Cat in the Pupa

“What?!” Kit yelled, ignoring the fact that Edwin’s fists were still clenched. She was so shocked and appalled by Edwin’s callous behaviour that she felt like she had to speak up. “You want to purposely get in an accident and die? Whatever for?!”

“I want those who are close to me to suffer with my demise.” Edwin said, not offering any more insight into his choice of words. Kit stared at him, her mood confused and disgusted by him. She wondered if there was something she was not aware of that made him this way. Some inner turmoil that was eating away at him and causing him to lash out at everyone. Something that made him want to die.

As she thought about that, her disgust melted away and soon she could only feel compassion for him. The man who had uttered such cold words seemed to have loneliness that he was hiding behind a mask. One that was slipping away to reveal who he really was.

Because of that, she felt the need not to give up on persuading him.

“What benefit do you get from dying? Why do you seem so desperate to die?” She said, almost pleading with him to speak the truth and not hide behind his cold and harsh words. “There are people out there who care. I care…. Know people that care about you. After you die, people mourn you.” She missed out the part where she mourned him for years after his death, wishing that she had had the opportunity to talk to him properly.

“That is salvation. A blessing from escaping this life I am tired of.” Edwin replied without any hesitation. “You have my answers, and I have to leave. If you have any more stupid questions, keep them to yourself. Don’t bother me from now on.”

“Wait! I…” Kit tried to speak, but Edwin walked away from her without even a hint of acknowledgement. She stood and watched him go again, frustrated at how little she was progressing with her plan. If anything, she had brought him closer to his death. She told him the truth, displayed her thoughts and feelings for him to see, and still he shrugged her off. And his reasoning behind him wanting to die suggested that something deeper was in play. He had said that he’d receive salvation through his death. If so, was he not receiving it in his life now?

If death was salvation to him, what could Kit do to resolve that? Was he hoping to get salvation through her letting him die? Hurdle after hurdle; nothing was easily resolved.

To calm the whirlwind of thoughts in her head, she flopped down into the chair Edwin had been sat on. He may have disappeared from the library, but the book he had been reading was still resting on the arm chair. She picked it up and ran her fingers across the spine.

“A Reverting Sequence.” She said aloud, admiring the worn leather-bound cover. It had clearly been read multiple times, judging by the state of it. And it had the scent of an old book, one found in libraries that strummed up some nostalgia.

As she opened up the first page, she was reminded about the plot of the story. A love story, one of her favourite genres, it featured a man named Arthur who fell in love with a woman called Bella. The two were happily in love until Arthur died in a sudden accident. Because they were so in love, and Bella cannot find the will to live without Arthur, she chooses to end her own life. But, at the moment she’s about to die, she sees Arthur’s soul.

“Where did you get up to?” She muttered to herself, flicking through the pages. She passed the part where Arthur’s soul, after healing Bella’s soul, vanishes and leaves Bella alone. “Ah, here we go. The section where Bella discovers Arthur’s soul. A shame, then, that she dies immediately after he leaves her. She just cannot bear to live without him. Wait…”

Kit dropped the book with a gasp. She remembered that, as Bella was dying, she thought back to the moment Arthur had died. The image was so vivid that it was she had travelled back in time, rather than being her dying thoughts.

“Have I died? Am I… Am I dying?” Kit slumped back in her chair. “What does this all mean?!”

Her head was a mess of thoughts, and none of them made any sense. She needed to go out for a walk and get some fresh air.