Casual Heroing

On one side, there are Laura and Lucinda, blistering in anger. On the other, there are Cassandre and Penelope, two confused women.

“How you doin’?”

“You slept with this woman after you promised to marry me?!” Laura shouts, sword in hand. The Royal Guard is behind her, not looking happy about my presence – or maybe just about the fact that I’m still breathing.

“None of your business,” I say to Laura with a smile, “you disappeared and took advantage of me. Now that I’m not a contaminated product anymore – and none of that thanks to you – you come back? What does that mean?”

As she’s starting to formulate an angry reply, I hold a hand up.

“Laura, I’m done with you.”

I turn to Lucinda.

“If you have any serious problems involving your safety or anything like that, come back tomorrow morning, and we’ll talk about it. If you are here in any other vest, I’d rather not see you.”

I turn to Penelope.

“Miss, I gotta go now. It’s late. I suppose Robin was talking about you, right? Well, you can come back tomorrow at a more reasonable hour, thank you. I bet we have a lot to talk about, but I’m tired.”

I turn toward Cassandre and just wave a hand.

“What did you just say—”

“Laura,” I look at the [Princess] while the only real princess in my arms squeals insults at her, “I’m not having any conversations with you at this moment. And I have no idea why you would think that entering my house in my absence was a good idea – nor can I imagine how blowing up some windows was… whatever. I’m covered by the [Archmages], reputation-wise, but I bet I can take you and your Royal Guards if you want it to get ugly. If you want anything else, talk to the [Dean], Ariostus. He’ll schedule a meeting in the presence of other [Archmages]. That’s the only way I’m meeting the royal family.”

Lucinda just stares at me with a frown, clearly not happy about the situation. Laura, on the other hand, looks on the verge of exploding.

But listen, I’m done. I’ve had my fair share of crazy in the past. I know, I know. Nothing like a murderous and opportunistic [Princess], but still. I didn’t want to get a red class or whatever, and I listened to Ariostus, who seemed to be one of the few people who actually cared. So, why not start taking a bit more care of myself? It’s late, and I want to rest.

“Amelia, bring Alba and the others to my house. Close the door and twist the handle two times in the other direction. That will turn on the wards in case anyone was to attack.”

Thankfully, the older woman gets the message and starts herding the others toward the house.

“I’ll see you ladies at another time, then?”

“Bloody hell, Joey Luciani,” Penelope mutters while going away. I turn over my shoulder and see Cassandre still standing there, looking dazed.

As I see it, the main problem here is the two nutjobs whose names start with an ‘L.’ But if they want another ‘L,’ I’ll gladly give them one. Because they are not getting any ‘D,’ that’s for sure.

“I didn’t even know if you were alive! I thought you had turned to the Vanedenis’ side! How could I have known that you were still alive?!” Princess Laura shouts at me.

Here we go.

I steel my heart.

“You didn’t do shit when Marcus tried to kill me. Neither did your ancestor, King Tiberius,” the name rolls off my tongue with venom. It’s the first time I have talked about him like that.

Guess that that Stan has died.

“And so, you just go around sleeping with another woman because you don’t know what happened?! You don’t think I pleaded for your case at court?!”

I mean, in a way, this flatters me. It means I’m so strong that even the ever [Princess] wants to get a hold of me. Why Lucinda is here, instead, I’m not entirely sure. I’ll give her the minimum benefit of the doubt, though.

“So, now we shift the blame. I could have died, but sure, sleeping with Lucinda is the problem. Laura, listen, you might have some redeeming qualities here and there, but our history is through. I’m done.”

As I speak, I notice that Lucinda has yet to utter a single word, and that makes me nervous. Crazy and loud? I can handle that. Crazy and silent? Oh, shit, start running, my friend.

“Why don’t you grow up, Joey! I’m a [Princess]. Do you have any idea about the responsibilities that hang over my shoulders?”

Rule number one of a manipulator: shift the blame or make yourself the victim; once you take the high moral ground, you are good.

As I look over my shoulder, I see a big half-giant standing by Cassandre’s side and who’s currently speaking into her ear. After a second, they go away.

“Huh,” I muse.

“—and all that I could have done if you just asked! Instead, you wanted to fight alone! You wanted to side with the Vanedenis instead of me and my ancestor!”

Christ, still speaking?

