Casual Heroing

Ok, not remembering names is finally getting to me.

“[Archmage] Titus,” I say to the only person whose name is still impressed in my mind.

“Young [Mage],” he nods with a neutral expression.

Four out of five [Archmages] are still alive. Ariostus, the [Dean], has organized this meeting to discuss the finer details of my collaboration. I’ve just realized that actually knowing their names would have been better than figuring out how to ask for them on the spot. If I ask them what they are called right now, they will probably be offended, won’t they? [Mages] are vane like that, especially [Archmages].

Hell, I’m sweating bullets here. What do I do? Could there be a list with their names in the files Robin gave me? What if I ask Ariostus for a brief recess, asking him to show me the way to the bathroom?

The morbidly obese woman, yet another [Archmage], has finally arrived at our meeting. Everyone is sitting at a round table. Very Arthurian, I have to say.

“Everyone is here,” Ariostus announces.

The two other [Archmages] are people I don’t even remember. They are both Elves, making the obese woman the only Human in here. One is a non-descript old man; the other, instead, is a rather young fella wearing a colorful robe.

Ten gold coins that he’s openly gay and speaks with a very feminine voice—

“Young [Mage],” the deepest voice I have ever heard comes from the colorful [Archmage], “Ariostus told us about your proposal. If you really own the magic of old, we will see you are pardoned for your crimes. That is if you are willing to share your magic with us.”

“Sure thing,” I say, disappointed to have lost ten gold coins with myself, “I will hold lessons on all the Cantrips I know. There are 23 sets of 23 Cantrips in total. But I’m not entirely sure that the last one is fixed. I haven’t asked—Princess Valarith. Yes, she’s the one who taught me the stuff—the Princess. But the last set is a bunch of philosophical questions. I’ll have to interrogate her about it. Apart from that, I can offer a piece of evidence that will explain why you all are—”

I bite my tongue before saying, ‘inferior spellcasters.’

“—are… Uhm. Not as good as the Princess? Whatever. We sign the magical contract, and I’ll give you and the academy the Cantrips, as well as the one trick that gave me a huge advantage. I won’t be giving out my personal spellcasting methods – but [Archmage] Titus here has an inferior copy of it, thanks to Lucinda. Right, has the [Dean] told you that I want immunity for her as well? Or a pardon? Whatever it’s called when you are not an outlaw anymore.”

“The [Dean] has mentioned all your terms,” [Archmage] Titus says with slightly narrowed eyes. “So, if everyone agrees with this motion, shall we proceed?”

Hell, they didn’t ask me to call out their names yet.

“Why are you coming here to teach secrets? Why not go back to Kome? Titus, you old stalk of yellow grass, we have to ask him why he’s here. And have you forgotten about the mysterious magic he used against Appius? We were all there, but no one knew what had happened. So, are we going to ask him how he killed the most promising [Mage] of an entire generation?”

Well, it has been a bit too easy until now, hasn’t it?

Titus gestures for me to speak.

“First, I don’t think it’s that secret. Many centuries ago, everyone knew about the Cantrips. Knowing about them doesn’t mean you’ll be able to perform all of them. Nor that you will become super strong. Talent is still talent. We will raise the average spellcasting capabilities, but that’s it. These ‘secrets,’ as you call them, should be public knowledge. And I’ll compile books and send them out to the whole world. There’s no reason to hide this magic. What you get is a head start. Nothing more. So, I don’t think I’m actually doing a disservice to anyone in particular.”

“Second, I’m not from Kome. I am a friend of the Vanedenis, but that’s it. I’m not a Vanedeni myself. Nor am I from Teiko. Where I’m from is my business,” I shrug. “And the magic I used against Appius? What, are you going to reveal the tricks in your bag too?”

Can’t blame them for trying to shake me down, can I? They are greedy little bastards. And I can see the displeasure on their faces when I front my idea of publicly sharing my magic. But they also know that if they are the first to put their filthy hands on it, they will have a great advantage over any other [Archmage] in the world. In the end, we have no real media here. And that means it will take time before my theories and teachings circulate all around.

“Any other question, Alonna?”

Alonna.

Alonna. Alonna. Alonna.

Hell, don’t forget it!

Alonna! Alonna! Alonna!

The obese woman looks at me the same way I’ve seen little fat children look at my cake display, and I get a shiver in my back. I bet you ten gold coins that woman can probably swallow me alive or some weird stuff. You don’t become an [Archmage] and decide to stay that obese – this is not Earth, and excessive body positivity has yet to reach the Kingdom of Lucerna.

