regret on her face.

I mean, I get her. She has all these dreams and stuff. But I can still follow her and bake wherever. I don’t really care.

Happy wife, happy life.

“Don’t worry, life’s too short to worry about paths and whatnot. I’ll be happy with the dinner you promised me,” I smile.

“What dinner?” she raises an eyebrow.

“You said that we would have a nice dinner if I let you tag along to the [Enchanter],” I winked.

She looks troubled and gazes at a ring on her finger. I notice a slight flash and she shakes her head.

“I promised no such dinner, you liar.”

“I only lie to get more time with a beautiful woman, Officer. You should arrest me for that.”