Casual Heroing

Would I let Buffy the Vampire Slayer stab me if I happened to be a vampire? Well, isn’t that a good question—

“Joey!” Adrastus slaps my arm and I almost drop my cigar.

“What?”

“You were drifting off, again!” the man takes a puff from his own cigar and shakes his head. Anneus and Marcellus simply enjoy their own rolled tobacco, courtesy of yours truly.

Four guys puffing cigars and eating some pastries that I had in my bag of holding. Adrastus isn’t that averse to wasting his time now, is he? Well, chilling with the boys is part of socializing at the Nine Towers Academy.

“So, do you have any plans for what you are going with your studies?” I ask Adrastus.

“Aren’t we supposed to discuss Amelia?”

“Yeah, but no one managed a good idea so far,” I shrug, “we might as well get to know each other better. Plus, you have ditched us off yesterday night. You and the others.”

“We were busy with extracurriculars,” Adrastus shakes his head and sighs, “the midterm is not that easy, Joey. Not everyone here is a prodigy.”

“You two should be worried of all the time this guy is having you waste,” Adrastus sighs.

“He’s an idiot,” Anneus agrees, “but he’s also been practicing Cantrips with us in private. Alba can probably blow your head off with a ball of [Light]. And Marcellus is not bad either.”

“We are still behind on theory, though,” I nod. “Some of it is plain boring. I get the history assignment, but the rest is a bit meh.

“Meh?”

“Meh,” I nod.

“What is ‘meh’?”

“The rest is meh,” I smile.

“He’s botching History of Magic and keeps falling asleep during Fundamentals of Magical Theory,” Marcellus explains, snapping out of the background check daze. “He’s just a bit of a lunatic.”

“A bit,” Anneus snorts. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m not botching History of Magic,” I snort, “I can guarantee you—”

“What’s the latest assignment, then?” Anneus volunteers.

“Something absolutely and terribly boring, that’s what it is,” I smile. Also, I peer on the table, trying to see if Adrastus was working on that.

“Primitive enchantments,” Marcellus says, “we have a paper due in four days.”

Can I buy papers from Robin to skip the boring classes?

“I’ll never understand why that class is mandatory,” I sigh.

“It’s mandatory because it’s supposed to teach us something useful. However, what it’s supposed to do is not always what it does. In practice, people needed a title as [Professors] and the related class,” Adrastus explains.

“I mean, they could have tried giving out a less boring class. Or maybe exploring the secrets of how magic was born, more interesting theories. Every time I hear that [Professor], I feel like I should just drop dead. Could teach soporiferous magic, I’ll tell you that.”

Everyone snorts at my joke and keep puffing on the cigar.

“You should stop sleeping during the Fundamentals of Magical Theory class, Joey,” Marcellus suddenly slaps his forehead. “I got a note the other day because of you! You can’t snore that loud!”

“Whatever, I’ll tell the [Dean] to erase it. What’s a note anyway?”

“They weigh it in during your assessment. If your conduct has not been up to pair—”

“They make you professor,” I wink. “Come on, forget about it. Marcy, you are going to be fine. If they don’t want you, I’ll fight tooth and nail for you. Look, I’ll go around bribe the other [Professors] and get you in.”

That earns me a row of glances and silence.

“Oh, what now? We can kill people in a goddamn arena but someone mentions bribery in this god-forgotten nation and you get scared?”

“I mean, you could get expelled for that,” Adrastus points out.

“Sure, they are going to expel the guy teaching the good magic to the [Archmages], Adrastus. That’s exactly what’s going to happen. Come on, guys, it’s school, not the end of the world. If someone had a wand to your head, I could see the solemn face – and let me tell you, even in that case I’d consider not worth it. Have a smile. You don’t want to worry to much? We become adventurers and dig up the old magic! What’s all the fuss with this Nine Towers Academy, anyway? They were teaching subpar Cantrips, don’t you think there’s anything better out there? You think that they hold the secrets? If they did, they wouldn’t be here! Hell, they would hoard them for themselves! Come on! Stop worrying about this stupid school and enjoy your life!”

“Joey—” Anneus starts.

“No, Joey. No. All this anxiety, all this worry. For what? Listen, I have severe anxiety because of stupid shit. If someone could help me out with that, why wouldn’t I thank them? You have a problem with this school? As a [Mage] of quite the caliber, let me tell you, you can do it. You don’t need the [Archmages], you don’t need the towers. You don’t need this place. Life is beautiful because it’s full of variety, not just because you have to go through school to succeed. Sure, they have some good stuff, but let’s enjoy this place! It’s not a death sentence!”

Anneus takes a deep breath letting some of the ash from the cigar fall on the table and swears.

“This stupid fuck is right.”

“I can see why he would think that,” Adrastus shrugs, “and…”

“Unconventional path to unconventional outcomes,” Marcellus suddenly says. “I like that.”

Adrastus doesn’t resume what he was saying, he simply stares at the dark table with a long face.