“We can proceed. I have already reviewed the contracts. This cutie here knows his stuff.”

Holy shit.

Cutie?

Oh, hell no.

But yeah, Lord Juler made me write out all the details. This stuff is ironclad. If shit goes down, the [Archmages] are basically obligated to help me – unless I am the one going into a massive conflict with the capital. And even then, in reality, there’s some maneuvering. Lord Juler is an old fox and wrote this thing in such a complex manner that only he really knows what it all means, magically speaking. I should ask him if he knows of the [Lawyer] class, and if he does, I have to ask when we will exterminate every person bearing it.

I snap my fingers, and my disguise comes off.

“It feels good to be back,” I smile at the [Archmages].

…

I walked home with the disguise on again. It will take a few days of finicking with their politics before I can show my face around without causing a huge mess. And to be honest, that’s good. I need some time to tell my fellow students about my real identity. I’m not sure how they will react, but—at least I didn’t bring this thing to the point of no return.

“Marcellus?” I call out while entering my apartment.

Immediately, I see the Elven kid lying on the couch. It’s after-lessons, and he’s probably wondering where the hell I ended up after the first lesson. It’s evening, though. I mean, almost evening. There’s still some sun outside, but it’s definitely past lesson time. The Elves here were decent enough not to hold any evening lesson; otherwise, I would have to burn down the entire academy.

“Yo,” I gently shake the shoulder of the Elf, who keeps sleeping like a rock.

“Hm,” I shrug and take a good look at the huge mess in this house.

I guess I should start from here.

I take out some containers for all the food and start packing the pastries and the various compositions I made – interestingly enough, I have yet to bake a real pizza. Something tells me that I haven’t found the right occasion for it. And it being a part of my heritage, I should treat it as a last resort, as the ace up my sleeve.

But now, it’s time for some cleaning. This house looks like a hurricane shopped at a bakery and got too tired of putting the food away. Plus, I’d rather give all this stuff to people who are hungry… does the academy have a charity? I need to ask Robin. What was the place they used as a base of operation? Snake something? Serpents? Wasn’t that Riverdale? Whatever.

I’ll ask later, but now, I want to see the Human with a slight French accent. It’s weird how her accent was almost perfect, save for a few very specific words, as if she tried to inject her accent into her speech. It did not sound natural; rather, it sounded like she had to try, to force her way into it.

God, this place is always messing with my head. What if that girl is really French? I mean, not that I need to be Sherlock Holmes to know. French accent, baguettes, a very arrogant gaze, like she’s the best in the world? Definitely a French girl. Also, quite hot.

Cassandre.

My head gives out her name like a natural reflex. Hell, I don’t even remember asking for it. But that’s fair; there is a bunch of stuff that I don’t remember. For example, is it the Green Walk? Or is it the Green Path? I always get confused. But I bet it’s the Green Walk.

Should have asked Lucinda.

I think of my previous crush, then lover, then thief, then… friend with benefits? Well, then, barely an acquaintance. Whatever that woman has going for her, I’m done. Hell, Human females are sometimes cuckoo, but Lucinda is in her own league. And she’s also a bit mean, honestly. I don’t like talking smack about others, but she only sees the world in one way, doesn’t she? And what is the world she’s living in?

A world without responsibilities, I tell myself while I start dusting the house. I pull up some chairs that had tumbled on their back and dust them off as well.

“Oh, right, I should have some…”

I start fishing in my messy bag of holding, another thing I’ll begin tidying up, and take out some natural fragrances. One has a smell similar to lavender. One of them is a poison that I bought by mistake. But it’s not deadly, I think; I mean, it shouldn’t be. It was something that supposedly would have helped with bug infestations.

“Well, lavender is purple, so I guess it’s the purple flask?”

The little flasks had a weird vaporizing enchantment on them. As soon as you opened them, they would start spraying around. Same for the poison.

“Well, here goes nothing,” I say while uncorking the lavender thing and covering my face with my sleeve. As soon as the thing starts spraying, I can smell a lovely lavender-like fragrance.

“We live to bake another day,” I tell a sleeping Marcellus.

I keep tidying up and cleaning some dishes. I could maybe try using some magic to do it, but it would feel like cheating. And this little act of responsibility feels nice; it feels cleansing. If I used magic, especially after spraying lavender everywhere, it would feel like covering my mess underneath a blanket of lies. Why? I have no idea. Who do you take me for? Freud?