Childish Flower

The doctor politely told him that Mu Jin’s body functions had weakened and deteriorated and that he was unable to maintain life and personal consciousness on his own.

It was hard to say when he would be out of danger and come to his senses.

Mu Jin spent a year gambling on Gao Tianchen’s love and ten months conceiving a child that blended their bloodlines. Then he cruelly left everything he was attached to behind and refused to wake up.

The little Gao Lin was healthy and came out of the incubator within a few days. He was a soft, white ball, inheriting Gao Tianchen’s deep, dark pupils, but not as cold as his father’s, instead of shining like obsidian and as gentle as the sunlight.

The hair is a fine, soft, light brown, and Gao Tianchen always gently rubs it with his hands when he holds him. The cool touch across his fingertips feels like Mu Jin.

He sedimented himself in the complicated work during the day, mingling with people in different dinner parties with invisible masks. He paralyzed himself by playing the game as he did at the beginning, when Mu Jin was at home, making a sumptuous dinner, leaving a warm orange lamp, waiting for him to return home. But every night, the silent and deep night would remind him mercilessly about the harsh and terrible fact that there was nothing around him, no soft and quiet breathing of the other party. Even the scent of gardenias on the pillows and clothes is fading away.

A heavy, old book sat on the bedside cabinet, its dark brown leather skin a little worn and discoloured. The corners of the book were clean and tidy, presumably a beloved object that had been carefully preserved.

It was Mu Jin’s diary, with a few thin sheets of white paper clipped inside.

Mu Jin once left a copy of something for Gao Tianchen. At the bottom of the bookcase was a divorce agreement that had been prepared long ago.

The handwriting was as elegant as the person. The signature was embossed at the end of the last page.

Next to it was left empty, waiting for him to deal like he usually did with company documents. With a casual stroke of his pen, the ties and grudges between the two were cut in one go.

Gao Tianchen could not imagine what kind of feeling Mu Jin had when he signed these two simple words.

When he found the divorce agreement, the untitled book that Gao Tianchen had inadvertently turned up last time also came into his sight.

It was inconspicuously pressed at the bottom of a pile of books, recording all the thoughts of a man of few words.

Gao Tianchen still remembers how nervous and shocked he was when he first opened this diary. With trembling hands, he flipped through page after page, unearthing Mu Jin’s deeply buried feelings and past little by little.

Each diary entry was short, and the handwriting had transitioned from the youthfulness of the first days of learning to the sharpness now.

The handwriting on the first few pages is crooked, interspersed with pinyin and misspellings. The sentences are also very short, and Mu Jin was probably only four or five years old at the time.

“It was so uncomfortable and scary, but I’m happy to be back. Fortunately, I hid my brother in the wardrobe, and it’s good that they didn’t take him.”

Gao Tianchen was puzzled as he read. His instincts told him that this was no small matter. But Mu Jin did not write much about the causes and consequences, so he did not know.

As he scrolled down, Gao Tianchen’s heart clenched.

The diary entries that followed were also very short. A few words were written each day, but they spoke of an unquenchable and hidden love towards him.

Today Tianchen came to our house again, my brother was especially happy, and I was very happy too.

During the meal, Tianchen told so many funny stories from his previous time in France. The atmosphere was so warm and welcoming. He also brought gifts for everyone.

Tianchen gave his brother a ring and everyone was so impressed. I was also moved to the point where my eyes got wet. You guys are perfect for each other.

Why did my brother get this disease? God, how could you bear to have such a wonderful person leave us? I don’t want to see my beloved ones sad. If I could, I would prefer it to be me.

The match results are out. Thank God, my brother can be saved. The doctor said that as long as the kidney is replaced, there is nothing serious to worry about. Tianchen will not be depressed anymore. I really feel so heartbroken watching him without my brother. It’s okay, my brother will be fine in a while.

Never have I hated my weak and indolent body so much! Allergic to anaesthetics? A life-threatening condition? What should I do?

I’m a cowardly person who fears death. But my brother can’t wait, and neither can Tianchen. He loves my brother so much, and I really don’t dare to think what it would be like if he(GT) lost him(MZ).

I always knew that you guys favoured my brother, and I don’t blame you for anything. Why don’t you let me trade a kidney for my brother? Wouldn’t it be a good deal to trade my life for a healthy brother? Wouldn’t it be better to be straightforwardly partial to the end? No need to care about me!

My wish has always been simple. I just want the person I love to have what they want. To be beautiful and happy, even if it means sacrificing all I have.

There are still a few more, but Gao Tianchen no longer has the courage to go on. The air in his lungs seems to be drained. His breath is filled with burning and stinging pain. Struggling to control his fluctuating emotions, his fingers gently stroked the smooth paper. His body is cold from the pain of his heart, which has a hundred holes and a thousand sores.

Mu Jin had loved him miserably, right? From a quiet admirer to a companion, all he ever wanted was a little happiness. But he(MJ) was hurt by (GT) indifference and heartlessness, which turned it into an unrealistic fantasy.

He(GT) had never given him(MJ) any respect or trust. He was so absorbed in his own imagination that he almost ruined such a wonderful and flawless person.

Gao Tianchen’s eyes burned red as he sobbed and squeezed these thin pages tightly. This was the first time since Mu Ze left that he had shed off his cold, handsome and emotionless shell and cried like a child in pain.