“You promise a lot, Joey,” he says. “You did the same with the Princess, who’s now apparently after you.”

The sudden change in topic has me reeling for a second.

“What do you mean?”

“You said you would marry her if you got the permission to do so. These news, they circulate fast among the court and the nobles. My gens is not among the great nobles, but they do have the King’s ear. Apparently, a Human suitor promised war on Teiko in exchange for his daughter’s hand. Now, you promise the world to us. But you didn’t keep your promise with the [Princess], did you? Why should we trust you?”

All of Adrastus' words take a while to sink in.

“I was almost killed by an illegal intervention of Marcus and his personal disciple, Adrastus,” I smile sadly, “do you think the crown cared about that? When that happened, I saw it in Laura’s face: she would never give me what I would have given her. Also, I’m not sure how good she would be in a zombie apocalypse. She’s an opportunist. She might be lying to herself, maybe. Who knows. Not everyone knows they are a piece of shit, you know? But her? I saw the look in her eyes. She was waiting. If I had survived, she would side with me, otherwise… well, shed a few tears and move on.”

“Joey saved Lucinda,” Marcellus adds among the silence.

“The Human girl,” Anneus nods.

“Marcus was scheming some shit and I foiled his plans, yeah.”

“The court is insidious,” Adrastus closes his eyes with a grimace on his face.

“So, yeah. I fucked up with Laura, but saved Lucinda. If someone needs my help, I’m there. If someone schemes, I’ll kick them.”

“You did give Laura some lip yesterday,” Anneus says while taking out a flask of liquor. His slightly impaired speech makes me a bit nervous sometimes, especially when he says stuff like that.

“You already met Princess Laura?” Adrastus now looks more interested.

“Yeah.”

“Lucinda too!” Marcellus adds.

“So what, Marcy? You have a crash on that lunatic? I’ll introduce her to you, if you want.”

The guy goes silent and lowers his gaze.

“She must not have been happy,” Adrastus says in a measured tone.

“Yeah, Lucinda told her we fooled around a little after the duels and that got her going.”

“Archmage Alonna intervened,” Anneus says. “She has a crush on Joey.”

“Jesus, don’t say that. Please. Don’t even joke about that.”

“Aren’t you going to meet her again?” he shoots back.

“Yeah, duh. She wants to teach me some martial arts paired with magic.”

“Martial Magic, the elective available only to her most loyal disciples,” Adrastus makes a face. “You do have great connections, Joey Luciani.”

“Thank you, brother,” I smile.

“Lucinda and Laura,” Adrastus repeats to himself, making another face.

“And two others. Cassandre from the Baguetterie. And a certain Penelope,” Anneus adds.

“With all these girls around, it’s a miracle you actually study,” Adrastus laughs.

“Nah, that Cassandre is shady. And Penelope… I just met her. She’s hot, but she’s also Br—she has a weird accent. Anyway, the only girl for me is Princess Bianca. That’s it.”

“She didn’t come with you today?”

“Nah, she’s taking her royal nap.”

“She’s very moody,” Marcellus says.

“A bi—”

“Don’t say that, Anneus! Jesus! Don’t you dare!”

…

“Anyway, what about Amelia?” Marcellus says after half an hour of random blabbering.

“I don’t know,” Anneus replies.

“Joey, if I may. You have certain connections, right? Why don’t you create some job offer around her? Not directly to her, as that may offend her. But if she was a [Caretaker] and she’s a good enough [Tailor], I’m sure she could do that.”

“She’s already falling behind on her studies,” Anneus shakes his head. “She has mold in her brain. You want to give her a full-time job? Sure, go ahead. Why don’t you fail her directly for the midterm.”

“Not everyone is meant to be a [Mage], Anneus,” Adrastus shoots back, “if she can’t do it, she can’t do it. We can’t just force knowledge onto her, can we?”

“Maybe we could find a way to employ someone to give her landlord a rough handling?”

We all look at Marcellus with wide eyes.

“Isn’t that the problem?” he replies shyly.

“I mean, it’s extortion,” I say, “but why not. We could pay the landlord a visit, tell him to tell Amelia she won a scholarship for something something.”

“We could always send a letter to her children,” Adrastus adds. “She says they are quite well off. The academy is not cheap, but I’m sure they could put together a bit of spare change for their mother.”

“Yeah, not. Let’s not do that,” I say with a sigh. “That won’t work. Let’s try something else.”

“Have you tried asking her if she wants a loan?” Adrastus asks, clearly tired of the back and forth.

“She would never take it,” Anneus says.

“Why?”

“Too proud,” I explain.

“So what? If she’s about to starve or be evicted, better to swallow your pride, no? And where are his sons anyway? Why do they leave their mother like this? For all flat ears, it’s their mother, Joey. Whatever happened between them, they might want to help her, no?”

I scratch my head and straight ignore Adrastus.

“Whatever. I need a nap. I’m going home. I’ll think of something.”