Casual Heroing

The woman is taken away by the guards right in front of my eyes. She’s foaming at the mouth – and that’s not a euphemism, buddy. Mana exhaustion is a real thing. And guess what, drawing a spell matrix in the air is the most consuming part of the casting. Convenient, right?

Mana consumption is a direct function of pouring Mana inside your spell matrix. That’s why if you mess up, you are stuck with a pricy bill in one hand and your dangling parts in the other. Not the best, am I right?

You could have ended this cheap buffoonery much sooner if you had used even a simple [Light Lance].

Sure, why not. Let’s add [Aura Lucis] and the other new skills on top of that. We might manage to kill a dozen or two before they even notice.

You said that.

Lord Juler was smart enough to pick up some speech patterns and sayings from me. But he used them only to mock me, obviously. The old goat has grown more and more brazen during our new research partnership for radiation.

Apprenticeship.

Whatever.

Man, Lord Juler, I’m tired. Like, I’m so tired I think I forgot all about our research. Like, so tired I could literally—

You are being petulant, Joey Luciani. I’ve noticed you have this tendency when you are exhausted. Just finish these duels swiftly and go rest.

Unbelievable. Me? Petulant? Says the one—

I felt a whisk of electricity run across my skin, and I shut up.

“Joey Luciani wins the first match!” Adriana finally decided to announce my win. It took a while, didn’t it? Her lovely Draconic eyes were darting back and forth in disbelief. I mean, not that I blame her. I’ve been ping-ponging the [Pyromancer]’s attempts at magic with my [Light] spells. I could have gone on for several hours like that too. One might think that casting strong [Light] matrixes could take some real effort, but it’s still just a Tier 0 spell. It’s the Tier 0 spell, to be precise.

Many on the stands have no idea what’s just happened.

How Extra are we making this, Lord Juler?

You know, I had to take some time off during my research in Amorium, and I prepared some stuff to—irritate? I really don’t know how else to put it. It’s mostly just for shits and giggles, but I bet that some people will really hate me after this.

I put my hand inside the bag of holding and take out one of the most American things you could think of. Its history is not American-American, just like every other American thing, but it’s still strongly associated with my country.

I slowly raise a big, thick, and wide piece of leather with a massive plaque at the center of it. This thing had to literally be enchanted with some [Featherweight] spell since I had the plaque cast in pure gold.

“HERE WE GO, BABY! THE CHAMPION! THE STRONGEST MAGE OF HIS GENERATION! UNDEFEATED! UNBESTED! UNBELIEVABLE! THE ONE AND ONLY JOEY LUCIANI!”

Sure, the first time around, I only shouted it. But I came more than prepared – I took out a couple of big, metal boxes from my bag of holding. They cost me a small fortune, and I had to swear Claudius to secrecy. I also threatened to tell all the ladies in Amorium he was a creep if he leaked anything. No one, not even Stan or Princess Laura, knows about this.

HERE WE GO, BABY! THE CHAMPION! THE STRONGEST MAGE OF HIS GENERATION! UNDEFEATED! UNBESTED! UNBELIEVABLE! THE ONE AND ONLY JOEY LUCIANI!

WOOHOOOO!

WOOHOO!

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

I had my voice pre-recorded and amplified to whatever the maximum volume of these boxes was. I even gathered a small crowd to record the cheering.

Everyone in the stands goes slack-jawed. I slowly take my shirt off, remaining shirtless but not hat-less – as any proper gentleman would – and don my big-ass champion’s belt.

Now, you might think that this was it.

Well, that’s where you are sorely wrong.

My parents watched so much soccer – even my poor mother – and they forced me to watch it too. Even when the match was early in the morning. Or, sometimes, my father would just record the games on tape and make me watch them as soon as I came back from school. Consequently, I always ended up browsing through some soccer news here and there. And if there was one thing that really got me about soccer, that was how the players celebrated scoring, particularly one of the most hated soccer players of all time.

So, I put the cringe tears in my eyes aside and start running toward the crowd. Meanwhile, the cheering from my metal boxes is still going strong.

As I near the stands, I jump up in the air, slightly swirl around with my hands crossed on my chest, and extend them immediately upon landing on the ground. And as soon as my feet touch the muddy terrain, I explode in one of the most famous celebration of all times.

“SIUUUUUUUM!”

With a bit of help from a simple [Loud Voice] spell, obviously.

Right after, I cup my hand to my ear, gesturing to the crowd that I couldn’t really hear them. Lucinda’s face is beet-red, while both Augustus and Atticus are just staring blankly with pale faces. Stan is laughing a bit, and Princess Laura is face-palming herself with both hands. [Archmage] Marcus is the only one looking at me with narrowed eyes and nothing else; the Dragon is just observing me with the most serious face in the world. Well, [Archmage], keep looking because I’m going to whoop your little [Mages]’s asses.

Only then did I realize that close to the [Archmage] were Laura’s brothers. The royalty, the princes. Well, better let them know that their future brother-in-law is no joke. He’s the biggest joke. Hehe.

And when it’s done, I simply walk back to my position. The boxes go silent with a snap of my fingers, and I keep a cheeky smile. Look, this is stupid and all, but now I have so much adrenaline in my body I feel like exploding.

You should keep the other half for the official matches.

Lord Juler has given up on my antics. And so, he’s now part of it.

Yeah, yeah. I know.

“Let’s proceed to the second match,” Adriana says.