What’s the best move here? Usually, it’s ghosting. But when you are dealing with a literal [Princess] with dangerous bodyguards?

“You’re here to start trouble as well?” I ask Lucinda.

“I am talking to you! You—you worm!”

Can I repurpose the word worm? Like, can I start a trend among Humans? Calling each other worms? Mmm, the more I say it, the better it sounds. Why not.

“You talking to me, worm?” I shoot back.

“What did you call me?!”

“I called you a ‘worm,’ worm,” I snort at Laura.

The Royal Guard finds that less amusing, though, and a few weapons are unsheathed immediately.

“You dare insult the crown?!”

Man, shit’s going down, isn’t it?

“I’d advise you against any escalation, Laura. You called me a worm; I simply called you a worm back. If you harm Lucinda or me, not only will the [Archmages] have to intervene, and you might risk big in your position, possibly creating the basis for a civil war, but you’ll also make an enemy out of Princess—”

“You are a poor bastard worm! I’m going to take your head off!”

God, the woman is beside herself. But if we can’t avoid a battle…

Suddenly, Princess Bianca escapes from my hands, jumps over my shoulder, and lets out an angry squeal at Laura.

“Oh, come on, Princess Bianca, she’s not a stupid bitch? What? No, she’s not a power-hungry… magic digger? What did you call her now? Can you repeat that? What? A stupid manipulating idiot? Oh no, she’s not that. No, no.”

Better goad her into making the first move.

Lucinda starts walking away from the Princess. The latter is now so furious she has lost any reason and willingness to discuss further. I start summoning magic at my fingertips, reading several spell matrixes on hand. I kind of feel bad for insulting her like that, but I do need her to lose it. Once she starts attacking, I’ll just defend myself until someone intervenes. Princess Valarith, or any [Archmage], really.

“Oh, little Laura,” I hear a voice before things get serious, and I look up.

A huge woman is levitating above us. She wears sleeveless garbs, and her tremendously fat arms jiggle in the windy night.

“[Archmage] Alonna,” Laura suddenly sobers up as she sees the woman coming between us.

“You know that he’s under our protection, child. So, what do you think you are doing?”

“Do you think you can just hide behind an [Archmage]?!” Laura ignores her and shouts at me.

I mean, honestly? I think I can hide very well behind this [Archmage].

Alonna, clearly not happy with being ignored, raises a huge leg and slams it on the ground. For a second, my feet leave the ground.

“Jesus,” I say as I land and grab Princess Bianca before she falls.

“If you want to ignore me, little Laura, you better be ready for the consequences,” Alonna speaks somberly.

“[Archmage],” suddenly, an armored member of the Royal Guard steps forward. It’s probably time for damage control. Even the [Princess] can do so much before a magical spanking, it seems.

“Captain Lucianus,” Alonna smiles curtly, “it would be better for you if you reined the Princess in. I’m not used to dealing with kids and derive no pleasure from punishing them.”

“I’m really sorry [Archmage],” the man designated as Captain Lucianus says, “we will get out of your ears immediately.”

Lucianus, I realize, is a beautiful name. We could be friends, you know? Also, if even the [Archmage] knows this guy, is he important or something?

“I am not—”

“We will organize a meeting with Joey Luciani if you will be so kind as to be the host, [Archmage],” the captain nods at the other guards, who basically drag Laura away.

“That would be a welcome resolution,” Alonna nods. “I have some business with Joey Luciani now.”

“Sure, [Archmage],” the man in the bulky armor says. He does some kind of military salute before marching away.

Wow, that was something. Why don’t I possess the same authority as this woman?

“Joey Luciani,” Alonna says while turning to face me.

“Well, there were a bunch of girls around until a minute ago,” I smile widely, “and now I’m stuck with the most beautiful one.”

“You are a flatterer, Joey Luciani,” Alonna smiles, “but let’s avoid having my truth spells explode. Give me a second.”

[Advanced Mana Sense]

She starts chanting under her breath and several privacy spells form around us. I activated my skill because I’m curious to see what level her spellwork is at.

Christ.

With the finest control I have seen in a long time, she weaves together some simple but effective barriers. They intertwine so tightly that what they do to avoid people spying on us is basically just create a filter so tight that it becomes impossible to bypass.

“Let’s chat now,” she says.