Creatures of Habit

Chapter 12.3

At noon, Jiang Yishan braised the spaghetti with tomato sauce and beef tenderloin. Since there wasn’t any shredded cucumber, he used lettuce and sliced the hard parts into thin strips instead. As for the leafy parts, they were shredded and used to make vegetable salad. It was served with a small glass of red wine.

Because of this meal, the house was filled with a sour tomato smell. In the afternoon, Jiang Yishan opened the windows in the house for ventilation. Then, Qin Shaocheng began to pack the things that needed to be packed.

Jiang Yishan sat quietly beside him as he occasionally helped Qin Shaocheng pack. He looked like a smart and sensible person. He was wearing Qin Shaocheng’s sweater, but he didn’t wear it inside [1]. His neckline was splayed down, revealing his collarbone. He lowered his head as he fiddled around with the small ornaments that the two had bought before.

Qin Shaocheng frowned slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Jiang Yishan tilted his head and carefully looked at Qin Shaocheng’s expression, and asked, “Are you upset? Is it because of me?”

He leaned back on the desk as he propped his hands on it to avoid slouching. “I… isn’t this good?”

Qin Shaocheng’s chest suddenly softened, but afterwards he suspected that Jiang Yishan was playing with him.

When Jiang Yishan saw the suspicion and uncertainty in his eyes, he chuckled. “Whether I’m willful or obedient, you don’t believe me.” He dangled his feet and swayed his toes in the air. “You think I’m a liar with a mouth full of lies.”

Qin Shaocheng wanted to explain but couldn’t say anything, for he did thought so. He could only stay silent.

The mobile phone broke the awkward atmosphere.

Qin Shaocheng put down his glass of water and picked up the phone: “Brother.”

Jiang Yishan tilted his head.

“… Yes … I will go back in the morning of the seventh day. I will send you the flight details on WeChat later … I asked, I can’t change it …” Qin Shaocheng glanced at Jiang Yishan as he spoke and walked and left the study.

Jiang Yishan sat on his desk and did not move. He lowered his head and touched the mouth of the glass. He didn’t know what to think.

He sat quietly for a while before jumping down to look for the cardboard boxes in the bookcase, which contained most of the things they used before. Inside were several cookbooks that Jiang Yishan had bought, one of which had a page on how to make jam bookmarked. After he left that year, what did Qin Shaocheng think about as he put away these things in the cabinet, letting them accumulate dust.

Was it hate? Or the hope that it would be taken out one day?

Back then, how did he…

Jiang Yishan cleared his throat and forced the tears back into his eyes. He closed the carton, patted of the dust and went out of the study. Qin Shaocheng stood at the junction of the living room and the balcony with his back to him.

Jiang Yishan asked, “Your brother urged you to go back?”

Qin Shaocheng turned around and put the phone aside without denying it.

“Then will I have to go?” Jiang Yishan stared at the ground. “Can’t we stay for a few more days?”

Qin Shaocheng looked at Jiang Yishan, and he thought that he probably couldn’t go back to his former place. If he’d go out looking for a different place, he’d be harassed by the paparazzi. After some deliberation, he said, “For the time being, I won’t turn over this place. You can stay here first.”

Jiang Yishan didn’t give up. “Can’t you leave after the New Year?”

“You.” Qin Shaosheng hesitated for a moment the said, “Don’t always rely on…”

“Winning your heart by coquetry, isn’t it?” Jiang Yishan didn’t know whether to laugh or not. His expression was out of control. “You just don’t like me. When you liked me, you said you like me best. Have you forgotten?”

“Yes, I admit it.” Qin Shaosheng said, “I liked it wrong.”

He said he liked it wrong.

Jiang Yishan’s chest seemed to be smothered with a punch, and he was dying. “I can change, okay? I will listen and I’ll be good. I’ll never be like before. Don’t you want me?”

He pressed hard: “I don’t want to be a star anymore. I won’t be willful. I’ll listen to everything you say. I will learn well. Will you give me a chance?”

Qin Shaocheng couldn’t bear to see Jiang Yishan like this, but he still said ruthlessly: “We’ve broken up for four years now. You should learn to be a bit more mature.”

“There’s no chance, is there? What do you think I’m doing…” Jiang Yishan couldn’t speak any more. He took a deep breath but didn’t even have the strength to exhale. He thought it was so difficult to chase someone as his plea for forgiveness had no response.

Did maturity mean letting go? Wasn’t maturity admitting your faults and making up for them?

He thought that if he could come back, if his life could rewind to when they first met…

He used to be rich and stupid. He was doted on but didn’t appreciate it. He became too fearless because he had someone to rely on. With love, he was able to spend lavishly to his heart’s content. But when he looked back, he found his hands were empty.

But how could life turn back? His life was merely a dream of a golden wheat. [2]

In his dream, he didn’t fail Qin Shaocheng.